The Sugar Quill
Author: C.C.G.P  Story: Lady Mione  Chapter: Default
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- to the tune of "Lady Marmalade" by the Moulin Rouge Gals,

rewritten by the Cat, the Chipmunk and the Groovay Penguin


He met Mione on the Hogwarts Express

Strutting her stuff on the train


She said, "Hello, hey Ron

You want to get on my -" [Ducks a punch from Ron, and Ron grabs the mike.]


Brainy, brainy goody-two-shoes

Brainy, brainy boffin here

She's a nightmare, honestly, yeah.

First year Lady Mione!

[Madam Pomfrey appears, rather worryingly dressed and dancing very enthusiastically.]

Madam Pomfrey:

He sat by her bedside while she was dead still

Boy ate all those Honeydukes sweets

All those Infirmary sheets

And he really started to freak, yeah.

[Ron is shaking his head in disbelief, so Harry tries to save his best friend from embarassment by grabbing the mike.]


She's been Petrified like Colin!

She's been Petrified like Nick!

She knew what was in the Chamber!

Second year Lady Mione!

[Appalled at Harry's singing voice, Ron grabs the mike again, pulls out some sun glasses and starts rapping.]


You come into the carriage with your quills and books

Let 'em know you wear that cloak, straight off the train,

You work-a-holic boffin, you don't like copying

I'm saying why do mine

If you've done yours?

Disagree? Well you're Herm and I'm sorry.

I'm gonna keep copyin' this work off of you, girl

Your mad cat ate my favorite pet rat

And you won't admit it, you swotty prat!

[Well, Hermione's not having that! She storms on, can't get Ron to let go of the mike, but sings into it anyway.]


Hey Weasley, go Weasley!

Go and do your own work, Weasley!

You eat chocolate frogs with the cards in the bag

By the case, the meaning of Weasley "taste"

I've got Divination, Potions

Ancient Runes homework

[Ron manages to regain control of the mike.]


Third year Lady Mione!

[But Fred and George are back! George rugby-tackles Ron to the floor while Fred grabs the mike. When they're sure he's out cold, they start taking the mick big time!]


Now her brown hair is all silky smooth

Dressed up for that foreign bloke

[Fred pretends to be Hermione, while George tries to look heart-broken. The real Hermione just stands there with her arms crossed and says, "Hmph!"]


Made the desperate boy inside

Stare until he cried.

[The twins start singing in passable harmony.]


Now he's back home with his mum and dad


Living that old Burrow life

But when he turns off to sleep

Memories keep.


That... Yule... Ball... [Fred attempts to pull off an impression of Christina Aguilera.]


Dress robes, dress robes, shiny hair-do

Dress robes, dress robes, Yule Ball's here!

She's so pretty when she tries hard

Fourth year Lady Mione!

[Much applause! Hermione storms off, Harry can't stop laughing, the twins can't stop bowing and Ron's still out cold. Madam Pomfrey, still worryingly dressed but looking much more like her normal self, reappears to try and revive him.]

A/N: The Cat, the Chipmunk and the Groovay Penguin (aka C.C.G.P) would like to thank BBennett for beta-reading (the Cat would like to add that she is very honoured to be beta-read by BBennett, whose stories she has been reading for a long time). We would also like to thank our German teacher for being so boring, otherwise we never would have thought of this. Note to the Americans and... people who don't understand this phrase... "taking the mick" means making fun of someone.


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