Do not try this at home. This sort of writing should only be done by
JK Rowling and trained professional idiots.
dazed all throughout my next couple of classes. Fortunately, said
classes were History of Magic and Divination, so no one noticed.
The classes could have been lunch and Quidditch and no one would have
I liked Hermione. Looking back, I suppose
it was obvious. Really obvious, in fact. Why didn’t I
see it? Only took me five bloody years. Hell, after the Yule Ball…
("And Viktor Krum?") That bloody slimy
Bulgarian git had better keep his bloody hands off of her or I’ll
rip them off and shove them up his-oh, shut up, Ginny.
Ginny makes a compelling point.
No one asked you.
Anyway, no one really noticed that I was
acting differently until dinner. Apparently I’m known for
eating a lot, though why I was not informed of that is beyond
"What’s wrong, Ron? You’re not eating
like you usually do," Hermione said, leaning across the table to
feel my forehead. "You feel a little warm. And you’re
flushed. Maybe you should go down to the hospital wing?" Of
course I was flushed, she was inches away from my face. She’s
been closer than that, I thought, but it wasn’t really
I'll say. You three used to run around with your heads firmly planted
up each other's arses.
How'd you like to have my foot up your arse?
Keep your bedroom games for your pet Mudblood.
maybe," I said. "I’ll just head up to the common room
and snog-snag a couple hours sleep then. Heh. Bye!" I
rushed away before I could see if I could fit my entire bloody leg in
my mouth. You know, if I bothered to laugh at the times you
embarrassed yourself in front of Harry… not so funny now, is
No, now it's hilarious!
Hermione’d set the password
for the Fat Lady the day before and it wasn’t really something
I was about to forget. "Free the house-elves," I muttered
as I went in. I ignored the few people in the common room, although I
made a note not to sit anywhere near the fireplace until I saw
exactly what Fred and George had done to it.
I went upstairs
to my dormitory, and, having nothing at all better to do, I got to
work on a Transfiguration essay. Did I mention I had nothing
better to do?
How are we getting the same marks in Transfiguration?
Emphasis on dumb.
I got about a foot done before I decided
that I would rather hug a Blast-Ended Screwt than continue. I would
just do the respectable thing and finish it during lunch the day it
was due. I did, incidentally, and Professor McGonagall said it was
some of my best work. ("Not that that’s saying
much.") Who asked you?
Harry came in after I’d
been staring at the ceiling for about an hour and sat down. "Alright
mate, what’s wrong?" he asked.
wrong’? Nothing’s wrong. Just realised I’m in love
with one of my best friends, and I have been for years," I
"Aww, I’m flattered Ron, but you’re
not the Weasley I’m attracted to," Harry smirked. I hit
him with a pillow.
Come to think of it, Harry, who is the Weasley you're
Come on, Potter, we're all ears.
Sorry, you didn't even tell yourself who you had feelings for for
about four years. I think that's a nice precedent.
up. It’s Hermione."
"Of course it is. It
always has been."
"Wait, you knew? And you didn’t
tell me?" I was about to hit him again.
was rather obvious Ron," he said. I would have told him he
sounded like Percy, but he went on. "I mean, in second year, who
did you go into the Forbidden Forest for? Who did you throw up slugs
"Hermione," I muttered. Damn him for
being so… correct.
There was silence for a bit. I
really was getting tired, and he was half-asleep soon. "Hey
"Just how many
"Go out into the common room. Count
the people in there, the people in their beds, and subtract Hermione.
That covers it."
Count the Slytherin common room.
Most of the staff.
Terry Boot. He's had his eye on Granger, he probably knows.
I'll kill him. Which one is he again?
The next day, two days ago if you’re keeping
count, I was able to act perfectly normal around Hermione. Of course,
I had help.
"Mrn’n Mione," I grunted through a
mouthful of eggs at breakfast. Laugh if you will, but my elbow was
butter-free, thank you. Which is more than you can say around Harry
half the time.
