The One with the Quidditch

 

 

Author’s Note ~

The characters in this fic belong to JKR. The story belongs to the fabulous people behind the US sitcom, Friends. This truly, truly wonderful show has just finished here in the UK, and this is my (bizarre) tribute to it. Plus, I felt like writing something light and silly after Card Castles in a Summer Storm. As Harry Potter is quite a different set-up from Friends, you have to allow me a bit of poetic licence in order to make them mesh well together. Let’s just pretend that the Hextet are all at the Burrow in the holidays. And let’s pretend that some of them *cough*Neville!*cough* have changed a bit over the summer. Some lines have been switched (and others changed completely), but generally the characters are interpreted as follows…

 

HERMIONE – Rachel

GINNY – Monica

LUNA – Phoebe

NEVILLE – Joey

HARRY – Chandler

RON – Ross

  

Suspend your disbelief and enjoy the programme!

 

*      *      *

 

(Scene: The interior of the Burrow. HERMIONE, GINNY and LUNA are sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by books. HERMIONE is tutoring GINNY and LUNA using various charts, graphs and pieces of parchment. GINNY is looking extremely grumpy, LUNA merely distant. On the other side of the room HARRY, RON and NEVILLE are crammed around the radio, listening to the Quidditch results.)

 

BOYS

(Reacting to the game.)

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!

 

LUNA

Hey, you three have done your OWLs. Instead of listening to the Quidditch, you could help us study.

 

BOYS

(Without moving.)

We will.

 

HERMIONE

(Waving a timetable at GINNY.)

Okay, Ginny, you want to do about seven hours of work a day.

 

GINNY

No, Hermione, you want to do about seven hours of work a day. I want to do this.

 

(GINNY whips out her wand and hits HERMIONE with the Bat Bogey Hex. With a wave of her own wand and an outward breath, Hermione rids her nose of bat wings.)

 

HERMIONE

(Looking peeved.)

Every session.

 

OPENING CREDITS

 

(The gang are seen jumping and dancing around in the Ministry of Magic fountain in various poses, before all squeezing onto a Gryffindor common room sofa. Their names appear in this order: HERMIONE, GINNY, LUNA, NEVILLE, HARRY, RON.)

 

(The Burrow. Scene continued from earlier.)

 

LUNA

(Having lost interest in studying, she is watching the boys around the radio.)

You know, for once, I’m going to sit down and try to listen to one of these things.

 

BOYS

(Just as she sits down.)

Time out.

 

NEVILLE

Hey, who wants to fly the brooms around, maybe get a little three on three going?

 

HERMIONE

We’re working.

 

NEVILLE

Which means you could use a break.

 

LUNA

Ooh, can I play too? I’ve never played Quidditch, like ever.

 

NEVILLE

Great, you can cover Harry.

 

HARRY

No, no, no, I don’t really want to play.

 

NEVILLE

Come on, mate. You never want to do anything since you and Cho broke up.

 

HARRY

That’s not true! I wanted to wear my pyjamas and eat Cockroach Clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking Butterbeer in the morning. Don’t say that I don’t have goals!

 

NEVILLE

Harry, you have to start getting over her. If you play you’ll get some fresh air, maybe it’ll take your mind off Cho. And if you don’t play everyone will be mad at you because the teams won’t be even. Come on.

 

HARRY

Yeah, all right. I’ll play.

 

LUNA

Yay! Let’s do it! Ron?

 

RON

(Looking shifty.)

What?

 

HERMIONE

(Curiously.)

Don’t you want to play Quidditch?

 

RON

(Exchanging a look with GINNY.)

Er, Ginny and I aren’t supposed to play Quidditch.

 

NEVILLE

(Laughing.)

Says who, your mum?

 

GINNY AND RON

Yes.

 

GINNY

Well, every summer we used to have a Quidditch competition called…

(She mumbles.)

… called the Weasley Comp.

 

HARRY

No, no, no. You say that proudly!

 

GINNY

Anyway, Ron and I were always captains because we’re the youngest. And, um, it got kind of competitive and one year, Weasley Comp Six, I accidentally broke Ron’s nose.

 

RON

It was so not an accident. She saw I was about the grab the Snitch so she jabbed her elbow right into my face and kept on flying.

