Sometime later Remus got up from his place on the floor. He crawled into their bed, grabbing Sirius’ pillow he breathed in deeply. The scent still lingered, part motor oil, part cologne, and part man. The throbbing pain of grief coming in waves tears falling onto his pillow. Closing his eyes, he was taken back again.

Some six months after their fateful midnight rendezvous, they had fought. So simple, yet so painful. It had almost been the undoing of them, of him. Sirius, so headstrong, and Remus, so staid. Oh yes, they had fought. Wryly smiling, he still wasn’t sure who had won that particular round.

Sights and sounds fluttered in the distance, coming into view with sharp clarity - voices in heated debate coming from the seventh-year Gryffindor boys’ dormitory.

"Moony," he began in a heated whisper. "It’s only natural to want to go further. Don’t you want to? I’m not calling you a prude. I just don’t understand why. What’s going on with you?"

Sirius flopped back onto his bed and let out a growl. Remus spun from the window taking stalking steps to the bed.

"Because, I do not want our first time to be some fumbling mess in a broom cupboard."

"Moony, everyone’s first time is a fumbling mess. That’s the nerve wracking, fun part of it. Loving someone enough to fumble through that first time- the awkward, the embarrassing, earth shattering wonderfulness of the whole thing. Are you having second thoughts about us? Are you?" he’d barked.

Remus had turned his back on Sirius, who promptly stomped off down the staircase muttering. He’d slumped into a chair and put his head in his hands.

Remembering the feeling of having lied to his best friend, he cringed. The awful fear of the wolf, even now, came out to scratch and bite at him.

He so desperately wanted to be with Padfoot. Their limited time of togetherness was filled with passionate embraces, loving words, and eager touches. He knew his boyfriends’ body as well as his own, blushing at the thought. It was fear of the wolf that stopped him cold. That part craved consummation, the ritual, the claiming of his mate. That was the part that had scared him. It controlled, it fed on his weakness.

He knew that Sirius questioned his love out of insecurity. His family had, in all senses, abandoned him for being different. Sirius hadn’t found friends until Hogwarts. He was so afraid of being left behind.

After what happened with Snape in the Shrieking Shack, he knew Sirius wondered how they were still together. Simply put, he’d never been able to deny Sirius Black anything. But this one thing, he could. He would. He had to. He had to make him see. Somehow.

After a tension filled supper in the Great Hall, Sirius stalked off once again. Not a word had been spoken between the two. Peter and James gave Remus a questioning look; he had just shaken his head.

When Sirius hadn’t returned after curfew, he’d started to worry. Thinking he might take James’ cloak, he remembered James was somewhere in said cloak with one Ms. Lily Evans. So he decided to wait it out in the common room. Someone nudging his shoulder awakened him.

"Moony, wake up", a voice whispered.

"Padfoot." He scrubbed his eyes. "Where have you been?"

"I had to think." Seating himself across from Remus, he ran his hands over his face and sighed. Remus knew that sigh; an ice-cold shiver ran down his spine.

"Just say it, Sirius." He hoped Sirius knew he was giving him an out. "Say it. We both know you want to end it. It’s just becoming too much for you. I know it is."

"Ah, Moony, what are you on about?"

"I’ll accept whatever you have to say. Just let’s not stop being friends. I can take almost anything, just not that. Never that."

"You nutter. You know that’d never happen. I just get so frustrated. I know why you want to wait. I know why. Don’t think I haven’t been friends’ with a werewolf for so long without knowing why. You’re scared. You have every reason to be. It’s the wolf you’re scared of. That part of you that you don’t have any control over. ‘Fraid he’ll come out and hurt me."

In a few words, Sirius brought his fear to light. This depth and insight had rattled him, shaken him to his very core. Remus had just sat in stunned silence as Sirius continued.

"I know you think I don’t know what I want, that this is some passing phase, I’ll grow tired of you. Then we’ll go back to being friends and you’ll be alone again. Gods, Moony, give me a break. I knew when we started this thing. I knew what would happen. Does it scare me a little? Hell, yes. I’d be a liar if I said no."

"Then why do you persist?" Remus questioned him. "What if I can’t control it, Sirius? You say you know everything. Do you? Do you know there are times when we’re together, when it’s so close to boiling over. That part of me that I can’t control. That craving, the need to make you mine. Not just for today, but forever." The words had spilled out. The words that might have been his undoing. Sirius kneeled in front of him, bringing himself eye-level.

"I love you. Don’t you get that? We’re together for the long run. If you’ll have me, I want us together. I know about the wolf. I know what he wants, and its okay." Sirius whispered urgently as deep grey eyes bored into his very being.

"It’s not ‘okay’, Sirius. I’d be claiming you forever. You would be tied down to a werewolf for the rest of your life. I don’t want that for you. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than anything I’ve got to give." Tears had started running down his cheeks.

"Remus John Lupin, you listen to me. There is nothing better than you. Nothing in this world is better than what I’ve got sitting right in front of me. Nothing…please get that through your head." He’d brushed the tears off Remus’ cheek. Leaning in, Sirius looked up questioningly. Remus only closed his eyes in ascension. He felt the soft whisper of lips that were his mates brushing over his own. Healing, that’s what they were doing. Helping, loving, understanding. Healing wounds that were long ago left open to the light, now closing and healing.

"I understand. I just need to wait. Please, let’s wait. Just a little while longer. Until we have something of our own. A place that’s ours. Please, just a little longer."

The words Sirius uttered next would ring for an eternity in Remus’ soul.

"Moony, I’d wait forever."