Disclaimer: I donít own Harry Potter, itís just that sometimes things donít go my way.
Many thanks to my fantastic beta, Aurelie. Bless her little heart for doing this story, tolerating me, helping me overcome my dependence/addiction to adverbs,† and telling me that sugar quill was not a compound word. Who knew? Also many thanks to my best mate, Sophia, and my brother, my tangible and unofficial betas.
"Now, if you do feel a bit hesitant about the dive, we can work on something else right now, all right?" I asked Ginny for about the third time this session. It's not that I was scared for her or something; it's just that she still might not be ready for it.
"Are you saying I can't do it or something? Is that it, buddy? Maybe I should just find someone who believes in me a bit more." She shook her head darkly, and sneaked a peek at me. I knew Ginny wasn't being serious (that mischievous grin gave her all away), but I felt it my duty to assure her that I had full confidence in her.
"No, it's not that, but maybe I'm going too fast for you. You might not be getting all I'm trying to teach you." I knew that would get her a bit more riled up. It was amusing to see her get agitated.
"Do you actually think I can't handle something? How dare you, Potter?" She shot towards me at full speed and I just managed to dodge out of the way. We were about fifty meters high up in the air, and I really didn't want to take a chance at plummeting to the ground. At least, not today.
"Watch it there, missy. I might just decide to quit on this free service I'm giving you. Do you know how much I could start charging you for these lessons? You better be glad I haven't taken advantage of that financial opportunity. Lucky you." I think I told her this on an almost daily basis. Or when we came out to practice here on the pitch, that is. Ginny knew I wasn't bragging, so I reserved these kinds of jokes only to her and other close friends. I mean, if I joke around like this around the wrong person, they might just think me an egotistical prat. I didn't need that right now, or ever.
"Oy, it's almost going to be dark! Let's try it on last time!" I really wanted her to get this dive well. I think I do quite well with dives, so it's nice to know that someone can carry on my moves.
"All right, all right! Don't get your knickers in a knot, luv." One of her more common lines to aggravate me, and she knew it.
"You know, this move can also serve as a distraction as well as hurting the opposing Seeker if they're a lesser flyer than you." I started going up about and went some ten more meters higher. I'd decided to ignore that last comment and just continue with the Quidditch lesson.
"Yes, yes, I know." I heard her call below me. I could hear a bit of grumpiness in her tone and I knew it was getting later. It seemed that I could tell time just by the tones of her voice. At the beginning of practice, she sounded bright and awake. That was around six o'clock. Around close to seven, I could hear her getting a sort of determined, aggressive manner of speaking. I knew that was when she gave up the friendly chatter and really started practicing. We always turned in at dusk, which was around eight or eight-thirty and that was when her voice would vary the most. If she was tired, it would start getting soft and she'd speak less. If she wanted to continue, her tone would become sharp and biting. If she felt that it had been a good practice, her voice would go back to the way it sounded in the beginning. Pleasant and cheerful her voice would be. There were other ones that I'd begun to recognize, but these were the more common ones.
"Remember, if you don't think you can stop at about five meters from the ground, it's all right."
"I can do it all right. You sound like my mum nagging. Just trust me, Harry" I was a bit worried. I always had her stop about ten meters from the ground and that distance still preoccupied me. I had twice the anxiety now that I was letting her cut half of the previous distance.
"Ready, then, Gin?"
"I was born ready, mate."
"All right." The countdown commenced. "Three... two... ONE!"
She shot straight down at top speed. The Nimbus 2001 that George and Fred had sent her last Christmas (business was booming) was a fast one. It was a most definite improvement from the Shooting Star she'd previously owned. I sped down not quite at the Fireboltís best speed, but just enough to see how she was doing. I watched with eagerness, hoping Ginny wouldn't hurt herself. Ever since I'd started training Ginny to be next year's Seeker, I'd asked Madame Pomfrey to teach me a few spells that would numb the pain for a while. You know, just in case.
Ginny was nearing the point where we had agreed for her to pull up. I should've known it. She would have wanted to go further. At about two meters, she finally pulled up from the dive. Damn her, she had no idea what she was doing to me. As she flew around a bit more, I got off my broom and waited for her to get down as well. I mean, if her family knew in what kind of danger I was letting her put herself in, I'd be in deep --
"Wasn't that brilliant? It's been one of my best, don't you think?" Although my back was to her, I heard her footfalls on the grass of the pitch and knew she was sprinting towards me. As Ginny said this, I turned to look at her. I wasn't happy at the risk she'd taken, and as soon as Ginny saw my face, her smile morphed into a scowl. "Tuh, I knew you'd be upset."
