A/N: Once again, disclaimer, disclaimer
A/N: Once again, disclaimer, disclaimer. Also slash ahoy. This does contain mature themes, so please exercise caution. Itís not porn, though. Ah, well. Enjoy! Please read/review. As always, must thank the beautiful and talented Jo Wickaninnish. And headmistress Z, if not for her I would not know that this lovely ship existed.
Sometime later Remus got up from his place on the floor. He crawled into their bed, grabbing Siriusí pillow he breathed in deeply. The scent still lingered, part motor oil, part cologne, and part man. The throbbing pain of grief coming in waves tears falling onto his pillow. Closing his eyes, he was taken back again.
Some six months after their fateful midnight rendezvous, they had fought. So simple, yet so painful. It had almost been the undoing of them, of him. Sirius, so headstrong, and Remus, so staid. Oh yes, they had fought. Wryly smiling, he still wasnít sure who had won that particular round.
Sights and sounds fluttered in the distance, coming into view with sharp clarity - voices in heated debate coming from the seventh-year Gryffindor boysí dormitory.
"Moony," he began in a heated whisper. "Itís only natural to want to go further. Donít you want to? Iím not calling you a prude. I just donít understand why. Whatís going on with you?"
Sirius flopped back onto his bed and let out a growl. Remus spun from the window taking stalking steps to the bed.
"Because, I do not want our first time to be some fumbling mess in a broom cupboard."
"Moony, everyoneís first time is a fumbling mess. Thatís the nerve wracking, fun part of it. Loving someone enough to fumble through that first time- the awkward, the embarrassing, earth shattering wonderfulness of the whole thing. Are you having second thoughts about us? Are you?" heíd barked.
Remus had turned his back on Sirius, who promptly stomped off down the staircase muttering. Heíd slumped into a chair and put his head in his hands.
Remembering the feeling of having lied to his best friend, he cringed. The awful fear of the wolf, even now, came out to scratch and bite at him.
He so desperately wanted to be with Padfoot. Their limited time of togetherness was filled with passionate embraces, loving words, and eager touches. He knew his boyfriendsí body as well as his own, blushing at the thought. It was fear of the wolf that stopped him cold. That part craved consummation, the ritual, the claiming of his mate. That was the part that had scared him. It controlled, it fed on his weakness.
He knew that Sirius questioned his love out of insecurity. His family had, in all senses, abandoned him for being different. Sirius hadnít found friends until Hogwarts. He was so afraid of being left behind.
After what happened with Snape in the Shrieking Shack, he knew Sirius wondered how they were still together. Simply put, heíd never been able to deny Sirius Black anything. But this one thing, he could. He would. He had to. He had to make him see. Somehow.
After a tension filled supper in the Great Hall, Sirius stalked off once again. Not a word had been spoken between the two. Peter and James gave Remus a questioning look; he had just shaken his head.
When Sirius hadnít returned after curfew, heíd started to worry. Thinking he might take Jamesí cloak, he remembered James was somewhere in said cloak with one Ms. Lily Evans. So he decided to wait it out in the common room. Someone nudging his shoulder awakened him.
"Moony, wake up", a voice whispered.
"Padfoot." He scrubbed his eyes. "Where have you been?"
"I had to think." Seating himself across from Remus, he ran his hands over his face and sighed. Remus knew that sigh; an ice-cold shiver ran down his spine.
"Just say it, Sirius." He hoped Sirius knew he was giving him an out. "Say it. We both know you want to end it. Itís just becoming too much for you. I know it is."
"Ah, Moony, what are you on about?"
"Iíll accept whatever you have to say. Just letís not stop being friends. I can take almost anything, just not that. Never that."
"You nutter. You know thatíd never happen. I just get so frustrated. I know why you want to wait. I know why. Donít think I havenít been friendsí with a werewolf for so long without knowing why. Youíre scared. You have every reason to be. Itís the wolf youíre scared of. That part of you that you donít have any control over. ĎFraid heíll come out and hurt me."
In a few words, Sirius brought his fear to light. This depth and insight had rattled him, shaken him to his very core. Remus had just sat in stunned silence as Sirius continued.
"I know you think I donít know what I want, that this is some passing phase, Iíll grow tired of you. Then weíll go back to being friends and youíll be alone again. Gods, Moony, give me a break. I knew when we started this thing. I knew what would happen. Does it scare me a little? Hell, yes. Iíd be a liar if I said no."
"Then why do you persist?" Remus questioned him. "What if I canít control it, Sirius? You say you know everything. Do you? Do you know there are times when weíre together, when itís so close to boiling over. That part of me that I canít control. That craving, the need to make you mine. Not just for today, but forever." The words had spilled out. The words that might have been his undoing. Sirius kneeled in front of him, bringing himself eye-level.
"I love you. Donít you get that? Weíre together for the long run. If youíll have me, I want us together. I know about the wolf. I know what he wants, and its okay." Sirius whispered urgently as deep grey eyes bored into his very being.
"Itís not Ďokayí, Sirius. Iíd be claiming you forever. You would be tied down to a werewolf for the rest of your life. I donít want that for you. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than anything Iíve got to give." Tears had started running down his cheeks.
"Remus John Lupin, you listen to me. There is nothing better than you. Nothing in this world is better than what Iíve got sitting right in front of me. NothingÖplease get that through your head." Heíd brushed the tears off Remusí cheek. Leaning in, Sirius looked up questioningly. Remus only closed his eyes in ascension. He felt the soft whisper of lips that were his mates brushing over his own. Healing, thatís what they were doing. Helping, loving, understanding. Healing wounds that were long ago left open to the light, now closing and healing.
"I understand. I just need to wait. Please, letís wait. Just a little while longer. Until we have something of our own. A place thatís ours. Please, just a little longer."
The words Sirius uttered next would ring for an eternity in Remusí soul.
"Moony, Iíd wait forever."