The Sugar Quill
Sugar Quill Community
- S.P.E.W (SQ History)

Fan Fiction and Writing
- Ask Madam Pince
(Story Submissions)
- Floo Network (Links)

Forums

Administrative Links

Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: A Model
Review(s): 164

Reviewer: jengDate: 2005-07-07
Reviewid: 126397Chapter: 11
please get this finished. it's very much appreciated.

Reviewer: SonicDate: 2005-05-01
Reviewid: 121126Chapter: 1
Please tell me this fic will be updated...

Reviewer: InuitDate: 2005-03-27
Reviewid: 117852Chapter: 11
Your story is wonderfull, and so is your writing. I love the way you keep all the characters so detailed, so alive without loosing your focus to keep the story going.
Dumbledore´s cloak making faces at the others is just one example. I had to laugh so many times, this story is exciting and funny. You invented a whole new branch of magic, i´m so impressed. And it sounds so natural, as if it´s been always part of the Potter-Universe.
Only thing for you to do now is letting your fans know what will happen next. Please continue and thank you for your work so far, i´d enjoyed it very much.

Reviewer: taliaDate: 2005-01-29
Reviewid: 112371Chapter: 11
wonderful! that model stuff is so cool. how did you think of it? Alsop, its nice to see remus again, in a completey new setting. I love the switching between POVs. Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: JaniceDate: 2004-10-11
Reviewid: 101100Chapter: 11
Come, come, now...two months is a long enough wait. I want more!

Reviewer: Dark KariDate: 2004-09-20
Reviewid: 98828Chapter: 11
Brilliant story so far! Please continue!

Reviewer: Catherine Carey KnollysDate: 2004-08-01
Reviewid: 95040Chapter: 11
I REALLY enjoyed your story and I REALLY hope that you'll write more VERY SOON. Please e-mail me when you post, so I can finish reading it.
Thanks a lot,
Catherine

Reviewer: AliDate: 2004-06-28
Reviewid: 89234Chapter: 11
This is a great story--not too many plotlines, clear and concise, engaging, and original. I assume oneiromancy is an invention of your own? If so, it's a very intriguing idea.

Unfortunately, you also seem to have abandoned this story, at least your the time of your last update would imply so. :( I am very displeased, but rest assured that if you decide to pick it up again, you will have at least one loyal reader and reviewer. Sugar Quill needs more writers like you.

Reviewer: jengDate: 2004-06-09
Reviewid: 86489Chapter: 1
when are you going to finish this? i'm getting really impatient. i think it's a nice story and i enjoy reading it i want it finished.

Reviewer: fuzzyDate: 2004-03-19
Reviewid: 75266Chapter: 1
Just finished reading "A Model" in time I was supposed to be working, but your story was too absorbing to drag my self away.
As I now have to return to aforementioned work I will just quickly say, I love your fic.
waiting for more.
fuzzy

Reviewer: CornedBeeDate: 2004-03-01
Reviewid: 72854Chapter: 11
Sorry for posting another comment directly after the first, but I wanted to add: your writing style reminds me strongly of Tom Clancy. The way we get to look at both the good and evil side, the various viewpoints that are ever so connected.

BTW, Clancy is in my top four list of authors.

Reviewer: CornedBeeDate: 2004-03-01
Reviewid: 72851Chapter: 11
Wow. A plot intriguing enough to rival the real series. Too bad it can't be done from a Harry viewpoint, or it might as well BE the fifth book. As it is, it is an excellent read and I can hardly wait for more. You ARE going to write more, aren't you? The "attack" on Ron, the ever so nice R/H references. It's a masterpiece.

As a side note, the accountant is Molly's cousin and would hardly have a surname of Weasly.

Reviewer: Amy ElizabethDate: 2004-02-29
Reviewid: 72653Chapter: 11
Wow! What an amazing story! I am highly impressed with how much detail you have used when establishing the science of oneiromancy. Characterization is fabulous (the jealous Sirius is excllent) and your attention to canon detail is impeccable. You have taken the world that JKR established and made it your own, it is a wonderful accomplishment.

I look foward to your next update and will definitely recommend this piece to my friends. Excellent job!

Reviewer: Crystal LyerlyDate: 2003-12-16
Reviewid: 63577Chapter: 1
I would like to know more about the Academy i would even like to Apply here.

Reviewer: NatalieDate: 2003-11-30
Reviewid: 61201Chapter: 11
This is a wonderful story! The characters are really believable, and I'm glad that someone finally managed to write Remus as a real person. Sirius seems kind of grumpy, but considering his position who can blame him? For the sake of all your poor addicted readers, please update soon!

Reviewer: KaraDate: 2003-10-03
Reviewid: 55323Chapter: 11
This is a beautiful, well-written story. Please keep writing.

Reviewer: RilinaDate: 2003-09-09
Reviewid: 51548Chapter: 11
After a long delay, I'm back in the reviewing saddle. Thoughts on Chapter 11:

>>She sat back, smiling slightly and felt a warm delight fill her as the glowing lines began to touch the box, shooting out from it again in different directions.<<
What a wonderful picture of intellectual pleasure. Not a lot of fanfic writers tackle that--they usually go straight to romance, or the thrill of victory or defeat--but this is just a lovely passage of description. So perfect for Atropos.

>>He picked it up with a sigh. There were times when having magical powers meant that you spent your time bailing the boat with a teaspoon when your hands would be far more effective. <<
So true! (And a funny mental image as well) Wizards are a bit helpless without their wands at time.

>>He also realized abruptly that, not only had he the choice of stepping forward or back, but he also had absolutely no idea which he would prefer to do.<<
I like how you tackle the growing romance here. You're not beating us over the head with it, but Remus's feelings still come across loud and clear.

>>.Sirius wasn’t the only one in the room who occasionally took their problems out on others.<<
Heh. Considering Sirius's behavior in this chapter, it sure must have been tempting.

>>And part of him was glad that the Dark Lord would be wearing one bright pink boot while he was destroying his most hated enemy.<<
Another example of your great touch with humor. It's just enough not to ruin the otherwise serious atmosphere of this story and chapter.

>> “The leeching effect? No.” She scowled. “If it were, we would have people clamoring for it to be used as a weapon. Though it is certainly destructive enough.”<<
A future plot point, maybe? It must be the writer in me--I get suspicious about any seemingly useless detail.

>>He didn’t know if it was acquiescence or complete shock that held her still.<<
Again, a nice gentle touch. You don't give the reader too much information, and that's just right.

I'm glad to see that you'll be continuing this story, despite the fact that it's gone AU. (In fact, I think I really need to be doing some rereading of this and other stories to catch up to speed.) You characterized Remus wonderfully in this chapter--and better yet, you also characterized Atropos wonderfully. I've recently become much more aware and appreciative of authors who have mastered indirect and subtler ways to get their point across to their readers.

Thanks for writing, and keep up the good work!

Rilina

Reviewer: CarlinDate: 2003-08-19
Reviewid: 47859Chapter: 5
I began reading this months ago- and then forgot the author and title of the story! It took me quite a while to 'rediscover' A Model, but I am extremely glad I have. The plot is very unique, and you keep all the characters very well in character. Keep it up!

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2003-08-18
Reviewid: 47633Chapter: 11
It was so nice to return to the familiar territory of "A Model"! I'm glad you're continuing it -- I don't think the "pull" of the story has been lessened at all by OotP.

How I've missed Atropos! She's simply hilarious in her lack of...what? Reasonability? Understanding? Accommodation? It's especially fun how she doesn't give a flip about Sirius's comforts:

<<She gave her shoulders a pettish twitch and tried to send the feeling away. Remus and Black had had plenty of time to talk. They probably needed the break.>>

The ink! I did worry for a moment that it was blood, but if Atropos isn't worried, then neither am I. ;)

Ah, what a lovely moment when Remus calms her by removing the quill from her hair. A discreet, yet heartful touch by him:

<<Remus, feeling helpless, looked back at Atropos. She had both hands pressed to her mouth, her eyes huge and miserable. The white quill, more tangled than before, stood out starkly against her black hair. He wordlessly reached out and gently started working it out of Atropos’s hair. Though she twitched slightly when he touched her, she didn’t protest and startled him by leaning slightly into his touch.>>

So Selim Crowlet is more ambitious then we thought, yes? I can't help but think that his plans are all going to backfire terribly, though.

