It was the first few days of the Christmas holidays. Severus Snape sat in
the Hogwarts library (which was almost entirely empty), his nose practically
embedded in his Divination textbook. While his parents were on business in Italy,
he chose to remain at Hogwarts rather than to wait in the lobby of office
buildings his entire trip. It was nice to get away from his usual gang of
Slytherins to enjoy a moment of peace and quiet. After all, since Lucius Malfoy
had finished his seventh year Crabbe
and Goyle had been following him around, laughing at everything he said,
even if what he said was not meant to be a joke.
Morons. Absolute morons. At least it is their last year…or at least, it
will be if they figure out which end to hold their stupid wands! I'm amazed
they made it this far!
He did miss Lucius, however. The older boy had given him a sense of belonging
that he had always desired. Purebloods, though the Snapes were, they were
not wealthy and famous; not poor either, mind you, but it was nice being accepted
by a Malfoy. He had received regular owls from Lucius since his fifth year at
Hogwarts had begun. Over the summer, he had not heard much, but after the start
of the new term, the letters had come pouring in.
I have excellent news, friend. I have obtained a valuable contact, may
enhance my magical status and abilities. I am sure that I will be in the inner
circle by the time of your seventh year is completed. If you need
anything, I am sure I can arrange an appointment for you.
Severus knew perfectly well what Lucius had meant. He had met up with Lord
Voldemort and was dead bent on becoming a Death Eater. Fascinated with the Dark
Arts as he was, Severus was quite hesitant about joining up with someone who
actually used them. That was not why the Dark Arts appealed to him.
They are simply amazing! Severus thought to himself, To be able to
command someone on your own whim, to have control over the life of someone, the
power! The sheer power of it all, and the addiction! The way the Dark Arts just
consumes one's soul and gives you a hunger that you could never suppress…that
is something to study!
Perhaps he would research it through Lucius, rather than by using it
himself. It could affect the accuracy of his research if he studied it from the
wrong point of view…although using Dark Magic to knock that obnoxious James
Potter off his broom sounded awfully appealing…
He scanned his Divination book again, searching for some clue as to why he
should care if Jupiter was in his fifth house at all, when he heard a sniff
coming from a few tables away. His piercing eyes flicked up from his book. A
girl with dark red hair had sat down and opened her Charms textbook and
pretended to be engulfed in it before collapsing her head on the table, her
body shaking as she quietly sobbed.
Severus rolled his eyes. Judging by the hair, she was probably a sister or
cousin of that Gryffindor who had been in Lucius's year, Arthur Weasley. Lucius
had him rolling one time, telling him all about the know-it-all redhead in his
Muggle Studies class!
"Stupid git is so fascinated with Muggles, he should be one! And
have you seen how short that girlfriend of his is?!"
The girl was sniffing every thirty seconds, which greatly annoyed him for
some reason. He slammed his Divination book, walked over to her and poked her
in the shoulder, twice.
He was about to say, "Excuse me, but some of us come to the
library to study. Go blubber somewhere else!" but she spoke first, in a
sharp voice that made Severus step back.
"Stupid prat!" she snapped.
"What was that?" Snape sneered.
The girl jumped about ten feet and looked up at Severus, apologetically,
with beautiful, emerald green eyes. Apparently she had expected someone else.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't think anyone would be in here, it being the
holidays and all…" She wiped her eyes, began stuffing her bag, grumbling
things as she packed it up to leave, "How that imbecile gets top marks is
"I beg your pardon?" Something softened inside of him. He didn't
think someone so beautiful should cry…ever.
"I'm sorry," she apologized again, "I don't know why I let
James get under my skin like that!"
A light went on inside Severus's head, "Are you talking about James
"Yes," she snapped, "And what if I am?! I can say
whatever I please about him!"
Severus smiled an oily smile. This girl had some sense, even if her brother,
or cousin, or whatever, was a Muggle-loving git with no pride.
"I happen to agree about him. I, for one, do not believe his Quidditch
abilities are all that impressive!"
"Ugh," she groaned, "If I hear one more word about Quidditch,
I am going to scream!"
Severus whole-heartedly believed she would, so he changed the subject.
"I have seen you before, I think."
She blinked a few times at him and laughed a light, airy laugh that was
music to his ears, "I sit three seats to your left in Potions! You're very
good in that class!"
Severus beamed with pride. He adored Potions. It was easily his best
subject. Charms took a bit of thinking for him, but give him a task with
ingredients and he could master it in no time flat!
"I'm sorry, I never notice anything except what the professor says in
Potions. I don't want to miss a bit of it. I get so annoyed when Potter and
Black interrupt it with their pranks," he gritted his teeth in anger. They
always seemed to take away any moment of enjoyment for him!