I was trying quite hard to not snap. Ginny said it herself. She knew I'd be upset, but yet she did it. I won't say anything, I decided.
"Look, I'm sorry. I knew you wouldn't let me if asked you. You don't think I could handle it. But I can, Harry, you saw for yourself!" Really, she was pushing me to the edge. I was concerned for her safety.
"Don't look so sulky. You're ruining my mood." She nudged me in the ribs with elbow. ďIt was a dangerous thing to do, don't blow it off,Ē I tried to tell myself.
She ran up ahead a few steps ahead of me, turned around and I had to halt.
"All right, I'm sorry, I really am." She'd let go of her hair and her bangs were covering some of her face. I'd never understood why she'd gotten a haircut with bangs. It covered her face. The blue eyes I loved to look into were sometimes shielded from my gaze by her ginger tresses. It annoyed me to no end.† She apologized with complete sincerity.
"It's fine, Ginny. Just tell me when you're going to do it next time so I don't have a coronary." My last year at Hogwarts was ending in a few months and I didn't want to be upset at her for more than two minutes, especially for silly reasons like that.
"Good deal!" Ginny hugged me tight and I did too. "I don't even understand why you get so upset. I mean, if I do get hurt, it'll be my neck, not yours." Boy, they say guys are silly. She really had no idea that I cared for her that much. I didn't know why I hadn't told Ginny how I felt about her. Like I said earlier, I was leaving in a few months and I wanted to take the opportunity to let her know. I just hadn't found the right moment.
"I know it's your neck, but I'd be pretty upset if you got hurt. I mean, it would lessen the chances of the team winning next year if the Seeker wasn't fit to play." I always dropped hints like this though. I said things like this that I'm sure would show her that I did care for her. I mean, how obvious could I be?
"Aw... for a minute there I thought you might've been concerned about me." All right, maybe I wasn't being that obvious.
"You know I do. It's just that sometimes, other things are in my head and they get mixed up with the things that really matter." Wow, even I impressed myself. I looked down at her and gave her my most earnest smile. I said something decent without bumbling or stuttering. Ginny must've thought the same thing because the next thing I knew, her arm was around my waist. This was great! I put up my arm and wrapped it around her shoulder. Somehow, this gave me the confidence I'd been waiting for. We fit so perfectly together; it was the opportune moment!
"Fancy a walk Ďround the lake?" she asked. I kind of grunted in agreement. I wasnít aware that the fact our bodies being so close together would impair my ability to speak in complete sentences.
I turned to look down at her and I found she was looking at me too. She couldn't have looked more beautiful. Well, she probably could've considering we'd just finished training, but this was pretty good.
I opened my mouth to confess my feelings I had been suppressing for about half a year. All was ready to pour out when I found that instead of words showing her, my raw emotions just took over. What I'd been planning for what seemed liked ages, I completely got rid of. My careful preparation of the exact words I was to say was abandoned. All I knew was that I had to kiss this girl. I had to. I leaned down and Ginny seemed to tilt her head up to welcome me. I parted my lips and hers were separated as well, so the two pairs of lips fitted together and made it my first good kiss. As I stood there, kissing this person who I had become so close to this past year and a half, I began to think how I could possibly live without seeing her on an almost daily basis. Really, how was I to survive?
Although I thought too much during the kiss, it was still fantastic. I mean, kissing had to be the best thing in the world! Nothing could top this feeling ecstasy. When Ginny started to pull away, it took all my self-control to prevent myself from keeping her next to me, but I had to remind myself that we both need to take proper breaths.
Somehow, we'd ended up dangerously near the edge of the lake. We were also in completely different stances then I last remembered. My hands where on her waist and Ginny's were up around my neck. It didn't really matter; all I knew was that I loved being close to her. She looked up at me, her cheeks with more color than usual. Ginny looked about as flushed as I felt. I could also see that there was some surprise in her eyes.
"I-I didn't know you felt that way." She said as she brought one of her hands down and brushed her fingertips against her lips. They had a glossier-than-usual appearance, and I knew the kiss was to blame. I placed my hand under her chin and mimicked her actions with my thumb. I needed to touch her, but I also knew she would want to talk. What was with girls and discussing their feelings? I loved these knew actions that were based on pure feeling and spontaneity. Oh, she'd said asked something, right? I need to tell her.
