From Behind the
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, and I most certainly don't own the
Harry Potter series.
Author Notes: My old pride and joy: my parody. Even my mother, who
has no knowledge of Harry Potter other than that I own all the books, thought
it was funny. Any use of annoying nicknames like Siri was intentional, as were
most blatant Americanisms. ^_^
I’d also like to thank my beta, Elanor Gamgee,
who came up with the last bit about the chili.
Harry's heart was heavy with emotion as he entered the Department of
Mysteries. His stomach was heavy with the chili he had stolen from Dudley's
plate that morning. Yet, Harry felt good. The order, along with Harry and his
friends had been allowed to go visit the DoM and say their last goodbyes to
Sirius. Something like a funeral. Dumbledore turned to Harry.
"Are you sure you're all right, Harry?" he asked, his eyes missing
their usual twinkle. Harry nodded. Did Dumbledore think he was going to burst
into tears or something? The worst thing that could happen might be him running
out of the room to go to the bathroom. He was really regretting that chili.
Finally, they reached the room with the archway and the Veil. Harry wondered if
they ever washed the Veil. Probably not. It looked pretty dirty and battered.
Dumbledore motioned for all of them to stand in a half circle a few feet in
front of the Veil.
"Well Sirius, look how many people turned up for this," Dumbledore
began, "All these people are here because they've been mourning your death.
In fact, I got a few owls from women asking for an invitation, but I had to
refuse, After all, this room isn't large enough to accommodate them all."
This got a few chuckles.
"Sirius, I can't believe you left," Lupin spoke, "You won't
believe all the slash authors that are writing about me not realizing my
feelings for you until you kicked the bucket. They're having a field day!"
"I regret what I implied before." Now it was Mrs. Weasley's turn.
"You weren't an irresponsible godfather. You were just really
Hermione was about to speak, but Dumbledore raised a hand. Harry could hear
voices from behind the Veil. At first they were muffled, but then they grew
louder. Harry could almost make out what the person was saying.
"... Be back some day.... might have to wait a while... miss me... I
know." It was like this for a minute, but then the voice became clear.
"Well, save me a seat anyhow." Harry's eyes widened. He recognized
that voice! But it couldn't be....! Could it....?
"We will, Siri," a happy voice chirped from behind the Veil.
Harry watched in shock as his godfather stepped from behind the Veil, a
brunette clinging to his right arm and a redhead on the other. The girls each
gave Sirius a smile and quick kiss on the cheek and walked back into the Veil.
"Sirius?" Harry asked, incredulously. The chili was having a party
in his stomach now.
"You're dead!" Harry croaked, or rather, Harry said in a croaky
voice. Otherwise he'd be dead, you see.
"I'm back!" Sirius exclaimed.
"I cried for you!" Harry said in an accusatory tone, as if
he'd been cheated.
"It means you love me."
"But you needed to die. It gives me righteous anger! I need to think I
indirectly killed you so I can kill Voldemort without regrets. You were sacrificed
for the sake of the plot!"
"Him being evil doesn't justify killing him?" Sirius asked
"Well, apparently not,"
"Says who?" Sirius asked with a frown. Harry shrugged.
"A higher power."
"Okay, Aren't you happy I'm back?"
"Yeah... but how... how did you do it?"
"Well, Harry, I think that will need to be explained later. Perhaps in
your seventh year."
"'Cause you have to wait."
"Says who?" Harry demanded.
"A higher power."
"Why is it everyone else knows more about my life than I do?"
"Because of the higher power"
“This higher power is getting on my nerves."
"I think the higher power is getting on all our nerves," Sirius
"So what's next? Are you staying?"
"Well, I'm not sure. We'll find out in a couple of years, I think. When
the higher power finishes writing. But for now, I'll be here for as long as I
can avoid getting myself killed." Harry nodded his understanding.
"So how was it... you know... there?"
"Well, kind of warm, if you ask me... Oh! You mean heaven! It was
ok." Sirius answered as Harry ran to him, almost knocking him back into
the Veil, and gave him a hug. Sirius returned it.
Finally, all the others recovered from their state of shock. Most of them
now had tears in their eyes at seeing Harry and Sirius re-united. Even Lupin
ran towards them and joined the hug, knocking Kreacher, who had suddenly
appeared there, into the Veil. Dumbledore cast an ancient spell onto the Veil
so no one else could come out.
