The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.
Draco Malfoy’s Diary…2004
do not own the Potterverse or the style of writing
perfected by Helen Fielding.
Author’s Notes: This
is a gift for the Sugar Quill Administrators for the Sugar Quill’s 3rd Birthday.I cannot express in words short enough to fit
in Author’s Notes what the Quill means to me.
Many, many, many thanks to Ara Kane, my beloved SQ Beta Reader.
comes from Arabellaand Zsenya’sAfter
the End-verse.I took the liberty of
having her marry Oliver Wood and have his babies.Likewise, the Snout’s Fair, Goldie’s
Liquid Curse, and other items recognizable from After the End also
belong to Arabella and Zsenya.
belongs to Katinka.Bethany
White belongs to A.L. de Sauveterre.
The various Sugar
Quill Professors, Ghosts, and Beta Readers (whether mentioned by name or
description) belong to themselves.I
won’t name them here, so that they can have fun finding themselves in the fic.
Pearl, Silver Patronus, and TwoPennyStar
also belong to themselves…and occasionally to Draco. J
-A ROXin’ Party-
~MONDAY 5 JANUARY
lbs. Butterbeers…between 8 and 18, shots of Dragon
Rum 9, Goldie’s Liquid Curse 1, Sugar Quills 87, minutes in front of mirror 33.
Was invited to a party.Supposed
to be a fairly big party.Am
going, but am unsure about how said party will go over.People who are attending are, after all, Potter’s crowd.Am fairly certain that
invitation was only sent as formality as I did
join Dumbledore’s side at the end of the war (though it was only to have my
revenge on Father).Fortunately,
some of my people will be there as
well, so all will not be lost.
Actually, the people throwing the party
aren’t a bad lot.I’ve actually had some
excellent times with them.I remember
back when I was first learning how to work those Muggle computing gadgets that
I took over their spider-site or whatever it’s called.That was great fun, though none of them will
remember it.They also treat me rather
fairly for the most part, and they never make me wear uncomfortable
clothing.I’m a bit perturbed that one
of them got a hold of the enchanted diary I kept as a first-year (but that was
more than made up for in my sixth year and the quality time spent in the hidden
A thought: Ginny might be there tonight.
The Morning Starr just Floo’d.Apparently she and “the girls” will be coming
by soon to “help me get ready.”(Read:
rummage through my wardrobe and select which set of robes I’ll be wearing.)They’ve become quite fond of this activity. No idea why.On the other hand, I do enjoy their company, as the manor can become
quite lonesome, especially now that the house-elves are free to come and go as
they please (that would be thanks to the Mudblood’s
Note to self: remember not to say
“Mudblood” at party.Old habits die
hard… or some Muggle saying.
Must take shower now before T.M.S. and
I despise Waxing Charms, but it’s still Quidditch
season, and as long as Potter is Seeking for the Cannons (Maureen Knight-Wood
is taking the season off, as—according to Quidditch
Illustrated—she’s apparently expecting a child), I must continue my
Beat-Potter-at-Quidditch regimen, as we’ve two more matches against Chudley left to go.And Puddlemere will not fall to the Cannons.Thus, legs and arms must be waxed regularly.A quick Numbing Charm beforehand usually
keeps the sting to a minimum.Have also brewed my own special After-Wax Potion, which soothes the
skin.Professor Snape would have
Ah, but I ramble on when there are more
Grooming Charms that need performing.
I do hope that everyone appreciates the effort that is necessary for
finished waxing, exfoliating, moisturizing, styling, etc.Am now cleansed, fresh, and
smelling delightful.Also am
quite pleased with the new line of cologne I recently launched (which has
outsold Lockhart’s entire line of fragrances in its first month).I call it Draconis, and it is made from my
own special blend of scents.I developed
it during the off-season last year and spent a tiny fraction of my inheritance
marketing it.Perhaps I’ll give all the
party guests complimentary bottles (the one-ounce size, of course).
