The Sugar Quill
Author: Cassandra Wingman (Professors' Bookshelf)  Story: For Lily  Chapter: Default
The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.

It was the first few days of the Christmas holidays

It was the first few days of the Christmas holidays. Severus Snape sat in the Hogwarts library (which was almost entirely empty), his nose practically embedded in his Divination textbook. While his parents were on business in Italy, he chose to remain at Hogwarts rather than to wait in the lobby of office buildings his entire trip. It was nice to get away from his usual gang of Slytherins to enjoy a moment of peace and quiet. After all, since Lucius Malfoy had finished his seventh year Crabbe and Goyle had been following him around, laughing at everything he said, even if what he said was not meant to be a joke.

Morons. Absolute morons. At least it is their last year…or at least, it will be if they figure out which end to hold their stupid wands! I'm amazed they made it this far!

He did miss Lucius, however. The older boy had given him a sense of belonging that he had always desired. Purebloods, though the Snapes were, they were not wealthy and famous; not poor either, mind you, but it was nice being accepted by a Malfoy. He had received regular owls from Lucius since his fifth year at Hogwarts had begun. Over the summer, he had not heard much, but after the start of the new term, the letters had come pouring in.

Severus,

I have excellent news, friend. I have obtained a valuable contact, may enhance my magical status and abilities. I am sure that I will be in the inner circle by the time of your seventh year is completed. If you need anything, I am sure I can arrange an appointment for you.

Lucius

Severus knew perfectly well what Lucius had meant. He had met up with Lord Voldemort and was dead bent on becoming a Death Eater. Fascinated with the Dark Arts as he was, Severus was quite hesitant about joining up with someone who actually used them. That was not why the Dark Arts appealed to him.

They are simply amazing! Severus thought to himself, To be able to command someone on your own whim, to have control over the life of someone, the power! The sheer power of it all, and the addiction! The way the Dark Arts just consumes one's soul and gives you a hunger that you could never suppress…that is something to study!

Perhaps he would research it through Lucius, rather than by using it himself. It could affect the accuracy of his research if he studied it from the wrong point of view…although using Dark Magic to knock that obnoxious James Potter off his broom sounded awfully appealing…

He scanned his Divination book again, searching for some clue as to why he should care if Jupiter was in his fifth house at all, when he heard a sniff coming from a few tables away. His piercing eyes flicked up from his book. A girl with dark red hair had sat down and opened her Charms textbook and pretended to be engulfed in it before collapsing her head on the table, her body shaking as she quietly sobbed.

Severus rolled his eyes. Judging by the hair, she was probably a sister or cousin of that Gryffindor who had been in Lucius's year, Arthur Weasley. Lucius had him rolling one time, telling him all about the know-it-all redhead in his Muggle Studies class!

"Stupid git is so fascinated with Muggles, he should be one! And have you seen how short that girlfriend of his is?!"

The girl was sniffing every thirty seconds, which greatly annoyed him for some reason. He slammed his Divination book, walked over to her and poked her in the shoulder, twice.

He was about to say, "Excuse me, but some of us come to the library to study. Go blubber somewhere else!" but she spoke first, in a sharp voice that made Severus step back.

"Stupid prat!" she snapped.

"What was that?" Snape sneered.

The girl jumped about ten feet and looked up at Severus, apologetically, with beautiful, emerald green eyes. Apparently she had expected someone else.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't think anyone would be in here, it being the holidays and all…" She wiped her eyes, began stuffing her bag, grumbling things as she packed it up to leave, "How that imbecile gets top marks is beyond me!"

"I beg your pardon?" Something softened inside of him. He didn't think someone so beautiful should cry…ever.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again, "I don't know why I let James get under my skin like that!"

A light went on inside Severus's head, "Are you talking about James Potter?"

 "Yes," she snapped, "And what if I am?! I can say whatever I please about him!"

Severus smiled an oily smile. This girl had some sense, even if her brother, or cousin, or whatever, was a Muggle-loving git with no pride.

"I happen to agree about him. I, for one, do not believe his Quidditch abilities are all that impressive!"

"Ugh," she groaned, "If I hear one more word about Quidditch, I am going to scream!"

Severus whole-heartedly believed she would, so he changed the subject.

"I have seen you before, I think."

She blinked a few times at him and laughed a light, airy laugh that was music to his ears, "I sit three seats to your left in Potions! You're very good in that class!"

Severus beamed with pride. He adored Potions. It was easily his best subject. Charms took a bit of thinking for him, but give him a task with ingredients and he could master it in no time flat!

"I'm sorry, I never notice anything except what the professor says in Potions. I don't want to miss a bit of it. I get so annoyed when Potter and Black interrupt it with their pranks," he gritted his teeth in anger. They always seemed to take away any moment of enjoyment for him!