I really appreciate the slow build to romance in Atropos and Remus' relationship -- it's come over time through the work and emotion invested as they've built the model together. And it's nice to read a fic that isn't all about dealing with Remus' angsty, conflicted emotions -- for once, SHE'S the high-maintenance one! ;)

AU is just fine by me. :)

~Katinka

Reviewer: Waywren TruesongDate: 2003-08-17
Reviewid: 47510Chapter: 11
Absolutely nothing wrong with going AU. It would be a
shame to lose a good story to a book I have a love-hate
relationship with. n.~;;

But, seriously. It's lovely, and thank you for writing
this.

Reviewer: CharyDate: 2003-08-12
Reviewid: 46827Chapter: 11
Hurray! I'm so glad I spotted your update and incredibly glad you decided to continue the tale after all! I know I've said this before, but I love the way you write Remus, he's so funny and sweet and so very good at handling Atropos at her sulkiest. The two of them are perfect together. The entire scene with the explosion was very amusing - I loved all the sniping going on between Sirius and Atropos, and the image of Sirius pinned to the floor by killer quills and covered in magic resistant ink was brilliant. I also liked Remus’s line about the house elves spitting in his food when the saw the mess Sirius had left in the bathroom. :)

Crowlet's success with his model is even more worrying given their setback - I hope Ron does figure out what's going on before it's done.

Everything about this chapter was wonderful, but the ending was my favourite - that kiss out of the blue, and just when I thought you were going to leave us hanging again. It was perfect.

"Turning on his heel, he left the both the room and a confused but happy oneiromancer in his wake." Aww!
Well, now that you're continuing the story there'll be an update soon!

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2003-08-11
Reviewid: 46556Chapter: 11
>She gave her shoulders a pettish twitch and tried to send the feeling away

Aaah...how I've missed Atropos.

>Not only did his side begin complaining strongly, but he also felt drunk in the most disagreeable of ways

Heh. Your Remus is so funny and wry and fabulous. I especially liked the stellar description of his feelings and confusion at the beginning of the post-explosion scene. It is so vivid and in character - Sirius is a hoot. You do so much to show the reader the relationships between the character with subtlety and clever writing - marvelous work.

>She had both hands pressed to her mouth, her eyes huge and miserable. The white quill, more tangled than before, stood out starkly against her black hair. He wordlessly reached out and gently started working it out of Atropos’s hair. Though she twitched slightly when he touched her, she didn’t protest and startled him by leaning slightly into his touch.

Ooh - poor Atropos! This is such a brief description, but so poignant.

>Though it was equally likely that some bright oneiromancer with vision would be able to add on to what he had already made.

Eeep! Selim is so freaking creepy.

>When he looked at whatever the foggy something was which he had almost done and which Atropos would have allowed him to do, he felt a deep confusion

*FABULOUS* sentence. Your Remus is my absolute favorite - snarky and sexy and funny as hell.

>Remus snorted, “Probably because it’s my wand

as I was just saying....

The ending is superb! Woo hoo!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2003-08-11
Reviewid: 46541Chapter: 11
Sooooo happy to see this updated!

[He was fascinated to notice that the ceiling had stopped spinning and was now rocking back and forth. Remus couldn’t decide which was better for his stomach.] Hehe! I love the very dry wit you've given your Remus!

[It looked as if Peeves and all of his most malicious relations had attacked them.] Excellent description. Throughout this entire piece, you've written with such precision and focus. Not a wasted word or movement and yet the writing does not come across as sparse or rushed, but rather lush and vivid.

[There were times when having magical powers meant that you spent your time bailing the boat with a teaspoon when your hands would be far more effective.] Nice observation about magical powers and the sort of doubled edged sword they present.

Excellent suspence throughout the piece about why there was a magical explosion and the effect on the Model.

Love the scene of Remus removing the feather from her hair and his feelings about the closeness of their closeness:[He also realized abruptly that, not only had he the choice of stepping forward or back, but he also had absolutely no idea which he would prefer to do.]

Excellent way to show actions speaking louder than words. I hope someone draws that scene!

[“That,” she announced, “is Lord Voldemort.”
Remus blinked at the smooth black cube, “I didn’t expect him to be so … geometrical.”] *snert* LOL at that! Oh, I do love your Remus and now I have this image of Lord Volde-cube.

Oh, love the explanation of the modeling with the black box and the kiss between him and Atropos was perfect! I don't care if this story is AU, I absolutely LOVE it and was so happy to see it updated! More please!

Reviewer: SnazzDate: 2003-08-10
Reviewid: 46480Chapter: 11
I'm really glad you're continuing with this story!

Reviewer: la petite sireneDate: 2003-08-09
Reviewid: 46342Chapter: 11
Rugi, I was worried you'd give up on this story because of book five !
So it looks like Remus' feelings are reciprocated after all. Good for him ! I like the way you let your readers guess / wonder. But I think the guessing game is over now, that kiss which wasn't rejected and the 'confused by happy oneirmancer'.

Please Rubi, update quickly. I'd like to see how this romance is going to develop.

Reviewer: MarinerDate: 2003-08-09
Reviewid: 46335Chapter: 11
Oh, I'm so glad you're continuing this story! The new plot development, with the exposion and the necessity of working Voldemort into the model, is a great twist. I can't wait to see how it plays out. I also continue to be in love with all your characterizations. The chemistry between Remus and Atropos is just wonderful, and I love the way you bring out Remus' wry humor as he responds to Atropos' endearing eccentricity. The image of poor Sirius covered in indelibile ink and quilled to the floor had me giggling madly. This is a wonderful chapter, and well worth the wait.

Reviewer: Olivia WoodDate: 2003-08-09
Reviewid: 46323Chapter: 11
Yay! You've updated! Do it again soon. And include Sirius some more. ... Poor Snuffles. :(

Reviewer: sunsethillDate: 2003-08-08
Reviewid: 46223Chapter: 11
I'm so glad you are going to continue this. I like your Remus and Atropos. I sure wish Remus could have someone like her in "Real Life." You also are doing a great job with the race against Crowlet to finish the models. Your writing is conveying just the correct degree of background tension.

Reviewer: Kate LynnDate: 2003-08-08
Reviewid: 46220Chapter: 11
Wonderful story. I love your writing style, and the plot is tight. You also do characterization and interactions very well. Nah, AU doesn't bother me at all. I'm glad to have found this story. 8-)

-Kate

Reviewer: Hermione GirlDate: 2003-08-08
Reviewid: 46209Chapter: 11
I love you! I've been waiting and waiting... I'm glad this is now in the AU world because that's what I get off on now: AU fics that have Sirius.

Reviewer: Rugi reply to MyxieDate: 2003-08-07
Reviewid: 46059Chapter: 3
I didn't see any email address so I figured I would answer your question here.

The reason the seventh years are not meeting with Atropos, is because the test to get into the Academy is taken, as she said, in your Seventh year. They would already need to know the stuff that she was teaching the students.

Reviewer: MyxieDate: 2003-08-07
Reviewid: 46004Chapter: 3
Just a couple of things: what happened to the Seventh Years? and typo: "pouring *in*".
Otherwise, rather good story so far.

Reviewer: RoseDate: 2003-07-14
Reviewid: 41804Chapter: 10
I truly adore this story, and I sincerely hope that the events of OotP won't prevent you from continuing. I look forward to more of one of my favorite fics!

Reviewer: DanakiDate: 2003-07-13
Reviewid: 41716Chapter: 10
Wow!!! A more original and creative fanfic I have seldom read. Awsome job!

