Notes: This fic was
inspired by my firm belief that everybody can be redeemed and that evil can
come from the most unlikely of places - and with good intentions. I wanted
Peter to be a real Gryffindor, one of the good guys with a decision that was
simply asking for the greatest of sacrifices.
Peter gives more than his life, he gives up his friends to save hundreds of
innocent lives. It's a decision between bad and worse but those decisions have
to be made too, especially in a war.
was tired of the kind of fic that has Peter as a bad guy from the start.
me, Into the Night
Pain was foremost on his mind as he opened his mouth to say the damning words.
Not the physical pain of broken bones and battered flesh, not even the magical
pain of Cruciatus - no, a broken heart resided in his breast, killing his soul
with every gurgling beat.
at Godric's Hollow, the last house on the Southern road.'
world leaped and came to rest at an odd angle. Sharp pieces of glass, thousands
of them, seemed to cut every inch of his skin. The dark creature before him
laughed, a hollow, dangerous sound. It lacked even a hint of mirth or joy. It
sounded like the cruel war cry of a jungle beast.
have to thank you, Wormtail,' said Voldemort, 'Without you, we would never have
nodded. His lungs constricted into a tight ball of flesh and pounding blood.
Every beat of his heart seemed to
call 'traitor' and sent the message through his system. A fresh wave of agony
surged through his body. He fell to his knees.
you regret your actions already, my servant?'
not your servant,' Peter cried out.
eyes shone with fresh tears and defiance, even as the Dark Lord and a few of
his Death Eaters broke out in a new wave of laughter. A hand gripped his cheek,
cold fingers burning into his skin. Voldemort stared into his eyes, searching
for something in his innermost self.
are nothing else. You had friends, *Peter*, but you've betrayed them. Think
about my offer. You can follow me and I will make you into something more than
you are or you can face the remainder of your friends. But be warned, they will
sooner kill you than listen to a word you say.'
released him and turned around to leave. Peter broke down, sobs hitching in his
throat. The Death Eaters and Voldemort disappeared in a split second and Peter
was alone. Entirely alone.
~ * ~ *
a student he had always liked Divination. Even though Professor Trelawney
appeared to be a total failure [comma] Peter loved the technique and
imagination she taught them. He believed firmly in the possibility of seeing
night he waited for Professor Trelawney and accompanied her to her rooms. He'd
ask her about her day and the older woman would answer in her twisted and
flourishing way. She’d always been one for the drama and angst. She saw death
everywhere, but had yet to make a prediction that came true.
Professor, how was your day?'
teacher looked at him with a smile in her eyes. He could sense a sadness about
her but never asked. A strange feeling in his stomach told him that she only
felt this sadness in his presence, and an even stranger feeling suggested she
might not even realize it.
she said, 'I've seen many things today. The signs all point to a very dark
future for all of us, Peter.'
Peter felt odd, walking the halls with a teacher - but then he hadn't been a
student for nine years. Nine years that he had spent helping with the research and
waiting for the inevitable. Sirius
and Remus were always off on some very secret, very dangerous business for
Dumbledore. Lily and James spent all their time up at the Ministry. This made
him effectively alone. He missed his friends.
Professor, you say that every day, but You-Know-Who has yet to make his move.
He won't dare attack the school.'
Peter,' she said. Her voice had this ethereal quality, like she was from
another world. 'I do hope you are right. The stars speak of bloodshed and
chuckled. Trelawney had a knack for terrible tragedies. Still, despite all her
faults, she was a very nice person. In her, he had found someone to talk to and
make the loneliness go away. He liked her.
Professor,' he said with mock gravity in his voice, 'Of course I’m right.
Haven't you seen in your crystal ball how I beat the Dark Lord single-handedly
and rescue the wizarding world?'
was meant as a joke between friends. But Professor Trelawney's eyes widened in shock,
telling Peter that nothing about this was funny. The air around them lost every
bit of warmth, and the atmosphere shifted to accommodate something dark and
dreadful. He shook his head.
looked at the professor. Her eyes had changed color, now gleaming with a golden
light, and she was floating several inches above the ground. She wore a weary,
darkness and the light are at balance, always,' said Professor Trelawney, but
her voice was deeper and much older. 'Great darkness needs a greater light to
be sustained. Voldemort will come and with him comes death.'
felt fear creep up his spine. The professor's hand touched his cheek, as light
as the flutter of butterfly wings, her ghostly eyes filled with pain. He had
never seen anything like this.
Are you all right?'
Peter, will ever be all right again,' she said. 'A great betrayal, evil worse
than Voldemort - because it is born from love - will sweep you away. You will,
you *have to* betray your friends to the darkest of dark wizards.'
Peter said. His eyes shone with horror. He would never betray his friends.
chuckle escaped the creature that had taken over Trelawney's body. 'My poor,
dear little boy. You are bound by your choice, bound by your character. Always
the brave Gryffindor.'
he said, 'I can't.'
child is destined to be the light, to defeat the darkness. Harry Potter's fate
is to kill Voldemort on his eighteenth birthday.'
what does that have to do with me? Why should I betray my friends?'
flickers of doubt began to tarnish his conviction. Somehow he felt compelled to
believe this, to believe Trelawney was really having her first moment of divine
Voldemort cannot kill the boy and will perish should he try. It is you who will
deliver the boy and his parents to the darkness.'
