Oversexed, Overpaid, and Over Here - B. Nonymous
Oversexed, Overpaid, and Over Here.
From what I can tell, nothing in Book 5 contradicts what I plan on writing
This is one of the "Awvee Chronicles". I hinted at their existence
in Mischief Managed, and their alumni would have played prominently
into my planned Sirius Black and the Four Points. But since poor
Padfoot is dead, I've decided to send everyone's second-favorite seeker and
first-favorite dragon expert in Charlie Weasley and the Four Points.
It will be co-written with Herm-own-ninny (aka. Mrs. Nonymous), and you all
should check out our "Tastes Like Chicken" over at the Library. This story,
however, is a Grindelwald-era piece, where you will meet a few of our
favorite Potterverse old-timers. It will be six chapters, plus an Epilogue.
With the 60th anniversary of the D-Day landings now past, let's not forget
that during the Second Muggle World War, a different Dark Lord was
threatening the wizarding world. We all know who defeated him, of course,
but like other Dark Lords, Grindelwald had quite an organization of
followers, as did his opposition.
Thanks to Night Zephyr for beta-reading, and Herm-own-ninny for
alpha-reading (and lotsa love). Enjoy!
March 2nd, 1944
To the untrained eye, it was just another troop ship. Plenty of these ships
had been departing from New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Norfolk, and other
cities along the East Coast of the United States. For the past
two-and-a-half years, the United States had been sending young men over to
fight a war in Europe.
Everyone on board was certain that there would be a landing in France
this year. Everyone was certain that George Patton would
lead a glorious assault on Calais, and that he would steamroller any German
opposition. Everyone was also certain that the mysterious company
sequestered at the bow was either some sort of scientific cadre, or perhaps
some of Bill Donovan's OSS boys, or pilots of some new Top Secret
Regardless of their precise speculation... everyone was wrong.
Sergeant Dominic Salvaggio was, as usual, talking with the rats. If any of
the Muggle soldiers aboard the ship had seen him doing this, they would have
thought that he was bucking for a Section 8
Fortunately, Dominic was following orders and not performing unusual acts
outside of the Restricted Section of the ship.
Dominic had been talking to rats since he was a small boy in New York's
Little Italy neighborhood. Until he was eleven, the rats were Dominic's
best friends. He was a small, scrawny kid, and an easy target for the
neighborhood bullies. His admission letter to the Salem Schools - the East
point of the United States' Four Points - changed his life forever. His
parents - thinking he was admitted to a prestigious prep school - encouraged
Dominic to escape the neighborhood and take advantage of the opportunity that
had brought his grandparents to America from Italy.
After seven years (equivalent to the Muggle grades six through twelve),
Dominic was not only able to talk with rats, he was able to mingle with them.
Transfiguration of all sorts came easily to him. When he requested to
attempt the Animagus transformation his last year, it was only natural that
the street-rat wizard would become a rat himself. Talking with them helped
Dominic stay "in character" whenever he would change and blend in with real
"Yo Dom! Are they jumping ship?" shouted a nasal, Brooklyn-accented voice.
It belonged to Sergeant Herschel Yauch, who glanced at the rats while asking
"You kidding me, Hersch? The food's too good on this can!" joked
Herschel, like Dominic, was a recent graduate of the Salem Schools. While at
Salem they were both in the O'Shaughnessy School - the youngest of the Salem
Schools. Had they been Muggles, they would have been buck Privates, but
their unit had inflated their ranks to allow easier mingling with Muggle
soldiers (a Muggle soldier would less likely question a higher-ranking
soldier about what he did). Because of the inflated ranks, what appeared to
Muggles to be a company was actually a battalion - led by a full bird
Like many proud American wizards, Dominic and Herschel had signed up right
after graduation for the American Wizarding Volunteer Brigade - the Awvees.
Two years earlier, the Federal Bureau of Magic had exposed a ring of
Grindelwald supporters in Indiana. Their plans were published in the New
, and other wizarding newspapers. They were to incite or
encourage existing Muggle-on-Muggle violence, and slip themselves into
secondary positions of Muggle power unnoticed. After that, continued
Muggle-on-Muggle conflict would ensure a wizard-dominated world. It was the
same tactics Grindelwald and his followers had executed so efficiently in
Europe. This news galvanized the American wizarding community, and the
Bureau found a means to send wizards to Europe via the Muggle War Department,
which was already engaging in the Muggle war in Europe.
The Awvees were a full Brigade of the United States Army. Its leader,
Brigadier General Simon P. Tucker, had even attended the US Military Academy
(which confused wizards who thought "West Point" was the Pacific Academy of
Sorcery) after graduating from the Salem Warlocks' Institute (another of the
Salem Schools). Since the 1920s, Tucker had been recruiting a small officer
corps from the wizarding world in reaction to Grindelwald's rise to power.
General Tucker expected the Grindelwald problem to grow to worldwide
proportions. He made this very clear - as well as America's part in the
solution - at the beginning of Awvee training.
Dominic ceased his rodent chat and instead continued with Herschel.
"Hey Hersch, do you think the Yanks can win the pennant again?"
"I dunno Dom - it just ain't the same without Joltin' Joe... can't wait 'til
this damn war's over with!"
