The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.
How We Laughed
Disclaimer:You know what is mine (the plot, and a few
characters) and what belongs to the wonderful, beautiful, fabulous, ingenious
Ms. Rowling (everything else).If you
didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading Harry Potter fan fiction, would you?
Author’s Note:Many thanks to the wonderful Felina Black for beta-reading this story!It’s my first try at a real fic, and I hope you all enjoy it.
There was a time that my world was entirely different.I was young, carefree, only a child when it
all happened, but when I look back on it, the timeless ages that have passed
since then teach me that nothing of my past world remains.
Nothing but shattered hearts, torn memories, and lost
I wonder why, as I sit here on my usual perch, it had to end
the way it did.I
gaze at the frozen lake with snow drifts settled along the back, the nearby
trees crystallized with a fine sheen of ice, and swallow a sob.
Perhaps we’ll never know.
A soft breeze blows my curled hair against my cheek, and I
close my eyes, relishing in the feeling… only because it continually amazes me
that I still have the ability to feel at all.
We were young.I
don’t remember how young exactly, perhaps nine or ten years of age when we
met.My mother was a social worker back
in her day, and she spent much of her time trying to improve the horrendous
conditions at the local orphanage, so different from the home in which I’d
grown up, one filled with laughter, love, and magic around every corner.He’d always interested me, his dark, curling
hair and piercing eyes.I wondered, even
then, what horrors he’d seen, what pain he felt.
I took him the peppermint stick as a peace offering to him,
huddled in a corner, and I suppose that was the beginning of our relationship.Soon I followed my mother like a sick puppy
to the orphanage, even in the middle of bitter winters, when my pale cheeks
would flush with cold, my blue eyes would water, and snow flaked its way into
my blonde curls.
“Dorcas,” my mother would say, “visit the poor boy another
day.It’s much too cold for you to
venture out this morning.”
But I persisted, and soon I’d be following her footsteps up
the path to the gloomy building, filled to bursting with children who still, in
the midst of all the retched filth, maintained a hope for the future.
When we turned eleven, we both received letters to Hogwarts
School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.This
was no shock to my mother, who’d been anticipating this day ever since my
birth.My dear Muggle father was a bit
frightened by the prospect of both women in his lives having magical
capability, but he did not stop me from attending Hogwarts.
Tom and I sat together, trembling with anticipation, in our
shared compartment on the Hogwarts Express, our knobby knees covered by lengths
of black robes that felt foreign on our skin.
I scarcely remember the train ride, or much of my childhood
really, before the Sorting.That was
when everything was torn apart.
You see, Tom and I developed a tight bond.Best friends – we did everything together,
from celebrating Christmas to lounging about in midsummer.My mother’s authority allowed me to bring
someone home from the orphanage every three days to visit, and it was always
Tom.I loved everything about him, from
his moody, dark secrets to his laughter, which filled the room.And, oh, how we laughed.
Everything was amusing, from spying on the neighbors with my
mother’s telescope that saw through walls, or flying about on miniature
My high, girlish giggles that always seemed to make him
laugh harder would soon harmonize with his laughter, and together we’d chuckle
for hours.Now it seems funny, to think
that a boy who grew up in such a miserable environment was able to harbor so
Where did it all go?
I remember standing there in front of my peers and
professors, praying that I would be the last to be sorted and wishing that they
would get it over with at the same time.But I was middle of the pack, as I always was when anything was
Professor Dumbledore read from a long list of names, a small
smile twitching his amber beard, as each student was sorted.Headmaster Dippet, a wizened-looking man,
watched from the high table, and Tom whispered in my ear that it seemed the
headmaster was always staring at him.
I did not respond, as I was fixed on Professor Dumbledore, a
strangling panic coursing through my veins as Dumbledore called my name.
Tom gave me a gentle shove.“Go,” he hissed.
I trembled my way up to the ancient hat, which the professor
placed atop my head.
Ah, said the hat
in my ear.Yes, an easy placement, here.Wit and intelligence, with a gentle spirit to match, you have.Better be-
“RAVENCLAW!”He screamed the last word to the entire hall,
and I seated myself at the table now wild with applause.A fellow first year, a girl with long, fine
red hair, big blue eyes, and charming freckles smiled at me.
“My name is Meredith Everwood,”
she said shyly.