"I've been wanting to do that for a while now." That was the beginning of my perfectly planned announcement. "You know I'm leaving in a few months and I hate myself for having waited so long to tell you about my feelings. I just want to spend the rest of my time here with you, Ginny. You've been in my head for a long time now and I'm letting you know that I want to be with you." Wait, something wasn't going right. I'd expected her to be happy, or at least look it. Ginny had this look of frustration, like she was getting mad or something. Something told me that things weren't going to go exactly how I thought.
"All right," she nodded slowly, "so do you think I'm just going to accept you with open arms? Is that it? Or did you want some sort of few-month fling? If you did, I'm not that type of girl. This really isn't fair, Harry, you know that! Why did you put it off until now? You could've told me when you started having these feelings."
"It's just that I was waiting for the ri--"
"The right moment! Yes, I expected that. We've been spending so much time together lately and almost half of that time it's just us two, by ourselves. You're telling me that out of all the time we're alone it never seems like the right time to tell me?" Well, it wasn't that; today just seemed more perfect than any other day. Oh, now Ginny looked mad. Bollocks. She had one hand on her hip and the other was brushing her hair furiously out of her face. She wasn't looking at me either. She was looking down at the ground and muttering what seemed like swears. I was scared.
"Well, what about the kiss, didn't that mean something?" I was desperate; I wanted to make things right. "Didn't you feel what I felt?"
"Of course I did!" she shouted toward the sky. "You say you've been waiting a while. But I", Ginny prodded her chest, "I've been waiting longer."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nothing was making any sense, did she like it or not?
"It means that I'd been waiting for that almost a whole year and I had just come to terms with myself that it wasn't to happen, and then it happens! It's not fair!"
"But it did happen! Aren't you glad?"
"No! You're messing everything up! I'm over you!" Over me? I didn't even know she had liked me. Well, sure, when she was 11 or 12, but that was ages ago.
"Can't we try to make it work? Please, I need you with me. Even after I leave, I want you with me." I didn't know what to do. I was hopelessly confused. What could I do to make Ginny want me as I wanted her? I could see that she was fighting an inner battle within herself. She was biting her bottom lip and fidgeting with the red string bracelet I noticed she always wore. She was also looking at the ground again. Would she choose me?
Finally, after what seemed like eternity of staring at the top of her head, she looked up at me. Here it was. Would I have her? Would she be mine finally be mine after months of not being able to get her out of my head?
"If you'd done this a while ago, I would've pounced on the offer, but now is just not the right time. It really isn't. After I got over you, I told myself that I didn't need a boyfriend. I was going to concentrate on being myself and finding out who I was inside. It was going to be me-time! I don't need anyone to be happy!"
After she finished saying all this, she came to me and placed her head against my chest. She put her arms around my back and I placed my head over hers. I ran my hand through her hair, and breathed her sweet smell in. I couldn't really understand what was going on. I knew that she'd rejected me, and we weren't going to be together, and that's all that mattered. I knew that after this hug, all I got was I all I was going to get. The disappointment couldn't have been greater.
I heard her sniffle a bit. She pulled away and the silent tears that had fallen were wiped away. I read the look in her eyes. It said that she was sorry, but she had to do this. Although I knew that we were probably never going to be more than friends, I was still going to love her. I wasn't going to be mad at her for this. If not being with me would make her happy, then that was fine with me. Yes, I knew that I loved her; whether I was in love with her was another matter I had yet to think about. I'd known for a good while now, but it was more of a brotherly love. She always said she loved me like a brother too, and now I wished that she loved me for something else.
Ginny leaned towards me, gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and whispered in my ear, "I love you, Harry, I always will." The irony.
"I love you, too, Ginny." I pulled her into a quick hug, and let her go. She turned on her heel and headed towards the castle without ever turning back to look at me.
I walked around the lake a few more times before deciding to go back to my common room. I assumed it was later than I thought because the usual loud and busy activity that took place in the Gryffindor Common Room had burnt down to just a few students who were still working on homework. Among them were my two best friends, Hermione and Ron, they weren't studying but just looking at each other. No, not even talking. They hadn't seemed to notice my arrival and I was grateful. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I went straight to my bed, I didn't it change into my pajamas. I was in a daze, lost. I hadn't even considered rejection. I just automatically assumed that she, as she said, would 'pounce on the offer'. Maybe in my subconscious I did know that she liked me, but I chose not to acknowledge it, for I could not be pressured into anything. Why? Why did I wait for so long?
