Dolores Umbridge (to the tune of
“Cruella DeVille”)
SCENE: The Infirmary. Umbridge is asleep in her bed.
Ron, Hermione and Harry are watching her carefully. They slowly creep up to the
foot of the bed and Harry starts to sing softly.
HARRY:
Dolores Umbridge,
Dolores Umbridge,
Looks like a toad,
And acts like a –!
HERMIONE (furious whisper):
Harry!
HARRY (same tone):
Well, she is!
(sings)
Thanks to her I’ve got another scar to itch!
ALL:
Dolores, Dolores Umbridge!
(The other members of the DA start to slowly emerge
from the shadows. Ron turns to the audience.)
RON:
At first we thought Dolores was an idiot,
But after time had worn away the shock
We came to realise we’d met her kind before
She was a sadistic version of Lockhart-!
HERMIONE (forgetting to whisper):
Ron!
RON:
Well, at least Lockhart’s in the loony bin.
ALL:
This inhuman bat,
This bigoted beast,
She ought to be locked up,
And never released!
HARRY:
She even banned me from playing Quidditch!
ALL:
Dolores, Dolores Umbridge!
(Ron makes soft clip clopping noises, and they all
scatter as Umbridge sits up wildly, looking around.)