 

GINNY

To catch the winning Snitch, by the way.

 

RON

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You did not win the game. The Snitch didn’t count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage, nose breaking.

 

GINNY

(To HARRY and NEVILLE.)

I won the game.

 

RON

Oh yeah? Then how come you didn’t get the Weasley Cup?

 

HERMIONE

(Trying not to laugh.)

There was a Weasley Cup?

 

RON

(Impatiently.)

Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But Dad said he was sick of our fighting so he took the trophy and…

(He is on the verge of tears.)

… Threw it in the lake.

 

HARRY

And was the curse lifted?

 

RON

That was when Mum said that we were not allowed to play Quidditch ever again.

 

LUNA

You play at school.

 

RON

Mum doesn’t know that.

 

GINNY

(To RON.)

You know what? I think we should play a game. I mean, come on. It’s been twelve months.

 

RON

Can I see you for a second?

 

(They walk over to the sink and discuss it in furious, hushed voices.)

 

GINNY

(Shouts.)

Coward!

 

RON

(To the others.)

All right, we’re going to play.

 

(Scene: Outside the Burrow. The gang is warming up for their Quidditch game, hovering a few feet above the ground on their brooms. LUNA is swinging her broom around in a rather wild, erratic manner while HERMIONE is sitting very awkwardly.)

 

GINNY

Okay, let’s start.

 

HERMIONE

(To RON.)

Wait, no, throw it to me! Ron, throw it to me!

 

RON

Here you go.

 

(He throws her the Quaffle. Instead of catching it she knocks it down with a slap.)

 

HERMIONE

(Shocked.)

That almost hit me in the face!

 

NEVILLE

All right, we have to pick captains.

 

LUNA

Okay, so how do we decide that?

 

GINNY

Well, why don’t we just swing a Gnome?

 

HERMIONE, LUNA, HARRY AND NEVILLE

What?

 

GINNY AND RON

(Swinging their arms above their heads as if holding a garden Gnome.)

Gnomey!

 

(The others are nonplussed.)

 

GINNY

Okay, looks like Ron and I are captains. I swung first so I get to pick first. Neville.

 

NEVILLE

(Joining her.)

Thank you.

 

HERMIONE

(Hurt.)

Ginny, I’m your best friend.

 

RON

Don’t worry Hermione, you’ll get picked. Harry.

 

HERMIONE

Ron!

 

GINNY

Luna.

 

(LUNA kisses HERMIONE on the cheek as she joins NEVILLE and GINNY.)

 

RON

See now, Hermione, I pick you.

 

HERMIONE

(Grumpily walking towards him and HARRY.)

You don’t pick me! You’re stuck with me!

 

GINNY

Okay. Let’s play from the chicken coop to the gate. No Bludgers. Everyone can handle the Quaffle and anyone can catch the Snitch.

 

HERMIONE

I’ve set a timer. We have exactly twenty-eight minutes before you have to continue revising.

 

HARRY

Wow, she makes it just like being at Hogwarts.

 

GINNY

Huddle up!

 

LUNA

(Joining GINNY and NEVILLE in a huddle.)

Wait for me, wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.

 

GINNY

Okay.

 

LUNA

So what do you two really think of Harry?

 

GINNY

Luna, you know what you’re doing, right?

 

LUNA

Yes.

 

GINNY

Neville’s going to get the Quaffle off Ron, and you’re going to block Harry.

 

LUNA

What’s blocking?

 

GINNY

I thought you said you knew what you were doing!

 

LUNA

(Genuinely surprised.)

I thought you meant in life!

 

(HARRY is ready to throw the Quaffle. RON is waiting to catch it.)

 

HARRY

The ball is Cho. The ball is Cho. The ball is Cho.

 

(He throws it so hard that RON is winded.)

 

RON

Ow! Son of a… Ow! Come on!

 

HARRY

Sorry, I’m sorry! You know what? We’re just going to pass it.

 

(He tries throwing it more gently. NEVILLE shoots forwards and intercepts it.)

 

NEVILLE

I got it!

 

LUNA

Go! Go! Go!

 

(NEVILLE flies up the field, feints past RON and scores.)