Reviewer: finite_incantatemDate: 2003-06-05
Reviewid: 35462Chapter: 10
Before I read this, I had a very healthy respect for the werewolf known as Reums Lupin. Now that I've read this, I think I'm falling in lvoe with him. ;)

Reviewer: drakkanDate: 2003-05-29
Reviewid: 34325Chapter: 7
Ben Weasley is supposed to be Molly's cousin, which means that he cannot be a Weasley. Molly is a Weasley by marriage, and unless the Weasley name is so common, Ben cannot be a Weasley.

Reviewer: StephenDate: 2003-05-25
Reviewid: 33636Chapter: 10
Wow, this story is incredible! You've taken an excellent, original idea and given it life. I'm fascinated by this story, by the urgency with which everything is happening and by this novel idea which integrates so well with the world we already know. I am quite impressed; if you don't write original fiction, you should! I will be eagerly anticpating the next installments in this story.

Reviewer: SamanthaDate: 2003-04-30
Reviewid: 30230Chapter: 10
Hi!,
I've read your story awhile ago when you first started.I really like it and well you haven't updated in awhile. So please Update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I havn't read anything since 3/33/03 and I'm dieing. Anyways just thought i'd tell you i really like your fic and to please update for the sake of my Health.*gives fake cough* Oh no It's already started!

Reviewer: RilinaDate: 2003-04-27
Reviewid: 29735Chapter: 10
The black box is an inspired idea. I really enjoyed your depiction of the interactions between Remus and Sirius in this chapter--you can see in Sirius the cost of Azkaban but also sparks of his old self as well.

I'm definitely looking forward to your next update. Keep up the fine work.

Reviewer: RilinaDate: 2003-04-27
Reviewid: 29731Chapter: 4
Another great chapter. In chapters 3 and 4 I've really enjoyed your development of Ron Weasley. I like how you gave me some self-possession and self-control; too many fic authors make him too volatile and forget there's a cool-headed chess genius inside that particular redhead.

Your choice of names continues to please as well. Are you also a fan of Susan Cooper's Dark Is Rising books? And is Tiresius an homage to the blind seer of Greek myth? Very appropriate.

Reviewer: RilinaDate: 2003-04-27
Reviewid: 29728Chapter: 2
"Harry blinked.  Hermione had once more managed to enter the realm of the uncannily well informed." LOL. What a great line.

I'm enjoying how being Animagus affects one's ability to be modeled. I assume this was the problem with the James Potter model?

The scenes with MacNair were interesting, though I found the shift in POV a bit disorienting at first. A bit unexpected.

Now off to chapter 3...

Reviewer: RilinaDate: 2003-04-27
Reviewid: 29727Chapter: 1
I kept seeing references to your fic in the forums, and I'm very glad I finally had the time to check it out.

I really like the humor in the fic--sly, gentle, and never over-the-top. The Turtle Toffee was a great touch, as were Atropos's results from her false models. "Do you honestly think I would have relied on the Ministry of Magic’s attention to detail? I tried permuting the order. All that gave me was three extra days for them to decide to give him the Kiss. Oh, and he had overcooked roast chicken instead of burnt toast." Very funny.

Atropos is a finely drawn character--I like her touchiness and perfectionism, and I'm looking forward to her interactions with Remus and Ron.

Now off to read the next chapter!

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2003-04-10
Reviewid: 27322Chapter: 10
Great chapter! I especially liked your treatment of Ron:

<<But Harry’s problems took precedence. Harry’s problems should take precedence. And though Ron didn’t want to feel envious, he did. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. It didn’t even really make sense – Ron certainly didn’t want to be the target of You-Know-Who’s anger – nevertheless, the feeling was there.

But then, Ron had never really had a firm grasp on his feelings. Even when they make me feel sick.>>

I think you really pinned down his character there. And I adored the "You're a very passionate person" exchange -- woohoo!

Atropos is in top form as our beloved, befuddled genius ("Vegetables!"). Hmm...does she realize that she and Remus are communicating through little touches and looks? As someone who doesn't like to be confused, she might be rather irked once she realizes that. They are such an unusual and unexpected pairing, but you just make it *work* so well. I agree with the others -- let's have some pay-off now!

A nice touch of Sly!Dumbledore, too. Your story remains as intriguing as ever!

Katinka

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2003-03-26
Reviewid: 25348Chapter: 10
Ron's reflections on his jealousy of Harry and his own nature are wonderful - so in character.

>He could tell Hermione was annoyed because her lips pursed up so teacherishly

Hee! And I loved the image of her bristly cat-like hair! The tension between the two is palpable and so well written.

>irritated oneiromancer uninvited

This phrase rules! I don't know why, but it does, especially if you say it out loud.

>Ron had never thought it possible to hear teeth grinding from across a room, nor had he thought that he&#8217;d ever see his even-tempered Professor look ready to kick a wall. It was rather cool to have both happen at once.

Oh, that is perfect.

>It seemed to take her a moment to understand, her face only clearing after a few seconds. &#8220;Oh! I forgot you were there!&#8221;

That's our Atropos!

>&#8220;Are you hungry?&#8221; Ron asked slowly

This made me laugh out loud. Poor Ron.

>Remus found it somewhat unnerving that the model created its own little internal drafts.

I find that unnerving, too! The detail you put into this story is astonishing, and makes it such a pleasure to read. It's a rich experience.

You've captured Dumbledore's weirdness so well - this last section is funny and kind of sweet, especially his worries about Sirius and his state of mind.

Oh, and the quiet liking and respect between Atropos and Remus is sexier than a lot of the stuff in 'sexy' fics. You're building this relationship so beautifully, but I do want the payoff! <hint, hint>

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2003-03-24
Reviewid: 25136Chapter: 10
Wow! Love the idea of Level 1 Banned Books. Adds a nice touch to the wizarding society and their views on the Dark Arts.

[puffing out making her look like an aggressively bristling cat.] great imagery! 

[I couldn’t really decide where to put our time to be in mortal peril.] Very funny! And so Hermione; slightly snarky and with inteligence. You've blended Hermione's impatience with her intelligence and organization very nicely.

Nice intereactions between Remus and Atropos. They have a very comfortable chemistry...Atropos is a very refreshing character. She's intelligent, absent minded, proud, and stubborn and not in an adorably, cute, romantic-comedy sort of way. Love Remus steering her around stuff so she doesn't trip while reading!

[Some messiness was good because it suggested industriousness but too much could imply negligence.  It was a very delicate line to walk.] I am going to frame that and put it above my desk! Great line!

[He apparently decided that believing her and not being embarrassed was better than not believing her and dealing with the humiliation, so he nodded.]  Great line and what a set-up of an awkward situation! And I love Sirius's "youngish" comment! You write such a great Sirius; there's an edge to him that few people pick up on. Azkaban turned him a bit sarcastic; that bittereness and sarcasm are evident in GoF, yet everyone insists on writing eitehr Prankster!Sirius or Angst!Sirius. you've doen a great job of sowing his other layers.

Another excellent chapter! The concept of the Black Box is fascinating!

Reviewer: MChipie36Date: 2003-03-24
Reviewid: 25094Chapter: 2
Hello! I've just started reading this story, and it looks great! Poor Ronnifikins, though... I can't wait to read the rest and learn more about that young Miss Merriman. What on Earth is Voldemort planning? And a cleansing spell? Awesome. Of course he'd have tried that, the brilliant psycho...

Reviewer: PortiaDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24907Chapter: 10
I like how you've dealt with the issue of Ron's feelings of hurt and jealousy--you haven't glossed it over, but you've done it very sympathetically.

And the R/Hr relationship is starting to resemble the Remus/Atropos relationship in some ways, no?
<<She rolled her eyes at Ron while dropping the book onto the already large stack in his arms. She was reading off of a parchment list and moving down the shelves collecting as she went. Ron got to be the beast of burden and the stack was getting dangerously close to his eyes.>>
Hah--that reminds me of how Atropos coolly assumes that Remus has nothing better to do than carry her bags!

