“So what are we doing here, Mudblood?” drawled Draco Malfoy
“Well, I just wanted to clear some things up. I’m very
concerned that all the fan fiction will distort the canon. We have to be
proactive with PoA coming out this summer,” Hermione said.
Hermione, Draco, Ron, and Harry sat around a small table in
a corner of The Three Broomsticks. Ron had reached for his wand for the third
time in ten minutes at Malfoy’s use of the word ‘Mudblood’, but Hermione had
placed her hand on his wrist which succeeded in making retract his wand and
“It’s important to have a unified front and let everyone
know that up until this point everything has been platonic with the main
characters,” Hermione continued.
“Right, like the PoA publicity picture of Harry with his
arms wrapped around you doesn’t send a mixed message,” Ron said sourly.
“Do tell,” drawled Draco
“It’s all over the bloody internet. People changing their
web pages left and right in tribute of their little jaunt under the Whomping
Willow! All I got was a lousy group shot with the back of my head in the
“Well I can’t change that,” Hermione said impatiently. “What
concerns me is not the publicity shots. It’s the fan fiction on the internet.”
“Since Potter spent his youth in a cupboard and Weasley spent
his in a bin, you may want to enlighten them on what the internet is.”
“Well,” Hermione said, “the internet is a communications
tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies
and share pornography with one another.”
“What the Eff was that? You totally ripped off Kevin Smith!
And I DO know what the internet is!” Ron said. Harry just nodded rapidly.
“Granger does have a point,” Draco said. The others looked
at him in surprise. “I mean, fan fiction is great publicity for the Boy Who
Lived, but have you read any?! Honestly, I’ve had a romp with everyone from the
Mudblood to Snape!”
“Oh, now it’s getting spicy,” Fred said as he and George emerged
from a neighboring booth. No one had noticed them. Fred and George pulled their
chairs around the table.
“Isn’t it a bit odd that Malfoy is here sitting with us. And
not flanked by his henchmen no less?” George asked.
“Well, Weasley, it’s a small corner. And all Crabbe and Goyle
do is grunt and agree with me. They can do it from over there.” Draco nodded
toward the bar where Crabbe and Goyle raised and butterbeer, nodded at everyone
at the table and seemed to grumble among themselves.
Just then the door opened and Ginny Weasley walked in. She
looked suspiciously at Draco. “Malfoy,” she stated icily.
“We’re trying to come to an agreement about how we’re represented
in cyberspace,” Harry explained.
“Well, I don’t mind most of the stories.” Ginny blushed and
watched Harry as he peeled a label from his butterbeer with the utmost
concentration. “Then again, I do seem to get paired up with Malfoy more and
more these days.”
“Oh, come off it little Weasley. I usually save your life.
Half the time I marry you, at least once I rescued you from Harry smacking you
around.” Harry winced.
“Married!?” Ginny shrieked.
“Yes, the usual premise is that you need money and I need a
wife. We hate each other, but I usually have you pinned against a broom closet
by the end of it.” Draco said off handedly.
“Malfoy!” Ron turned red.
“Yes, you go ahead and do that, Weasley. Turn scarlet and
see if some fan doesn’t dredge up the comparison between your face and your
hair and those treacherous glad rags you wore to the Yule Ball!”
From Ginny, there escaped a slight throat clear that sounded
suspiciously like a chuckle in disguise. She rose from the table with a start,
knocking over some of the multiplying empty butterbeer bottles.
“Right on cue, little Weasley. We have some nasty remarks,
then end up alone in a corner,” Draco said, standing to block her path to the
bar, dramatically placing one hand against the wall behind her.
“You’re not alone,” Harry said angrily putting his bottle on
the table a little louder than he had intended. The remaining bottles clinked
“Get a hold of yourself, Potter. It’s a small bar,” Draco
said, rolling his eyes. “Look, I did my part by clearing those great lumps out
of this scene.” He waved his free hand toward Crabbe and Goyle, who again
raised their butterbeer bottles and grumbled to one another on cue. “Why don’t
you clear some of the dead wood? He waved toward Fred and George.”
“Hardly, we’re hysterical”
“Everyone loves the scene where we get caught in the Dursley's
“Or the line about taking Pig to the ball. You need some
comedy in between scenes where Harry witnesses someone snuff it!”
Ginny giggled and tried to push Draco aside, but his arm did
not budge. Instead he leaned his head toward hers, casting a glance at her lips.
“Don’t you want to know how it ends, Weasley?” he said quietly. He moved his
other hand to the wall so he had her blocked against it. The he looked at her
with his slate gray eyes / cold gray eyes / through some stray pieces of silver
“Alright, we get it JennyfromtheBurrow!” Hermione shrieked.
Harry cleared his throat. “Cat got your tongue, Potter? For
Merlin’s sake. She’s fancied you for years, and you can’t even throw an arm
around her after you tried to kill Weasley Senior.” Draco said, still holding
Ginny to the wall.
“That wasn’t me!”
“Whatever. You just watched her on the couch and stupidly noted
the firelight in her eyes. Don’t think that went unnoticed,” Draco
drawled. He leaned his head toward Ginny and she felt the warmth of his body
pressing against hers / his hot breath on her neck / his hands traveling to her
waist / his eyes drawing to her lips…
“Jenny!” shrieked Hermione again. Sorry. Jenny meant
it. An extra butterbeer was written into the scene in front of Hermione.