 

GINNY

(Shouting.)

Score! Ten to nothing!

 

(RON dangles dangerously off his broom while GINNY’S team celebrates flying around each other.)

 

HERMIONE

(Flying over to RON.)

Are you all right?

 

RON

(Lowering himself to the ground to get back on his broom.)

Come on, let’s go!

 

GINNY

Losers walk!

 

RON

Yeah? Losers talk!

 

HARRY

(To them both.)

No, actually losers rhyme.

 

(Cut to later. RON’S team has the ball.)

 

HERMIONE

Over here! Over here!

 

(HARRY throws her the Quaffle, which she drops.)

 

HERMIONE

(Proudly.)

Ha! I almost caught that one!

 

HARRY

Great. Now it’s ten to almost ten.

 

RON

(Flying to HARRY.)

Okay, you go to the right. I’ll throw it to you past Luna. Go!

 

HERMIONE

Wait! What do I do?

 

RON

Er, you go long.

 

HERMIONE

How long?

 

RON

Until we start to look very small.

 

HERMIONE

(Happily.)

Okay.

 

RON

Go!

 

(Cut to later. GINNY’S team has the Quaffle.)

 

GINNY

(Throwing it to NEVILLE.)

Get it!

 

(NEVILLE zooms for it at the same time as HARRY. They both miss it and it drops to the ground and under the foot of a very beautiful girl.)

 

NEVILLE

Hey, thanks for stopping the Quaffle.

 

GIRL

(In an accent.)

You are playing Quidditch?

 

NEVILLE

Hey, you’re from a whole other country.

 

GIRL

I’m French.

 

NEVILLE

Hi, I’m Neville.

 

GIRL

I’m Fleur.

 

NEVILLE

I’m sorry French, I didn’t catch that last bit.

 

(FLEUR laughs. HARRY flies to the ground.)

 

HARRY

Hey, Neville, do you wanna play Quidditch, do you wanna…

(Seeing FLEUR.)

… Hi, I’m Harry.

 

FLEUR

‘Ello ‘Arry.

 

NEVILLE

Her name is French and also Floor.

 

FLEUR

Fleur.

 

NEVILLE

Flar.

 

FLEUR

Fleur.

 

NEVILLE

Flir?

 

HARRY

Fleeeeeeeeeeeuuur.

 

(GINNY circles above them.)

 

GINNY

Come on guys! Let’s go. We’re twenty ahead.

 

RON

Uh, hello? Only ten.

 

GINNY

No we’re not. We scored twice.

 

RON

Wow.

 

GINNY

Wow, what?

 

RON

It just amazes me that you’re still pulling stuff like this.

 

GINNY

Pulling what? We’ve got twenty points.

 

RON

Okay, you’ve got twenty points.

(Turning away.)

Take all the points you need.

 

GINNY

Hey! I heard that!

 

RON

Well, I said it loudly.

 

FLEUR

(To NEVILLE and HARRY.)

Is it okay if I stay and watch?

 

NEVILLE AND HARRY

(Overeager.)

Yeah! Why don’t you stick around! You can sit right there!

 

(FLEUR goes to sit down on the wall. NEVILLE and HARRY fly back up to the game, talking.)

 

HARRY

Well that went well.

 

NEVILLE

I think so.

 

HARRY

You know, I was thinking about asking her out.

 

NEVILLE

Thanks mate, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it myself, you know.

 

HARRY

Whoa-ho. No, I was thinking about for me. As a part of that whole getting over Cho thing you were talking about.

 

NEVILLE

(Deflated.)

Oh yeah, that. All right, if it means that much to you, I’ll let you have her.

 

HARRY

Thanks. Wait! Let me have her? Like if you didn’t I wouldn’t have a shot?

 

NEVILLE

Well, I don’t like to say it out loud but… yeah! I mean you’re famous and everything, but girls really dig the cute round guy. Don’t feel bad. We all have our strengths. You’re better with defence and stuff. 

 

HARRY

Spells?! You’re giving me spells?! All right, forget about it. We’ll see who gets her.

 

(Cut to later. RON’S huddle.)

 

RON

Harry, I want you to fly high over the game and Hermione…

 

HERMIONE

Yeah, I know. Go long. You know it feels like all I’m doing is running back and forth from the huddle.