Rah!They’re here!The Morning Starr, Pearl, Silver Patronus and TwoPennyStar,
my best friends in the world.They’ve been my rocks ROX since before
my fifth-year.Though their sanity
sometimes leaves much to be desired, they certainly know how to have a good
Just inquired as to whether they knew if Ginny was attending
tonight’s party.Silver Patronus was
immediately convinced that I should try to impress her.I love my dear S.P., but a Malfoy does not try to impress anyone.He simply impresses.It comes naturally.Pearl and TwoPennyStar sort of pouted, and
proceeded to talk about Potter.(They
have this horrible notion that Potter and I are more alike than we think.It’s quite repulsive, really.)T.M.S. was quiet, as she usually is when the
subject of my love life comes up.It’s
almost as if it pains her to think of me with anyone.Sort of odd, but a bit
endearing as well.Makes me want to give her affectionate pat on the head.
Apparently, the girls have all been travelling within different
gossip circles.Pearl insists that
she heard that Ginny was married to Potter.S.P. heard she was with Longbottom.T.M.S. thought Ginny was still “very much single” (emphasis hers).And TwoPennyStar
gave up trying to figure out who was right and just poured us all a round of
After toasting the Slytherins, the girls ransacked my wardrobe.They selected a very expensive set of black
robes (with silver pinstripes) that would be perfect to tonight’s party.I decided to wear my favourite boots and
chose a silver clasp in the shape of a quill.How festive of me.I wanted to
have another round of Dragon Rum, but T.M.S. insisted that I arrive at the
party still sober.Bah.She’s such a party pooper.
We Apparated to Stagsden and headed to the
Snout’s Fair.I remembered the place
well, as Mother and I stayed there while the Manor was stripped of Dark
magic.I was still in what S.P. likes to
call “my troubled years.”She was a bit
upset that I punched Weasley one night outside this very pub.Ah, memories.
The Snout’s FairIt’s a few hours until the
party, but it seems that about 330 people here getting things ready.Apparently, the entire pub has been rented
for the day, and they are expecting hundreds more people to stop by before the
night is over.The Snout’s Fair is
draped in what someone told me was “SQ Orange.”I sort of nodded and stayed close to TwoPennyStar
while the other girls helped decorate.Pearl was helping
my old house-elf put frosting on the largest cake I’d ever seen.S.P. was assisting a pretty woman with
gorgeous hair as she applied the finishing touches to a mural of a large
ship.The picture depicted a boat full
of women in old-fashioned Muggle dresses, one of which was howling at the front
of the boat.
Apparently, I’m not the only one whose fans
are in dire need of professional help.
T.M.S. had joined a group
of people wearing tags that read “Beta Reader.”They were all huddled in one part of the room with red-ink quills in
hand, marking up parchment.According to
a particularly fierce-looking Beta Reader (who was wearing battle armour
adorned with horses and carrying a sword and shield), they were reading stories
written about the people in my world and making suggestions.Then they’d send it back to person who wrote
it (via owl, of course) and that person would then owl it to Madam Pince.
I pretended to understand and kept circling
the pub with TwoPennyStar.
The oddest group of all were
the ones they called “ghosts.”I put
“ghosts” in quotations, as I’m not sure why they’re called that.They looked alive to me, but they did have a
particularly eerie habit of popping up whenever I felt like putting my finger
in the cake frosting or drawing a moustache on one of the paintings of Weasley
(and trust me, there were a lot of
paintings, and thus much temptation).It
was sort of annoying, much like whenever the Hogwarts ghosts would float by
just when you wanted to cast a Silencing Charm on a first year Gryffindor.
Just about everyone in
attendance was eccentric (though TwoPennyStar said it
was a bit rich of me to call anyone eccentric).Three of them were in a corner, actually howling.Two of them (the
male and one of the females) were wearing crowns.The third was showing the other two pictures
of a horse.Another of the “ghosts” was
standing arm-in-arm with a Beta Reader in front of a portrait of the late
Sirius Black.That Gladrags
witch, Miss Loomis, was with them, as well as another witch with dark hair and
a crossbow.All four of them looked as
if they’d been crying.
