The Sugar Quill
Author: C.C.G.P  Story: A Midsummer Night's Dream  Chapter: Default
The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.

A/N: Dedicated to B, who has been remarkably speedy of late and didn't mind when our email address suddenly changed and no one told her, and to Shakespeare, 'cause he ROX...

Disclaimer: If we were JK Rowling, we'd be earning a lot of royalties. If we were Shakespeare, then yep, we'd still be earning quite a lot of royalties. Must we really tell you that we're not? Actually, Shakespeare going online in the evenings is quite a funny image, so yeah, just pretend we're Shakespeare, typing away over here... hehehe.

Dramatis Personae

Lysander.......................................................Ronald Weasley

Demitrius.......................................................Harry Potter

Hermia............................................................Hermione Granger

Helena............................................................Ginny Weasley

Quince...........................................................Arthur Weasley

Snug..............................................................Bill Weasley

Bottom..........................................................George Weasley

Flute..............................................................Charlie Weasley

Snout............................................................Percy Weasley

Starveling.....................................................Rubeus Hagrid

Theseus, Duke of Athens..........................Fred Weasley

Egeus, father to Hermia..............................An H/H shipper

Hippolyta......................................................Angelina Johnson

Oberon..........................................................Albus Dumbledore

Titania...........................................................Minerva McGonagall

Puck..............................................................Lee Jordan

Peaseblossom..............................................Madam Pomfrey

Cobweb........................................................Molly Weasley

Mustardseed...............................................Rita Skeeter

Moth............................................................Sybil Trelawney

Act 1, Scene 1

[Hogwarts. Gryffindor common room.]

Fred: Now, fair Angelina, our nuptial hour

Draws on apace; four happy days bring in

Another moon; but, O, methinks, how slow

This old moon wanes! she lingers my desires,

Like to a step-dame or a dowager

Long withering out a young man revenue.

Angelina: What?

Fred: How should I know? Just go with the flow!

Angelina: Fine then.

Four days will quickly steep themselves in night;

Four nights will quickly dream away the time;

And then the moon, like to a silver bow

New-bent in heaven, shall behold the night

Of our solemnities.

Fred: That wasn't bad for off-the-cuff.

Angelina: Yeah, I'm quite proud of that actually. I'll have to remember it for the next time we have to do poetry in Muggle Studies.

Fred: How's this?:

Angelina, I woo'd the with my sword,

And won thy love, doing thee injuries;

But I will wed thee in another key,

With pomp, with triumph and with revelling

[Pause]

Angelina: You haven't even asked me yet, you know.

Fred: Asked you what?

Angelina: To marry you.

Fred: Oh, right. Better do this properly. [He clears his throat] Oi! Angelina!

Angelina: What?

Fred: Wanna marry me?

Angelina: All right then.

Fred: [To the world in general] See. Piece of cake.

[Enter Hermione, Ron, Harry and an H/H shipper]

H/Her: Happy be Fred, our renowned troublemaker!

Fred: As much as I don't want to ask, what are you doing at The Sugar Quill?

H/Her: Full of vexation come I, with complaint;

My child, my daughter Hermi...one

Stand forth Harry. My noble Fred,

This man hath my consent to marry her.

Stand forth Ronald: and my gracious Fred,

This man hath bewitch'd the bosom of my child.

Ron: I never went anywhere near her bosom!

H/Her: Thou, thou, Ronald, thou hast given her rhymes,

And interchanged love-tokens with my child:

Thou hast by moonlight at her window sung,

With feigning voice verses of feigning love,

And stolen the impression of her fantasy

With bracelets of thy hair, rings, gawds, conceits,

Knacks, trifles, nosegays, sweetmeats, messengers

Of strong prevailment in unharden'd youth.

Harry: Ron! Did you really do all those things for Hermione? Because that would be uncharacteristically romantic, and you should never act like that, even in fanfiction.

Ron: Nope. Don't remember doing one of them.

Harry: Oh. That's all right then. And, Hermione?

Hermione: Yes?

Harry: What's all this about you being this H/Her's daughter?

Hermione: I have no idea. I suppose H/Hers just feel rather protective of me because they want me to end up with someone "suitable".

Harry: And I'm suitable, am I?

Hermione: Apparently so.

Fred: What say you, Hermione?

Harry is a worthy wizard.

Hermione: So is Ron.

Fred: In himself he is;

But in this kind, wanting this H/Her's voice,

The other must be held the worthier.

Hermione: I would this H/Her looked but with my eyes.

Fred: Rather your eyes must with his judgement look.

Hermione: But this is The Sugar Quill! Why are you taking the H/Her's side?

Fred: Well, it's okay to have a little H/H at first, as long as things work out in the end. And so I must tell you that if you refuse to go with Harry, your choice is

Either to die the death or abjure

For ever the society of men,

Or else to wed Harry, as this H/Her would;

Or on Diana's alter to protest

For aye austerity and single life.

Ron: Diana's alter? What are you on about?

Hermione: He means I would have to keep lifelong celibacy

Ron: Oh, right. [Pause] Hang on, what?

Harry: She'd have to be a nun.

Ron: Oh, gotcha.

Well, that's not very fair!

You have the H/H's love, Harry;

Let me have Hermione's: do you marry him.

H/Her: Scornful Ronald! true, he hath my love,

And what is mine my love shall render him.

And she is mine, and all my right of her

I do estate unto Harry.

Ron: I am, my lord, as well derived as he,

And of pure blood!