 

RON

(Carefully.)

Well, do you want to just, er, stay out there?

 

HERMIONE

(Looking at the Quaffle in his hands.)

Can I see that for a second?

 

RON

Yeah.

 

(HERMIONE takes it and bounces it off RON’S forehead. HARRY catches the rebound.)

 

RON

Okay. Go!

 

(HARRY flies high and catches the Quaffle as RON throws it to him. NEVILLE flies up behind HARRY and knocks the ball out of his hands. Annoyed, HARRY grabs at NEVILLE and rips his robes.)

 

NEVILLE

What is the matter with you? You attacked my robes!

 

HARRY

Better yours than mine. Hey, I am good at defence!

 

NEVILLE

All right, that’s it. You know, I was still going to let you have her, but now forget it! Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.

 

HARRY

Hey! Well I’ve been preparing for that my entire life.

(Thinking about this.)

Or something about you that’s mean!

 

GINNY

Come on guys, let’s go. It’s thirty - thirty and we’re running out of time!

 

(HERMIONE’S timer sounds as GINNY throws the Quaffle to LUNA.)

 

LUNA

(Catching it and wincing.)

Oh I got it! Ow! Ew! Broken bones! Ow!

 

NEVILLE

Fly Luna!

 

GINNY

Luna, score!

 

(LUNA flies up the field and scores a goal.)

 

LUNA

Goal! Goal!

 

RON

The timer sounded.

 

GINNY

After I threw it!

 

RON

Before you threw it!

 

NEVILLE

After!

 

HARRY

Before!

 

HERMIONE

Now, does it really matter?

 

ALL

Yes!!!

 

LUNA

Well, I scored a goal. It was my first goal.

 

RON

Luna, that’s great. It doesn’t count.

 

GINNY

Does so count.

 

RON

Cheater, fighter, diary writer!

 

(The group gasp. He has gone too far.)

 

LUNA

(Breathlessly.)

Mer – lin’s - beard!

 

GINNY

You know, that’s fine. Maybe you haven’t grown up. But I have.

 

RON

Oh-ho, okay.

 

(GINNY swings her broom around so that the back of it hits RON in the head.)

 

GINNY

Twig face!

 

RON

Ow! Ow! Okay, fine. You want to win by cheating, go ahead, that’s all right. Luna, the goal does count.

 

LUNA

Yay!

 

GINNY

No!

 

LUNA

Oh.

 

GINNY

(To RON.)

No, listen, I’m not going to go through this with you again. Just for once I want to beat you when you can’t blame it on the broken nose, the timer, or some stupid phobia. Let’s just call this tie score and have a time out.

 

RON

Okay, first of all I don’t play with cheaters. And secondly, you know there were spiders nesting in the tail of my broom!

 

GINNY

I think you’ll play.

 

RON

Oh really, why’s that?

 

(Cut to the interior of the Burrow. GINNY slams down a grubby old Filibuster Firework covered with a tiny Weasley jumper on the table.)

 

GINNY

Because the winner gets this!

 

RON

(In an awed voice.)

The Weasley Cup!

 

HARRY

(Looking worried.)

Is everyone else seeing a firework wearing a Weasley jumper?

 

ALL

Uh huh.

 

HARRY

Okay. Good.

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

(Scene: Outside the Burrow. The gang is returning to play the second half of the game. RON is running after GINNY.)

 

RON

Where did you get that?

 

GINNY

When Mum and Dad Flooed you to St. Mungo’s, I swam into the lake and fished it out.

 

RON

That cup is mine!

 

GINNY

No it’s not. If you want it, you have to win it.

 

HERMIONE

Are we not going to study at all?

 

(GINNY ignores HERMIONE and signals to LUNA and a reluctant, distracted NEVILLE.)

 

GINNY

Come on, let’s go! Huddle up! Neville, keep your head in the game.

 

NEVILLE

It’s hard. Harry’s huddle is closer to the French girl.

 

GINNY

Look, if I take Harry out of the running will you be able to focus.

 

NEVILLE

(Excited.)

What are you going to do?

 

GINNY

Just make sure Harry gets the ball. I’ll take care of the rest.