Another “ghost” (who, in
all honesty, I found quite attractive) was at the bar, writing what seemed to
be Haikus.They were quite clever,
really, though I was disappointed that she was using her talents to write
glowing things about Potter and Weasley and their lot.Such doting on them ought to carry a
life-sentence in Culparrat.Speaking of Weasleys, I spotted one of them
(the crazy one that works with dragons) talking with another of these
“ghosts.”She was listening to him talk
about his work in Romania and taking notes.I noticed
her shirt said Cambridge.Why on earth do Muggles
wear clothes with the names of places on them?
Okay, perhaps these “ghosts” are scary.I just saw one commanding a number of
monsters that I was informed are called orcs ORX.And that’s another thing I just do not
understand.Why do they spell everything
wrong RONG?The entire birthday
cake has been decorated with misspelled words in all capital letters.ROX, SUX, BAX, PUX… why?This must have something to do with Potter.
face!My cousin, Antony, was talking with one of the “ghosts” (but I knew this particular
ghost, as she is sympathetic to us Slytherins).They were deep in conversation, and he seemed to be confiding in
her.In fact, he ignored me when I said
hello.I never did like him.Father favoured him.
Potter and company are here, and the crowd of people have gone
wild.Help me contain these intense
feelings of joy.
Ginny’s here with
Am sitting at the bar with the girls, having some
Dragon Rum and drowning my sorrows.Pearl said something about me meeting someone someday that I’ll be able
to love, though for a moment I thought she’d said, “meet
a man someday,” and that gave me pause.S.P. seemed just as distraught as I was.TwoPennyStar just kept refilling my rum and
patting my arm reassuringly.T.M.S.
meanwhile just sort of stared at me. Am now concerned that my hair is sticking out at a weird angle or
something equally as humiliating.Could be only possible explanation for such intent
Third round of Dragon Rum.Feeling
slightly better.Am determined not to look at Ginny Weasley’s sister with
Looks like the guests of honour have arrived.Explains why crowd is getting excited.
The doors burst open and a hush fell over the
crowd.Even the barman was sort of in
awe, which was a bit annoying as I wanted more alcohol.In burst a woman with a peg leg and an eye
patch.She looked good-natured, but
still a bit intimidating.This seemed to
be the general consensus with the crowd as well.They all appeared to hold this woman in high
esteem.I heard whispers of “the first
mate,” and was confused.Her costume
suggested the rank of commodore, not first mate.Nevertheless, she looked like quite the dread
pirate.She surveyed the room with her
one good eye and nodded.
The doors opened again and in walked three
more women.One was carrying a camera
and had a diplomatic look to her.She
seemed the friendly, approachable type.The other looked to be a Captain of some sort, and the group of
Bulgarians near the windows all smiled and waved excitedly when she came in.The third woman had the longest hair I’d ever
seen (it must have been 87 inches long).She looked up and gave me a slight nod and winked at me.She was the one who’d found that enchanted
journal I’d kept in my first year.
All four were greeted by the Beta Readers
and Ghosts, exchanging hugs and smiles.T.M.S. got up to join the welcome line, muttering something about her
“first time meeting them in person.”I
could see her with the Beta Readers, looking almost as excited as the time we
spotted Shacklebolt and my weird cousin having dinner
alone together in a fancy restaurant.
Everyone was staring at the doors
again.There was an anxious murmur going
through the crowd.I could see people
straining their necks to get a better look at the door.
Finally they opened again, and two more
women entered the Snout’s Fair.One had
long red hair and was immediately met with a hug from Granger.The other had short curly black hair and
glasses and was greeted by Weasley, who shook her hand vigorously.This one winked at me too.She was one of the ones who’d made my
turbulent sixth year possible.They
surveyed the room, and their faces were beaming.It was easy to tell they were touched by the
lengths their friends had gone to.Then
the dark-haired one made her way to the bar.
“Goldie,” she said to the bartender, “give us two Liquid Curses.”
“Anything for you, Miss Zsenya,” Goldie answered.