Hermione: Ron!

Ron: Sorry, just trying to win Fred over by reminding him that I am part of his family.

My love is more than his;

My fortunes every way as fairly rank'd.

H/Her: Ha. Yeah. Right.

Ron: Hey!

And, which is more than all his boasts can be,

I am beloved of beauteous Hermione.

Ginny, Molly's sweet daughter, dotes

Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry

Upon this bespectacled and inconsistent man.

Fred: I must confess that I had heard so much,

And thought to speak with Harry about it;

But, being over-full of self-affairs,

My mind did lose it. But, Harry, come;

And come, H/Her; you shall go with me.

Come, my Angelina: what cheer, my love?

Harry and H/Her, go along.

H/Her: With duty and desire we follow you.

[Exit all but Ron and Hermione]

Ron: That guy is such a suck up.

Hermione: Yes.

Ron: How now, my love! why is your cheek so pale?

How chance the roses there do fade so fast?

Hermione: Belike for want of rain, which I could well

Beteem them from the tempest of my eyes.

Ron: You do burst into tears rather a lot these days, you know.

Hermione: Yes, but not as much as some people seem to think.

Ron: Oh dear! for aught that I could ever read

Or that you've told me to read

Or that you've quoted to me

Could ever hear by tale or history,

The course of true love never did run smooth.

Hermione: If then true lovers have been ever cross'd,

It stands as an edict in destiny:

Then let us teach our trial patience

Because it is a customary cross,

As due to love as thoughts and dreams and sighs,

Wishes and tears, poor fancy's followers.

Ron: A good persuasion: therefore, hear me, Hermione.

I have a Muggle second cousin, an accountant

Of great revenue, and he hath no child:

From Hogwarts is his house remote seven miles;

And he respects me as a wizard.

There, gentle Hermione, may I marry thee;

And to that place the sharp wizarding law

Cannot pursue us. If thou lovest me then,

Steal forth thy dormitory to-morrow night;

And in the wood, a mile without Hogsmeade,

Where I did meet thee once with Ginny,

To do observance to a morn of May,

There will I stay for thee.

Hermione: My good Ron!

I swear to thee, by my Potions essay,

By my best Arithmancy book with the gold binding,

By the incantations of Transfiguration work,

By the charms that I understand and you don't,

And by that fire which I can always conjure up,

When we think someone is trying to kill Harry,

By all the vows that ever men have broke,

In number more than ever women spoke,

In that same place thou hast appointed me,

To-morrow truly will I meet with thee.

Ron: Right. Look, here comes Ginny.

Hermione: God speed fair Ginny! whither away?

Ginny: Call you me fair? that fair again unsay.

Harry loves you fair: O happy fair!

Your eyes are brown stars; and your wand's sweet charms

More magical than Prof. Trelawney by far,

When she reads tea leaves, and when Grims appear.

Sickness is catching: O, were favour so,

Yours would I catch, fair Hermia, ere I go;

My ear should catch your voice, my eye your eye,

My wand should catch your wand's talent.

Were the world mine, Harry being bated,

The rest I'd give to be to you translated.

O, teach me how you look, and with what art

You sway the motion of Harry's heart.

Hermione: I frown upon him, yet he loves me still.

Ginny: O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!

Hermione: I give him homework, yet he gives me love.

Ginny: O that my help could such affection move!

Hermione: The more I hate, the more he follows me.

Ginny: The more I love, the more he ignores me.

Hermione: His folly, Ginny, is no fault of mine.

Ginny: None, but your beauty: would that fault were mine!

Hermione: Take comfort: he no more shall see my face;

Ron and myself will fly this place.

Ron: Ginny, to you our minds we will unfold:

At a time that lovers' flights doth still conceal,

Through Hogwarts' gates have we devised to steal.

Hermione: And in the wood, there my Ron and myself shall meet;

And thence from Hogwarts turn away our eyes.

Farewell, sweet playfellow: pray thou for us;

And good luck grant thee thy Harry!

[Exit Hermione]

Ron: Ginny, adieu:

As you on him, Harry dote on you!

[Exit Ron]

Ginny: How happy some o'er other some can be!

Through Hogwarts I am thought as fair as she.

But what of that? Harry thinks not so;

He will not know what all but he do know:

And as he errs, doting on Hermione's eyes,

So I, admiring of his qualities:

Things base and vile, forming no quantity,

Love can transpose to form and dignity:

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;

And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind:

Nor hath Love's mind of any judgement taste;

Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste:

And therefore is Love said to be a child,

Because in choice he is so oft beguiled.

I will go tell Harry of fair Hermione's flight:

Then to the wood will he to-morrow night

Pursue her; and for this intelligence

If I have thinks, it is a dear expense:

But herein mean I to enrich my pain,

To have his sight thither and back again.

[Exit Ginny]

Special Sagittaire Note: Thank you so much to everyone who supported me when I said I'd leave the message boards. You REALLY ROX, it made me feel so much better, you have no idea. And, hey, lurking is fun too :-). I'm still reading all your stuff (Imogen! Do you enjoy torturing your readers or something? More! Please!) and loving it, of course. But I'm okay. Far too busy, what with drama and school and orchestra and French exchange students coming in a week's time, but I'm good. And I don't feel guilty any more, which is brilliant. And my mum is suddenly really cool about everything I talk to her about... Anyway, thank you so much, and I will stop rambling now because I'm sure only about two people will have read this far. If you are one of the two, you ROX too! See you, guys! -S

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