 

NEVILLE

Okay.

 

GINNY

Go.

 

(NEVILLE throws the ball to HARRY. HARRY catches it and zooms up the field. Just as he passes FLEUR, raising his eyebrows, GINNY tackles him brutally, forcing him off his broom.)

 

GINNY

(To FLEUR.)

Tackled by a girl! Bet you don’t see that everyday!

 

RON

Woah, woah! What’s with the tackling?

 

GINNY

(Innocently.)

What? I just touched him and he fell off!

 

(HARRY looks incredulously up at her from the ground. RON frowns.)

 

RON

Okay, you want to play rough? We can play rough.

 

(They both stare at each other and ‘Let’s Get Ready to Rumble’ sounds in the background. A long Quidditch sequence follows. GINNY throws the Quaffle over HARRY’S head to NEVILLE who catches it, lines up a goal, and starts to dance in celebration. HARRY tackles him, takes the ball, and he too starts to dance in celebration. GINNY then flies up the field waiting for a pass. RON sneaks behind her, pulls up her robes, flits in front of her, and intercepts the pass. HARRY next throws the Quaffle to RON who catches it. Screaming, LUNA flies towards RON but all she achieves is circling around him making a lot of noise. Meanwhile, HERMIONE is at the other end of the field, swinging her dangling legs and playing with her Droobles gum. Something hits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from. GINNY then throws the ball to LUNA, who flies up the field, violently takes out HARRY, and scores a goal.)

 

LUNA

I love this game!

 

(RON flies over to HERMIONE who is reading a book while in the air.)

 

RON

Where did you get that?

 

HERMIONE

I went really long.

 

GINNY

(Crowing at RON.)

Forty points to just twenty! Ronniekins cannot catch me!

 

RON

It’s no surprise that you’re winning. You got to pick first, so you get the better team.

 

GINNY

You’re so pathetic. Why can’t you just accept it? We’re winning because I’m better than you.

 

(RON makes a ‘yeah right’ sound.)

 

GINNY

What a great argument! Exhaling! You know what? I’ll prove it to you. I’ll trade you Neville for Hermione and I’ll still win the game.

 

RON

What? The boys against the girls? That’s stupid Ginny, because I’m only down by twenty points.

 

GINNY

Ooh, then bring it on. Unless of course you’re afraid you might loose to a bunch of girls.

 

RON

Fine, fine. Hermione, you’re with Ginny now. Neville, you’re with me.

 

HERMIONE

(Flying towards GINNY but looking back at RON.)

I cannot believe you’re trading me!

 

GINNY

Come on Hermione. Let’s see what it’s like to be on a winning team for a change.

 

HERMIONE

(Hopefully.)

You’re going to let me play?

 

(Awkward pause.)

 

GINNY

All right then!

 

(Cut to the boys’ team. FLEUR is calling up to them.)

 

FLEUR

The game is over?

 

HARRY

No, no, no. The game’s not over, we’re just switching teams.

 

NEVILLE

Yeah, Harry finds me so intimidating that it’s better if we’re on the same team.

 

RON

Okay, let’s play.

 

HARRY

(Looking from NEVILLE to FLEUR.)

No, hold on a second, Neville. Where do French people come from?

 

NEVILLE

Er…

 

HARRY

It’s somewhere around Beauxbatons, right?

 

NEVILLE

Nice try.

(To FLEUR.)

You see, Beauxbatons was this snooty school that visited Hogwarts in our fourth year.

 

FLEUR

Oh my.

 

(HARRY looks delighted, NEVILLE annoyed and RON just weary.)

 

RON

Enough with improving foreign relations. Let’s play some Quidditch.

 

NEVILLE

No, I’m not playing with this bloke now.

 

HARRY

Fine with me.

 

RON

Okay, let’s just cut to the chase here. Fleur, which of my boys do you like?

 

HARRY AND NEVILLE

(To RON.)

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

 

FLEUR

Which do I like?

 

RON

You know, for dating, general merriment, sharing a bowl of frogs’ legs with…

 

FLEUR

I like Bill. Zat’s actually why I’m here…

 

RON

But which of these two do you like.

 

FLEUR

Well if I ‘ad to choose right now, which by ze way I find really weird, I would ‘ave to say… ‘Arry.

