The Sugar Quill
Author: DobbysKnobblySox  Story: The Order of the Pensieve of the Phoenix  Chapter: Snape's Memory
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Blinking against the darkness, Harry stood up and looked round


Blinking against the darkness, Harry stood up and looked round. The only light in the three Broomsticks came from the full moon visible through the windows. Harry heard a faint rustling beside him. He knew he was invisible to whoever was there – it was only a memory. Moving closer he saw with a shock it was Severus Snape, although a much younger one than the one he knew now. He looked about twenty or twenty-one, Harry guessed. He still had greasy black hair, although it was shorter. He was sitting on a bar stool, looking almost comic. Harry had never imagined Snape could even go into a pub. It all seemed very out of place, like it shouldn’t be allowed. He fitted much better in the potions dungeon. Harry knew he was in Snape’s memory, although he didn’t know why Snape had even bothered to put this in. He simply sat, silent, on the bar stool, for at least five minutes. Suddenly, Just as Harry started to worry if he was really in a genuine pensieve, he heard a noise coming from the door. It was three short knocks, followed by a voice.


“Severus?” The voice called. It was a woman’s voice. Harry felt intrigued. Snape was meeting a woman? It was even more comical than Snape alone in a pub at night. Harry watched as Snape walked over to the door and yanked it open. Somebody stepped inside and closed the door.


“I didn’t think you would come.” Severus said silkily.


“Nor did I, Severus.” Said the woman’s voice. “Especially as you never told me why you wanted to meet.” She paused. Harry tried to see her but couldn’t in the dark. “I almost didn’t come. I have more important things to do, and more important places to be, as you well know.” She sighed. “It’s very dark in here.”


“I didn’t want anyone to think we were here.”


“Oh, for heavens sake, Severus.” The woman snapped. “No one will even be around here at this time.” She pointed her wand at the ceiling. “Lumos Edificus.” She muttered. Lights suddenly lit up the familiar three Broomsticks. Harry watched as Snape and the woman sat on low chairs around a table. She had her back to Harry. He walked round, hoping to get a better look. As soon as he saw her face, he froze. He recognized her instantly. He had only seen her twice, yet there was no mistake. It was definitely…


“Lily…” Snape spoke to the table. Harry felt his heart in his throat. He had seen his mother in the Mirror of Erised and in Snape’s Pensieve, but this was different. She was right in front of his here, just like in real life. He walked over to her, taking her face in. Her long, dark red hair was longer than he had seen it before. It reached halfway down her back. Her eyes shocked him. They were so like his, yet so…sad. He reached out to touch her face, feeling his fingers tingle. He couldn’t feel her as his fingertips brushed her face. Of course, he thought. Of course. This was a memory? He could make no impression on memories in pensieves. He looked at her beautiful face for a few moments, before switching his attention back to Snape. Why was his mother here? With Snape?


“Lily… I just want to thank you for agreeing to this.”


“I don’t know what I’m agreeing to, yet.” She didn’t smile.


“Just to meet me. To talk to me.”


“Start talking, Severus. It’s four in the morning. This must take no more than an hour.”


“It won’t take up even that.”


“Go ahead then.” She leaned back, her eyes surveying Snape with a mixture of dislike, boredom and pity.


“Lily… you know how I…” He trailed off, looking hard at his shoes. “You know how I feel. About you, I mean.” He paused. Lily didn’t speak. Her eyes remained impassive. “Lily, this is a terrible time for us all. You know that – especially for you.”


“What do you mean, Severus?” She had no concern in her voice.


“What…what I have done in the past few months…years… I can barely bear to think about. I have performed terrible, terrible evil. Under the Dark Lord’s service, I have not been…I have not been…well. It is enough to say I am guilty of terrible crimes.”




“I hope you are one of the few who believe me I have now turned against him, and am now loyal to Albus Dumbledore.”


“Time will tell Severus, time will tell.”


“Lily… I have placed my life in huge danger as a spy working against the Dark Lord. I only want you to know that…well…Oh, lily…” He stopped for a few moments. Harry watched him, his heart pounding. This was Snape as he had never seen him before. “You already know that He Who Must Not Be Named is after your family.”


“I Know, Severus.”


“I know, also, that you have many spells and charms protecting them.”


“What are you saying?” She sounded angry now. Harry could see how tired she was. He was still so confused… what was going on?


“Lily, this is all so damned hard…” He trailed into silence, his hand resting on the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed. When he opened them again, they were sparkling. Harry felt his heart skip a beat. “I don’t know if we will all make it through this.” His voice shook. Harry felt almost ill watching Severus Snape struggle to hold himself together. Seeing Snape upset was sickeningly strange. “Lily, I want you to know, that I have never forgotten how you stood up for me at school, when no one else did…”


“That was a long time ago.” She folded her arms.


“You were the only one who… And when I see you…even think of you with – with him…”


“His name is James, Severus.” Her voice was like ice.


“Lily, I can give you so much more!” He almost shouted.


“That’s enough, Severus.” She stood up. Harry gasped loudly. No…no…this couldn’t be right. Snape and…his mother? No, there was a mistake, this couldn’t be…


“Lily, you don’t understand!” Snape wailed.


“I don’t want to listen to this!” Lily’s eyes flashed angrily. She started towards the door.


“No, please… give me a chance, please!” He followed her. Harry felt his jelly-like feet follow Snape too. He knew he could only follow the owner of a memory, not stay alone or with someone else.


“Severus!” Lily shouted, giving off an aura of power and strength. “I have a husband! James is the one for me, not you! You can never love me more than him – and I can certainly never feel for you a fraction of what I feel for him!” She spoke quietly, yet there was a dangerous undercurrent in her voice.


“Lily…” Snape sniffed.


“And Harry, Severus! I have a child! Together, Harry and James are worth a hundred of you!”


“Please…” Snape seemed to be close to tears.


“How dare you do this to me when you know how much danger me and my family are in! How dare you when you know how dangerous it is for me to leave my house! I would die at the drop of a hat for Harry…or James.” She was shaking in anger.


“Severus, I cannot, nor will not, ever love you. You flatter yourself that I would even look at you without feeling ill.” With a last sniff from Snape, she turned and walked out the door. Snape collapsed on a chair, his face in his hands. Harry watched him breathing deeply, clearly trying to pull himself together. He couldn’t quite believe what he had heard. Snape had loved his mother? He tried to get his head round the idea, trying to see what holes that idea could fill in. But before he could even quite understand it, everything in front of him changed.




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