Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: I wanna thank my beta-reader and friend, Volandum, and my Sugar Quill
beta-reader, Yolanda. Without you this would not be readable.
"Don't get cold feet."
Feet, hands, head, everything... cold... You're scared.
Bellatrix lost nothing more than a last name when she
married Rodolphus Lestrange. Even that she kept to an extent. Bellatrix
Black-Lestrange. Think about it. She hates children; she hated them even when
she was one herself. Or was she ever really a child to begin with? Children are
the quintessence of innocence... innocence embodied. She has never been such.
Maybe there was a time when her soul was clean and her heart felt compassion,
mercy, and all the things that are hoped of it, but that time was short and
there is no longer any evidence that it ever was.
Your innocence remains, and you're about to let it go for
him. First, consider the severity of your decision. For Bellatrix, becoming a
Death Eater was virtually inevitable. Lestrange gave her that extra push.
You're afraid that Lucius, your Lucius, is all you need to push you over the
edge. The easiest way to fall out of grace would be to follow him.
What did he tell you? That when you stuck up your nose it
made you look superior? That when you lifted your chin, people could see your
lovely face? That when you tied your hair back, people could find the beauty in
your eyes? Does he not understand that
the beauty in your eyes are only there because you are still blameless?
In the end, is the decision you make really your own?
You're going to become a Death Eater whether you marry Lucius or not. With the
associates you have, are you not like Bellatrix?
You're disturbed. You were a child without naïvété, or so
you thought. The world held no secrets; you had all the answers you needed to
be satisfied. What now? You're learning things you can barely believe. But why
does it come as a surprise? The pieces fit. People you thought were innocent...
People you thought were children... They've always been guilty adults in
disguise. Why is it hard to accept?
It was in front of you the whole time.
He is so loving to you. The sweet nothings. The gifts. You
don't know what you would ever do if he was discovered for being a Death Eater.
Maybe he won't be. It wasn't until a
little while ago that you figured it out for yourself.
Would you follow him to Azkaban? Would you kill for him?
Would you die if he did?
Yes. You would.
Now. The questions that are left. The things that scare
you. Would HE follow YOU to Azkaban? Would HE kill for YOU? Would HE die if YOU
If someone asked you those questions... would you hesitate
before saying yes?
So far... We've determined that you're afraid of losing
your innocence and you're afraid that your love for each other doesn't balance
out. But maybe... Maybe you've already lost your innocence. Maybe you find
consolation in blaming him when it's really your fault. Maybe all Blacks are
destined to lose innocence.
Speaking of children... how many did you want again?
Three? At least three. You were so lonely, weren't you? You had Bellatrix, but
then again... you never really did. She hated you, didn't she? At times she
-really- hated you. Because you were a child and she never, ever was. She wanted you to grow up, didn't she? She
made sure you did. But your children, they should have each other, shouldn't
they? You don't want them to be alone...
Lucius only wants one. Your dreams, of at least three,
shattered with a single word. You love him too much to question his choice. It
hurt, and it was hard, but you bent a little for him, and now it's just one
more thing you're going to regret.
Taking everything into consideration, you're still going
to marry him, aren't you? The aisle, the "I do's," the children. This
is the biggest decision you're ever going to make, and you're going through
Well good for you.
You didn't get cold feet.