I also like it how you show that Remus and Atropos are getting closer by showing how Atropos can get under Remus's skin, and mentioning that Sirius can as well.
<<“I don’t understand why you’re upset about this, Remus. More money is always good.”
Ron had never thought it possible to hear teeth grinding from across a room, nor had he thought that he’d ever see his even-tempered Professor look ready to kick a wall.>>
Oh, Remus. Not so cool now, are we? ;)

The plot is becoming even more intriguing. How will Ron defy Crowlet's model? How will Atropos match up against Crowlet? What will the Pettigrew model reveal? When will each side discover who the other side is really modeling, and what'll happen then? Not to mention the other Death Eaters.

<<And she seems to expect him to work constantly. He’s there until all hours of the night. >>
Ah--she doesn't expect him to, he does it out of pleasure :). You've shown the romance very subtly.

<<For some reason her appearance made him grin.
He turned to Remus, “Oh you meant younger then? I must have misunderstood!”>>
Hahaha--are we going to see Yenta!Sirius?

Reviewer: A.L. de SauveterreDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24895Chapter: 10
Rugi, all my reviews for you are long overdue, but I had to tell you how much I love this chapter!

<<Hermione seemed unfazed. Her eyes were fixed on the page of another book whose title he hadn&#8217;t caught. &#8220;Well that&#8217;s because Harry&#8217;s more strong-willed than emotional, isn&#8217;t he? Imperio controls the desires and passions. You&#8217;re a very passionate person.&#8221;

It took Ron a moment to get his mind around the fact that Hermione had buried a compliment in her comment. He grinned at her. &#8220;I&#8217;m a passionate person?&#8221;

She blushed hotly. Her hair had fulfilled its earlier promise and was puffing out making her look like an aggressively bristling cat. Very cute. And very nice to have someone else say something stupid.

Her nose went up in the air. &#8220;What I meant was that you&#8217;re a person who doesn&#8217;t have any common sense,&#8221; she said with great dignity. Ron didn&#8217;t think it was possible for his smile to get any wider, but it did. >>

This is brilliantly done! I love the chemistry between Ron and Hermione here. They're so delightful when they're in denial.

And I could say the same for Remus and Atropos, perhaps? *hopeful* :

<<When she began to wander toward a desk, her eyes still fixed on the page, Lupin caught hold of her elbow and steered her around a heap of books and fat wax candles that were piled in the middle of the floor. He met Ron&#8217;s curious gaze with an unreadable expression.

Ron felt his mouth twitching and quickly ducked his head. He didn&#8217;t think it would be wise to openly laugh at either of the adults. But he did look forward to telling Harry about the absentminded oneiromancer.

It would rather have ruined the effect of special robes and mysterious magic if she&#8217;d fallen flat on her face! Good of Lupin to grab her.>>

Ron's not as clueless as anyone would believe. Good of Lupin to grab her. Indeed! *hint, hint; Earth to Remus!*

Your understated observations, Rugi, are always a delight, like this gem: "Seeing Academic Merriman looking expectantly at Lupin, Ron began to wonder if all of the time in the modeling room was spent like this - long silences broken by random phrases from the oneiromancer to be then followed by more long silences as whoever was around tried to catch up with her train of thought." LOL! I love how she perplexes them both.

And,

<<"Are you hungry?" Ron asked slowly, hoping that it would at least push her into more speech. Mr. Lupin abruptly lifted a hand to his mouth. Ron could see his eyes crinkling at the corners and realized he was hiding a smile.>> LOLOL!!

Remus's devotion to Atropos is so *like* him, particularly in the manner you describe. I think his gallantry comes from breeding, but the care he takes to hide this from Atropos and find a rational excuse to be at her side shows the effort he's taken to understand this woman who both baffles and intrigues him.

<<Albus idly twirled a quill through his fingers. One of the lightening bolts on his sleeve flashed. In his portrait, Headmaster Duppycup was unashamedly picking his nose. Dumbledore mentally reminded himself for perhaps the hundredth time to have a more hygienic Headmaster placed on the wall directly facing his desk. >>

and Boris and Natasha and their blood-flavoured lollies!! (I LOVE Sirius!)

LOL!! These little details that you add are wonderful, and they serve to highlight bits of character and provide a refreshing aside to the darkness of the plot!

*grins like a fool* Oh, Rugi, this is brilliant, simply BRILLIANT:

<<Black hadn&#8217;t finished. &#8220;Demanding! Remus had the both of us looking for pinking sheers at 12:30 at night. And she seems to expect him to work constantly. He&#8217;s there until all hours of the night. He eats in that ridiculous room!&#8221; Sirius suddenly stopped, an odd expression on his face. He looked he&#8217;d been hit between the eyes by a rock.

...&#8220;Albus, how old is this oneiromancer?&#8221; Black&#8217;s eyes were narrowed suspiciously.>>

He's a smart cookie, that Sirius Black. ;) Well spotted!


<<Atropos smiled internally and silently blessed Remus. She knew what the upper hand looked like when she saw it. [LOVE that bit!] &#8220;Every word,&#8221; she said evenly. Behind Black, Remus was grinning. She gave him a small smile in return and decided to be a little kinder to his friend. &#8220;Of course since I had a lot of lies to sift through and started out with all of the wrong assumptions, I have no idea at all whether anything in it is true.&#8221;

Sirius&#8217;s eyes were narrowed slightly. He apparently decided that believing her and not being embarrassed was better than not believing her and dealing with the humiliation, so he nodded. >>

I wanted, in fact, to copy out the entire last scene, but I'll just tell you that you've done a stellar job at portraying the dynamics in that room between Merriman, Black and Lupin. Really superbly observed.

And what an ending! I need to know more about Voldemort's box.

I know I've been remiss about reviewing (at all for anyone, really), but I adore your story, Rugi, and look forward to more. In fact, it's even all the more impressive given the time frame you've set for yourself! Kudos to you all round!

Axelle :)

Reviewer: trina-kDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24885Chapter: 10
freaky...

update... asap.

Reviewer: GiesbrechtDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24883Chapter: 10
I'm loving this fic more and more. You've got the characterizations down perfectly, and the plot is advancing wonderfully. I love the dialogue. I look forward to more.

Reviewer: JulianaDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24878Chapter: 10
Ok, first of all, I laughed sooooooo hard at this line: "Though he would never be that calculating. Never." Heeheehee... fabulous! That and sirius's sudden flash of inspiration: "Albus, how old is this oneiromancer?" Hahaha... beautiful!! :-D

I always enjoy reading your chapters because you've got every one of these characters down pat! Don't tell her that I said this, cause I think she'd get annoyed, but Atropos was AWFULLY cute when she was getting all nervous about meeting Sirius! And I liked Ron's sense of humor as well... very appropriate for a teenage boy. :o) And um, I would leave a more extensive review, but I am braindead. (But YES!! spring break is finally starting!!!)

Juliana :o)

Reviewer: megDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24861Chapter: 10
oooooooooo so good, so good! i love it. please write more.! you're killing me with the suspense!

Reviewer: Andrea13Date: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24854Chapter: 10
*gigglefits "In his portrait, Headmaster Duppycup was unashamedly picking his nose. Dumbledore mentally reminded himself for perhaps the hundredth time to have a more hygienic Headmaster placed on the wall directly facing his desk. "

Another excellent chapter. It's wonderful to see how you can move from such an excellent portrayal of Ron and Hermione's...complex relationship to the fascinating interplay between Atropos, Remus, and Sirius. It's also nice to see Ron taking interest in schoolwork for once! I especially loved the way you showed Ron's jealousy -- definitely *there* and something for him to deal with, but not to the point that he's going to betray Harry or do something else foolish.

I'm still wondering what Atropos's middle name is, btw. It's become an obsession. ;)

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2003-03-17
Reviewid: 24342Chapter: 9
>he wasn’t about to trust a part of the castle that contained, among other things, the only surviving portrait of Grindlewald, safely covered with a imprisoning curtain and saved for the sake of later historians or perhaps out of regard to Dumbledore.