“Dorcas Meadowes,” I replied, offering her a quiet smile in
She nodded in response, and we both turned back to the
A few more shaking peers were sorted, and then they called
Tom’s name.He smiled at me hopefully
and took a seat on the rickety old stool, the hat on his head.His eyes were squeezed shut.The brim of the hat opened.
I held my breath.
“No,” I whispered,
my heart plummeting from its temporary home in my throat back to my stomach. How could this happen?How could I be left alone?What would I do without him?
“What is it?” the girl called Meredith asked.I looked at her with tears in my eyes.“He’s my best friend… and he got sorted…”
“Into Slytherin?Ooooh,” she said sorrowfully, “then maybe
it’s good to let him go.The Slytherin
lot is a rough crowd.”
I stared at her.“There is nothing wrong with Tom Riddle!” I snapped.“He’s the kindest person I’ve ever met!”
Perhaps Meredith Everwood had a
bit of Seer blood in her.I suppose
we’ll never know for sure, will we?
The whole of my first year at Hogwarts went by relatively
quickly, considering my separation from Tom.We managed, by the luck of the draw, to win a few classes together, so
it wasn’t too terrible a strain on the relationship.All homework was done in the library, since
neither of us was allowed in the other’s common room.
But still they found it odd that a Ravenclaw and Slytherin
were able to maintain such a friendship.
Second year, Meredith Everwood and
I became good friends.She joined Tom
and I frequently to study in the library, though it was plain to me that she
never held a high regard for Tom.She
scowled whenever he would offer her help on the assignment at hand, and even
though her grades suffered, she refused his assistance.
Then there was Olive Hornby, a
short, fat girl who shared the Slytherin dormitories with Tom.She was nasty and spiteful, yet it was
horribly obvious that she was indeed after Tom’s heart.He was polite to her, but he kept her a good
distance from him at all times, no matter how often she’d set her books down at
our study table and glare at Meredith and me.
Tom used to wait until she went to fetch a library book,
then he’d mutter a soft curse under his breath.The moment she touched her inkwell upon return, it would tip and spill
all over everything.
Though this infuriated her, she never understood why it
Meredith and I rarely disagreed, but one evening, reclining
in the armchairs around the fire in the Ravenclaw common room, Meredith voiced
her opinion on my friend.
“Something’s wrong with him, Dory.”
She’d taken to nicknaming me, and I must admit, I delighted
in being called something other than “Dorcas.”
“There is nothing wrong
with Tom, Meredith,” I argued, leaning forward in my seat.She shrugged.
“He seems to be hiding something… evil… deep down,” said
sweet Meredith, her voice timid.Oh, if
only I’d listened…
Third year, Meredith and I had a bit of a falling out.Her fear of Tom only increased, and my anger
at her did the same.
And at the same time, Tom started to change.
Olive Hornby became a more and
more frequent presence at his shoulder.She had changed over time, thinned out and filled out, but she still was
hardly a sight for sore eyes.Her
bitterness was hardly popular, and I’ll never forget poor Moaning Myrtle, as we
all called her.I can’t even recall her
surname, as I rarely had lessons with her, and only the professors knew her by
the surname alone.
But to continue, poor Myrtle was the bull’s eye of Olive’s
taunting, teasing, ridiculing circle of people.From setting her up to embarrass herself in front of professors to
stealing her essays and quills and parchment, Olive made Myrtle an object of
ridicule wherever she went.
Though I repaired my broken friendship with Meredith in
fourth year, I also found myself wishing to deepen my friendship with Tom.I found it hard to concentrate whenever I was
with him, my gaze in class continually straying to the back of his head, where
it would hold for minutes on end.
Was it love?
No, I could hardly attribute it to love.It was more of an infatuation; one that I so
desperately wanted to rid myself of.Perhaps it was this infatuation that
ultimately brought my downfall.
Meredith used to tease me about it, and how I hated her for
“Just friends, Dory?Just friends?I see
the way you look at him… you want to be more than just friends.”
It wasn’t until one evening when we were settled around the
fire and I lost my temper with her and threw my ink bottle at her that the
teasing stopped.I remember crying and
saying that I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did about Tom, especially
because he had started to seem a bit different to me than before, and that if I
could, I would take all the feelings away.
Meredith had cried too, and reached out to hug me,
apologizing and promising that someday everything would work out fine.