Harry rose from his seat and pulled Draco away from Ginny by
the back of his robes. “We get it. You snog Ginny in a story or two, but it’s
not a ship that most will sail,” he said loftily.
“We’ll see. There’s still over a year before Book Six. They
can’t construct ways for Ginny to end up in your room at the Dursley's
forever,” Draco smirked.
“Are you alright?” Harry asked, placing his cloak around
Ginny. And wrapping his arms around her waist. And tucking a firey lock of hair
behind her ear. And gazing into her chocolate brown eyes…
“Good Lord, Harry! Its 120 degrees in here!” laughed Fred as
Ginny blushed and hastily returned Harry’s cloak.
“And her hair’s in a ponytail anyway,” noted Hermione,
rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, like Malfoy would try to snog her in front of three
of her brothers!” roared George.
Harry released his arms from Ginny. “Well, I just…”
“Oh, Harry, it’s just not the time,” said Ginny with
exasperation. “It’s not one of those stories where you realize you love me
right after I almost get cursed, killed, raped, petrified or what have you.”
“Oh, Harry,” Hermione sighed. “You are a great ‘hero’. But
your ‘romantic hero’ does leave a bit to be desired.”
“How will I know then?”
“Oh,” said Hermione thoughtfully, “you’ll just know.”
“Potter, you’re an imbecile,” Draco said shortly. “Now if I
had been alone in that chamber with Weasley….”
“Malfoy! That’s my sister you’re talking about!” Ron yelled.
“Plus she was eleven in book two, you pervert,” said George.
“Not that there aren’t sites for that,” Draco pointed out.
“Malfoy!” shrieked Ginny.
“Oh, relax woman, not about you,” Draco said, smirking at
her. “Adult sites in general. It seems to be the only place Percy gets
some action,” he added thoughtfully.
“I thought only I was allowed to add things ‘thoughtfully’!”
Harry rolled his eyes and looked at Ginny. “Can I buy you a
butterbeer at least?” he asked.
“Sure!” Harry and Ginny walked over Madame Rosmerta at the
“Honestly, he’s so thick!” Hermione sighed, watching them.
“He did step in front of her when Bellatrix tried to curse
her,” Fred said. “And the part where he touched her hand in CoS inspired dozens
of web sites.”
“I shook Vernon Dursley’s hand, d’you think we’ll get a site
of our own?” asked George.
“But it was my ‘furtive’ glance that seemed to really fuel
the fire,” Ron said proudly.
“You should see some of the restricted sites!” Draco
“Am I in any stories?” asked Fred curiously.
“Are you that thick, Malfoy? That’s our sister you’re
talking about!” Ron yelled, ignoring Fred’s question.
“And possibly my brother, or distant cousin,” added
“What are you on about, Hermione?” George asked.
“Haven’t you noticed that Harry and I BOTH have messy hair.
I USED to have a bit of an overbite.” She cast Draco an icy glare as he
laughed. “As does Petunia Dursley!” Hermione folded her arms, satisfied with
“Messy hair and bad teeth! According to your theory, all of England
shares the same DNA!” laughed Draco. Hermione sniffed indignantly and looked
away. “And how do you explain Potter’s mother having red hair without relating
her to the Von Trapp’s over there?” he nodded toward Ron, George and Fred. Ron
and George were momentarily transfixed on a butterbeer cork that Fred had
charmed to plug in and out of a bottle. For the first time, Hermione silently
agreed with Lucius that perhaps their expressions did come across as vacant.
“I just know these things!” Hermione said. “JKR wouldn’t do
that to Ginny. She already has loads of brothers, only to find out the love of
her life is a distant Weasley?! No, that can’t happen.”
“Then what will happen, Granger?” Draco snapped.
“We’ll just have to wait and see. And use our imaginations
in the mean time.”
“Oi Malfoy!” George said suddenly. “You have good hair, good
teeth, and loads of money. JKR hasn’t really done you in with the exception of
a few temporary hexes. Do you recon you’ll snuff it by the end?”
Draco shook his head lazily. “Nope. And I won’t turn ‘good’.
And I absolutely will not end up shagging Granger.”
“I should hope not!” Ron spat, then turned beet red (like
that time at the Yule Ball….) when he realized everyone including Hermione was
smirking. “So, book six may not be out for another year. What do we do in the
meantime?” Ron asked to change the subject.
“Well, I’m going to head back to Malfoy Manor and enjoy
being rich and spoiled until I eventually meet my demise by becoming a Death
Eater or defying Lucius.”
“Yes, and Ron, you and I are going to have a
misunderstanding, which will stem from our unspoken and often misunderstood
desires for one another.”
“I’m going to lament that I can’t admit my feelings for
Ginny in a noble attempt to protect those I love from Lord Voldemort,” Harry
added, as he and Ginny returned to the group.
“I’m going to completely underutilize the fact that Harry
spends most holidays a bedroom away from me,” Ginny whispered to Hermione.
Draco overheard, snorted a laugh and shook his head.
Everyone looked at Fred and George, awaiting their plans.
“Well, we don’t really have a huge undercurrent in the plot.
I can’t see spending the whole year making Weasley Wizard Wheezes,” Fred said.
George looked at Malfoy. “Perhaps it’s time to see what everyone’s
to keen about. Malfoy, how exactly do we get to those ‘restricted’ pages?”