Soon, I fell into a restless sleep, full of dreams of me chasing after something that could not be caught.
I kept waking every couple of hours. I would lie there in my bed doing nothing. I thought of getting up for an early ride on my Firebolt, but I couldn't actually bring myself to do it. I couldn't think of anything but Ginny. Questions of why she had rejected me ran across my mind and tormented me. It was hell.
After I left Harry, I didn't know what to do. I was confused and had no idea what to do with myself. I walked around not really knowing where to go, I just wanted to sort things out. What I told him was true. I did want to concentrate on myself right now; I did want to discover my true self. Almost two years ago, I'd become very spiritual, or at least I told myself. I believed in fate and destiny, signs, and meanings in things that came to me that would otherwise seem unimportant. I started to place my faith in me and nothing else. I knew that to reach my goal in spirituality, I needed to give something up. That something, I came to know was the thing that was blocking me from reaching my spiritual goal: A certain person with whom I spent most of my time thinking of. Yes, in my view Harry Potter was almost perfect. I loved him, and he was beginning to love me. Of course, only as a friend and sister, but that was really fine by me. I, too, began to come to terms with myself that that would be the only way that I could love him, as a brother. Yes, I was quite good at that.
But, no, the fates have plotted against me and they want me to suffer. As soon as I get over Harry, there he is, kissing me. Talk about bad timing.
I don't how long I roamed but when I got back to my common room, one of my friends did try to speak to me, but I felt like I was separated from the world. I ignored her and continued straight away to my room. My roommates also asked me what was wrong with me.
"Something wrong, luv?"
"Have you been crying, Ginny?" I shook my head.
"Hey, are you all right?" They persisted.
"No, I have a headache." Sod off was the thing that was really supposed to come out of my mouth.
I changed into my nightgown, sat on my bed, drew the curtains shut, and hugged my pillow the hardest I'd hugged it in a long time. I think I cried a bit more. Things just refused to go according to my plan. Why couldn't one thing in my life go right? I pulled out my journal from underneath my mattress. In between the front cover and the first page, there was a Muggle writing utensil. Hermione had given it to me after I had complained to her that quills annoyed me to no end and I thought they were messy. A mechanical pencil, it was called. You had to press the end with the eraser so that more ďleadĒ could come out. I thought it was ideal. It was one of my most favorite things in the world and I still use them more than I do quills. I couldn't think of what to write though. I twirled the pencil between my fingers trying to make myself write in my journal. I had only just started to write in a journal again. I used it sporadically, too, and then only to write impacting events, such as this. That night, though, words escaped me. I couldn't think of anything to put down on parchment.
I fell asleep, but not for long. I stirred awake. One of my stupid roommates had an annoying habit in which she would leave a window open so that a 'light breeze' could come in, as she would say. I get cold quite easily so to me it was more of a bitter, harsh gust of wind than a 'breeze'. I also knew it was late.
"Lumos." 4:44, my watch read. Bollocks, I hated waking up in the middle of the night. I walked over to the window and shut it with a slam. Light breeze, my arse. I returned to my bed without shutting the curtains. Why bother? After over an hour later and a few fruitless attempts to return to my dreamland, I got up once again. I put on my slippers and threw on my night robe. I stuffed a few items into my pocket and then walked quietly down the stairs to my common room and made sure Harry wasn't there. You never know, innit? The coast was clear. I walked out and headed to the Owlery.
When I got there, I sat on the stone steps and pulled out the pencil and parchment from my back pocket. I decided to write to close friend who I knew would have much advice to give me. I hadn't seen Tonks in a while or spoken to her either, so I should write. There was a large age gap between us two, almost 10 years, but we got along fantastic. What I couldn't write in my journal, I found myself putting it in a letter addressed to Tonks. To me, she was sage; she had experienced it all, and was there for me always.
††††††††††††††† In the letter, I included to the fullest extent what happened, from the Seeker practice to the aimless wandering. In about half an hour I was done and found myself wiping away tears that I hadn't even realized were shed. I tried to compose myself in a hurry, not that anyone was around. Tears were a sign of weakness, I had told myself many times. I guess the reason I'd been crying so much was because I hadn't done so in a very long time. Like a bottle of good wine, I had left this for a special occasion. Merlin, was I bitter. I called down a school owl and attached the letter. Towards the horizon the owl flew, and I watched it fly away until all I could see was a black dot against the wonderful array of colors the rising sun was giving off.
