The Sugar Quill
Author: Lilac  Story: Book Five's Almost Here!  Chapter: Default
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Book Five's Almost Here!

A filk by Lilac to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic (that link will give you the basic tune, but this filk is really based on the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version of the song, which I highly recommend to everyone because it ROX!)

The Scene: June 20th, 2003. Five minutes to midnight. A very large crowd is lined up inside a bookstore, awaiting the release of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. A lone fan starts singing. Everyone stops talking and turns towards this impromptu soloist, all the better to hear him with...

Mine eyes hath seen the glory of the coming of Book One
When books Two and Three came out, I read each word of them 'till done
Book Four was such a masterpiece, JK herself outdone
Now Book Five's almost here!

One by one, people start joining in...

Glory, glory hallelujah!
We'll have Book Five in hand soon-ah
Underneath this midnight moon-ah
Oh, Book Five's almost here!

By this point, everyone is singing now, and they sound surprisingly like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

She had to spend two long years suff'ring in litigation
And this drove our favorite author JKR to distraction
We found that Stouffer's "evidence" was just fabrication
But now Book Five is near!

Glory, glory hallelujah!
Over now is the gag rule-ah!
Stouffer never more will sue-ah!
Oh, Book Five's almost here!

JK Rowling had to work to iron out the "Flints"*
And the mysteries unlock, such as what means Dumbledore's glint
And writing chapters interesting but close to her blueprints
Now Book Five's almost here!

Glory, glory hallelujah!
Please don't tell us, "April Fool-sah!"
Or it will become mob rule-ah
Please let Book Five be near!

As the clock chimes midnight, JKR emerges from the backroom of the bookstore. A hush comes over the crowd as they stare in amazement at this unexpected visitor. In one arm is her baby, David Gordon; in the other outstretched hand she is holding a pillow with Book Five sitting on top in all its glory. A shaft of moonlight somehow finds its way into the building and shines directly upon the book. A male quartet steps forward and quietly sings in four part harmony... (Slowly, with much feeling)

With a beauty just like Lily's, JKR is carrying
Two precious new babies: one is bundled-up and cooing;
The other is our long-awaited book, so now we sing,

(Back to tempo, and loudly...)

"Oh, Book Five is now here!"

The entire choir now sings in glorious harmony

Glory, glory hallelujah!
And a moment not too soon-ah!
Now our speculations prove-ah!
Oh, Book Five is now here!


Amen! Amen!

During the "amens", JKR slowly raises the book up as everyone stretches their hands towards the much-anticipated Book Five.

* A "Flint" is the fandom nickname for an inconsistency in the HP books, named in honor of Marcus Flint, who was supposed to have left Hogwarts in Harry's third year, but was still the Slytherin Quidditch Captain in POA.

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