(Also lovingly called, 'The A/Z Project')
(O/N: No, I have not lost my mind. Really. This is titled the O/N rather
than the A/N because I can never claim that I was the sole author of this
Fic. I am the Organizer, the Planner. Yes, you can blame me for some of
the more ridiculous scenes in this Fic, but I owe credit to many others
in the making of this Fic. And, of course, I need to list them all: EmoTuesday,
Arabella Figg, Kneazle, Lady Cadogan, Vespertine, Sky Sparce, Alanna Granger,
Yasaman, BlackSwan, Sagittaire, Ashavah (JK)
and our wonderful Beta--Dobby's Socks.
If I have left someone out please E-mail me and I will have it changed
immediately, everyone deserves credit for the hard work they put in! I
would just like to say, 'Happy Birthday!' to the Sugar Quill! As you can
see by the many authors that volunteered for the writing of this Fic you
are very well loved. A and Z, this one's for you. Oh yes-One last thing-we
of 'Team Fidge'
would like to request the addition of the wonderful word, 'Fidge' to the
SQ Glossary. It definitely has the ROXness to be an SQ official word!
And-No characters were harmed in the making of this Fic. Not seriously
anyway…And if this Fic seems like it was written by 12 different people
with 12 different ideas…it was!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Prologue~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Fred and George Weasley were in Hogsmeade. Never
mind what they were doing. It was obviously something very stupid and
dangerous-but we will not worry about that. It's not part of our story.
After they had completed their irrelevant high jinks
they headed to the Three Broomsticks to meet with their two older brothers,
Charlie and Bill, to share a few drinks (honestly…only a few…).
They were sitting at the bar (each of the twin's
on their 5th Butterbeer), when they heard a great commotion
beginning outside the pub.
"Fight?" Bill asked, looking amusedly out
the pub window.
"Free Dungbombs at Zonko's?" Fred suggested,
trying to peer over his brother's shoulder.
Soon their curiosity got the better of them, and
they headed outside to really see what was causing all the hubbub.
They got out just in time to hear an old wizard say,
"It's a Hippogriff!"
"It's a broomstick!"
"It's a…it's a…"
"BOAT?!"
It was indeed a boat, and a very large and impressive
boat at that. It was red and gold with grand billowing sails and flags,
each emblazoned with two letters, 'R/H'. And it was sailing through the
air straight toward them.
It landed gracefully with a gentle 'thunk', a door
opened, and three beautiful girls emerged.
"They're Veela!" someone cried.
"No," said the youngest girl, "We're
Quillers. Sugar Quillers."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Charlie was the only one dumb-er, brave-enough to
approach them.
"Can we buy you a drink?"
The young girl's eyes sparkled, and she shook her
dark hair from her face, "Yes. You may."
Soon all seven of them were seated at the bar and
were enjoying Butterbeers and Fidge.
"So what brings you here?" Bill asked,
still slightly awestruck.
"You," The girl answered simply. "Emo--hand
me my sceptre."
The girl sitting next to her turned, looking frightened,
"Er-Gin…Emo's not here…"
"What do you mean she's not here?" Gin's
eyes flashed angrily.
"I-erm-I actually haven't seen her since we
sat down…"
"That girl! I swear! Always wandering off…"
Gin was preparing to stand up when the door to Three Broomsticks flew
open. Emo was standing there with what appeared to be a very shaken looking
Oliver Wood.
"Gin! Look who I found! Isn't he just adorable?!?
Can we use him, too? Pleeease, Gin?"
Gin rolled her eyes hopelessly, but if you looked
closely enough you would've been able to see a small sparkle of laughter
in them.
"Oh. Fine." She tried to sound exasperated,
but failed miserably. "Bring him here. And my sceptre!"
Emo danced across Three Broomsticks with Oliver flying
helplessly behind her, "Here Gin." And she handed her a great
sceptre.
"What's that for?" Fred asked, eyeing the
girl.
"This." Gin said, smashing it over his
head.
Fred's eyes rolled and he began mumbling, "Harry…Ginny…"
In a moment all of the Weasley boys (and Oliver)
had been bashed over the head and were mumbling, "Ginny…Harry…Ginny…"
"Ah-girls-our work here is done!" Gin smiled.
"I believe we have other places to be?"