Oooh, this is *creepy* And it makes me wonder if it is going to play a part, later. Even if it doesn't it is a fabulous detail.

>She turned about. “Come along! I need to get started soon so the paint will have time to dry!” She sounded intensely annoyed.

I *love* Atropos, indeed I do. She's so endearingly clueless.

>Sometimes he almost managed to forget Atropos’s thoughtlessness and then she loaded him down with bags and implied that he would ruin something vital to the battle against Voldemort

Hee! Oh, and I adore your Remus, too. They're the funniest couple around.

>Remus was rather alarmed to discover that his mercy had limits

I had to add this, because it's so Remusy, but honestly, I would have copied the entire conversation - I kept saying "oh, I love this line! And this one! and this one, too! I would have had your entire first scene in my review. Brilliant, Rugi.

>Pettigrew flitted from master to master, never wanting to be noticed

Great insight!

>Build the model and beat the bastard

Get'im, Atropos!

Even your evil people are so *human* - MacNair and Malfoy's fears, and Locosta's grief over her husband and her worry about if they're doing the most effective thing makes them far more than cutout villains.

This was a superb chapter - I loved every word of it.

Reviewer: CatherineDate: 2003-03-07
Reviewid: 23187Chapter: 9
Well, nice characterizations!

I have to give Remus credit when he gets his back up.

And your version of the LeStranges is pretty chilling.

Beautiful, descriptive writing!

Catherine

Reviewer: Katsie (eclecticmum)Date: 2003-03-07
Reviewid: 23170Chapter: 1
Oneiromancers -- how on earth did you come up with such an interesting word? Whilst looking around (also known as procrastinating at EHE) I found that you had actually started your very own story; so, naturally, I had to take a peek. :) Quite an unique premise and an engaging style. Looking forward to getting to know your Atropos, she appears to be a challenging woman. Beautifully drawn characters, mut move on to the rest of the posted chapters.... Don't worry too much, I *will* finish EHE, despite getting all caught up in your story -- reading fanfic helps me write better fanfic and chp 11 will be up at ff.n within the week.

Reviewer: Katsie (eclecticmumDate: 2003-03-07
Reviewid: 23169Chapter: 1
Oneiromancers

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2003-03-07
Reviewid: 23145Chapter: 9
You know, I think Atropos is the most appealing self-centered person I've ever read of in fanfiction. She's so consistently oblivious to proper social conduct, it's almost endearing. And as Movie!Ron once said, she certainly needs to "sort out her priorities":

<<The end result was almost worth being stabbed.>> LOL!

I also love to see her completely unintentional flustering of Remus. He's still not quite able to get his mind around her!

<<Remus had always cultivated self-control. But there were limits to the amount of obtuseness he could face with equanimity and poise. Did she somehow forget the multiple stab wounds?>>

Your cast of villians is very well-characterized and more-than-a-little creepy. Yikes. I find your Macnair particularly fascinating ("When was the last time I did what I wanted?"). He's not the cardboard cutout baddie he's often made out to be.

Rugi, this is so well-written and so engaging. Do you know how many chapters you'll have, overall?

Katinka

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2003-03-07
Reviewid: 23144Chapter: 8
The Oneiromancers may be brilliant, but they are the most socially maladjusted wizards on the planet, correct? Sheesh, they didn't consider that these machines hooked up to Atropos might be actually *important* for her well-being, did they? Their attitude reminds me of those people who think that anyone who doesn't speak English perfectly or as their first language is thus automatically stupid. No wonder David had this reaction:

<<The dull headache that was his usual symptom of having to deal with magical affairs began to pound behind his eyes.>>

I admit, I did have to laugh (kindheartedly) at Remus, though:

"Were they *torturing* her?" (heh heh)

Selim Crowlet is certainly one messed-up fellow. It's interesting to see the level to where his pride has taken him.

Katinka

Reviewer: SreyaDate: 2003-03-07
Reviewid: 23101Chapter: 9
I'm really enjoying this story, but in particular... I must congratulate you on your portrayal of the Death Eaters in this latest chapter. They're so often portrayed as cringing bunglers, its a wonder they manage to do anything. But Mason and Mrs. Lestrange... these women are /dangerous/. They frighten me, as they should. They are intelligent, and they are driven. I really am impressed.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2003-03-07
Reviewid: 23093Chapter: 9
[A countess who had been famous for her wild youth snorted in her sleep] ha! Love the idea of a dust spell.

Atropos tapping her foot...am I now her footman? Remus stared at her and wondered helplessly how she had managed to completely rob of him of any desire to lecture her. Love dry, humorous Remus. He's just great!

I also like how you addressed the dilema of families hiding from Voldemort during his reign. It makes sense that some mixed families would hide. The idea that every family stood and fought against Voldemort is unrealistic and making a family flee makes them more human, more vulnerable and fallable. [Small strikes against evil were bitter consolation for a dead family.] An excellent point elegantly made.

[bright birdlike look. Rather as if he was a particularly succulent looking worm] Great imagery! I'm dying to know more about Mrs. Lestrange [Mrs. Lestrange that she was the most unattractive beautiful woman alive---just amazing turns of phrase]and Keziah. I like seeing some of the "power behind the throne" so to speak. It's excellent characterization that someone as evil as Locasta can care for her husband so. The simple gesture of making him ultrapurified hot chocolate was done without fanfair and gives us a sense of intimacy with the couple. As always, you have an excellent way pf showing and not telling us everything. Each chapter keeps getting better and better!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2003-03-07
Reviewid: 23086Chapter: 8
Love the dynamic between Tiresius and Dumbledore. It's harder to write an unlikable character than it is to write a likable one. Tiresius is certainly not an OC you want to go to dinner with, but he's no less a three-dimentional character. This is really hard to pull off and you've done it spendidly.

[probably the worst embarrassment the Academy had suffered since the Wendelin fiasco.] I love these "throw away" bits of information. They give the fic such authenticity. So, now I'm curious about the Wedelin fiasco!

Love Hermione explaining all the tubes to the adults. And Snape was just so....Snape.

[He still blamed himself for underestimating their lack of imagination.] Hmm, a really interesting line. Really makes you mull over Selim's character.

Reviewer: SunsethillDate: 2003-03-06
Reviewid: 23056Chapter: 5
<<Dumbledore had hoped that the comment would relax Lupin a little and was relieved to see a nervous smile on his face. The Headmaster knew well that his famous sweet tooth and eccentric behavior comforted his students and supporters when the situation grew too dark as much as it irritated and mystified them in their daily dealings with him. With the horrible interview so near, Dumbledore has dressed with care that morning. He was spectacularly clad in turquoise and magenta robes covered in silver suns that danced and pulled faces at anyone who passed.>>

I have just found and have been enjoying your story. Great work so far, and the above quote is quite marvelous. I think it is an incredible, and quite possibly very accurate, analysis of Dumbledore's behaviour.

Reviewer: trina-kDate: 2003-03-06
Reviewid: 23003Chapter: 9
but isnt the other oneiromancer "modeling" ron? doesnt voldemort know that?

update...

Reviewer: Andrea13Date: 2003-03-06
Reviewid: 22982Chapter: 9
Ooh, Mrs.Lestrange just gives you a chill, doesn't she? "The most unattractive beautiful woman alive" is such an evocative description!

I want to know what Atropos' middle name is now. <g> Her interaction with Remus is very cute. I'd love to be able to build a model like her. The variety of items she uses as a part of it are just amazing.

I always look forward to new chapters. Thanks for not disappointing. :)

Reviewer: RJDate: 2003-03-06
Reviewid: 22968Chapter: 1
Wow i like it alot!

Reviewer: PortiaDate: 2003-03-06
Reviewid: 22958Chapter: 9
<<Atropos finally broke the silence. “I am sorry I … suggested that you would harm the model.” She sounded as if the words were being dragged out by wild horses. Remus carefully smoothed from his face the amused smile that was beginning to form. When he looked up again, he saw that he needn’t have bothered because Atropos seemed to be directing her abject apology to a small pile of matchsticks. While he was watching, she knocked over the little tent of them, which she’d built so painstakingly before.
After carefully swallowing the laugh that was forming deep in his chest, Remus turned back to the bags and set himself to enjoying the contrite Atropos.>>
A very amusing sight, I'm sure. That was written very nicely.