Their discussion was cut short by another new recruit - one who had been
listening to their conversation with an amount of disdain.
"Would you two quit talking about meaningless Muggle games? The Colonel
wants us now!"
Captain Uriah R. Grubbly was the antithesis of both Dominic and Herschel.
Like General Tucker, he was a Salem Warlock with many magical generations
proceeding him. Unlike General Tucker, he viewed his station with a certain
amount of smug superiority. He looked forward to landing in England, where
wizarding pride had a lot more meaning than it did in the Muggle-obsessed
United States. Grubbly did not have any disdain for Muggles per se - after
all, that was one of the big reasons why they were fighting this war - but to
see wizards and witches embrace non-magical culture so willingly
grated against him terribly.
Dominic looked up - he only stood five-feet five-inches tall - at the
Dominic chafed at having to take orders (even only occasionally) from the
"Salem Schmuck" as he was called by Hersch. The four schools of Salem -
Salem Warlocks' Institute, Salem Witches' Institute, Hughes House, and
O'Shaughnessy School - were rivals in all sorts of affairs. The animosity
between the bluebloods of Salem Warlock and the immigrant-and-poor
O'Shaughnessy ran long and deep. Dominic and Uriah were the top students in
their respective schools, but they could be no less different.
Dominic was a Transfiguration expert - besides being an Animagus (with an
FBM-issued license that allowed him to practice in all forty-eight states) he
could transfigure many classes of items into much smaller (and easier to
carry) items. The two skills made him a perfect candidate for
deep-penetration reconnaisance and extraction operations. He stood at
attention until Uriah turned around and walked toward the ship's forward
Uriah excelled in the complementary arts of Potions and Herbology. He also
had a grasp on fundamental Charms that, combined with his other skills, made
him an expert in wizarding medicine. His seventh-year project in life-force
transfers vaulted him into a coveted mediwizard apprenticeship. Because of
the shortage of mediwizards, he was commissioned as a mediwizard Captain
(like Muggle doctors in the Army).
"I can't believe they made him a Captain, Dom!" Hersch complained, after
Grubbly was out of earshot.
"It's all about family! I'm sure his Daddy had a chat with General Tucker.
. . .
Dominic and Herschel were the last two Awvees to walk into the conference
room. They were each handed a personally-addressed envelope by the guard at
the door. They both tried unsuccessfully to break the seal as the Colonel
stepped up to the podium.
Colonel J. Ryerson (nobody knew what the J. stood for) was a blonde
Midwesterner. He stood taller than his 5-foot-8 height suggested. This had
to do with his bulk - certainly that of an athlete. He was a product of the
Northwoods School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Northwoods recruited mostly
from the heartland of America, was located deep in the woods of Michigan's
upper peninsula, and almost always won the Four Points Quodpot Cup. In spite
of the occasional complaint about "that hayseed lightning-catcher" from
people like Grubbly, the men respected Colonel Ryerson. It occurred to
Dominic that General Tucker now had four Battalion commanders. He guessed
that the other three each came from one of the remaining Four Points - Salem,
Nouveauxbatons (the school originally founded by the French settlers of
Lousiana), and Pacific.
Colonel Ryerson addressed the Battalion with a calm, almost-folksy
"The ship's Captain has informed me that we're four hours away from port.
After this briefing, we'll be releasing Sam," he glanced over at the bald
eagle perched near a porthole, "to announce our arrival. I'm very proud of
you all. Your arrival will complete the Awvee deployment, and fulfill our
commitment to the fight against Grindelwald.
"Each of you has an envelope with your orders. There shouldn't be anything
very surprising for most of you. A few of you specialists will be
transferring to British units because of your qualifications. Most of you,
however, will be flying the flag until we are brought up to speed by our
British friends. I want you all to understand that we are guests
the British Ministry of Magic. You represent the Bureau, the United States
Army, and our country as a whole. I'm sure you'll make us proud.
"You may open your orders now. Unless those orders are marked eyes-only, you
may discuss them. Don't worry about leaving them around - each set is charmed
so that only you can read it." He glanced briefly at one of of his
adjutants. "Thank you, Major Richards, for that Privacy Charm.
The crowd quickly rifled through their envelopes, which now could have their
seals broken. Dominic opened his and read:
thought Dominic to himself, Mum's the word.
"Oy vey! I'm charming rings in half an hour, Dom. What do they got you
doing?" Herschel's best subject was Charms.
Dominic rolled his eyes as he answered, "Patrolling the sewers of
Herschel looked shocked, "You're putting me on, Dom!"
Dominic nodded in reply and looked forlornly at his orders. "Wish I could
say more, Hersch... I really wish I could say more."
Dominic felt depressed. He was about to be shuttled off to some godforsaken
part of a country he knew nothing about. He turned himself into a rat and
scurried out of the room. Maybe some of the rats could tell him what he was
getting himself into.
 A Section 8 discharge is for insanity. (Remember
Cpl. Klinger from M*A*S*H?)
 Read James H. Cobb's "Hex'um John" story in the
anthology Civil War Fantastic for a bit more about the 1st Salem
Stay tuned for the next chapter - Excitement.