A Harry Potter Fan Fiction by Amiable Dorsai
Last time I checked, I wasn't J.K. Rowling--all this is hers.
As always, thanks to Night Zephyr for Beta Reading (a spell that
improves any fanfic), and for a title that is much better than my original.
To: All Hogwarts Faculty and Staff:
From: Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster
Subject: Loose ends.
First, I'd like to extend a hearty congratulations to all for successfully
getting through another term. Given the trying circumstances, this
should be a source of pride for everyone. I would particularly like
to thank Madam Pomfrey for her remarkable record of no students lost, and
the perseverance of only one irreversable curse.
Miss Hermione Granger has, quite graciously, provided me with the key
to unlocking the curse. Miss Edgecomb need merely complete an assigned
Though the procedure sounds somewhat unhygienic, I'm certain Miss Granger
will wash the portion of her anatomy in question beforehand.
I've checked with the house-elves, and yes, as we surmised, the refreshments
at the final faculty meeting were donated by Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes.
I have sent the Messrs. Weasley a thank you note and a little token of
It will not be necessary, Severus, for you to go to Diagon Alley, and
"thank them personally", as you have so kindly offered to do. They
have been thanked. Thoroughly.
Though Professor Umbridge has not tendered a formal resignation, I am
confident, given her general demeanor at the time of her sudden departure,
that she will not be returning in the fall. Therefore, I would like to
remind everyone that we will, once again, be looking for a new Defense
Against the Dark Arts teacher for next term. I would be delighted
to consider any recommendations you might have for candidates for the job.
When we have selected a suitable candidate, I will broach with him or her
the subject of appointing Mr. Harry Potter as Assistant Defense Against
the Dark Arts instuctor
Severus, I take it that you will not be applying for the position again
In regards to the personal property left behind in the office of our
former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Mr. Filch will please see
that it is packed properly for return to her. Argus, please be advised
that Dobby the house-elf is mistaken in his assertion that the box of enchanted
Bludgers he "found" belongs to Madame Umbridge. Please give them
to Madame Hooch. Do NOT, under any circumstances, open the box.
Hagrid, thank you for your offer to return Madame Umbridge's property
to her personally, Yes, I agree that it would be more "friendly-like",
but I believe that Madame Umbridge is not up to seeing visitors at the
moment. We will return her property via the Floo network. Also,
no, I do not believe that she would like a pet Skrewt.
Minerva, I've just spoken again with Madame Bones of the Department
of Magical Law Enforcement. She sends her congratulations on the
Wizengamot's verdict, and agrees that your actions were "fully justified".
She adds, however, that the Auror Department is suffering something of
a personnel crisis at the moment, and asks if you would be kind enough
to reconsider your stance. She says that while your suggestion that
the four Aurors in question would be excellent for "surveillance duty in
swamps" has merit, the actual need for such service is regrettably limited.
Also, the Ministry cafeteria has received many complaints from other
members of the Ministry about the presence of live flies on the menu.
Professor Firenze has asked me to convey his personal apologies to everyone,
and especially to Mr Filch, and would like to assure us all that his recent
lapse will be an isolated incident. He reminds us all that he is
used to living in a forest where "Centaurs take a more relaxed approach
to that sort of thing."
Professor Sprout reports that she and Professor Firenze have come to
an arrangement, and says that next term we should save "an appreciable
amount" on fertilizer.
I would like to wish you all a pleasant summer holiday, and look forward
to seeing you at the beginning of next term.
Be careful out there,