"Oh please!" she rolled her eyes, "Let's not talk about James Potter! Anything but him!"

She smiled a winning smile. Severus couldn't help but notice the way her eyes squinted up slightly when she did that…she had beautiful eyes, green and shining.

"You're Severus, right?" She asked, hesitantly. He nodded, "I'm Lily." she extended her hand and he shook it, a tingling feeling shooting up his arm as she touched her.

The two talked the hours away and soon, Severus even found himself laughing! Not the cruel, menacing laugh he reserved for when he had something witty to say to Potter or Black, or that weirdo Remus Lupin, but a real, joyous laugh. He found himself enjoying Lily's company more and more with every passing moment. True to his word, he had not brought up Potter, or anything related to Potter at all. He had mostly talked about classes, and confessed his difficulty with Charms.

Lily's eyes twinkled, "Oh! But I'm good at Charms! I could help you with anything you have trouble with, if you'd like!"

"You would do that…for me?" his heart pounded. She is so pretty…so nice, too.

"Why not? You've done more than any Cheering Charm could do for me today. Thank you so much!" She leaned over and hugged him tightly. He felt his arms go around her, awkwardly, and breathed in deep. She smelled like a fresh bouquet of flowers…of lilies. He felt himself go red and he looked down to hide it as she pulled away.

"I don't want to keep you from your studying," she pulled out her Charms textbook again, "I do appreciate it, though."

"Oh, it's all right. I was rather enjoying this,” he said shyly. He was never any good with girls. All the Slytherin girls were either twice his size or already had boyfriends…although Narcissa, Lucius's girlfriend, had said her cousin in third year was available. Her cousin also happened to look nowhere near as good as the Gryffindor before him. She was also not much for intelligent conversation. Maybe she'd go for Crabbe.

Lily, on the other hand, was a lot of fun to talk to. She made light jokes with him, and told him all about how she had once secretly used a charm in Potions to make her concoction the right color.

"Are you crazy?! That's ruining the art of it all! It could have damaged the potion!" Severus had blurted out. He was very passionate about Potions.

Severus was thoroughly enjoying himself. Of course, what happened every time Severus Snape began to enjoy himself?

James Potter walked in.

He strode over to the table where he and Lily sat talking and the scowl returned to Severus's face.

"Lily, I-" he began, then stopped and glared at Severus, "What are you doing here, Snape?"

"I have nothing to say to you, James Potter," Lily snapped, "I am talking with Severus, if you do not mind!"

Triumph exploded inside of Snape. Finally! James Potter was not the one to win! He grinned at Potter and drank in the look on his face as he turned to Lily, then back to him, then back to Lily.

"Lil, you can't be serious!"

"Beat it, Potter." Snape stood up, "She doesn't want to talk to you!"

Potter looked as though he was about to say something back to him, but instead put his arms around Lily, causing Snape to fume. He kissed her cheek.

"Lil," he said softly, "I did not forget that this was the day we first got together. The Quidditch practice thing was so Sirius and I could stall you while I got a surprise ready," he sighed, "So much for that."

Snape snarled, feeling angry and hurt. This was Potter's girlfriend?! Lucius had mentioned that Potter had a Mudblood girlfriend! But Lily couldn't be a Mudblood! True, she had charmed her potion, once, but otherwise, she knew well what she was doing! She got top marks and was even nice enough to offer him help at Charms! Why did Potter get to have her? That was why she was crying! Potter had made her cry! This story about a surprise was a load of dung! To make matters worse, along came Sirius Black.

"Oh, good, you found her, James! I was worried you did all that work for noth-" he spotted Severus, "Get lost Snape. You have no chance with her."

Snape scowled, turned on his heel, grabbed his bag and stormed out of the library. Why, oh why did she have to be Potter's girlfriend?! He would show that showoff something some day! He'd be powerful! More powerful than any stinking potential Head Boy could ever be! He'd do whatever it took, and all it could take was one owl to Lucius Malfoy…

"Now look at what you've done!" Lily snapped at Sirius.

"You were actually talking to that slimy-"

"Sirius, enough," James said firmly, resting his head on Lily's tense shoulder as he leaned over her, "Really, Lily, if you come to the Quidditch field, I'll show you what I've been working on…I even obtained permission and everything so you don't have to worry about getting in trouble."

Lily finally agreed and was lead by the hand to the Quidditch field by James and James alone. For once, Sirius had left them to be together. She found the snow-covered field streaming in fairy lights, all charmed to hum soft music. James pulled her onto the field, took out his wand and began to trace glowing letters into the air.