 

HARRY

Yes!!

 

NEVILLE

Wait a minute! She obviously didn’t understand the question.

 

HARRY

Well, why not get Madame Maxime to explain it to her?

 

FLEUR

I’m sorry, Neville. Zat is my choice.

 

HARRY

You hear that? Zat is her choice, mister I’ll-let-you-have-her. I win! You lose! I rule all! A mini wave in celebration of me!!

 

(He does the wave. FLEUR looks unimpressed.)

 

FLEUR

I’m now thinking zat I would like to change my answer to… no one.

 

HARRY

Wh-what?

 

FLEUR

I now find you shallow and um, a dork. Goodbye.

 

(She stalks off into the house.)

 

NEVILLE

Nice going. You just saved yourself the envy of everyone in our year.

 

HARRY

You know what, it doesn’t matter. She picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and go to Hogsmeade and you have to take Occlumency with Snape on Saturday night!

 

RON

Save the breakthroughs for Dumbledore, all right? The clock is ticking and we are losing. We are losing to girls.

 

HARRY

We’re not going to lose to girls.

 

RON

It’s forty - twenty.

 

NEVILLE

This is rubbish. I was just up by that much!

 

GINNY

(Calling over from her huddle.)

Are we playing Quidditch or not? Come on!

(To HERMIONE and LUNA.)

We have to do this. We are playing for girls everywhere. Okay, just think of every boy who didn’t ask you to the Yule Ball, every boy who didn’t appreciate a singing Valentine, every boy who stepped away from the Mistletoe…

 

LUNA

They have Nargles, you know.

 

GINNY

This is for every girl who’s ever been wronged! Let’s kill ‘em!

 

HERMIONE

(Shouting – apparently very moved by GINNY’S words.)

Yeah!! Kill ‘em!!

 

(She looks shocked at herself. GINNY pats her supportively on the back. LUNA looks doubtful.)

 

LUNA

All right, don’t get me wrong, I want to kill them. But they’re boys. How are we going to beat three boys?

 

(GINNY looks around, smiling as a plan forms. Another Quidditch sequence follows. HARRY flies past LUNA with the Quaffle but grinds to a halt as she lifts up her top. As he stares dumbfounded, she grabs the Quaffle and flies on. NEVILLE then intercepts it but is slowed as HERMIONE leaps onto his back in an attempt to wrestle the Quaffle from him. When this fails GINNY and LUNA grab HERMIONE’S legs and they pull NEVILLE backwards. However NEVILLE manages to wriggle his broom free and score. Next HARRY has the Quaffle. LUNA flashes him again but he covers his eyes and keeps flying until he crashes into the goalpost but scores nonetheless.)

 

GINNY

Right, we have a minute and a half to go and we are down by ten points. Ten points…

(She is interrupted by the boys who are doing a slow motion high five.)

Luna, you fly high again. Hermione, go long.

 

HERMIONE

No! Come on! Don’t make me go long. Use me. They never cover me.

 

GINNY

Hermione, there’s a reason.

 

HERMIONE

Honestly, I’m not entirely incapable. I can throw. Will you let me throw? Come on, this is my game too.

 

LUNA

Yeah, go on Ginny, let her throw the ball.

 

GINNY

(Doubtfully.)

Okay. Hermione, you fly high and I’ll get it to you. You then throw it towards their end to Luna.

 

HERMIONE

Thank you.

 

GINNY

All right! Go!

 

(GINNY throws the ball very, very gently to HERMIONE who catches it with difficulty. Overcoming their surprise, HARRY, RON and NEVILLE all speed towards HERMIONE. Screaming, she flies far away with the three boys chasing her. Eventually she does an awkward loop, zooms back towards GINNY and throws the ball with such force that it hits GINNY in the eye.)

 

GINNY

Ow!

 

HERMIONE

I’m so sorry! Are you okay?

 

GINNY

No, I’m not okay.

 

HERMIONE

I’m sorry. They were all coming at me. I didn’t know what to do.

 

NEVILLE

(Looking at HERMIONE’S watch.)

Thirty seconds left.

 

HARRY

Hooray! We get to take that stupid jumper thing home!

