The Sugar Quill
Author: JellyDingyStar  Story: Love Not Lost  Chapter: Default
The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.


A.N. The ‘Will you look into the mirror’ dialogue is taken from Galadriel and Frodo in Fellowship of the Ring.  The ‘Be alone’ part is also from Galadriel and Frodo. 

I know, I know!  This most likely won’t happen but I got the idea from Gryffinjack’s drawing: Return of the Je—I mean Padfoot.  Truly splendid artwork… And thanks to my Beta-reader Aurelie!


Harry roamed the hallowed halls of Hogwarts.


He had no pleasure in them now.  Not the fixation of being out when he wasn’t supposed to… Nor the joy of the thought of Ron’s excited questions upon his return.  In fact he hadn’t even brought the invisibility cloak.


He jammed his freezing hands in his pockets and with a hardy scowl continued on his way.


So what if he was caught?  What more did he have to lose?


‘Quite a lot,’ said a voice in his head. 


“Shut up and leave me alone,” he said aloud.


Phineas Nigullus’s stupid words from the past year floated into his mind:


‘First sign of madness: talking to your own head.’


“I am not mad,” said Harry.  “I can talk to my head all I want.  I’m not mad.  I’m not mad.  I’m not mad.  I’M NOT MAD!”


He broke into a run not caring where he was going.  He was not mad!


Harry turned a corner.  He spotted a staircase and dashed up it.  As he passed a ghost a new thought crept into his mind, I need a place to mourn!  To be alone!  Just to think!


Then he had to stop dead.


A huge mahogany door faced him.  On it were words of another language that he did not know.


He pulled at the large brass handle.


Inside was a cold stone floor.  Nothing else was in sight except a big, glass mirror.


Harry walked towards it squinting.  He had seen this mirror before.


Across the top mysterious writing spelt: Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi.


It was the mirror of Erised.


Dumbledore looked at the poor, suffering boy.


How he longed to leave his office which had devises of seeing Harry Potter and go to him.


But this was a test that only Harry would take.  It was the test that everyone took – in his or her own time.  Now Harry Potter’s had come.  How foolish for Dumbledore to have thought that Harry had already taken this test.  How incredibly foolish…


He saw the 16-year-old’s eyes widen and face contract as he looked into the long forgotten mirror…


Will you look into the mirror?’


What will I see?


‘Even the wisest cannot tell.  For the mirror shows many things.’


In this way Harry battled with himself.  He didn’t think he could stand seeing his family’s happy faces again when he himself felt so unhappy.


He finally peaked up at it expecting to see his mother’s dark red hair or his father’s bespeckled eyes but instead he saw the form of a large black dog that had big round, kind eyes that were full of concern.  Harry was seeing Sirius.  His own eyes widened and his face contorted…


It was incredible how much this boy had suffered and even now couldn’t manage to shed a single tear.


If Dumbledore managed to get through this sight without going to Harry it would be a miracle!


He repeated to himself that this was Harry’s test and must take it alone…


The big black dog that was Harry’s godfather blinked sadly back at him just out of reach… just out of reach!


Then Harry could not stand it.  The loss of Sirius all jumbled with the horrible events of his life threatened to overwhelm him.


Harry tried to stop them but they came pouring out of his soul.


He fell to his knees and lamented with the tears spilling out of his eyes as he lost the battle for self-control.


Through foggy vision he saw Padfoot’s warm eyes again.  A paw extended to reach for him but the clear mystical glass forever separated them.


Harry banged himself against the mirror, desperate to fall through…


Dumbledore stayed at the entrance to the Room of Requirement, not wanting to invade on Harry. 


He was surprised that the room had been able to distinguish Harry’s thoughts of being alone as wanting Sirius.  Even he didn’t quite understand, and the room had supplied the best possible way for Sirius to come back.


Dumbledore watched Harry slump to the floor in anguish.


“Why do I have to go on alone?” Harry cried to the silent room.  “I can’t defeat Him!  Especially a-alone!”


Perhaps it was still too early to let Harry know that which he already knew in his heart: He had been marked as Voldemort’s equal.  To be marked as the Dark Lords equal meant to be alone.


But Harry Potter would never be deserted by his friends – no matter how much he thought he was.

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