<< Remus had always cultivated self-control. But there were limits to the amount of obtuseness he could face with equanimity and poise. Did she somehow forget the multiple stab wounds? >>
Hilarious. I love how you show his reactions to her total carelessness. Very Remus.

<<“Well I already apologized to you once today and I am not certain that my constitution would be able to stand another one,” she said with a perfectly straight face.>>
Probably the best line in the whole chapter! I love how they have the same sense of humor.

<<Pettigrew is constantly hiding behind someone or another’s shadow. >>
Ron's model uses shadows too! I'm getting interested in the parallels here...

Reviewer: GiesbrechtDate: 2003-03-06
Reviewid: 22930Chapter: 9
Your twists to the plot are well-crafted and interesting. And I'm liking Atropos more and more. Great OC! Cool person!

Reviewer: MarinerDate: 2003-03-03
Reviewid: 22505Chapter: 8
Okay, Tiresius and the Academics are the most apalling snobs and bigots. I just want to smack them all. Dumbledore's reactions wo Tiresius' atttitude was wonderful, all the better for being understated. And Remus' concern for Atropos is really sweet.

The plot is moving along really nicely. The idea that Crowlet might control Ron through the model is really creepy, and at the same time a logical extension of what we've been shown so far. I do love how you think things through. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Reviewer: CatherineDate: 2003-02-27
Reviewid: 22089Chapter: 8
Rugi:

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to these chapters. I'm anxious for Atropos, interested in Domicia, and just fascinated by this rich cast of original characters you've constructed. It's very well done.

The villains in Interim were suitably frightening. Keep at it! I'll try to review in a more timely fashion next time.

Great work.

Catherine

Reviewer: KateDate: 2003-02-26
Reviewid: 22053Chapter: 8
Write more please, this is a wonderful story, you've invented another aspect of the wizard world beautifully and fully. Thank you.

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2003-02-25
Reviewid: 21932Chapter: 8
>she had always disapproved of “the Muggle healing arts,” declaring that they relied too heavily upon sharp pointy things when a good potion could do just as well.

I think most Muggles would agree! I love David - he's so worried, but resourceful. It is so cool to see a 'mixed' Muggle/wizard family that just deals with it, and David's little freakout about Atropos' vulnerability despite her witchy powers was so touching - and funny, especially after the memory of his early Blasting.

>he found Albus’s gratitude far less gratifying than his guilt would have been.

Heh. Go, Albus!

The scene between Albus and Tiresius was so skillfully done! I like your weary, exasperated Dumbledore - he's very real to me. And I could just smack Tiresius for his insensitivity, and the Academy for its stupidity.

>Taking in the full effect of the tubes and wires Lupin looked utterly confounded. “My God! Were they torturing her?”

The whole scene with the confusion over Muggle hospital equipment was hilarious! I love it.

>The boy spends his life under the shadow of five impressive brothers and what does he do at the first opportunity to escape? He finds someone with a shadow so broad and long that it would take a hundred Head Boy brothers to equal it. Fascinating.

This is simply brilliant.

Wonderful chapter, Rugi! I miss Atropos, though! I hope she wakes up soon.

Reviewer: B. NonymousDate: 2003-02-25
Reviewid: 21894Chapter: 8
Oh my, this is what I get when I return to the Quill...

I'm sure there are many people who underestimate Mr. Weasley (and you know which one I'm speaking of). Many others (myself among them) think that such poor judgment will be properly rewarded. I wonder if ex-Academic Crowlet understands this yet?

Reviewer: KryssyDate: 2003-02-23
Reviewid: 21646Chapter: 8
V. interesting! I'm dying to know what happens with the model and I'm hoping it comes together soon. I also liked the book five reference -->“Oh, I think the time for keeping Mr. Potter in the dark has long passed, my friend. Now he must be told everything.” I was also wondering where you came up with Oneiromancy. Is it supposed to be like Arithmancy/Divination, in a way? Curious...very curious...:-)

Reviewer: PortiaDate: 2003-02-23
Reviewid: 21626Chapter: 8
Oh, so Dr. Merriman is Atropos's brother. For some reason I thought he was her uncle.

<<Tiresius shrugged. “But Merriman’s Muggle relatives don’t really matter. To tell you the truth, her brother was quite rude to me when I was asking about which nurses needed obliviating.”>>
I hate Tiresius. You've done such a great job making him a completely odious character.

<<When the oneiromancers made to trail after her, Madam Pomfrey spun about. Her voice was dangerously level. “It is very early in the morning and Academic Merriman seems unlikely to expire in the next few hours. If you would be so kind as to wait somewhere else, I would be very appreciative.”
The capped wizard seemed on the brink of offering a protest, but one look into the mediwitch’s eye seemed to decide the matter.>>
Yay! Good for Madam Pomfrey! I like how you showed her no-nonsense nature, as well as the pompousness of the oneiromancers.

<<Unlike his master, he did not rely on Lord Voldemort’s unmodelability to guarantee his success. He knew he was probably quicker than this oneiromancer because he was quicker than everyone >>
Hmmm...but is he quicker than Atropos?

So Voldemort's people think Atropos is doing a model of Voldemort, and Dumbledore's people think Crowlet is doing a model of Harry...neither side suspects that the other is imaginative enough to think of Ron or Pettigrew! Interesting.

And Crowlet's model allows for control over the subject, rather than just prediction? Creepy.

And of course, Remus's concern for Atropos at the end was very sweet. Keep writing!

Reviewer: StellaDate: 2003-02-23
Reviewid: 21600Chapter: 8
I don't think I've reviewed this yet, but I've certainly been enjoying it!

I don't usually like OCs, but Atropos is deliciously complex and "real." The model is a brilliant idea and Selim's twist on it is truly horrifying.

Should've guessed it was Ron he was modeling, but Atropos' attack threw me off.

Your Remus is believable and in-character as well.

Can't wait for more!

- Stella

Reviewer: trina-kDate: 2003-02-23
Reviewid: 21572Chapter: 8
ooooo... freaky...

slightly confused though...

update asap.

Reviewer: Three Sickles ShortDate: 2003-02-23
Reviewid: 21553Chapter: 8
May I slap Tiresius and all the Academics? Please? You do a wonderful job of showing the prejudice that lots of wizards probably have against Muggles. With folks like Dumbledore around as the authority figures, it's an easy thing to forget sometimes, and you manage to foreground it in a subtle but clear way.

Poor David. It must be really hard to be the Muggle sibling of a magical person; there's this whole world that you can't be a part of.

You've done the impressive task of making me both very eager to find out what happens next and absolutely terrified at the thought of what happens next. Crowlet is creepy, creepy, creepy, and I don't want him to have anything to do with my baby Ron. (I'm hoping that his dastardly plans will fail dismally because he screwed up and used maroon in Ron's Model, but that's probably a vain hope.) Ah, well. I eagerly await the next installment.

Reviewer: xxxMoonYxxxDate: 2003-02-19
Reviewid: 20948Chapter: 7
Awsomely Awsome!!!

Reviewer: PortiaDate: 2003-02-09
Reviewid: 19641Chapter: 7
Rugi, I was wondering (pretty randomly) if Atropos would ever meet Snape? I'd love to see what she makes of him, and vice versa!

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2003-02-09
Reviewid: 19636Chapter: 7
Eeek! You mean that's ALL we get to know about the state of Ms. Merriman? Oh no, now I'm seriously worried. I didn't know (or remember) that she was Muggle-born, but at least her brother will be able to attend to a stab wound (a bit easier for a Muggle doc than a Furnunculus Curse, for example). I really liked that bit with the Merriman family, by the way -- their manner of speech was decidedly different from that of the wizards, which is as it should be.