I love you, Lily

The bright blue letters lingered there for a while and James spoke sweetly to her, "I could never forget this night because, well, you mean so much to me, Lily and I owe a lot to you. See, me and Sirius both just had fun with our brains, but, well, when I met you, I started to apply myself in class to try to impress you and now, well, Professor McGonagall thinks I could maybe make Head Boy! Shocked me, it did, but you brought out the best in me. We've been through a lot this past year, Lil, since we became more than friends. We've got in trouble together, laughed, cried, and I can't see myself with anyone but you. I see us lasting a long time, so I even made the Quidditch field brutally girly to show you how much I love you."

Lily laughed. He had made it brutally girly for her. Fairy lights and mushy music! How sweet! She dropped to the ground and made a snow angel, the white snow catching in her bright red hair. She stood up and walked over to James. He scooped her in his arms, leaned over to kiss her, and she brought up her right hand and brought her fistful of snow to the side of his face, setting off an exciting chase that included snowballs, tackles, and kisses. How she loved James Potter!

***

Severus Snape swept across the streets of Diagon Alley towards Knockturn Alley to meet with friend and fellow Death Eater, Igor Karkaroff, on serious business for Lord Voldemort. He was just outside the inner circle, Lucius Malfoy having come through on his promise. A little more time, and he would soon be quite close to the Dark Lord. After all, had his master not praised Lucius for bringing him in?

"Excellent, Lucius. He shows promise," he had said. Those had been the first words he had heard from Lord Voldemort's lips. Never had he felt so welcome!

He was just about to glide around the corner, out of sight, when he heard a bright voice calling out his name.

"Severus! Severus Snape?!" a fat woman huffed and puffed as she walked rather briskly towards him. As she neared him, he realized that she was not fat, but very pregnant. He stared into her face and his jaw dropped.

"Lily?!"

"Oh it is you!" she said, beaming. She was still so beautiful, but he couldn't help staring at her round belly.

"You're…"

"I know!" she smiled proudly, gently stroking her swollen stomach, "James and I were thinking of naming it 'Harry' if it turned out to be a boy…what do you think?"

"James?" his cheerfulness slipped away. Lily had married James Potter. Of all people, Potter!

"Yes!' she said excitedly, holding up her left hand to reveal a beautiful wedding band. She instantly dropped the subject of her husband and turned it to Severus, using her natural charm to bring even sour Snape to conversation. She prattled away freely to him, mentioning James Potter again only once.

"James, of course, is still an ignorant prat sometimes!" Her eyes became distant and danced like stars. Why do they have to dance like that for Potter? "He is convinced you're one of them, you know?" she brought her voice down to a whisper. Severus's eyes widened. Potter was on to him. Lily shook her head, tossing her beautiful hair about, "Dragon dung, I told him! I know we only had a real conversation that time in the library, and when I helped you with Charms that one time, but still! I can tell…you're a good person, Severus. You have quite a heart. After all, it takes someone very special to walk over to someone they don't even know to cheer them up. I will never forget that…"

Guilt overwhelmed Snape, "Well, I, uh…"

"So modest," she winked, "Oh! The baby wants ice cream! And some Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans…ooh…the pickle flavored ones…come on!" She practically dragged him back onto the streets of Diagon Alley to run her errands with her. He soon found himself sitting on a bench outside the Leaky Cauldron with Lily beside him, bravely trying every green Bean she could find to sort out the pickle ones, then placing them on her already-melting ice cream. Snape felt disgusted just thinking about it. Still, Lily made him laugh when she began to spit and sputter all over the place.

"Spinach! Yuck!" she coughed.

He spent a lovely afternoon with Lily, and missed his appointment with Karkaroff altogether. No matter. He would just tell Igor that he had other pressing business to attend to. He was much higher up on the circle. Besides, with Lily dragging him around like this, it would look suspicious if he suddenly skived off to Knockturn Alley!

"Oh Severus, I've lost track of the time! I have to go home and make dinner! You should come to dinner next Saturday night!" she brightened.

"I don't-" he hesitated.

"I don't care what James says. You never were like the other Slytherins, and you will be my guest! He'll be civil, trust me. And if he's not, oh will he ever get it!" Her eyes twinkled.

"Lily, I-"

"Send me and owl!" she said, staggering a bit to maintain her balance as she stood up. Severus stood to help her and she smiled, then hugged him gently, "Oh it was so good to see you again! I just knew you'd never end up a Death Eater! I knew you were a good person…I love it when James and Sirius are wrong, don't you? It's so much fun to rub it in!" she grinned, then Disapparated before his eyes.

Severus sat back down on the bench and sighed heavily. Why did a stinking Mudblood make his head feel so light?