††††††††††††††† I went back to Gryffindor Tower. I'd decided that I would go to breakfast at the regular time. I didn't want anyone to suspect that I'd been up. That would simply bring more questions. As I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling of my dorm, I began to think. Had I been right in letting Harry go? Had this been my chance to happiness? Was messing up what was destined for me by turning him down? What if there had been a reason as to why Harry took so long, maybe that's the way it was supposed to happen.
††††††††††††††† Maybe I was just telling myself this because I did want him. I wanted to find him and hold him and kiss him. How I wanted to get out of my dorm and go to his and--
††††††††††††††† "Hey, Gin, it's time to get up." Ah, my ever-faithful human alarm clock, Carin. I didn't want her to suspect anything, so I did what I would do any other morning. I ignored her.
††††††††††††††† "Get off your arse! Time for school, you cow!" Yes, the method to get me up was to insult me rather harshly.
††††††††††††††† "I'm up, I'm up, you bitch." I said in the groggiest voice I could muster. Don't get me wrong, we were friends, but we got along this way. I got up from my bed, and pretended to stretch.
"Why do you have your night robe on, Ginny?" Damn.
††††††††††††††† "I was cold." Good one, you great prat.
††††††††††††††† "Cold? Why didn't you use a blanket? Have you been up?" Betrayed by my clothing. I ignored her, and walked to my wardrobe. I dressed quickly, tied the top half of my hair with a ribbon, and grabbed my book bag. As I made my way out of the room, Carin was standing in the doorway, blocking my exit. Dash it all.
††††††††††††††† "What?" I growled. I was in no mood for her antics. Some friend, can't mind her own damn business.
††††††††††††††† "You know what. Where were you? Off with some guy?" Since when was I slag who snuck off to midnight rendezvous? Sure, I've had a couple of boyfriends, but I'm not pathetic.
††††††††††††††† "What in the bleeding hell are you talking about? I haven't been anywhere. What's wrong with you?"
††††††††††††††† "You weren't here, I heard you slam the window and walk out. Who did you go see?"
††††††††††††††† "You're bloody mad. I don't know what you're talking about. Get out of the way, or I'll move you out of the way." She must have seen the fury in my face because she didn't hesitate to let me out. Before I walked I made sure to give her my most disgusted look. Accusing me of sneaking out to go see some boy. I was sneaking out to write a letter. What an idiot.
††††††††††††††† I walked down to the Great Hall and sat on the edge of my House Table that was nearest the door. In case I needed to make a quick exit, it would be easy. I wasnít too early so there were people already at breakfast and the staff table was all occupied. I was in dire need of comfort food, and since I have a great metabolism and didn't even think about it being a problem. Well, I usually eat a lot as it is and I hardly gain anything, but that morning, I was going to binge. I served myself some porridge, toast with a generous amount of jam spread across, bacon and ham, egg, and a bit of coffee. I wasn't supposed to be drinking any coffee. Lately, I'd become obsessed with white teeth and I knew that coffee caused atrociously disgusting stains. Today was an exception; the caffeine was needed. I noticed that Harry hadn't shown up. Where was he?
††††††††††††††† "Good morning!" I froze in my seat before I registered who it was. One of my 7th year friends was standing behind me, no trouble. We'd been friends for a while now. Neville had invited me to a dance a few years ago and we'd been friends ever since.
††††††††††††††† "Good morning, luv." I replied.
††††††††††††††† "Ravenous, more like."
††††††††††††††† "Comfort food?" He asked with an air of suspicion.
††††††††††††††† "Of course not. Whatever gave you that idea?" Did I have a sign on my forehead that read 'LOVERLORN' or something?
††††††††††††††† "Nothing, but it's what most girls do when they're heartbroken." Neville shrugged.
††††††††††††††† "Well, as you know, I am not most girls so you must be certain it's not that." As we conversed, I had not once looked at him in the eye. I concentrated loyally on my food or whatever was in front of me. As I took a huge bite out of my toast, Harry passed by. I knocked my napkin off the table with my elbow, and leaned down to get it. Neville got there before me.
††††††††††††††† "Here you go." Damn chivalry. I had to l cover my face with my hand. "My, my, someone's looking miserable this morning." Neville was right. It looked as if Harry had gotten as much sleep as I did. Did I look like that?
††††††††††††††† "Well, I'm off, Neville." My first lesson of the day was starting in about ten minutes.
††††††††††††††† "Bye, Ginny."
††††††††††††††† I walked out of the doors in top speed, and started to walk to my History of Magic lesson. Exhilarating way to start the day, innit? I heard someone running behind me, and I began to walk faster. Whoever was behind me mimicked my action and increased their speed as well. I broke into a run. It had to be Harry. I turned a few corners in a vain attempt to lose him. I stopped and clutched at a stitch in my side. Well, if you want a good workout, just run up and down a few staircases and corridors in Hogwarts. I turned to look at my surroundings, but I couldn't recognize where we were. I decided to fret about it later. I turned and waited for Harry to appear.
††††††††††††††† "Thank you." He panted. Harry too needed a break. He leaned over and placed his hands on his knees.
††††††††††††††† "You'd think Quidditch would get us into shape?"
††††††††††††††† "You're right." Harry looked up and grinned at me. After we caught our breath, I had to get to the point.
††††††††††††††† "What do you want?"
††††††††††††††† "Well, aside from a few unattainable things, I just need to give you something." I stepped away. That 'something' might turn out to be a kiss and then I'd be lost. I couldn't risk it. He pulled a slender black box out of his pocket and offered it to me.
††††††††††††††† "I bought it a while ago, and was supposed to be presented to you at the opportune moment, but seeing the current circumstances, I guess I'll just give it to you now." I took the box after initial hesitation. As I lifted the lid I couldn't help but gasp. It was a slender silver chain, thread in the most beautiful way, and in the center, a silver lily in the midst of opening its petals. I touched it. It was too beautiful.
††††††††††††††† "Oh, no. Please, no. I can't take it."
††††††††††††††† "Please, do, Ginny. What am I going to do with it?" Harry asked.
††††††††††††††† "Can't you return it?" It sounded harsh, but what else could I do?
††††††††††††††† "Please, just take it. I bought it for you in mind, and it will only mean that we're friends. We still are, aren't we?"
††††††††††††††† "Oh, don't be daft, Harry. Of course we are." I looked in his green eyes, and I knew they reflected exactly what were in mine. Want.
††††††††††††††† "So, will you take it?"
††††††††††††††† "Turn around," he said as he took the box out of my hands. I obeyed. I lifted my hair and he ran the chain around my neck. I noticed that Harry made sure not to touch me in an unnecessary manner. It was maddening. He did take long to do it though. I could feel his closeness and I closed my eyes and reveled in the heat that radiated from his hands onto my neck. He finished securing the necklace and I knew that I would never take it off. I turned around to look at him. I fingered the rose. A new habit was born.
††††††††††††††† "Thank you. It's beautiful," I whispered. Harry leaned down to give me a peck on the cheek, and I kissed his. I couldn't bring myself to move away from him and I kissed his cheek again. I kissed him again and noticed that I had come very close to his lips. I had no willpower. I kissed his lips. He kissed me right back and soon enough, I was pressed up against a wall with one of Harry's hands at the small of my back and the other against the wall and I was running my hands through his hair. I knew what I was doing was totally against what† 'Spiritual Ginny' wanted. Sod her, deep down inside, I wanted to love and be loved by him until my death. I kissed Harry as if there was no tomorrow and we were so close together, I couldn't tell where my body ended and his started.
††††††††††††††† I could feel him to start to pull away. Surely he would demand an explanation for my sudden change of heart. Poor boy, I was going to make him go mad.
††††††††††††††† "Wait, as much as I want to continue this, I have to know. What is going on? You're driving me up the wall insane, Ginny. Explain quickly, too, I want to get back to our previous activity," he said with that smirk that made me insane. What should I tell him? Did I even know what was going on?
††††††††††††††† "I don't know, really. I don't." I said in desperation.
††††††††††††††† "Do you want to be with me?" It seemed like a simple question, and it was, but the consequences of giving an affirmative answer started coursing through my mind. It's commitment, you've never liked that, but it's Harry, I argued. He's leaving in a few months, how is that going to work out? You know he wants to pursue his dream of becoming an Auror which means heíll be getting into a lot of dangerous situations, how are you going to handle that? We'll find a solution. I was waging an inner battle in myself. All these things and more held me from saying a flat out 'no', and yet there was also something that seemed to be just as strong that was telling me 'Yes!', but I still didn't know what to do. How could I get out of this mess?
††††††††††††††† "Answer me." He grabbed my shoulders and looked straight at me. I was defeated. I lost all my strength.
††††††††††††††† "Yes," I confessed, "but--"
††††††††††††††† "No 'buts', let's just leave it at that."
††††††††††††††† "No, I can't, Harry."
††††††††††††††† "Yes, you can. What are you so afraid of?"
††††††††††††††† "Of losing you!"
††††††††††††††† "Losing me? How will you lose me if we're together?" He looked absolutely bewildered.
††††††††††††††† "You'll be out of here in a few months and you could find someone new or get killed or lose interest! That's how I'll lose you." No, no crying, I told myself even though I doubted I had any more tears left in me.
††††††††††††††† "I could never lose interest in you and you're the only for me and if I get myself killed, I'll apologize in advance. I love you, and not just that, I'm in love with you. I hadn't realized until last night when you left me out there by myself." He seemed exhausted as he finished talking. He rested his forehead against mine and that was when I knew that it was meant to be. This obstacle we had just overcome was just to show us that we really were meant for each other.
††††††††††††††† We didn't kiss anymore, but decided to meet at the lake at end of the day. We were about thirty minutes late for class so it wasn't enough to skive it off. Our hands were entwined with one another's and we separated only when I had to go to down a different corridor than his.
††††††††††††††† "See you later."
††††††††††††††† "Bye." I couldn't wait.
††††††††††††††† He let go of me, but I couldn't help myself. "Harry." I called out for him.
††††††††††††††† "Yes?" I ran up to him and pulled him into a kiss. It was passion mixed with desire. We both had to summon all of our self-control so that we get to class and not stay in some corridor snogging.
††††††††††††††† The day passed like a dream. It was like I was detached and nothing mattered except Ginny and I being together. After being dismissed from Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts, I walked out to the grounds and towards the lake. I only had to wait for Ginny a few minutes before she showed up.
††††††††††††††† "Hello," said she as I leaned down to kiss her. She tasted so good. We stood there a few moments, holding each other and kissing. It was bliss.
††††††††††††††† "Hi." We clasped hands once again and began to walk around the lake. We didn't talk much, sometimes commenting on things such as lessons, the weather, friends, and the upcoming Quidditch Final. Otherwise,† we both took pleasure in the fact that, after all this time of 'waiting for the right moment', we were finally together. I noticed that Ginny began to finger her necklace again and I thought, even if we were going to be apart, we'll still be there for each other. We were out there for a good time. It was nice to be outside enjoying the breeze and in the company of someone I loved. It started to become chilly, and by the time we decided to return to our common room, it was night.
††††††††††††††† We walked towards the Gryffindor Tower. Great more stairs, I thought, thinking of that morning's jog, or also known as chasing after Ginny.
††††††††††††††† "Figglechibit," I said to the Fat Lady.
††††††††††††††† "Bless you," she replied and swung open.
††††††††††††††† I climbed in after Ginny and was waiting for me when I got in to look for a place in which to settle ourselves in.
††††††††††††††† We sat on the couch that was facing the window. It had a great view of the grounds, and I knew that it was one of her favorite places to sit. There was a crescent moon out that night, there were no clouds in sight, and it was beautiful. We were sitting on the couch and began discussing Ravenclaw's most probable strategy they were going to use against Gryffindor on next week's match. Since I was Seeker, Ginny had been a Chaser her fifth and sixth year. We had also won the Quidditch Cup last year, and it seemed that we were in pretty good shape to win it again this year as well. Ginny was asking me if Viktor Krum had ever tried to contact me after my fourth year when our mutual friend, Hermione, stood in front of with us with her arms crossed across her chest.
††††††††††††††† "Hello, Harry. Hello, Ginny." she said with an edge to her voice.
††††††††††††††† "Hello, Hermione," we said in unison. I noticed that she looked grumpy and I glanced at Ginny and her look told me that she thought the same thing.
††††††††††††††† "Where have you two been?"
††††††††††††††† "Around." I said in an offhand voice.
††††††††††††††† "Well, Ron and I have been looking for you all afternoon. I mean, it starts off with you, Harry, in the morning when you look terrible at breakfast, and then you suddenly run out of the Great Hall, and then you get to Transfiguration half an hour late, and you go about the day as if you were sleepwalking. What's going on?" Her gazed lowered down to our hands that were still clasping each other. "Ohhh, I get it now." I smiled.