"Oh please!" she rolled her eyes, "Let's not talk about James
Potter! Anything but him!"
She smiled a winning smile. Severus couldn't help but notice the way her
eyes squinted up slightly when she did that…she had beautiful eyes, green and
"You're Severus, right?" She asked, hesitantly. He nodded,
"I'm Lily." she extended her hand and he shook it, a tingling feeling
shooting up his arm as she touched her.
The two talked the hours away and soon, Severus even found himself laughing!
Not the cruel, menacing laugh he reserved for when he had something witty to
say to Potter or Black, or that weirdo Remus Lupin, but a real, joyous laugh.
He found himself enjoying Lily's company more and more with every passing
moment. True to his word, he had not brought up Potter, or anything related to
Potter at all. He had mostly talked about classes, and confessed his difficulty
Lily's eyes twinkled, "Oh! But I'm good at Charms! I could help
you with anything you have trouble with, if you'd like!"
"You would do that…for me?" his heart pounded. She is so
pretty…so nice, too.
"Why not? You've done more than any Cheering Charm could do for me
today. Thank you so much!" She leaned over and hugged him tightly. He felt
his arms go around her, awkwardly, and breathed in deep. She smelled like a
fresh bouquet of flowers…of lilies. He felt himself go red and he looked down
to hide it as she pulled away.
"I don't want to keep you from your studying," she pulled out her
Charms textbook again, "I do appreciate it, though."
"Oh, it's all right. I was rather enjoying this,” he said shyly. He was
never any good with girls. All the Slytherin girls were either twice his size
or already had boyfriends…although Narcissa, Lucius's girlfriend, had said her
cousin in third year was available. Her cousin also happened to look nowhere
near as good as the Gryffindor before him. She was also not much for
intelligent conversation. Maybe she'd go for Crabbe.
Lily, on the other hand, was a lot of fun to talk to. She made light jokes
with him, and told him all about how she had once secretly used a charm in
Potions to make her concoction the right color.
"Are you crazy?! That's ruining the art of it all! It could have damaged
the potion!" Severus had blurted out. He was very passionate about
Severus was thoroughly enjoying himself. Of course, what happened every time
Severus Snape began to enjoy himself?
James Potter walked in.
He strode over to the table where he and Lily sat talking and the scowl
returned to Severus's face.
"Lily, I-" he began, then stopped and glared at Severus,
"What are you doing here, Snape?"
"I have nothing to say to you, James Potter," Lily snapped,
"I am talking with Severus, if you do not mind!"
Triumph exploded inside of Snape. Finally! James Potter was not the one to
win! He grinned at Potter and drank in the look on his face as he turned to
Lily, then back to him, then back to Lily.
"Lil, you can't be serious!"
"Beat it, Potter." Snape stood up, "She doesn't want to talk
Potter looked as though he was about to say something back to him, but
instead put his arms around Lily, causing Snape to fume. He kissed her cheek.
"Lil," he said softly, "I did not forget that this was the day
we first got together. The Quidditch practice thing was so Sirius and I could
stall you while I got a surprise ready," he sighed, "So much for
Snape snarled, feeling angry and hurt. This was Potter's girlfriend?!
Lucius had mentioned that Potter had a Mudblood girlfriend! But Lily couldn't
be a Mudblood! True, she had charmed her potion, once, but otherwise, she knew
well what she was doing! She got top marks and was even nice enough to offer
him help at Charms! Why did Potter get to have her? That was why she was
crying! Potter had made her cry! This story about a surprise was a load of
dung! To make matters worse, along came Sirius Black.
"Oh, good, you found her, James! I was worried you did all that work
for noth-" he spotted Severus, "Get lost Snape. You have no chance
Snape scowled, turned on his heel, grabbed his bag and stormed out of the
library. Why, oh why did she have to be Potter's girlfriend?! He would
show that showoff something some day! He'd be powerful! More powerful than any
stinking potential Head Boy could ever be! He'd do whatever it took, and all it
could take was one owl to Lucius Malfoy…
"Now look at what you've done!" Lily snapped at Sirius.
"You were actually talking to that slimy-"
"Sirius, enough," James said firmly, resting his head on Lily's
tense shoulder as he leaned over her, "Really, Lily, if you come to the
Quidditch field, I'll show you what I've been working on…I even obtained
permission and everything so you don't have to worry about getting in trouble."
Lily finally agreed and was lead by the hand to the Quidditch field by James
and James alone. For once, Sirius had left them to be together. She found the
snow-covered field streaming in fairy lights, all charmed to hum soft music.
James pulled her onto the field, took out his wand and began to trace glowing
letters into the air.