The other two smiled and they Disapparated.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Of Sceptres, Sugar
Quillers, and Sweethearts
By: Mioneatheart (Ginatheart)
and the Fidge Team
EmoTuesday ,Arabella Figg, Kneazle,
Lady Cadogan, Vespertine, SkySparce, AlannaGranger, Yasaman, BlackSwan,
Sagittaire, Starbuckxs, Ashavah (JK), and Jen (lovesRon), and Dobby's
Socks
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there
lived a very confused boy. His name was, for the purpose of this narrative,
Prince Harry.
No, no, no. Not that Prince Harry. On second
thought, that could lead to a lot of annoying disclaimers and general
confusion. Poor Harry (our Harry) is confused enough already. Since
he wasn't really a prince anyway, we think Just Harry shall suffice. Harry
Potter.
Now, poor Harry Potter was a very, very confused
boy (as most boys are), as we have already stated. He was madly in love
(or so he thought) with Princess Cho. Well, Cho wasn't really a
princess. She wasn't even Quidditch Captain. But she was a Seeker, and
she was very pretty, which often counts for everything, sadly enough.
But Harry had often felt that his love was hopeless, because Cho's handsome
prince (no, he wasn't really a prince either…) had come and gone. Really
gone. But, for the purpose of this narrative, we shall pretend he didn't
exist (how convenient), and Harry had his heart's desire. When we turn
our eyes on this couple everything is lovely…
Harry Potter and Cho Chang walked hand in hand across
the sunny, er-no well, it wasn't very sunny-- Hogwarts grounds. It was
actually threatening to rain at the moment, and their conversation was
so far limited to the not-so-stellar lines of "How are you?"
"I'm fine." Ah yes…they had a beautiful relationship. They hadn't
walked far when Harry turned his brilliant green eyes on Cho.
"It's so nice to be here with you now, Cho."
She looked over at him, her face shining with love.
Or, at least Harry thought she looked at him. She was actually
looking towards the Quidditch pitch, right past him, but when you were
in a love as great as this such things often went unnoticed.
"Oh Harry, me too! This is just wonderful!"
She squeezed his hand more firmly, Harry winced with pain, but it was
quickly forgotten as she gave him her brightest smile, which actually
managed to dispel some of the clouds.
He felt the familiar flip in his stomach, but he
pushed it out of his mind. This was too wonderful a day to worry about
something as unimportant as nerves. At least he thought it was nerves,
it could have been that Chicken Curry he had for lunch…
"So when are you going to tell where you're
taking me?" Cho smiled up at him.
"You'll just have to wait and see…" he
replied evasively. Oh no. He had completely forgotten he was supposed
to take her somewhere. Well, that was what they do on dates these days
dim-wit, he thought to himself. Where to go? The lake had seemed nice
and romantic, but he'd pictured it at sunset on a beautiful day with Cho
in her silky, billowing ball-robes, hair blowing in the wind… Ahem?
Earth to Harry. Come in Harry. He was actually managing to yell at
himself quite well inside his head. Dran. Where to go? And without
a second thought, he did an abrupt about-face and walked to the first
place he thought of.
They soon reached their destination--the Hogwarts'
Quidditch Pitch.
"Oh Harry!" Cho gushed. "This is so
romantic!"
"It's where we first met. " He grinned
stupidly at her. Was this where they first met? Oh well, she wouldn't
remember either…
They sat themselves in the stands, fairly out of
sight, and were preparing for a good snog when…
**CRASH!**
Harry looked down to the pitch and saw something
he would never forget. Bill Weasley, along with 3 of his brothers, Charlie,
Fred and George, had appeared out of nowhere right in the middle of the
pitch along with a very strange looking Oliver Wood (he didn't look like
the Wood Harry remembered), wearing nothing but leather loincloths and
(strangely enough) tartan socks. Charlie's dragon tattoo was well visible
and, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cho swooning, her jaw dropping
slowly.
"Wha…what…" Harry stuttered. He honestly
didn't know what to say. "What are you doing here?" He finally
asked, annoyed that his girlfriend was falling head-over-heels for his
former Quidditch captain (who didn't look like his former Quidditch captain)
and his best mate's brothers.
"Ah-Hey, Harry!" said Bill, looking very
vacant. "I'm Bill."
Harry, again, didn't know what to say, but he did
know that he was beginning to get VERY annoyed-- "Right. Fred, George-what
in the hell are you doing here?"
George was looking like he had had a few too many
bottles of Goldie's Liquid Curse, and replied tipsily, "Ah well,
you see, Harry, we knew you were on a date with that Cho girl, and we've
come to stop you."