What people don't realise is that the script didn't call for Ginny to
stick her elbow in. She did it accidentally and they just went with
Wardrobe was rather uppity that day, I recall.
As if they could tell a difference in your rags.
talk with your mouth full," she said instantly. "I see your
appetite is back."
"Yeah. Guess I just needed a good
night’s sleep." I took a drink of my orange juice and went
on. "So, did I miss anything important after I left?"
Just some late post from-just some late post." Something in the
way she said it made me suspicious. Perhaps it was the way she
backtracked, or the way she suddenly looked away when she said it. Or
maybe it was the way she was blushing like a rose on fire.
And just how does a rose on fire blush, Ron?
It's really a sight.
"Really? From who?" I
She mumbled something I didn’t pick up. "What’s
She sighed. "Viktor."
post from Vicky." ("Nice, Ron.")
Yes, I know I was a prat. Refrain from commenting until I’m
done, I got a lot worse.
So I can comment as we go?
Refrain from commenting in general.
"His name is
Viktor, not Vicky. And he never did anything to you, Ron, for
you to dislike him so much."
I scoffed. Truly, he didn’t,
but still. "I don’t care if he snogged Celestina bloody
Warbeck. Write to whatever eighteen-year-old Bulgarian gits you
For some reason, I could not get this line out. I kept saying
"Belistina" and Gulbarian gits."
I care about this why?
is not a ‘git’, he’s very intelligent, and what a
horrible thing for you to say!"
"Okay, Hermione, I’m
"That’s not what I meant and
you know it!"
I choose to comment now.
Make it quick.
That was quick.
Harry had, apparently, been
watching from the sidelines for a while, and took this moment to
hazard a leap into the conversation. "Good morning!" he
said far more cheerily than was usual from him.
Hermione turned her face away from me rather sharply and greeted
I took a piece of toast and used the butter as a
flavouring ingredient, and not as an elbow lubricant. Ow! Fine, I
won’t mention it any more. No need to hit me.
Such violence from such a small girl.
You have no idea. She used to beat Percy up.
Beating him up would be like kicking a puppy. Fun, but no challenge
You disturb me.
"So Hermione, are you ready for the
Defence Against the Dark Arts test?" Harry asked, probably
trying to lighten the mood. With schoolwork. That’s how bad it
"I’m not sure. Professor Renard said the
Erectus Charm would be on there, didn’t she? She never got
through the name without giggling," Hermione responded,
"What’s it matter? You know how to do
it," I pointed out. "For that matter, you know everything.
That’s one of the perks of being a know-it-all."
Your blatant flirting offends my sensibilities.
Just how was she in the dark longer than you were?
I have no idea. She's normally so bright.
bother to respond, but I imagine she rolled her eyes. She was looking
through her bag for her Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook, so I
couldn’t be sure.
She slammed it on the table and
flipped through it. Her brow furrowed as she concentrated on the
pages, her fingers swiftly but gently tracing their way through the
words, like a swan riding on the cl-well, er, that’s not
There are no words.
I know. Be glad most of it was cut.
That was what was good enough to remain? Good Lord.
she cried, finding the spell. "The Erectus Charm. It leaves the
victim standing perfectly straight, unable to bend his neck, waist,
"Well what’s the point of that?"
Harry pointed out. "They can still use their wand."
but you can get out of their way, and it’s not as if they’re
about to follow you. They can’t move their legs. And there’s
no counterspell for it, you just have to let it run its
"Well, let’s hope she’s not
teaching that to the seventh years. Imagine the havoc the twins would
wreak with a spell like that," I observed. Just then, the bell
rang, and we ran off to be tested on the Erectus Charm and other such
You can yell at me about Krum
Really, go ahead.
snogging will commence soon,
never you worry. It just takes time, and patience. Rome wasn’t
built in a day you know. There’s been unresolved sexual tension
for five years now; they can wait a few more chapters.