The Sugar Quill
Author: Lorin  Story: Night  Chapter: Default
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Night

Night.

 

 

Disclaimer: since Iím not rich, I donít know how the series will end, Iíve no daughter and Iím not called JKR, I suppose I donít own Harry PotterÖ

Thanks to my beta-reader,great Felina Black!

 

 

 

 

Itís night, Moony.

That time of the night, of the month, when I and you meet and you pitilessly and cruelly take my body, stealing my most precious thing: my humanity. Itís night as when the other werewolf bit me, linking my existence with yours, Moony. Do you remember the first time? I, Iíll never stop having nightmares about that pain, about my childish cry, about my parentís fearÖIíve spent my life fighting against you, against your rage, your implacable hate of all human beings. And Iíve always lost.

Until them. Do you remember them, Moony?The dog. The stag. The rat. Your friends. My friends. They made you acceptable, the pain you brought to my body bearable. I even thought I was lucky of sharing with you my body, because having this monstrous nature gave me my greatest gift: I wasnít alone anymore.

The truth is I wasnít the only one that shared the body with you: Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail all shared their bodies with you. And you were happy, Moony, just as me.

HappinessÖCenturies seem to have passed from our last run into the Forest. Ages seem to have passed from the last time I was happyÖfrom the last time I saw my last friendÖ

And now you and I, Moony, are alone again, enemies as when I was a child, opposite of a single coin, sadness and pain the only feelings we share. A cursed man and his curse.

We both died when our friends died.

 

Itís night James.

Night as when we all ran into the Forbidden Forest. Night as when you and Sirius walked through Hogwartsí corridors, under your cloak, in search of adventure, without caring about my advice or school rules. Night as when you died.

Why, James? Why am I allowed to live this hopeless and cursed sort of life while you arenít?

Why am I allowed to see your son, while you canít? Ah, if you could see him, JamesÖ

If you could see his expression-your expression-when he smiles to his friends or when he flies, as well as you used toÖ

If you could just see his eyes-Lilyís eyes-and lose yourself in them and the memories they bringÖ††

Ah, James, you had the strength to react, the strength I now have not. You could give Harry what I can not.

I know what youíd want from me, James, what youíd say. Youíd say I am the right person to raise Harry, to be for him what you and Sirius canít be anymore. Youíd order me to stand up and fight the darkness, to stand by Harry and be his guardian and guide instead of you. Youíd say Iíd be as good as you could ever be.

No, James. I wonít ever be for Harry what you and Sirius had been or could have been. I donít have your energy, I donít have the strength to react and fight for the Order as well as youíd have done. I can just teach Harry what I know, I can just be for him a shadow of what you could have been. Because I am a shadow, James, the shadow of a man died long ago, along with his friends.

 

Itís night Peter.

Night as when you pressed the wood on the Whomping Willow to let the others enter the Shrieking Shack. Night as when we swore our friendship would always be indestructible, pure, uncontaminated. Night as when you contaminated it.

Why, Peter? Didnít we always protect you? When did you start thinking of us as enemies? What made you betray us? What kind of darkness devoured you? Why didnít you talk with us? We would have understood everything. We would have done everything for our Peter.

But tell meÖdid the Peter you showed us ever exist? Because he still has a place in our heart. You still have a place in our heart, Peter. And the place you have is the place you had when you really were alive.

But you actually were the first to die. You died the night you betrayed our friendship.

And then your betrayal killed us, every one of us. Our friendship wasnít mean to be broken: our lives were bound to it, as our hopes and dreams.

I donít know if you will be able or will want to be able to live again, Peter. I donít care now. I canít care now.

I only know that your betrayal killed me, Peter, putting a silver dagger in my heart thatcontinues to bleed even now that I am dead.

 

Itís night, Sirius.

Night as the endless night you saw for years as theprisoner you should never had been, in a prison nobody should have built. Night as when you proved to me your innocence and gave me the gift of two more years of life.

That night of two years ago, at the Shrieking Shack, for a moment, I was happy because we were all together again. You, tired but innocent; Peter, evil but alive; James, dead but reborn in Harry; and me, mindful of life again with my friendsí return. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Now I see that it was a fool emotion, but Iím glad I felt happiness a last time beforeÖwhat happened after.

Donít ask me to remember what happened after that night, Sirius. Donít ask me to remember that night at the Department of Mysteries.

That night contains the greatest and scariest and most powerful truth of my life: the truth that when you fell through that veil, I came with you.

I died for the second time when you died for the second time, my dear SiriusÖ

 

Itís night my friends.

Another one of the countless nights Iíve spent alone, here, waiting for the curse to start.

But I canít give up. Thereís Harry, your hope, my last hope. You all died for him, we all died for him. I have to stand by him, to let you - us - live in him. I have to complete what you started. Iím supposed to be the last one of the Marauders, the last who can do what the Marauders wanted.

But, as Iíve said to you, I am not. Iím dead as well as you. Itís just that I canít leave. I have a body and I have to carry on. For Harry.

What can I say? Iím doing my best. Sometimes, with Harry, who contains all your hearts and my heart, I feel memories of life. Sometimes, with him, I dare to be happy. And live.

Iíll carry on, even if I donít know what will happen, how darkness will fail- because Harry will succeed. He has the heart of the Marauders. Iíll carry on even if I donít know what the world will become.

 

But when itís night and I feel the convulsions of my curse, I just wish I did not have to be here, alone, fighting the wolf we once defeated together.†††††††

††

 

 

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