Harry was getting quite angry at this point. An intoxicated
Fred and George suddenly appearing and trying to sabotage his love-life
was not exactly what he had planned for the evening…well come to think
of it, he hadn't planned much for the evening…except for Cho by the lake
in the robes… 'Stop, Harry! You're mad at Gred and Forge, remember?'
He regained his composure, "Oh-and why's that?" he spat at them.
"Well, you see, Harry, I don't rightly know.
All I know is that all of a sudden I decided I want you and Ginny to fall
madly in love." George glanced at the look on Harry's face and continued,
"Even though I am her brother and completely over-protective--you've
got to understand, it's my life goal…you know maybe this has something
to do with those girls we saw a few minutes ago… Sugar Pills or Sugar
Spills or something like that…Awfully good looking, they were…that one
with the sceptre…." He trailed off and Fred jabbed him hard in the
ribs. "Oh yes, right…well Harry we just wanted to convince you of
your un-dying affection for Ginny."
"Oh, all right, then." Harry rolled his
eyes. "And is that why you're here too, Wood? To convince me to go
out with my best mate's little sister?"
Oliver looked and Harry and replied, "No, I'm
just here because I look so good in this outfit, don't you think?"
Wood put his hands on his hips and modeled the outfit. George smacked
him. "Ah-and well-you know…Ginny too…." He said quickly, rubbing
his head. This Wood WAS a tad different, he had a Scottish accent…Wood
doesn't have a Scottish accent…
Harry was really beginning to see red. There he was
on a perfectly romantic date with Cho (or at least it was about to become
perfectly romantic), and these idiots had to come mess it up…Harry glared
at them.
"Listen. I don't like Ginny. I never have.
I don't know where you people get this nonsense but personally I don't
see any proof of a relationship with the two of us in canon. If you're
so all-knowing show me your Inner-Eye!"
"Inner-Eyes are inside you, mate."
Harry didn't hear him and continued, "I mean
I've never read the books or anything, since they won't be written for
a few years, but you've certainly been brainwashed by those people…. Funny
they were…had this great ship…." Harry trailed off, beginning to
think he knew the people from somewhere, Sugar Pills? He was almost sure
he had read about them somewhere…and how in the hell did he know they
had a boat? "Did they use a Memory Charm?"
"Nah. Their looks where enough for me."
Oliver yelled.
"Hiya, Harry! Time for you to be brainwashed
back into canon--this won't hurt a bit…ah, maybe just a little…"
A very beautiful young girl with spunky dark hair (Gin) had just appeared
before him, along with her two accpmplices (they were busy eyeing the
Weasley's and Oliver), she was carrying a large sceptre and grinning mischievously.
He had no time to ask who she was before she hit him squarely on the head
with her sceptre. Turning on Cho, she raised her sceptre again, an even
wider grin spreading over her face. But just as she was about to bring
it down, one of the other girls turned to her, saying something about
loincloths, and cried, "Gin! Don't! That's not part of our mission!"
Gin turned to her with a saddened look, "Ah. But can't you imagine
a nice red bump on that pretty little head?" she sighed. "No,
I suppose you're right…" So she settled for giving Cho her deadliest
look, then Disapparated with her friends.
"Wait! You can't Apparate of Disapparate on
Hogwarts grounds!" Cho yelled, running toward the empty space where
the gorgeous girl had been. "I should know, I'm a Ravenclaw! Haven't
you read Hogwarts, A History?!"
Harry was now wearing a very glazed look (this might
have had something to de with the audacious girl and her sceptre) and
was mumbling to himself, "Ginny good. Cho bad. Ginny good. Cho bad…"
Fred yelled up at him, "That's the spirit mate!"
Harry began stumbling down the stairs just as the
Weasley's and Wood began to strike up a tune ("There's Your Trouble"
by Dixie Chicks). Cho looked up from where she was examining the other
girls' disapparating spot and yelled after him, "Harry, darling,
where are you going?"
His only reply was, "Cho bad. Must go find Ginny.
Cho bad."
Harry was just leaving the pitch, when he ran into
Ron and Hermione (literally). Hermione was absolutely beaming, but Harry
noticed (even through his daze) that Ron had a large bump on his head.
He was muttering, "Must not be dim-witted, thick-headed git…must
not be dim-witted, thick-headed git…"
" 'Fraid it's hopeless, mate." Harry said
to Ron. His mind was beginning to get clearer…why was Hermione smiling?