 

GINNY

(Panicked.)

Come on, huddle! Hurry!

 

LUNA

(Sadly.)

Ooh, this is our last huddle.

 

GINNY

We can still score once and get even. Then we’ll have to play a tie breaker. Okay, Luna go far to the right. Hermione, go long.

 

HERMIONE

(Tearfully.)

Okay.

 

GINNY

Go!

 

(In slow motion. GINNY throws the Quaffle to LUNA on the right. HERMIONE goes long. HARRY and NEVILLE speed towards LUNA who throws it back to GINNY. RON races towards GINNY who desperately looks for LUNA. But LUNA is being held and gagged by HARRY and NEVILLE and cannot get free. HERMIONE is waving wildly at GINNY but it is too late. His broom out of control, RON flies into GINNY and the two of them are tangled in a fight with the Quaffle. Disappointed, HERMIONE bows her head for a moment, looks up and stares straight ahead of her. Suddenly alert, she makes a wild, unwieldy snatching movement and clasps something in her hand. She screams and everyone looks her way.)

 

RON

What?

 

(HERMIONE opens her hand to reveal the Snitch.)

 

HERMIONE

I got the Snitch! We did it!

 

(She is immediately overwhelmed by GINNY and LUNA who leap on top of her, hugging her and screaming as they drift to the ground. RON and NEVILLE look horrified. HARRY looks thoughtful.)

 

HARRY

Hey, Hermione, funny thing. Ginny said we were playing from the chicken coop to the gate. And you were so long that you caught the Snitch way beyond the gate. So we win.

 

(The boys celebrate. HERMIONE lets go of the Snitch dejectedly and it hovers close by.)

 

GINNY

That’s stupid. You can catch the Snitch anywhere.

 

HARRY

You were the one who said where the pitch was.

 

GINNY

The Snitch doesn’t count.

 

RON

Oh, I think it does.

 

GINNY

No it doesn’t!

 

LUNA

Wait, wait, wait! Explain something to me. If we’re now in the pitch area, and the Snitch is right there, doesn’t that mean that the game is still going?

 

(Everyone looks at each other for a split second before diving at the Snitch. The gang fall to the floor, struggling. Eventually HARRY, NEVILLE, HERMIONE and LUNA give up, leaving RON and GINNY on the ground with their hands clasped around the Snitch.)

 

RON

Let go!

 

GINNY

You let go! I’m a very tiny little girl!

 

HARRY

(Seriously.)

Come on, you two. It’s not important who wins or loses. The important thing is…

(Gleefully to NEVILLE.)

… The French girl picked me! Me! Not you! France loves ‘Arry, thank you Beauxbatons, Goodnight!

 

GINNY

(Still struggling.)

Ow!

 

END CREDITS

 

(Scene: Later, back inside the Burrow. HARRY, NEVILLE, HERMIONE and LUNA are drinking from bottles of Butterbeer around the fire.)

 

HERMIONE

We should definitely play Quidditch more often. Maybe there’s a league we could join or something.

 

LUNA

Isn’t there a national Quidditch league?

 

HARRY

(Amused.)

Yes, they play on Saturdays and Sundays.

 

HERMIONE

Oh no! Those are my homework days.

 

(HARRY and NEVILLE exchange a look.)

 

NEVILLE

These drinks are amazing.

 

LUNA

Yeah, do you think we should bring them some?

 

HERMIONE

(Strictly.)

When they’re thirsty enough, they’ll come in.

 

(Scene: Outside the Burrow. It’s getting dark and RON and GINNY are still fighting over the Snitch. Gnomes are watching them, hiding their sniggering faces with their hands.)

 

GINNY

Let go!

 

RON

No! You let go!

 

GINNY

No!

 

RON

How come it’s always us left on the pitch holding the ball?

 

GINNY

I don’t know. I guess everyone else just doesn’t care enough.

 

RON

(Looking up.)

It’s getting dark.

 

(GINNY looks up at the sky. The stars are beginning to twinkle and the sun is setting a beautiful pinky orange. Moved by this, the siblings look at each other fondly. Then they immediately start fighting for the Snitch again.)

 

RON

Gimme!

 

GINNY

Get off!

 

*      *      *