The Sugar Quill
Author: Lilac  Story: Voldemort Was Once Tom M. Riddle  Chapter: Default
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Voldemort Was Once Tom M. Riddle

A filk by Lilac to the tune of Istanbul (not Constantinople) by They Might Be Giants
(click the song title to sing along...it's a really fun song!)

~Dedicated to Gail...my partner in crime and living proof that great minds think alike!~


THE SCENE: Harry and Tom Riddle in the Chamber of Secrets.

RIDDLE: How is it that you -- a skinny boy with no extraordinary magical talent -- managed to defeat the greatest wizard of all time? How did youescape with nothing but a scar, while Lord Voldemort's powers were destroyed?

HARRY (slowly): Why do you care how I escaped? Voldemort was after your time...."

RIDDLE (softly) Voldemort is my past, present and future, Harry Potter...."

A violin begins playing while Riddle is writing "TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE" in the air with Harry's wand. He starts singing...

TOM RIDDLE:
Voldemort was once Tom M. Riddle
and Tom M. Riddle is now Voldemort
Been a long time gone, old Tom M. Riddle
Now I am "Flight of Death", so don't hold your breath!

RIDDLE waves the wand; the letters start moving

Watch my name, it is rearranging
These letters slide their way into changing
My dirty muggle name, I've exchanged it
And no more am I Tom Riddle!

The letters are still moving

Well, your wand must have a mind that's all its own
Give it a moment, almost there
Yes, my name's floating in the air...

Now, wait a minute, that's not how it starts...
It is not "I'M OLD MOLD OVER ART",
Nor am I "I'M LORD REMOVAL DOT",
And I'm not "LORD, ME A VOMIT LORD"
And not "I'M VOTED MORAL LORD"!

No-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Voldemort, Voldemort

No-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
Voldemort, Voldemort

Harry stifles a giggle

Now, don't laugh! Just wait! I think it's almost there
You will see it's quite imposing
What? It looks like it's transposing...

No, not "EVIL, MAD, OLD MR. ROOT"
and not "EVIL RAT ODD MR. LOOM"
What's this? Not "DAMMIT! ROLL OVER, DO!"
and it's not "DROOLED IMMORAL TV"
No way to "DO ROLL, VOMIT DREAM"

Riddle throws a fit even a toddler would be proud of. After a minute of this, he angrily thrusts Harry's wand towards the errant letters,instantly erasing them, and painstakingly writes "I AM LORD VOLDEMORT" himself. With as much composure as he can muster after acting like a two-year-old, he again sings...

So, Voldemort was once Tom M. Riddle
And Tom M. Riddle is now Voldemort
Been a long time gone, old Tom M. Riddle
Why did I change my name to Voldemort?
Truth is, couldn't stand the "Marvolo"

VOLDEMORT!


A big thanks Lourdes, Shellebelle, Ara Kane, Katinka, Ozma, Meg and Portia for your latest reviews!
I really appreciate your comments!
//
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