And why were they both eating Sugar Quills? One did sound awfully good
right now…
Hermione smiled at Harry, "Ron and I are going
out! Isn't that great? We were in the middle of an argument." she
huffed, "--he's such a boy sometimes, honestly--"
Harry looked at her absently, "Have you seen
Ginny? For some reason I have to go talk to her…can't imagine why…"
"…this girl just popped out of no-where-but
you can't Apparate or Disapparate on the Hogwarts grounds, honestly-hasn't
anyone read Hogwarts, A History?" (Ron came out of his daze
just long enough to say one word-"No"). Hermione continued ranting,
but Harry had stopped listening.
"Cho," Harry muttered. He somehow remembered
her saying she read Hogwarts, A History (wasn't that what Hermione
was talking about?), but then couldn't help himself, it just came out-"Bad.
Cho bad."
"…and just hit him on the head with this thing,
and then he just turned to me…"
"Ginny might be in the Library…" he really
hoped she hadn't been bashed on the head, too "…wouldn't want her
to change at all…"
And Harry staggered off leaving Ron and Hermione
at the pitch, hurrying up to the castle to find his true love. He could
hear faintly in the background, "There's your trouble, there's your
trouble, seeing double with the wro-oong one, you can see Ginny loves
you, you can see Cho doesn't but you just keep a-holdin' oon…"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Harry staggered away from the pitch and headed towards
the castle. His head was a little foggy from having been hit by that thing.
Where had those girls come from? Certainly not from Hogwarts…
He opened the front doors of the castle and quickly
had to adjust to the light difference. As he stood there, he saw a girl
near the top of the staircase with bright red hair.
"Ginny…" he mumbled.
After stumbling a few steps, Harry began to walk
faster. If he could catch up with her…He broke into a run thinking, "Cho
bad. Ginny good." When…
**BAM!**
A door swung open and Harry ran smack into it. His
head clouded over again.
"Why if it isn't ickle Harry Potter!" grinned
Peeves as he bobbed up and down in the air.
Peeves has holding the head of a mop in his hands.
It looked like the hair of a rag doll.
"What is Potter wandering into doors for?"
"Go away Peeves!" he shouted. "I'm
in a hurry!"
"Oooo!" squealed Peeves. "Running
in the corridors. Shame, shame! Filch would love to give you some nice
bracelets to hang you from the ceiling if he could."
"Just get out of the way," pleaded Harry.
"I have to catch up with her."
This wasn't the right thing to say. "Her?"
Peeves flipped upside down and looked where Harry was looking. Ginny had
appeared in the corridor at the top of the staircase. Peeves flipped again,
back towards Harry. He took the mop in his hands and placed it on top
of his head. He looked like an absurd circus clown.
"It's the 'Fresh Pickled Toad' girl!" cackled
Peeves. "Potty wee Potter is in looove."
Harry swung, and Peeves moved out of the way. Peeves
began to laugh as Harry staggered towards Ginny. He really had to stop
being hit on the head.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Back when Harry was being knocked
over the head,
in the Hogwarts Library:
Ginny sat in the Library with Colin Creevey, Neville
Longbottom and Draco Malfoy. She had gotten rather bored of them begging
for her love. The person she loved had fallen for someone else. Why, oh
why, did Seamus Finnigan have to go and ask Lavender Brown to Hogsmeade?
She sighed and patted Draco on the head.
"Such a good little ferret, have a cookie."
She tossed him a Pumpkin Pasty and he gobbled it up quickly. She scratched
behind Neville's ear and his foot thumped loudly under the table. Not
loudly enough to cover the faint sound of a 'pop' behind her. Ginny turned
around to see three girls (dressed very oddly, by the way) standing in
the library.
Not that it was unusual to see oddly dressed people
in the Hogwarts library, (after all Gilderoy Lockhart had been at Hogwarts
during her first year) but nevertheless, Ginny was shocked.
"Merlin's beard!" she cried, "Who
are you?"
"Ginny we're here to tell you that Sea--"
the first one began-but a louder, even more oddly looking one cut her
off.
"Ginny, get over Seamus, he's a lousy git. Date
Harry, he's cute." She finished with a giggle. "Of course not
as cute as that new Oliver…that accent…in that loincloth." She giggled
again. "And those tartan socks…I do love that Weasley uniform…"
Another girl, with short, spunky dark hair, younger
than the others, spoke up. "You have to like Harry." She began
to dig around in the bag she was carrying.
"But why?" Ginny asked. "He likes
Cho."
The dark-haired girl smirked, "Not anymore."
She continued looking about in her handbag until-"Aha!" She
pulled out a piece of fidge (edible fan-fic, don't ya know? Very tasty
if I do say so myself…sweet and makes for good, calm plot-bunnies…) and
began to contentedly munch on it.
"But I don't like Harry, I like Seamus. He's
dreamy…" She sighed. The first girl walked over briskly and handed
a sceptre to dark haired-girl. "Your sceptre, my Queen of H/G."
"Ah, thank you, my dear shipper." And with
a quick 'thunk!' Ginny's head had cleared. "Seamus bad. Harry good."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
And it was in that way that Just Harry found Just
Ginny, his beautiful princess, and they lived happily ever after, eating
Sugar Quills and rotting their teeth.
Hermione and Ron lived happily ever after too, except
they didn't rot their teeth, as Hermione's parents were both dentists.
Happily ever after, that is, until Voldemort showed
up and Just Harry had to defeat him again…
But that, as we the Quillers would say, is another
story.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Epilogue (We couldn't resist!)~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In only a few days Hogwarts school was filled with
mumbles and grunts, and nearly everyone had a bump on their head. Quidditch
had turned into a mess, as well as had the love lives of many people.
The Matchmakers, as people were beginning to call them, were on the move.
Screams were heard throughout the halls, and even Dumbledore himself was
hiding under his desk and fending off a rather beaten looking Madam Pomfey
with the Gryffindor sword.
But no one had as many bumps as Harry Potter. He
stood out on a normal day, but now it was much worse, due to the golf-ball
like texture of his head. A scream echoed down the hallway and waves of
students fled.
"There. You are a cute couple," the head
Matchmaker was saying to a Ravenclaw girl and a Slytherin boy, both lying
unconscious on the floor. She pocketed her sceptre and turned around sharply,
looking for her next victim-er, couple--, but the hall was deserted. "Oh,"
she said, disappointed, and disapparated.
Harry peeked his head around the corner slowly and
was relieved to find that the girl was gone. Just then Ginny came walking
down the hall, looking very dazed. Harry ran out to her, his head aching.
"You good," he grunted.
"You good, too," she replied. They sat
on the window sill and were preparing for a good snog, when Draco Malfoy
came pounding down the hall, running as fast as he could. It was a rather
funny sight, and if Harry had been himself he would have found it comical,
but today he just watched in amusement.
Draco's tongue was lolling out one side of his mouth,
and he was barking wildly. A door burst open across the hall, and the
Matchmaker came running out, apparently chasing the dog-like Draco. She
stopped in front of Harry and Ginny.
"Aww…everything is as it should be," she
said, smiling, while the couple cowered beneath her. Draco was holding
a bone is his mouth, looking very contented further down the hall. "Well,
perhaps not everything…" and with that she turned and continued chasing
doggy-Draco, leash ready in her hand.
One of her accomplices appeared in the hallway (just
as she was about to catch him too) and asked, "Gin, have you seen
Emo?"
"Can't say that I have Sky…" Gin answered,
watching despairingly as Draco bounded around the corner, out of sight.
Just then Charlie Weasley ran up to them, "Have
either of you lovely ladies seen Oliver? He's disappeared and we need
him for the next number…getting quite an audience at the pitch…"
The two girls looked at each other and burst into
a fit of giggles. "I think," Gin suggested, "that Emo and
Oliver have done a bit of match-making, no bonks required…"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
And so the Sugar Quillers-er, Matchmakers-continue
their great quest for world domination-or a least a good R/H snog by the
end of Book Seven. As their Headmistresses did before them, they wrote
epics of great length and skill, and thwarted H/H shippers at every turn.
The Good Ship R/H sailed the seven seas, and the Queens of H/G reclined
on deckchairs aboard their cruise liner. The Sugar Quillers-er, Matchmakers-were
resigned (well not very resigned, but they were eventually kicked out
of Hogwarts) to the fact that they may have to wait a few years to see
Ron and Hermione get together-and a few more years after that to see Harry
and Ginny get together-and a few more years after that for a good snog.
But, we, the Quillers, along with the Headmistresses, have made it more
bearable for everyone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*The End*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
No Characters were harmed in the making
of this Fic. Well, maybe a few…
Happy 1st Birthday SQ!