Dumbledore was the first to speak.
"Sirius, you do realize you are in the Ministry of Magic? And that they
are still hunting for you?"
Sirius shrugged. "Well, just turn something into a Portkey and send me
to Hogwarts or something."
"I would do that, but Fudge is still a little jumpy about me. He'll
find out and try to put me in Azkaban for it... though that would be a good
"Fine. I'll Apparate to Grimmauld Place..." Sirius said with a
Harry looked at them a bit confused. "But what about my righteous anger?
Now I don't feel like killing Voldemort. Sure, he slaughtered my parents and
taunted me about it, but they're like strangers to me. I do love them on some
level, but not enough to commit murder for them."
“What do you mean you don't love them enough to commit murder? You were
about to kill me when you thought I had betrayed them!" Sirius yelped.
“Well, that's because you were their friend. But Voldemort was their enemy
who just happened to succeed in his goal of killing them. It's totally
different. Plus I thought there was something 'villain-ey' about you..."
Harry reasoned. Sirius shrugged.
“Righteous anger... of course. You coming back may prove to be a bad thing,
Sirius," Dumbledore said. Harry nodded; Sirius looked offended.
"I'll just go back in if you want," Sirius said sarcastically.
Then his expression changed to one of thoughtfulness. "Though those girls
did offer to do a stripte... never mind," he said as Mrs. Weasley glared
at him. Mr. Weasley was wearing an amused expression; Lupin and Moody both
looked envious, Moody sinisterly so, and Mundungus was clearly contemplating
how stupid he would sound if he asked Sirius if he could have their addresses.
Harry shrugged. "I wanna go with Sirius," he said quickly.
"I've been at the Dursleys’ for five weeks already, isn't it about time I
Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, of course. I'll make a Portkey then-" He
was interrupted by Harry.
"Sorry, professor. I always exit in a very comical and unexpected
fashion. I think I'll have to go back for a couple of hours and then Sirius and
Professor Lupin can bust in and rescue me. I think that's about the only thing
that would outdo my exit in my third and fourth years."
Sirius nodded eagerly. "Yeah! We can do that! Well, I'd better get
going. Gotta plan the kidnapping... err... rescue mission." he said, and
made to Apparate away. Harry grinned.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Wait, Sirius. Let me just inform you.
Pettigrew is going to be caught a few weeks into term, and you will go to trial
with him and be cleared. You will, of course, get your hopes up about Harry
living with you, but I will need to remind you about the...circumstances. In
the end, however, we will work out something about Harry staying with the Dursleys
for most of the summer, but going home with you during the holidays."
Everyone stared at him oddly.
Dumbledore’s eyebrows shot up. "What do you expect? I'm Trelawney's
father. Why else do you think I keep her around? To make sure I'm the only one
she makes prophecies about Voldemort to?" he said, opening a whole new
world of possibilities.
"No wonder you knew about me stealing Dung's Playboy!" Fred burst
out, but quickly regretted it as everyone looked shocked.
Sirius waved a hand impatiently. "Okay, he's a boy with hormones. Who
cares? Can I go now?"
Harry bit his lip. "But what about my righteous anger?!" he almost
Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "Perhaps we can put one of your friends
in danger next time you encounter Voldemort."
"Not 'Mione or Ron." Harry said quickly. Hermione gave small
squeak of happiness and ran to give Harry a hug. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Voldemort
Apparated. He stuck his leg out and tripped Hermione, causing her to fall into
the Veil. Only part of her leg was visible now. Dumbledore gave it a discreet
kick and it disappeared behind the Veil too as Voldemort laughed like a maniac
"There's your righteous anger, Harry," Ron said, still looking at
Harry nodded. "Fair enough. We should go now so I can get home and dwell
on the fact that one of my friends died because I needed righteous anger,"
Harry said; the others nodded and Sirius Disapparated. Harry wished the chili
would stop doing the tango in his stomach.
Dumbledore gave him a concerned look. “Are you feeling well, Harry? You have
not been too overwhelmed by tonight’s events, have you?” he asked, completely
ignoring the fact that it was mid-day.
Harry shook his head. “Er… no, Professor, but I think I really have to get
out of here.”
Molly Weasley put her hand on his shoulder. “The poor dear,” she muttered,
“this must bring back awful memories…”
“Uh, no, actually, I just really need to get to a toilet right now.”