I love you, Lily
The bright blue letters lingered there for a while and James spoke sweetly
to her, "I could never forget this night because, well, you mean so much
to me, Lily and I owe a lot to you. See, me and Sirius both just had fun with
our brains, but, well, when I met you, I started to apply myself in class to
try to impress you and now, well, Professor McGonagall thinks I could maybe
make Head Boy! Shocked me, it did, but you brought out the best in me. We've
been through a lot this past year, Lil, since we became more than friends.
We've got in trouble together, laughed, cried, and I can't see myself with
anyone but you. I see us lasting a long time, so I even made the Quidditch
field brutally girly to show you how much I love you."
Lily laughed. He had made it brutally girly for her. Fairy lights and
mushy music! How sweet! She dropped to the ground and made a snow angel, the
white snow catching in her bright red hair. She stood up and walked over to
James. He scooped her in his arms, leaned over to kiss her, and she brought up
her right hand and brought her fistful of snow to the side of his face, setting
off an exciting chase that included snowballs, tackles, and kisses. How she
loved James Potter!
Severus Snape swept across the streets of Diagon Alley towards Knockturn
Alley to meet with friend and fellow Death Eater, Igor Karkaroff, on serious
business for Lord Voldemort. He was just outside the inner circle, Lucius
Malfoy having come through on his promise. A little more time, and he would
soon be quite close to the Dark Lord. After all, had his master not praised
Lucius for bringing him in?
"Excellent, Lucius. He shows promise," he had said. Those had been
the first words he had heard from Lord Voldemort's lips. Never had he felt so
He was just about to glide around the corner, out of sight, when he heard a
bright voice calling out his name.
"Severus! Severus Snape?!" a fat woman huffed and puffed as
she walked rather briskly towards him. As she neared him, he realized that she
was not fat, but very pregnant. He stared into her face and his jaw dropped.
"Oh it is you!" she said, beaming. She was still so
beautiful, but he couldn't help staring at her round belly.
"I know!" she smiled proudly, gently stroking her swollen stomach,
"James and I were thinking of naming it 'Harry' if it turned out to be a
boy…what do you think?"
"James?" his cheerfulness slipped away. Lily had married James Potter.
Of all people, Potter!
"Yes!' she said excitedly, holding up her left hand to reveal a
beautiful wedding band. She instantly dropped the subject of her husband and
turned it to Severus, using her natural charm to bring even sour Snape to
conversation. She prattled away freely to him, mentioning James Potter again
"James, of course, is still an ignorant prat sometimes!" Her eyes
became distant and danced like stars. Why do they have to dance like that
for Potter? "He is convinced you're one of them, you
know?" she brought her voice down to a whisper. Severus's eyes widened.
Potter was on to him. Lily shook her head, tossing her beautiful hair about,
"Dragon dung, I told him! I know we only had a real conversation that time
in the library, and when I helped you with Charms that one time, but still! I
can tell…you're a good person, Severus. You have quite a heart. After all, it
takes someone very special to walk over to someone they don't even know to
cheer them up. I will never forget that…"
Guilt overwhelmed Snape, "Well, I, uh…"
"So modest," she winked, "Oh! The baby wants ice cream! And
some Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans…ooh…the pickle flavored ones…come
on!" She practically dragged him back onto the streets of Diagon Alley to
run her errands with her. He soon found himself sitting on a bench outside the
Leaky Cauldron with Lily beside him, bravely trying every green Bean she could
find to sort out the pickle ones, then placing them on her already-melting ice
cream. Snape felt disgusted just thinking about it. Still, Lily made him laugh
when she began to spit and sputter all over the place.
"Spinach! Yuck!" she coughed.
He spent a lovely afternoon with Lily, and missed his appointment with
Karkaroff altogether. No matter. He would just tell Igor that he had other
pressing business to attend to. He was much higher up on the circle. Besides,
with Lily dragging him around like this, it would look suspicious if he
suddenly skived off to Knockturn Alley!
"Oh Severus, I've lost track of the time! I have to go home and make
dinner! You should come to dinner next Saturday night!" she brightened.
"I don't-" he hesitated.
"I don't care what James says. You never were like the other
Slytherins, and you will be my guest! He'll be civil, trust me. And if he's
not, oh will he ever get it!" Her eyes twinkled.
"Send me and owl!" she said, staggering a bit to maintain her
balance as she stood up. Severus stood to help her and she smiled, then hugged
him gently, "Oh it was so good to see you again! I just knew you'd
never end up a Death Eater! I knew you were a good person…I love it when James
and Sirius are wrong, don't you? It's so much fun to rub it in!" she
grinned, then Disapparated before his eyes.
Severus sat back down on the bench and sighed heavily. Why did a stinking
Mudblood make his head feel so light?
