The Sugar Quill
Author: Jack Ichijouji (Professors' Bookshelf)  Story: Teaser  Chapter: Default
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You've had action! You've had adventure! You've had action-adventure! But you've never had anything like this!


Harry Potter and the Days of Our Lives As The World Turns Towards the Guiding Light!


The DRAMA!


RON - Harry, I've got something to tell you.

HARRY - What is it, Ron?

RON - I'm pregnant. And Remus is the father.

HARRY - Remus! How could you?
REMUS - My love for Ronald overpowered my normally rational mind. Oh, cursed emotions!

HARRY - No, literally, how could you? He's a guy!

REMUS - And what a guy!


The ROMANCE!


HARRY - Ginny, let me love you.

GINNY - It's too late, Harry. I've given my heart to someone else.
HARRY - Okay, is the rest of you accounted for? I don't need much.


The SUSPENSE!


VOLDEMORT - Who would you have me kill, Potter? Your love or your family?

HARRY - You haven't been paying very close attention to the series, have you?


Have I mentioned the DRAMA?


RON - Hermione, I have something to tell you.

HERMIONE - You're pregnant with Remus' possibly lycanthropic love child?

RON - Yes, actually. Who told? Was it Harry?

HERMIONE - No, I read it in Hogwarts, a History of Tawdry Student-Former-Teacher Affairs.

RON - Can I borrow that when you're done with it?


I feel pressed to repeat the importance of the ROMANCE!


HERMIONE - Luna, I think I'm in love with you.

LUNA - A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

HERMIONE - I'm so glad you feel that way!

The... what other categories are there... SCI-FI!


SIRIUS - Look at me! I'm dead, and yet I'm running around being myself! Wheee!

SNAPE - Black? Are you here to show me the error of my ways by taking me back to my former Christmases?

SIRIUS - Sure, why not. It's not like I have anything better to do.


The DANGER and/or INTRIGUE!


DRACO – Look, we don't have time to argue, you'll just have to trust me.

GINNY – I find that dangerous.

HARRY – And yet, I'm intrigued.


The ANGST!


NEVILLE - I don't have parents.

HARRY - Word.


Feel the PAIN of your favorite characters!


HAGRID – My name is Rubeus, an' I 'ave a problem with alc'ol.

A.A. MEMBERS – Hi, Hagrid!


Experience their JOY!


REMUS – Push, Ron, push!

MIDWIFE – It's a girl!

RON – Does she have a tail? Sharp teeth? Bloodthirsty eyes?
MIDWIFE – Not so far as I can tell.

REMUS/RON – Hurrah!


Coming soon to an asylum near you. Check local listings.

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