***

The Friday before Severus Snape was to come to dinner, James Potter was stressed to his limit. His job was bad enough--he worked in the Ministry as an Unspeakable-Lily being pregnant was an adventure within itself, and now Severus Snape was coming to dinner. He would have to be civil, or Lily would have his head. Sirius, Peter, and Remus had taken three full minutes of uncontrollable laughter before saying, "No, seriously, who's coming to your house for dinner Saturday?"

The realization of the truth brought forth a dead silence, then another roar of laughter, which also included Sirius suggesting a long list of old pranks.

"I rather like having Lily as my wife, thank you!" he had said.

James was on a stroll late at night, trying to prepare his mind for the awkward dinner his wife had planned. He had pulled his invisibility cloak over him so as to avoid talking with anyone he met on the streets while he was ready to explode, when he saw a small beam of light flash in a dark corner. His curiosity piqued, and he followed the light, which ended up being the light of a wand. A hooded figure was creeping around the side of the Longbottom house! Mrs. Longbottom was also pregnant, James knew, and Frank was working late at the Ministry! He tackled the man from behind and pulled off his hood. Using the light from the intruder's own wand, James found himself staring into the face of Severus Snape! He had been right! A few powerful priori incantatum spells on that wand would prove him a Death Eater. James pulled out his own wand and pointed it at Snape, "Petrificus Totalus!" he cried, and Snape became rigid. He pulled off his hood , his head hovering above his old school rival and thought of his wife, who had always believed Snape to be so good. He glowered at Snape.

"Why does Lily trust you? I would not be surprised if you're within his inner circle! A few spells on your wand and you're going straight to Azkaban!"

Snape sneered through his tightened jaw, "You don't deserve her, Potter. You're just a showoff with a little Quidditch talent!"

It finally clicked to James. All this time…Snape had been jealous! Especially because he had Lily! James never knew why he did it. Something inside of him softened.

"I trust Lily," he found himself saying, "If she says there's good in you, then I'll give you a chance to prove it!" he released Snape from the curse, pulled his hood back up, and disappeared into the night. Snape abandoned his attempt at the Longbottom house and left with something weighing on his mind…he was now in James potter's debt. again, since he saved him from the Remus before, but that didn’t count because he had put him in danger in the first place.

He hated that.

Dinner was awkward, but there were no eruptions of hatred. Lily did most of the talking, and James could scarcely believe the softened look on Snape's face when he looked at her! A part of him twinged with jealousy, but that was brushed aside quickly and replaced by mild amusement. He knew Lily was his. A love like theirs was hard to find

 

*

After patiently enduring dinner, Severus let his hatred for James Potter burn. It burned strong for weeks, his dreams were even haunted with Lily kissing her infernal husband right in front of him. His mood changed when he was called to Lord Voldemort, as a member of the inner circle! What an Honor! There, he learned the next move in the Dark Lord's quest for immortality.

"It is Potter…and any descendant of his…they must die."

Lily…

Severus paced around his study, his mind and his heart racing. Lily. She was pregnant. They would kill her…but how could he warn then without Potter turning him in, thinking it a trick, or Lily being crushed. He couldn't bear it if he saw the look on her face when she found out! He had to do something, but what?! This was never what he had wanted to do! What had brought him to this?! The power, but for what purpose?!

For Lily. And in the end, Lily was not impressed with him for his power, she was impressed with the fact he had resisted the temptation of power…correction: the lie that he had resisted the temptation of power. He was wrong! James did deserve Lily…more than he did, at least. He had lived up to her expectations. How he hated Potter for letting him go for Lily's sake! He hadn't wanted to see the noble, merciful side of Potter that made people like him! It made Severus hate and resent him even more! He knew what he had to do, but how?! That rigid Crouch would throw him straight to the dementors! Who, in their right minds, would give a Death Eater a second chance?!

Then it struck him…if anyone would believe he was sincere (and he truly was), it was someone notorious for giving second chances and judging character well, Albus Dumbledore. A horrible thought crossed his mind. James made me realize this. James just saved my life and put it back on the right path…

That was quickly pushed aside.

No. It was Lily. Lily did all this. It is not so bad if it was her. I will do anything for her. I will become a spy for Dumbledore if he wishes…once Lily has her baby, she will be safe…I think. It doesn't matter. Oh Severus! What have you done to yourself! Look what you have become! You can only hope Dumbledore believes you!

 

***

 

Snape held the latest issue of the Daily Prophet in his shaking hands. Lily was dead. His heart was ripped in two and tears streamed down his face. She didn't have to die! But he knew why she did.

To save that son of hers…that son of Potter's!

He hated the boy for that. He would forever resent him for being the reason his mother, who he had loved almost as much as he had hated the father, was murdered.

 

 

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