Peter screamed, with no doubt on his mind. 'He would kill them all. I can't. I
wanted to run away. He wanted to hide from this... thing. He wanted to get away
because part of him felt like she might be speaking the truth. Part of him could already sense the whole
reflection of fate behind those piercing words.
is the choice you have to make,' she said, her voice now shaking with something
like anger. 'Can you sacrifice two of your friends to save thousands of
stood shell-shocked. He tried to speak but found his vocal cords incapable of
fate of Harry Potter, however, cannot be
altered. He will bring down the darkness.'
those last words the professor collapsed into his arms. Peter carried her to
her quarters, too shocked to think clearly and too occupied to realize what
awaited him. It was the last time he spoke to Professor Trelawney.
~ * ~ *
breath came ragged and in an unnatural frequency. He thought of the prophecy
and sobs rose up in him again. Death, terror and bloodshed, saving thousands
with the death of a few. Was it fair? Was it the right choice?
of course not.
remembered every word as clearly as if their confrontation had been the day
before. He had sacrificed his friends to save a thousand. He caused unbearable
pain to his other friends and to Lily and James' son.
it worth it?
couldn't breathe. He tried to get up, but all he managed was to balance on
hands and knees. Unshed tears shook his body. He felt a jolt of energy in the
air, a shifting of magical currents. Voldemort had disappeared. Lily and James
wailing cry rose up in the night, answered only by the far-off tears of a
small, orphaned child.
~ * ~ *
looked around at his friends. The three young men looked worn, tired and older
than they should be. James had called a meeting of the Marauders, the last
meeting of this kind before... before Peter had to fulfill a prophecy.
told you all that Lily and I had discovered a form of protection for Harry,'
James said. Peter noticed the deep shadows under James' eyes and hated himself,
really hated himself, for the first time in his life.
said Sirius, 'The Fidelius charm.'
I heard about that from Dumbledore,' Remus said with a glint in his eyes. 'It
is a very powerful charm for protection, but it has a serious drawback.'
Peter asked, not really listening.
James said, 'The charm can conceal a secret, however big, into a single living
soul. The secret will never be found out as long as the keeper is alive.'
Sirius said, his eyes darting around at his friends. 'Or the secret keeper
decides to unveil the secret. It is based on deep trust between two people.'
so it can be broken,' Remus added thoughtfully, 'When this trust is bestowed
upon someone unworthy.'
cringed. He had that feeling again, that feeling of impossible guilt and
sorrow. The future was about to catch up with him but he wasn't ready yet. He was *not* ready.
the dark looks, both Remus and Sirius shot across the room when the other was
distracted, Peter felt even worse. Dumbledore had known for a while that
someone close to the Potters was a spy - which meant Remus and Sirius went
around suspecting each other.
hated to be responsible for destroying their friendship.
chose Sirius to be our Secret Keeper,' James said.
eyes narrowed as he saw the light in Remus' eyes flicker and dim. The other man
suspected something, but would never speak up
against James' decision. He'd probably go off to Dumbledore to talk about his
see,' Remus said. 'I will instruct Dumbledore of your choice.' There was hurt
in his voice, Peter thought, hurt and betrayal that he hadn't been chosen.
Remus said, nodding towards his best friend of more than fifteen years, 'Take
he left, but Peter caught the look of hope and longing that was mirrored on
both Remus' and Sirius' face. He hated himself. There was no punishment strong
enough for the things he was about to do - or the things he had already done,
feeding Voldemort with enough information to keep him in the Lord’s good
he said, 'I just had an idea.'
felt the urge to throw up, as he explained how to foil Voldemort's plans by
making *him* the Secret Keeper. A deep, dark pain settled in his stomach as
Sirius latched onto the idea and slowly convinced James. The man was too *damn*
trusting for his own good.
nearly cried during the casting ritual for the Fidelius charm. As James went
off to find Lily he reined in his tears, found
an empty classroom and prayed for his friends. He would never see them again.
~ * ~ *
didn't have enough energy left to cry. The cold began to seep through his skin.
The hard ground left bruises in his too-voluminous flesh. Lily and James were
dead. He couldn't wrap his mind around the idea [comma] but his heart knew the
Pettigrew would not survive the night. He'd been standing at the abyss for more
than a year and now he had taken the last step. He was falling.
remembered the last happy day in his life, the wedding of James Potter to Lily
Evans. He remembered his first day of school, how James had saved him from the
wrath of Severus Snape. He remembered every last bit of friendship and love
they had given him, every kind word, every laugh, every joyous day... he wanted
to lock this up inside him. He wanted to preserve their friendship.
had been a beautiful day in Seventh year, too hot for classes and with exams
coming up, the teachers had given them a free day for self-study. Of course, everyone
had gone swimming in the lake or shopping in Hogsmeade.
and James had shown him, Sirius and Remus, their favorite place below an
ancient tree, close to the Forbidden Forest. It was a beautiful spot – one that
had the greatest view over the Hogwarts grounds. Children laughed somewhere in
the distance. James, always the romantic, had
prepared everything for a picnic, and sometime that afternoon he had asked Lily
to marry him.
felt silent tears run down his cheeks. With every gulp of breath he was fading
more, falling towards certain death.
part of himself, a darker creature, rose up from the ashes of his soul.
straightened his back.
got up on his feet.
face was a mask of indifference as he pulled out his wand to Disapparate.
Wormtail formed a plan in his mind, a plan to survive. Wormtail, the rat, was a
later, the last bit of Peter Pettigrew that was left inside him would be
revived by the pity of a small boy, a boy whose fate was entwined with his own
on more than one level. For now, Wormtail thought of a place to hide from the
wrath of Peter's friends. Someone would have to pay for tonight's events with
hit rock bottom.
End (of the Beginning)
Unforgiven (My own Prison)
the prophecy you spoke
kept up with the message inside
sight of the irony
sight of my soul and its void
I'm unforgiven to this world
a chance at deceiving myself
share in the consequence of lies
to the extent that I died
I'm unforgiven to this world