The woman named Zsenya took the drinks
from Goldie and handed one to the red headed woman who’d come in with her.Their four friends had been given drinks as
They raised their drinks in the air.“To the Sugar Quill,” shouted Zsenya.
“TO THE SUGAR QUILL!” shouted the crowd.
TwoPennyStar shoved a Liquid Curse into my hand.Immediately raised it and downed it.
Four hours of drinking, dancing, magic, and general pandemonium.Have strong feeling I’ll have to be carried home
wizard has just arrived with 33 crates of sugar quills in all flavours.
Wasted no time devouring
a box of chocolate sugar quills with Pearl.Mmmmmchocolate.My
I tink I’ve ad enuff
too drinnkk.But purhaps anther shot of Dragoon Rumm won’t hert.
Silver Patronus cast some Sobering Charms on me so that I could
watch the opening of the gifts with some
Each woman was given a Kinolia
from the Beta Readers.Each Kinolia featured scenes from every story they’d ever
written.People from my world flashed as
they watched parts of their Kinolias.I even saw things I’d done.I really was an arse when I was younger.Heh.Amusing.
The ghosts came forth next.They were presented the guests of honour with
miniature ships, perfectly detailed models of “The Good Ship R/H.”There were even enchanted models of the Sugar
Quill Professors sailing on the ship.The one with the eye-patch (who I learned was called Moey)
exchanged a teary smile with the one they called Cap’n
Potter and his friends gave them a lifetime
supply of sugar quills from Honeydukes.Potter must have paid for that one.Weasley certainly couldn’t have afforded
it.Granger handed a book that looked
blank to the Headmistress called Arabella.They exchanged a knowing look.
Note to self: find out what that’s all
The Sugar Quill membership gave the
professors 87 Sickles each.This was
money that was to go towards the running of the site.After counting all the Sickles, it turned out
to be at least a year’s worth of web hosting.Two Muggle blokes in the corner seemed pleased about this.
Finally the Sugar Quill authors came up and
presented the Professors with enchanted bookshelves.They magically expanded to hold as many
stories as necessary for such a fast-growing site.Then they gave each Professor, Beta Reader
and Ghost a golden quill.(I would’ve
given them platinum, but let’s be honest, I’m only hear for the alcohol.)
B Bennett took pictures of the Professors
with their gifts.The one called Jedi Boadicea surveyed the crowd thoughtfully, almost evilly.And I think she winked at me again.She probably wants me, but I think I’m more
interested in that Muggle who writes Haiku.
Much hugging and noises that made Cap’n Kathy cringe ensued, and drinks were passed around
Havhadd some moor DrgonRumm.Tpmich, I thnk.Want moor still tho.
~TUESDAY 6 JANUARY
Just woke.Was some party last night.
Feeling rather conflicted, however.Perhaps Potter’s crowd aren’t the sods I
thought they were (even though they did
leave me to my fate after we tore down Azkaban—not certain I’ve forgiven them
for that yet).But really, anyone who
can party like that is damn cool KEWL.Was actually touched by the way in which people admired these
Professors.They really adored them and
the community they created.And the
Professors in turn were genuinely wonderful people.They were kind and caring, and welcoming…
even to me.After all I’d done to their
friends over the years.
Perhaps there are more important things
than money, status, and good grooming.Perhaps friendship and community are equally (or even more)
important.Perhaps this is why so many
people love and admire them.Perhaps
this is why they have huge summits
and I live alone in a large empty manor.Perhaps my life is a bit anti-climatic and even sort of depressing.
I think I’ll have a drink to drown my sorrows.
Owl waiting for me in the kitchen.I opened the folded
parchment and read:
Thanks for coming to our party last
night.It was good to see you out and
about.We know you don’t feel
comfortable around Harry and everyone, but we hope you’ll join us more often,
as you’re apart of this world, whether you like it or not.
You know, they really are
a ROXin’ bunch.And it really was a ROXin’
party.I hope they have many more to
Happy 3rd Birthday to the Sugar Quill
From Draco and the Redeemers at Unredeemed.net!
The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For
questions, please send us an Owl!
-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --