ministry of magic
magical educational standards board
March 12, 1996
Miss Hermione Granger
The Bed Next To the Bookshelf
Fifth Year Girls’ Dormitory
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Dear Miss Granger
Re Potions Practical Assessment Task –
It has recently come to our attention, from intelligence
gathered by our Improper Use of Magic Office, that the students of Hogwarts
School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (“Hogwarts”) experienced particular hardship
during the recent Potions Practical Assessment Task (“PPAT”). Our purpose in writing is to extend our most
sincere apologies to you and your classmates for the unpleasantness you
endured, and to advise that the Ministry of Magic accepts no responsibility
whatsoever for same.
We understand that your own case history viz the PPAT is
an especially sorry one. Various
officers of this department have suggested that, given the physically repellent
nature of the Objective d’Couer selected by Hogwarts for the PPAT, perhaps the
kindest thing all round would be to offer all girls in fifth year complimentary
Memory Charms. As this is not feasible,
please find enclosed a packet of Honeydukes Strip-Your-Palate-Clean Peppermints,
which we hope will remove the nasty taste that no doubt lingers after one has
kissed a man with such uneven, yellowish teeth [i].
We must admit that the extent of your ardour for the
Objective d’Couer surprised many of us.
Our research (consisting of reading old copies of Witch Weekly
left in the tea room) indicates that, at the tender age of fourteen, your name
had already been romantically linked with the Boy Who Lived and an
international Quidditch star [ii].
This would suggest that you have fairly sophisticated tastes as far as men are
concerned. It has also been suggested
(in Witch Weekly) that you were familiar with love potions [iii]. We honestly did not expect that your
response to the PPAT would have been quite so out of control.
However, we have also subsequently had the opportunity
to discuss your situation with some of the Professors at Hogwarts. As an academically gifted student, who
frequently gains examination marks in excess of one hundred percent [iv],
it is possible that the potion that you brewed for the PPAT was of unprecedented
strength. We have endeavoured to
confirm this fact with Hogwarts’ Potions Master, but Professor Snape is
currently refusing to respond to our owls.
If the potion that you brewed was spectacularly strong, then your
reaction upon taking the potion, although unfortunate, cannot be held against
We also regret to advise that news of your unhappy
experiences during the PPAT have been made public to the Muggle community. How
exactly this came about is something of a mystery. However, our sources have
identified a house-elf, residing in the suburbs of Sydney, Australia, who has
gained access to a Muggle Computo and has published an account of the PPAT
shenanigans at Hogwarts on the Inept-net [v]. As we understand that you are Muggle-born,
all this will make much more sense to you than it does to us.
We have been in contact with the Ministry of Magic of
the Commonwealth of Australia. The head
of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Department in that country, after exclaiming
“Strewth” and “Crikey” very loudly, assured us that he would personally pay a
visit to the reprehensible Suburban House Elf. He also assured us that he would
administer an Everbashing Boomerang [vi]
to the disgusting creature’s head.
We trust that this satisfactorily concludes this matter.
Ms. ADELINE U.
PRAWN BEc LLB (Hons) LLM CA Anag.
Development Director - Potions
[i] Harry Potter
and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter Fourteen, Snape’s Grudge (p210, Australian
Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter Twenty-Seven, Padfoot Returns (p444,
Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Chapter Seventeen, The Man With Two Faces
(p222, Australian edition)
and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter Twenty-Two, Owl Post Again (p314,
[v] Harry Potter
and the Brotherhood of the Besotted, Suburban House Elf, archived at the Sugar
Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Chapter Twelve, The Triwizard Tournament (p162,
the desk which used to be bertha jorkins’
4 • Ministry of magic building •1 diagon alley
London • united kingdom • floo: mesb