The Sugar Quill
Author: Menya  Story: The Raving  Chapter: Default
The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.

Disclaimer:All of the characters, settings, etc belong to JK Rowling. This poem is written in the style of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven." Therefore, the structure and certain slight phrasing were used for the purpose of the parody. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Notes: This is the sequel to "Twas Nighttime At Hogwarts."



The Raving


Once upon a midnight dreary, while I glowered, sore and weary,
Over many a foul and repulsive bedpan in my rotten chore --
While I scoured, nearly retching, suddenly there came a fetching
Idea that started etching itself in my very core.
"This is brilliant!" I muttered, desire burning in my core,
"I'll do this and nothing more."


Ah, distinctly I remember that thanks to a certain member --
And that prank -- of that loathsome foursome I was given this chore.
Eagerly I wished my release -- that this detention soon would cease
So that then I could have some peace to plot against the 'Fab Four' --
Those vile and deviant devils who are nicknamed the 'Fab Four' --
Nameless here forevermore!


The flickering and fluttering of each torchlight now sputtering
Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic dreams I'd never dreamt before;
So as I hurried to my room, I murmured softly in the gloom:
"'Tis revenge for those that did doom me to that disgusting chore --
Some due revenge for pulling a prank to land me in that chore --
This it is and nothing more."


Presently my plan grew stronger, hesitating then no longer
I quickly found in my books a spell that would even the score --
But the fact is they deserved much worse than this simple but effective curse
Since each of them are so perverse and think rules are to ignore --
The are all so arrogant that they think rules are to ignore --
That now I wished to do more.


Deep into my spell books scouring, long I sat searching, devouring,
Daring to learn charms no First Year ever attempted before.
But the silence was unbroken and my roommates were not woken
And the only tiny token that my endeavor was o'er
Was the metal-rimmed glasses I had caused to come flying o'er.
Merely this and nothing more.


Back to my plot my thoughts then turned, all my anger within me burned
Soon my plan was all laid out and now the night was truly o'er.
And as I entered the Great Hall, right on cue I heard Potter call:
"Snivelly didn't sleep at all!" then laugh did that group of four.
Laugh they did, but stopped when I dared to approach that group of four.
Approached and stood, nothing more.


"Is there a problem, Snivellus? What," asked Black, "is all the fuss?"
"I know what you did," I said. "Now I'm going to get you four."
"If," said Lupin, "you mean to duel, then surely you must be a fool
You know it is against the rule." "Tonight in the corridor --
I challenge you all to a duel tonight in the corridor."
This I said, and little more.


Then my thoughts, almost beguiling my countenance into smiling,
Savored the fact they did not know what I truly had in store.
"If," I added, "you do not show, be certain the whole school will know
That you were all too afraid to go!" "We will all be there!" Potter swore,
"Tonight, in that corridor, we'll surely be there," Potter swore.
Thus began my little war.


And then much later on that night, I hid myself just out of sight,
And waited for the four boys to leave the tower of Gryffindor;
And none of them did me espy when they soon chanced to pass me by;
I was quick as ever so sly I charmed Black, whom I do abhor --
With his back to me, I charmed Black, whom I especially abhor --
This I did and nothing more.


But now I hurried to a spot where I could see and not be caught
As the boys crept towards that place we'd agreed upon before,
And my plan that I had contrived started ere they could arrive:
A suit of armor came alive and followed after the four --
As soon as Black passed one by, a suit followed after the four --
Merely followed and nothing more.


Startled at the stillness shattered by that armor that so clattered,
Desperately they tried to rid themselves of this metal horror;
Caught in the trap by this spell-caster, soon even greater disaster
Followed fast and followed faster, for one suit became a score --
In just moments one suit of armor multiplied to a score --
And still yet there appeared more!


Even if I could not see the boys, I'd know their location by the noise
As each armor made the racket so much louder than before;
They were sure to attract attention -- a teacher, or dare I mention
Filch, who would give them detention -- or a visit to Dumbledore?
For if it were Filch, he would send them off to see Dumbledore!
They deserved that, and much more.


Thus I stood engaged in guessing, pleased my curse would be my blessing,
For the boys to soon get their comeuppance was what I longed for;
That the boys thought mysterious that armor followed Sirius
Made me nearly delirious, and also made my spirits soar --
That, due to my charm, they would soon be caught made my spirits soar --
I could wish for nothing more.


Then, methought, my plan had failed, for just then the boys prevailed
And cast a spell so the armor would follow them no more!
'Blast!' I thought then, 'How could this be? That they should once *again* go free!'
But ere they had a chance to flee, Filch around a corner tore;
And they were apprehended when Filch around that corner tore.
They could not hide anymore.


"Students!" said he, "things of evil! Always causing an upheaval!
Making my life so difficult that with fury I could roar!
Last week I cleaned not one slug pile, but *two*, a task I found most vile!
Why not do something worthwhile, rather than at night go explore?
Why do students insist on being out-of-bounds to explore?
This I ask and nothing more!"


"Students!" said he, "things of evil! The ones to blame for this upheaval!
If you think I'm cleaning this up you've got another thing in store!"
For frozen was each armored suit, halted mid-stride in their pursuit,
And Filch did not find this scene cute -- and (here's the part I adore --
That Filch granted my greatest wish is the part I most adore)
Off they went to Dumbledore.


Now I ran quick as a house-elf, lest that I get caught myself,
And didn't pause until I was safely in my room once more;
Only then dare I make a sound, and falling then unto the ground,
With my fist I then did pound as I rolled upon the floor.
My roommates thought I was crazy as I rolled upon the floor
And laughed 'til my sides were sore.


"How charming it is to see a magnetic personality!"
I called out when next I saw the four in the corridor.
As recognition dawned in turn, a glare from each did I earn;
And that is how they came to learn that I would take their pranks no more.
Potter cocked an eyebrow and said, "You realize, this means war?"
So it was forevermore!

//
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