You have some simply fantastic lines in here, from the humorous --

<<“What with my miraculous ability to kill people in two places at once and my general evilness, it was obviously a breeze for me to slip into Azkaban and save my associates.”>>

to the thought-provoking --

<<He had lived as long as he had while keeping the company he kept by knowing when pride was a pointless comfort.>>

And "Locusta and Lucretius" are PERFECT names for the Lestranges. I am **very** interested to see where you take this!

Katinka

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2003-01-28
Reviewid: 18164Chapter: 7
Remus. Remus, Remus, Remus.

>He had decided that she was actually unconscious of the inconvenience this meant to others and was, rather than being purposefully rude, merely being unknowingly selfish.

He's everything I tried to write him as in Witch Meets Werewolf. I didn't quite accomplish it, but you have, perfectly. He's canon, taken a step further.

>Don&#8217;t get run over by those lurkies.&#8221;

Hee! I immediately imagined poor Atropos being stampeded by non-posting Internet freaks.

The scene between Remus and Sirius blends everything I love about your writing - the complex emotions swirling around in the room, the details about poor Fawkes, the humor, the vivid imagery of the panic when Moody appears in the fireplace.

Moody is fab! I love his testiness. And I like the way he unnerves Sirius and Remus, unlike so many fics where they're all good buddies (after all, Moody *is* older than they are, and a famous Auror). I especially love Remus' reaction:

>Talking to Moody always left him feeling woefully inadequate as a sensible human being.

Suddenly, Remus and Sirius seem so...young! IT is wonderful how you caught that feeling.

>almost all of them also have relatives sleeping forever beneath the ground because of his skill in the area of induced repose

This gave me the serious heebie-jeebies. I mean *really.* Eeep.

>I doubt that the lawn statues will ever recover from the experience

LOL! The vampire twist is brilliant, especially the implication that once a vampire tastes a person's blood, they want more of the same type. Ooh, things are really heating up, aren't they? And what a great turn of conversation when they were interrupted. Poor George and Fred, truly slandered for once.

I'm extremely worried about Atropos - I do hope we get to her soon!

Excellent, excellent chapter. You juggled lots of plot here, and it is all clearly, but stylishly, written.

Reviewer: noodlesDate: 2003-01-26
Reviewid: 17847Chapter: 7
more please!!!

Reviewer: CatherineDate: 2003-01-25
Reviewid: 17787Chapter: 7
Your characterizations of Remus and Sirius in this chapter are very good. Also lovely work with Dr. Merriman and Moody.

Catherine

Reviewer: B. NonymousDate: 2003-01-25
Reviewid: 17718Chapter: 7
Welcome back!

Dumbledore's going down the wrong track... I'm stunned. :) I also very much like the counterpoint between Remus's "grin & bear it" vs. Sirius's "You gotta do SOMETHING" attitudes. That adds a lot of depth, Rugi.

Reviewer: PortiaDate: 2003-01-24
Reviewid: 17682Chapter: 7
Oohh!! I hope Atropos is ok!

One or two things I noticed:

<<He finished his scrawled note and began tying it to the leg of his indignant and lazy owl. Pomona had been an “in case of emergencies” gift from his witch-sister and hadn’t seen very much use. >>
Hmmm..Dr. Merriman's witch-sister is Atropos's mother? That must mean that Atropos took her mother's last name instead of her father's. Is there something significant about that?

<<Remus sobered. He didn’t want Sirius to become any more prejudiced against Atropos than he already was. He fixed his friend with a sharp stare. “I think that she is feeling … guilty.” When Sirius’s eyes narrowed, he waved his arms irritably. “She isn’t completely callous, Sirius.” He paused thoughtfully, searching for the words. “Perhaps she is sometimes … unthinking. I honestly believe she was unaware of the ramifications of what she planned until it was too late. But it wasn’t cruelty!” He stopped, feeling inexplicably embarrassed when he noticed that Sirius gazing at him curiously. He finished roughly, “You can meet her tomorrow, Black. I need to talk to Dumbledore.” >>
Hmm. It seems like both Black and Lupin blame Atropos, to some degree, for the fact that Sirius has to stay in hiding because of the Pettigrew model. Do they know that Dumbledore and Tiresias were the ones who came up with the idea of the Pettigrew model in the first place?

Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: Jill W.Date: 2003-01-24
Reviewid: 17660Chapter: 7
I forget if I've commented on this before. This is fascinating and original, not like any fan fiction or published work that I've ever seen before. Running into something entirely new is rare for me nowadays. Your models are worthy of being put in an original novel, in my opinon.

I am having trouble with your punctuation. I'm not sure what you're doing, but my browser is apparently reading some of your markings as 'turn this invisible.' Below are some quotes from your story as I see them.


'God knows that our school>'

'He had worried about Sirius and Harry&#8217;s doubtlessly painful>his stomach roll uncomfortably.'

' &#8220;He should be thinking about OWLS or girls or Quidditch or &#8230; or something else. Certainly not whether or not I&#8217;m going to be eaten by dementors or whether or not a deranged madman is going to kill him and take over the world!&#8221; Sirius finished with a powerful>
Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius and pointedly looked at the wretched Phoenix.'

Looking forward to more story!

Jill W.

Reviewer: LeeDate: 2003-01-24
Reviewid: 17644Chapter: 7
Yeah!! An update!!!

"Atropos had apparently been perfectly content to lay Sirius Black’s world bare when she though him a heartless killer, but was terrified to meet him now that he was ragged fugitive whose diet consisted primarily of field vermin." Love this line, beautiful writing.

I love how you've written Atropos. She's so complex and intense and you've made her endearing yet have still given her realistic flaws. One of the best aspects of your story is that the characters are so rich and you slowly reveal thier personalities instead of telling us everything at once. I also like how the characters remain consistent in thier thoughts and actions and don't just morph into something they're not.

Your description of the Lestranges is chilling..wing in St. Mungo's...seditive. *shiver*

Over a century of experience wasn’t always a help. It often cluttered up the necessary information. Love that line, it diffuses Dumbledore as the All Mighty wizard. I along with most people, buy into the idea that since Dumbledore is so old and wise, he's always experienced.

I'm very intrigued about the new characters mentioned, especially MAson. I feel so bad for poor Sirius. It does logically flow that everyone will point to him as the mastermind behind the Azkaban escapes.

"He had lived as long as he had while keeping the company he kept by knowing when pride was a pointless comfort." Wow! That line was pure poetry! "...when pride was a pointless comfort." It just rolls off your tongue..heavenly!

Random question: How does Trelawney feel about the field of oneiromancy since it is a bit like Divination? I'd love to see a scene between Atropos and Sybil.

Love all the new plot twists and turns! This is just amazing and it just leaves me wanting more. More!!!

Reviewer: trina-kDate: 2003-01-24
Reviewid: 17619Chapter: 7
i think there is something wrong with way your chpter came out with all that < signs... i think some lines got a little cut up...

Reviewer: eranDate: 2003-01-24
Reviewid: 17574Chapter: 7
Is it just me, or is there some messed up formatting in the latest chapter? I keep on seeing a lot of > where words should be. And I really, really want to read EVERYTHING! I even tried ff.net, but the chapter hasn't been updated yet there.

Reviewer: Jade SDate: 2003-01-21
Reviewid: 17203Chapter: 6
Wow, how awesome is this?! A fic centered on Ron *AND* Remus! My two favorite characters!!! OMG! I didn't think such a thing existed! This fic is completely wonderful!!! Seriously, I am thoroughly amazed by it! It's very well written, in character, a decent length and CENTERS ON RON AND REMUS!!! *Ahem* Really though, I haven't seen very many fics centered on Ron that make so much sense. It's nice to see him play a more important role that actually fits with the books. I can't really explain it, it just seems a lot more realistic than most Ron related fics. I dunno...


