Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter.  No seriously, I don’t.

But What About Ron?

Harry and Hermione sat on chairs next to the fire inside the Gryffindor commons.  They had just announced their love to each other, and neither seemed to know what to do next.  Finally, Hermione said, “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“What?” asked Harry, confused.  “What doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, we’ve always been friends,” Hermione answered, “But the romantic tension has always been between Ron and me.  I mean, almost everyone thinks I’m supposed to end up with him.  How did this happen?!”

Harry slowly said, “I don’t think it’s that odd.”

“Oh come on, Harry,” Hermione whined, “I mean, you didn’t have any problem with me dancing with Viktor Krum.  I mean, if you were truly in love with me, don’t you think you’d have problems imagining me in another man’s arms?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, “That is a good point.”

“Look how many weird things are going to happen now that you and me are together.  What about Ginny?”

“Ah, she’ll just have to pine away for me alone,” Harry brushed off.

“Ouch.  What about Cho?” Hermione pleaded.

“What about Cho?” Harry asked back.

“You couldn’t take your mind off her all last year.  What happened?”

“Nah, she’s old news,” Harry shrugged.

“What?  Old news?  The readers aren’t going to accept you ditched a beautiful woman like Cho because she’s ‘Old News’.” Hermione hissed.

“Ok,” Harry said, and thought a minute.  “Wait!” he pleaded, “I could always say I was so overcome by guilt from Cedric that I couldn’t even imagine going out with her, what with her being his girlfriend last year.”

“I don’t know, Harry.  That’s pretty lame.”

Harry shrugged again, and asked, “Well, do you have any better ideas?”

Hermione was forced to admit, “Not really.  But what about Ron?”

“Ron who?” Harry asked.

“Ron Weasley!  You know, your best friend!” Hermione prodded angrily.

“Oh, Ron!  I thought you said Bob.  Well, we could hitch him up with someone,” Harry said.

“Hitch him up with who?” Hermione asked, skeptical.

“I don’t know.  We could ask Parvati, or maybe we could even get some Mary-Sue as a foreign exchange student to come over.  Heck, we might even be able to hitch him up with Cho, as long as she’s not too overcome with guilt from Cedric.”

“I don’t know,” Hermione said, “I mean, what if Ron doesn’t like any of them?”

“We’ll make him,” Harry whispered.

“We’ll make him?” Hermione asked, “How on earth do we make him like one of them!”

Harry winked and said, “The Imperius Curse.”

“Harry Potter!” hissed Hermione, “You are not using an unforgivable curse on your best friend so we can go out!”

“Fine, fine…” Harry said.

“Ok, if we’re going to go out, we’re going to have to fix all this.”

“Hmmmm…” Harry said, “How about this?  We could fix Draco up with Ginny.  We could fix Fred and George up with Alicia and Angelina.  And we could fix up Cho with Seamus, Parvati with Dean, Padma with Lee, and Lavender with Neville.”

“You forgot one thing, Harry,” Hermione said.

“What?” Harry asked.

“RON!”