The Friday before Severus Snape was to come to dinner, James Potter was
stressed to his limit. His job was bad enough--he worked in the Ministry as an
Unspeakable-Lily being pregnant was an adventure within itself, and now Severus
Snape was coming to dinner. He would have to be civil, or Lily would have his
head. Sirius, Peter, and Remus had taken three full minutes of uncontrollable
laughter before saying, "No, seriously, who's coming to your house for
The realization of the truth brought forth a dead silence, then another roar
of laughter, which also included Sirius suggesting a long list of old pranks.
"I rather like having Lily as my wife, thank you!" he had
James was on a stroll late at night, trying to prepare his mind for the
awkward dinner his wife had planned. He had pulled his invisibility cloak over
him so as to avoid talking with anyone he met on the streets while he was ready
to explode, when he saw a small beam of light flash in a dark corner. His
curiosity piqued, and he followed the light, which ended up being the light of
a wand. A hooded figure was creeping around the side of the Longbottom house!
Mrs. Longbottom was also pregnant, James knew, and Frank was working late at
the Ministry! He tackled the man from behind and pulled off his hood. Using the
light from the intruder's own wand, James found himself staring into the face
of Severus Snape! He had been right! A few powerful priori incantatum
spells on that wand would prove him a Death Eater. James pulled out his
own wand and pointed it at Snape, "Petrificus Totalus!" he
cried, and Snape became rigid. He pulled off his hood , his head hovering above
his old school rival and thought of his wife, who had always believed Snape to
be so good. He glowered at Snape.
"Why does Lily trust you? I would not be surprised if you're within his
inner circle! A few spells on your wand and you're going straight to
Snape sneered through his tightened jaw, "You don't deserve her,
Potter. You're just a showoff with a little Quidditch talent!"
It finally clicked to James. All this time…Snape had been jealous!
Especially because he had Lily! James never knew why he did it. Something
inside of him softened.
"I trust Lily," he found himself saying, "If she says there's
good in you, then I'll give you a chance to prove it!" he released Snape
from the curse, pulled his hood back up, and disappeared into the night. Snape
abandoned his attempt at the Longbottom house and left with something weighing
on his mind…he was now in James potter's debt. again, since he saved him from
the Remus before, but that didn’t count because he had put him in danger in the
He hated that.
Dinner was awkward, but there were no eruptions of hatred. Lily did most of
the talking, and James could scarcely believe the softened look on Snape's face
when he looked at her! A part of him twinged with jealousy, but that was
brushed aside quickly and replaced by mild amusement. He knew Lily was his. A
love like theirs was hard to find
After patiently enduring dinner, Severus let his hatred for James Potter
burn. It burned strong for weeks, his dreams were even haunted with Lily
kissing her infernal husband right in front of him. His mood changed when he
was called to Lord Voldemort, as a member of the inner circle! What an Honor!
There, he learned the next move in the Dark Lord's quest for immortality.
"It is Potter…and any descendant of his…they must die."
Severus paced around his study, his mind and his heart racing. Lily. She was
pregnant. They would kill her…but how could he warn then without Potter turning
him in, thinking it a trick, or Lily being crushed. He couldn't bear it if he
saw the look on her face when she found out! He had to do something, but what?!
This was never what he had wanted to do! What had brought him to this?! The
power, but for what purpose?!
For Lily. And in the end, Lily was not impressed with him for his power, she
was impressed with the fact he had resisted the temptation of power…correction:
the lie that he had resisted the temptation of power. He was wrong!
James did deserve Lily…more than he did, at least. He had lived up to
her expectations. How he hated Potter for letting him go for Lily's sake! He
hadn't wanted to see the noble, merciful side of Potter that made people like
him! It made Severus hate and resent him even more! He knew what he had to do,
but how?! That rigid Crouch would throw him straight to the dementors! Who, in
their right minds, would give a Death Eater a second chance?!
Then it struck him…if anyone would believe he was sincere (and he truly
was), it was someone notorious for giving second chances and judging character
well, Albus Dumbledore. A horrible thought crossed his mind. James made me
realize this. James just saved my life and put it back on the right path…
That was quickly pushed aside.
No. It was Lily. Lily did all this. It is not so bad if it was her. I
will do anything for her. I will become a spy for Dumbledore if he wishes…once
Lily has her baby, she will be safe…I think. It doesn't matter. Oh Severus!
What have you done to yourself! Look what you have become! You can only hope
Dumbledore believes you!
Snape held the latest issue of the Daily Prophet in his shaking
hands. Lily was dead. His heart was ripped in two and tears streamed down his
face. She didn't have to die! But he knew why she did.
To save that son of hers…that son of Potter's!
He hated the boy for that. He would forever resent him for being the reason
his mother, who he had loved almost as much as he had hated the father, was