††††††††††††††† "About time, you two." She said as if she was so much older and wiser. It was then that Ron arrived. He leaned down and kissed Hermione on the cheek. He noticed with whom she was speaking and got the same look she had a moment ago.
††††††††††††††† "What's going on, Hermione? I thought we were-- Ohhh." He noticed quicker than his other half had. "About time."
††††††††††††††† "Oh, please," said Ginny, "You lot are one to talk. Took you ages to get together." That wiped their annoyingly superior looks clean off of their faces.
††††††††††††††† "Whatever, Gin. We were on our way out anyway. See you two later." The couple waved their good-byes and walked out the Fat Lady's portrait.
††††††††††††††† "What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked her. It was a Hogsmeade weekend I thought I'd take her out for a butterbeer.
††††††††††††††† "Mmmm, I don't know." She smiled, "I think I might be all busy."
††††††††††††††† "Ginny!" She turned away from me. It was Hermione again.
††††††††††††††† "What's up?" she asked.
††††††††††††††† "This came for you about an hour ago." She held out a letter. I could see that her name was on the envelope written in purple ink.
††††††††††††††† "Thanks." It looked like she was blushing and she stuffed the letter in her pocket without reading it. Hermione walked out of portrait hole again, and I turned towards Ginny.
††††††††††††††† She must've seen that I looked curious and simply said, "Tonks." Purple ink. I should've known. Ginny and Tonks had begun to form a strong friendship and I thought it was great. She'd begun to look at her like an older sister as well as a friend, which I thought was brilliant. She said it was great having a person like Tonks to talk to when she had six older brothers.
††††††††††††††† "Anyway, I'll get to that later,Ē she said in a shy way.
††††††††††††††† "Right, then. I think I was in the middle of asking you out." I continued.
††††††††††††††† "Is that right?" she asked in a very haughty tone. The sides of her mouth twitched.
††††††††††††††† "Yes, it is." I continued in her little game with the air of a pompous old man. "Ms. Weasley, would you care to join me tomorrow, at the Three Broomsticks, a respected establishment, for the finest bottle of butterbeer?" We played this game often and it always ended in insatiable fits of laughter.
††††††††††††††† "Well, yes, I suppose," she said and she rolled her eyes. "On one condition, though. You must promise me, Mr. Potter, that it is the finest butterbeer in all of Hogsmeade, otherwise, I simply cannot accept." She couldn't help it; she burst out laughing so hard, a few people turned to stare at us.
††††††††††††††† We spent the rest of the evening joking around and laughing at jokes that only Ginny and I really understood. Finally, when the common room had been emptied, and Ron and Hermione had returned, Ginny and I found ourselves quite alone. Although we got along great, there were some awkward moments between us. We were both new to this. I put my arm around her and she leaned into me. Again, we fit together so perfectly. I assume we were both very comfortable because we soon fell asleep in each other's arms.
††††††††††††††† The last thing I remember from that night was that Harry and I were snuggling. I was still in the common room. That was good. Harry was still asleep. I looked at my watch. 3:33. Oh my, it was late. I was still very tired and I refused to fall asleep on the couch again. I preferred my bed much more. I looked over at Harry and I saw how at peace he looked. He stirred. I couldn't bring myself to wake him so I ran quickly up to my dorm and brought him back my favorite blanket that I brought from home every year. I was much too attached to it and I decided it there and then that I would give it to Harry.
††††††††††††††† As soon as I placed the blanket on him, he stretched all across the couch. I didn't want to go back to bed quite yet so I sat on an armchair across from him and pulled out Tonks's letter.
It seems to me that the conflict lies within yourself. You must decide right now whether or not Harry is the right person for you. If you think not, then it looks like you need to turn him down. If he does seem like a good person to be with, by all means, go get him, girl.
Right now, there is only so much advice I can give you. Do what you heart tells you, Ginny. Don't listen to anyone else.
I remember the first time I was in love. His name was Leo and I was completely enamored. Although he didn't give me my first kiss, he gave me one of the best kisses I've ever had. Iíll never forget Leo.
Anyway, I don't think I'm being very useful so I'll just stop jabbering.
††††††††††††††† I thought Harry was the best kisser on the planet. Of course I've only kissed a few other guys, but Harry was much better. I folded the letter back up and put it back in pocket. I looked at Harry one last time and went up to my dorm. I couldn't wait until tomorrow. Hogsmeade was going to be great.