But whatever, in any case, this is definitely one of the most creative fics I've ever seen! I even like all of your characters!! Atropos is definitely cool! She and Remus seem rather chummy actually...*Grins* Hope she's OK!! Your not gonna go and kill her off now, are you? And you've got a Oneiromancer named Tiresius! Like the blind prophet in Sophocles' plays! I don't know why, but I liked that! Well, anyway, awesome job on this! I'm definitely enjoying this and I can't wait to see what happens next! Keep up the fantastic work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: ArchchancellorDate: 2003-01-18
Reviewid: 16798Chapter: 6
This is very good. Update soon.

Reviewer: catakitDate: 2003-01-16
Reviewid: 16397Chapter: 6
Ah me, yet another story that jumps the line of fanfiction into just plain good story built in a ready made universe. Love the plot, it's keeping me up past when I should retire to bed, and I'm really growing fond of Atropos. Poor Sirius, but I think your take on how Voldemort begins to rebuild his power are the most realistic I've seen so far. I also like a regretful, pensive Harry that's not suicidally depressive. I guess we'll see how close you are in June. I just found out today and I'm tap dancing on the ceiling.

PS If you don't finish this like some writers tend to, I will personally hunt you down with a stick, and the way this universe works, that stick just might have a dragon heartstring in it.

Reviewer: JessicaDate: 2003-01-09
Reviewid: 15716Chapter: 6
This is well written and interesting. I have enjoyed reading it very much. I think that the concept used in the story is creative. I can't wait to see what happens!

Reviewer: DonnaDate: 2002-12-31
Reviewid: 14650Chapter: 6
I hope you're continuing with this! Came here on recommendation of Camilla Bloom, who was impressed with the Ron-centric plot. I'm suitably impressed as well! Can't wait to see what happens next!!

Reviewer: Camilla BloomDate: 2002-12-26
Reviewid: 13982Chapter: 6
Dear Rugi, I just read all of it over the holidays, it's amazing! I love all the attention to detail, and the idea of the Oneiromancers' models, the complexity! What I also love is that you've given Ron a place in the spotlight. What I didn't like - you know me - please refrain from hurting Sirius (a little rich coming from me I guess). But, he's strong, he'll cope, he's had worse to deal with. Hope you update soon. You really cannot be serious about killing her at this point, who would finish the model?

Reviewer: RugiDate: 2002-12-11
Reviewid: 12209Chapter: 1
Thank you everyone! You make my day. I am preparing for final exams right now so I appreciate the emotional lift. J

rons #1 chickey – I will certainly be writing more as soon as I have some free time. The story has reached a point that is very interesting for me. I am glad you like it!

B. Nonymous – Yeah I decided to remove all of the ambiguity of who Crowlet’s modelee was. Ron is doing well with Hermione, isn’t he? I like writing Charming-Ron (maybe AtE put me in the mood for him)! And Peter … Peter is very interesting and difficult (You know that best!). I like being able to use the impersonal model to explore his character.

trina-k – My first reviewer ever is back! I am so glad that you are sticking with me. I will be trying to get an update ready as soon as time allows.

Katinka – I can’t thank you enough for leaving a review even when you are so busy. This chapter was definitely my one for surprising people with violence! Hopefully we can get back to politics again soon.

Persephone_Kore – Poor Atropos indeed! That whole scene was a guilty author moment for me. Dumbledore’s saying that line had been bouncing around in my head for a while. I was glad that the plot gave me a chance to use make him do it!

Portia – I really can’t wait for the relationship to expand. But you’re right that the characters are both pretty guarded people and they won’t let me move too fast. And I had so much fun with Ron this chapter, except for beating him up! I was really excited for him to begin using his tactical skills practically.

MrRobertsIII – You picked three of the lines I had the most fun with this chapter!

Lee – I felt evil to surprise everyone with the punch and the knife, but I wanted them to feel the same shock Ron and Atropos did. I am glad that you liked Ron. I have come to like him more and more, so I was happy to be able to find a way for him to be successful as himself instead of morphing into something else. And I want his watch too! I love writing Remus so much that I am glad when people say that they like him. It is only Gwena’s and Yolanda’s restraining hands that keeps this fic from being nothing but Remus and Atropos (mostly Remus) talking for pages and pages …

Juliane – Harry’s world is changing all around him, even the part that doesn’t involve Dark Lords. He feels everything deeply but says very little. And he bears the brunt of what’s happening around him. The “queen …” and “bishop…” stuff - I had a lot of fun coming up with those two phrases! And Mandy - The Brocklehursts aren’t what you call on the up and up! R and A – I am turning as pink as Ron in my chair! Thank you for your kind words about them. Subtle has always been what I wanted for my fic.

Sabre – I know! A Muggle hospital! What could be worse? To answer your question, Crabbe, Goyle, and Mandy needed to beat blood out of Ron more than they needed to stay out of detention or not lose House Points. Why they needed the blood is answered in the last two lines of Chapter Five.

Yolanda – I can’t thank you enough for reviewing after you have already spent time on this story already! I did try to make the scene play visually, since it was the closest I will probably get to an action sequence. And even though I wounded so many characters I think this chapter was the most fun for me. I enjoyed writing the sweet R/Her stuff and I always like to play with Remus and Atropos. Makes me happy! I am sending a gazillion positive vibe Christmas presents your way and, if I can get it started and done in time, one ready-before-Christmas chapter.

Reviewer: YolandaDate: 2002-12-10
Reviewid: 12134Chapter: 6
I have to tell you that the first time I read through this chapter I was not even expecting the end at all. It was all I could do to keep from screaming and scaring everyone in the house. I guess I had the first bad feeling when she had that moment of recognition before it happened. That was a great touch--every cinematic. I'd focus on their faces if I was the director.

Anyway, I loved how you wrote Ron. It's good to see him having an ambition and wanting something that will take him out of the shadow of his brothers and Harry. And I think you did well with Harry too. If I were a psychologist, I would love to treat him. Can you imagine all the baggage the boy is carrying?

I also liked the hints that Ron and Hermione have feelings for each other. You did it gently.

But Remus--sigh! I love his exchanges with Atropos. I've really grown to like her. She's quirky and you think she's selfish at first, but she's really a good-hearted person who has high ethical and moral standards. She is cool.

Do I get a Christmas gift? :)

Reviewer: SabreDate: 2002-12-10
Reviewid: 12102Chapter: 6
OMG! I didn't see that coming! If she doesn't get her wand she'll be subjected to muggle medicine - and with the NHS the way it is, I wouldn't recommend it! Oh poor Atropos. And who was it? A wizard, but who? That was a really good chapter - after the great job of setting the scene you've done, this is looking fab. And on a different tack, what was with Crabbe and Goyle? Why do that? I mean obvious blood letting must have some sort of punishment in the school? ANyway, I'm loving this story, and can't wait for more!

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2002-12-10
Reviewid: 12099Chapter: 6
Oh, the tenseness and the aura of permanent change (and not necessarily for the better) is so subtly but powerfully indicated in the opening scene. Poor Harry - his world seems just fractionally out of kilter, and he seems to understand that growing up can get painful. I especially like this:

>Harry struggled to find the correct thing to say. It had been happening a lot lately. He was still reeling from having the dreaded cat lady from across the street become a sharp-eyed witch who pulled him aside after class and informed him he would be receiving special training from her in dueling and curse protection.

>He hadn&#8217;t really understood what was meant by &#8220;queen-diagonal politicking&#8221; or &#8220;bishop-envy,&#8221;

LOL!!!

Ooh, what IS Mandy doing, trafficking with the Slyths?

I adore the vibes between Remus and Atropos - and how Atropos wavers between doubt about the model and pride in her abilities. She's a superb OC! I'm going to use the S word again - subtlety. There are so many seemingly innocuous details that build into a picture of meaningful relationships and events (much like a model!). The complexity is marvelous, but the deceptive simplicity of the writing style makes reading the story a treat - it flows perfectly.

Loved the explanation of why Malfoy hates Atropos.

SHRIEK! OMG, I almost fell out of my chair at the ending. She'd better be OK.

The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For questions, please send us an Owl!

-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --