The Sugar Quill
Author: Lorelei Wood  Story: The Monkeys Invade Hogwarts  Chapter: Default
The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.

The Monkeys Invade Hogwarts

By Dana Medea

DISCLAIMER: None of this is mine, everything Harry Potter is J.K. Rowlings, and I believe the monkeys belong to God, because if they don’t, I have no idea who they belong to.

A/N: This is what happens when you are low on Oxygen all day, and the little sanity you have left had slipped away, and this is hyper-hour. I dunno why the heck I am writing this, but it is fun. Oh, yes and something very important that applies to all my stories, but I have forgotten to put, much thanx to NighZephyr, my ROXin beta-reader!!


And also, this is completely pointless, and I will probably wake up tomorrow thinking, "Why the heck did I even write this in the first place, just enjoy the insanity of it.



It was a normal bright morning for Harry Potter. It was his fifth year, and they had only come back to Hogwarts a week ago. Even though the teachers, especially Snape, disappeared from time to time, there were times that he could almost pretend that there was no war going on.

Harry made his way to the Great Hall with a very sleepy Ron. He spotted a confused-looking Hermione by the doors. Screeching sounds brought Ron totally awake. Snape looked ready to kill something as he peered through the doors to enter the Great Hall. Dumbledore was laughing, and McGonagall had gone white. The tiny charms professor was laughing, as were several Hufflepuff students towards the front.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione pushed through the crowd to try to see what was going on. The high screeches continued. It was of very little use. They finally pushed through the clustered students and an odd sight greeted them. Hundreds of monkeys were jumping around and screeching. They were hopping from the unlit floating candles and hanging on the ceiling. Professor McGonagall had finally recovered, and was no longer as pale as before.

"Go back to your common rooms, breakfast will be brought there," McGonagall dictated over the crowd.

"Maybe classes will be canceled," Ron said enthusiastically.

"I hope not," cried Hermione, "We have our O.W.L.s this year!"

"That’s not until June!" yelled Ron.

"But we should be prepared for them anyway," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"Well, if they are canceled, then we’ll probably just have more homework tomorrow," Harry said to keep the two from bickering any longer.

"You will report to your classes on time," stated McGonagall as if she had either read their minds, or heard their conversation.

"Darn it!" Ron exclaimed.

"Let’s just go back to our common room," Harry suggested. Harry led them back to Gryffindor Tower.

"How do you think those got in?" asked Harry.

"I don’t know," Hermione answered, "I don’t suppose that they would come through the Forbidden Forest, with all the dangerous creatures."

Harry saw Ron shudder at the mention of the Forbidden Forest, and assumed it was probably the memory of Aragog. "Yeah, and I doubt that they just waltzed up to the front doors," Ron said to cover the shudder.

"True. You don’t suppose it has anything to do with Voldemort?" Harry suggested.

"Could be, but I doubt it, since they aren’t killing anything." Hermione answered.

"They are terrorizing the school though, if you think about it," Ron quickly pointed out.

"We should get to Potions," Hermione said, glancing at her watch.

"Ugh, Snape is not in a good mood today."

"Probably not," Harry agreed.

They filed in to the Potions class. The Slytherins were there a few minutes later. They were all discussing the same topic—the monkeys.

"We have a lot to do today," droned Snape, "so, ten points from Gryffindor for frivolous conversations."

The Gryffindor students were outraged, but knew to hold their tongues. "Today, we will be making the Excaliber-Sheath Potion, invented by water fairies several generations ago. They had found a way to make a metal with a low melting point, that when mixed with certain ingredients would stop bleeding. So, we begin with the Imeritous Silver. Add Tomber Root, Gistwater Leaves, and Moonstone. When you are finished, you should have a silvery-blue liquid. Bottle it within the hour, or it will begin to harden into a metal. When worn, after casting a spell known only to fairies, the metal will protect you. However, the liquid alone will stop you from bleeding. Now, pair up, and work."

Hermione and Ron paired, and Harry was stuck with Neville. "This looks relatively easy," commented Harry.

"I guess—if you say so," stammered Neville. They had just finished measuring out the Imeritous Silver when the screeching seemed to near them. The monkeys burst in, swinging about and knocking over cauldrons, assorted potions spilled on the floor and reacted with each other.

The monkey’s raged on, and papers were scattered about. Bottles were broken, desks were tossed about, and Snape’s hair was a mess. Parvati and Lavender were screaming, because after they tried to pet one of the monkeys it screeched in their face and jumped towards them. They ducked as to not get their faces scratched off. The Slytherins looked either pleased or disgusted at the chaos.

The bell rang, and the students practically ran to Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Professor Asmidisk shut the door quickly with magic as soon as the class had filed in. "Today, we will learn the Blocking Spell," she began, "It will block flying objects, minor hexes, and even animals and people. It builds almost an invisible wall around you for a few minutes, and everything will bounce right off of you."

However, before they had the chance to use that very useful spell, the monkeys had broken through the door. Pieces of split wood pierced almost every part of the room. The screeching, accompanied with chaos entered the organized Defense Against the Dark Arts room.

"Harry, do you have the feeling that we are being followed by the monkeys?" Ron asked, panting.

"I suppose—it is odd that they would be in the Great Hall, then our classes—all the places that we would be."

"I think this is starting to look more like one of Voldemort’s plots," Ron said.

"You said Voldemort!" Hermione exclaimed, almost cheerily.

"Well, if you go through enough, you can forget some of your fears," Ron answered beaming. Hermione returned him a warm smile.

The monkeys once again scattered papers, knocked over bottles and supplies. The Ravenclaw students seemed as puzzled as the Gryffindors about the attacks. Many of the students tried to hide under the desks, but the monkeys soon overturned the desks. The desk (and in most cases, the student) was being thrown across the room. It seemed to be a lifetime before were finally allowed to lunch. Many of the teachers seemed worried, and even Dumbledore’s and Flitwick’s smiles were gone.

Suddenly a black owl carrying a black envelope flew in. Every eye in the Great Hall was upon it. The owl stopped in the center of the Hall. The black note opened itself. A low hissing voice suddenly filled the Hall.

"This, is Lord Voldemort," the voice hissed.

"Told you," whispered Ron to Hermione, but her eyes were fixed on the note.

"I cannot personally come and torture you, so," there was a moment of pause, and the whole Hall gasped.

"FEEL THE WRATH OF MY MONKEYS!" the last syllable rang throughout the Hall. The monkeys were circling them, jumping around as if herding them. The screeching was a pitch deeper. The screeching went up an octave, and they began to jump around again. They were going everywhere and disturbing the little peace that was held. They began to jump down to the tables. They raided the food and took everything they could. Several minutes later, almost one eighth of the monkeys had calmed down.

The entire Hall looked to the Hufflepuff table where nearly all the Hufflepuff girls had calmed the monkeys. The girls were petting them and feeding them calmly. Soon the boys of Hufflepuff had joined in. The Ravenclaws and Gryffindors followed. The monkeys over at the Slytherin end were still acting as chaotic as ever. Finally tired out enough, the Slytherins gave in. It seemed that each person had a monkey. The monkeys sat obediently on their person’s shoulder.

They became Hogwarts pets. The monkeys of the Quidditch players would even ride on the players brooms, and even the Slytherins became attached to their monkeys, finally.

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