Fifth year stands out as my happiest year of all at Hogwarts.By this time, I had more friends than just
Tom and Meredith, but those two were still very dear to my heart.
Olive’s presence lessened during study periods in the
library with Tom, although Meredith was missed there as well.She chose to study with Geoffrey Enivon, a
fellow Ravenclaw friend, whom she found very attractive.I’ll admit that he was fetching with those
bright green eyes and thick, curly, brown hair.I had a feeling that they would soon end up more than friends, and the
idea hardened me, because I still had interest in Tom.It seemed like I would never have with Tom
what Meredith had with Geoffrey.
We’d sit in our dormitory late at night, whispering, and
Meredith would tell me about the little things Geoffrey would do or say that
would hint at his interest in her, but it was just enough to keep her
wondering.No matter how she tried to
deny that she took pleasure in this, I saw the way his presence made her blush
and how her eyes sparkled when she spoke of him.I wanted that feeling too, and it seemed like
I would never have it.
Perhaps I’d moved on from infatuation at this point, but one
day, soon after the announcement of the ever-popular annual Valentine’s Day
Ball’s forthcoming, as Tom and I sat studying in the library, he suddenly spoke
“Dory?” He’d developed Meredith’s
nickname for me.
“Have… have you a date to the Valentine’s Day Ball?”
I swallowed, suddenly very acutely aware of my entire body,
from my fingers gripping my quill to my toes, fidgeting in my shoes in
anxiety.I tried to position myself in
the calmest way I could imagine.Why,
suddenly, did my tongue feel too big for my mouth?And was it getting warmer in the
library?Or was I blushing?
“N-No, I don’t.”
“Did you have anyone in mind?”
I dared a glance at his face.He was staring at me intently, and then I
knew.He was going to ask me.I swallowed again, trying to remain
He cut me off and I was thankful for being spared the pain
of answering.“I was wondering… I mean,
we’ve been friends for so long and… would you like to… well…
A grin split my face.“Absolutely.”
He went noticeably limp with relief, and said, “Oh, thank
you.I was so afraid you’d say no.”
“Why on earth would I do that?”I asked.
But he didn’t hear me, for apparently another nerve-wracking
thought struck him.“Are we going as
friends?”He asked, a little louder than
I thought was necessary.
I drew a great breath, braced myself inwardly, and reached
across the table to cover his hand with my own.He quickly turned it over, winding his fingers with mine.He kissed the back of it, and then looked at
me for a reaction.
I hope he realized the tears were happy ones.
Meredith said it was ideal to make the boys wait.Though Geoffrey was the only one truly
waiting in the common room, as both myself and the other girl in our dorm,
Eloise, had dates from other houses, we took great pride in dragging it out,
readying ourselves to perfection on the night of the ball.
“You go first,” encouraged Meredith, so I stepped gracefully
down the stone steps and was immediately mauled by Geoffrey.
“Is she coming?”
I pointed up the stone staircase, and he gasped.Meredith did indeed look very pretty in her
robes of snow white.They shimmered and
sparkled in the firelight, and Geoffrey stared at her as her face appeared,
choking out, “You look beautiful.”
Meredith beamed and when she reached him, curtsied
widely.He pulled her up and gave her a
So that’s how it was.
I grinned at Meredith and said in a shaking voice, “I’d
better go get Tom.See you in the Great
Tom and I had agreed
to meet at the top of the staircase leading to the Slytherin common room.When I walked up to him, he gasped, clearly
I twirled playfully, tilting my head and smiling at
him.“Meredith helped me pick out the
I was thankful for her assistance, for even I knew that I
looked more beautiful that night than I ever had, in robes of sparkly pastel
yellow, lighter than my gold hair and making my pale complexion look slightly
warmer than usual.She’d flushed my
cheeks with a spell, so I looked somewhere between dead and feverish, hopefully
in a natural way, and painted my lips with pale pink gloss.I felt like a princess.
Tom shook his head, smiling.“You look beautiful.More than beautiful.Amazing.”
If someone had whispered in my ear at that precise moment,
if someone had told me what would become of everything I was feeling and seeing
at that very moment, I would never have believed them.
But, ah, let’s save sorrow for the end, shall we?
So hand in hand, I walked with my best friend in the whole
world to the Great Hall.We got many
looks as we walked. Even more unlikely
than friendship between the Slytherin and its fellow Houses was dating.But Tom was an unlikely character himself,
and I was…
Well, I was happy just to be with him.
We moved out onto the dance floor when a slow song struck up
(neither of us were much for dancing, but the faster songs played previously
helped break the ice) and started to dance.I was surprised that Tom even knew how to slow dance, but I chose not to
embarrass him by asking.
“You’re a good dancer,” he said softly.
“Same to you,” I replied.
And that was all we said.I was too busy taking it all in, from the feeling of dancing like this
with someone, to the excitement of the Valentine’s Day Ball in general, to the
dress robes worn by my peers.Some of
them were downright incredible.
My gaze landed on Olive Hornby,
watching me with a furiously jealous expression.Seeing Olive made me think of Moaning
Myrtle.I wondered if she’d even
come.A quick look around confirmed my
suspicion, for I was assuming that she was off weeping in her usual
“What?” whispered Tom.
“Oh, just wondering if Myrtle made it,” I said with a wry
smile.He nodded, and looked down at me
hesitantly.The song wound to an end.
“Would you like to go for a walk?” he asked.
I blushed.“Of course.”
Once again hand in hand, we entered the gardens, set up
specifically for the Yule Ball.I
blushed again when it became clear to me that we weren’t alone – more than one
couple was enjoying the privacy of the bushes.I could hear them.
Tom wrinkled his nose.“Let’s keep walking then, shall we?”
I nodded, biting back a giggle.
When we reached a quiet stone fountain, we both seated
ourselves comfortably on the rim.I
swirled my fingers in the water, and Tom watched me for a moment, before
reaching out to take them in his own.
“Dory, I… thank you,” he said finally.
“For coming here with me.For being my friend.For giving me that peppermint stick,” he
added, poking me playfully in the side, reminding me of when we met.“Thank you for everything.”
And then he kissed me.
I will not go into detail, because I find it pointless to do
so, but it was the most wonderful thing I’d ever felt.
When he pulled away, I laughed softly and threw my arms
around his neck.
He hugged me right back, burying his face in my hair.
And from that moment on, for a very long time, we were a
couple.No one ever declared it out
loud, but no one ever needed to.
And yet, in sixth year, it was all to come undone.
Though he continued to treat me in a very respectful,
romantic manner, Tom hardened around the edges noticeably in our sixth
year.Sometimes I wondered if it was all
forced, if everything he ever said to me was a lie, if everything he’d ever
felt for me was an act.
But I refused to lose him, and though Meredith continued to
warn me that it was not going to end in a pretty fashion at all, I held onto
Until one sunny, chilly afternoon, when I was leaving
Arithmancy, eager to meet Meredith for lunch, as she was headed to the Great
Hall from Divination.
I was in a rush, because I was late and Meredith was a very
punctual person, when I stumbled over something hard.
I looked down and screamed.
Meredith Everwood was lying, rigid
with shock, on the ground before me.She
was clutching a mirror and comb in her left hand, her right thrown out in front
of her as if to ward off an attacker.Her face was frozen in terror, and she was hard as rock.
“HELP!” I shrieked, looking around
wildly.Professor Dumbledore, the
Transfiguration professor, entered the corridor at that precise moment.
“Oh my,” he said, his eyes widening.I do believe it was the first time I’d ever
seen Dumbledore look afraid.
He pointed his wand to his throat, and when he spoke next,
the words rang out as though he were on a Muggle PA system.
“All teachers, report
to the second floor corridor immediately, all students, return to your Houses
at once, and stay there.Your Head of House will be with you
“Yes, Miss Meadowes?” he asked, turning a kind eye on me.
“W-Will Meredith be all
right?”I did not realize that I was
crying until the tears were sliding down my cheeks.
Dumbledore put a comforting hand on my shoulder.“Yes.I will have Professor Sprout care for the mandrakes all the more
carefully, and then we shall be able to revive your friend.”Ah yes, trust Dumbledore to be so calm when
my dearest friend had been turned to stone.The mandrakes would fix her condition, I knew, but who knew how long that
By this time, the halls were clattering with people moving
to their directed locations, and the professors were gathering around us.
Headmaster Dippet took center
stage and read the message on the wall, something I had overlooked, in a shaking
voice.“The Chamber of Secrets has been
and Half-Bloods beware.”
