- to the tune of "Lady Marmalade" by the Moulin Rouge
rewritten by the Cat, the Chipmunk and the Groovay Penguin
He met Mione on the Hogwarts Express
Strutting her stuff on the train
She said, "Hello, hey Ron
You want to get on my -" [Ducks a punch from Ron, and Ron grabs the mike.]
Brainy, brainy goody-two-shoes
Brainy, brainy boffin here
She's a nightmare, honestly, yeah.
First year Lady Mione!
[Madam Pomfrey appears, rather worryingly dressed and dancing very enthusiastically.]
He sat by her bedside while she was dead still
Boy ate all those Honeydukes sweets
All those Infirmary sheets
And he really started to freak, yeah.
[Ron is shaking his head in disbelief, so Harry tries to save his best
friend from embarassment by grabbing the mike.]
She's been Petrified like Colin!
She's been Petrified like Nick!
She knew what was in the Chamber!
Second year Lady Mione!
[Appalled at Harry's singing voice, Ron grabs the mike again, pulls out
some sun glasses and starts rapping.]
You come into the carriage with your quills and books
Let 'em know you wear that cloak, straight off the train,
You work-a-holic boffin, you don't like copying
I'm saying why do mine
If you've done yours?
Disagree? Well you're Herm and I'm sorry.
I'm gonna keep copyin' this work off of you, girl
Your mad cat ate my favorite pet rat
And you won't admit it, you swotty prat!
[Well, Hermione's not having that! She storms on, can't get Ron to let
go of the mike, but sings into it anyway.]
Hey Weasley, go Weasley!
Go and do your own work, Weasley!
You eat chocolate frogs with the cards in the bag
By the case, the meaning of Weasley "taste"
I've got Divination, Potions
Ancient Runes homework
[Ron manages to regain control of the mike.]
Third year Lady Mione!
[But Fred and George are back! George rugby-tackles Ron to the floor
while Fred grabs the mike. When they're sure he's out cold, they start
taking the mick big time!]
Now her brown hair is all silky smooth
Dressed up for that foreign bloke
[Fred pretends to be Hermione, while George tries to look heart-broken.
The real Hermione just stands there with her arms crossed and says, "Hmph!"]
Made the desperate boy inside
Stare until he cried.
[The twins start singing in passable harmony.]
Now he's back home with his mum and dad
Living that old Burrow life
But when he turns off to sleep
That... Yule... Ball... [Fred attempts to pull off an impression of Christina
Dress robes, dress robes, shiny hair-do
Dress robes, dress robes, Yule Ball's here!
She's so pretty when she tries hard
Fourth year Lady Mione!
[Much applause! Hermione storms off, Harry can't stop laughing, the twins
can't stop bowing and Ron's still out cold. Madam Pomfrey, still worryingly
dressed but looking much more like her normal self, reappears to try and
A/N: The Cat, the Chipmunk and the Groovay Penguin (aka C.C.G.P) would
like to thank BBennett for beta-reading (the Cat would like to add that
she is very honoured to be beta-read by BBennett, whose stories she has
been reading for a long time). We would also like to thank our German
teacher for being so boring, otherwise we never would have thought of
this. Note to the Americans and... people who don't understand this phrase...
"taking the mick" means making fun of someone.