I swallowed.I was a
Half-Blood.Meredith was a
“Ah, yes,” said Professor Harvley,
the Divination instructor.Her eyes were
wide with fear.“I’ve heard of this
place, I have.”
And so she launched into an explanation, one that I shall
never forget, or for that matter, repeat.
By the day
after the attack on Meredith, the school was alive with suspicion.As Tom and I walked to class together, I
noticed that he had not reached for my hand.It was as if he were listening to something that no one else could
“What is it?What’s
troubling you?”I asked, taking his hand
in my own and squeezing it.
He looked at me, his eyes wild, and I stopped walking.“Tom?What have you done?”
“I… nothing, Dory.Don’t worry about it.See you in potions, love.”He kissed me quickly on the cheek and ducked
off through the crowd.
“TOM!” I yelled, hurrying after him, and running smack into
She whirled around and grabbed my robes.“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the beautiful DorcasMeadowes.Lost your boyfriend, have you?”
“Sod off,” I spat, and tried to shake from her grasp.
“Oh, I shan’t sod off yet,”
she snarled right back.“I’ll have you
know that it’s only going to get worse for you, ridiculous girl.Running amok with that boy.”
I smiled slyly at her.“Oh, I see.You are after Tom, aren’t you?”
Olive swung out a flat hand and before I could react,
slapped me.“Don’t you dare!”
My hand shot to my cheek, and felt blood.She’d broken the skin.“You… how could you hit me, Olive?You’re
nothing but a bully!How could Tom ever
And I ducked away to the nearest restroom to rinse my
As I approached the bathroom, I heard the oddest noise.Paused in the hall, I pressed my ear up to
the door and listened.A soft, spitting
noise could be heard from within.I
cracked the door and peeked inside.The
sight that met my eyes caused a scream of terror to bubble up within me.
Tom Riddle, my sweet Tom, stood in the girl’s lavatory,
speaking to the biggest snake I’d ever seen.
The scream died in my throat, and I squeezed my eyes shut
against the snake, for I knew a simple look in the eye would kill me
instantly.The Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had recently assigned us an
essay about the very creature.
From my bag, I pulled a small mirror.Turning my back to the door, I looked over my
shoulder, knowing that the reflection would not kill me.Nervously opening my eyes, I saw Tom finish
instructing the monster, his eyes screwed up as well.
The snake nodded its ugly head, and Tom snapped his
As I watched, my boyfriend dissolved into a puddle on the
floor, which then faded away entirely.Terrified that the snake would come after me, I stepped away from the
door.But then I heard more
spitting.And then a
It was Moaning Myrtle.
What was I to do?
Should I burst in on the pair of them, my eyes covered, and
scream for her to run out and close her eyes?I knew that the bite of the monster would kill almost as quickly as a
glimpse of its bulbous eyes.Perhaps
Myrtle would stay in her stall.I began
to pray silently.Please, please keep her in that stall.Make the snake go away.
But then, as I watched through the mirror, the lock
unlatched.“No,” I whispered.The snake slowly turned its head.I let the door slide shut before the monster
could see me, and I felt the beast press against the door, making sure it was
closed.A soft slithering soundtold me it had moved back to Myrtle’s stall, and I
opened the door once again, peering with my mirror.
Myrtle stepped out, her eyes swollen.I watched her gaze sweep the room, land on me
spying through the cracked door, crinkle in confusion, and finally land on the
She crumbled to the floor smoothly.The snake spat a sort of victory hiss and
then slid itself through an opening in one of the sinks, sliding down a vast
stone slide.The sink sealed itself as I
stepped into the lavatory, and I was left alone with the corpse of my peer.
I never told anyone what I saw.Only that I had found her dead in the
bathroom.I confronted Tom about it at
the end of sixth year, after dear Rubeus Hagrid was expelled for the acts.
“Tom Riddle, you killed her.I know you think I didn’t see it… but I did.”I was sobbing as I confronted him in an empty
classroom.“I was in the doorway.”I still had a hard time believing that the
boy I had loved so much had killed another human being.I had loved him, but now… I felt nothing but
pain and anger at his actions, the love buried beneath my fury.How could he do that to Myrtle?To himself?To me?
Tom, who’d been holding my hand, let go of
me suddenly, shoving me away from him.“What?!”
“You set the Basilisk on Moaning Myrtle!It’s YOU who’s purging the school!You’re killing Muggle-borns
and Half-Bloods!Were you planning to
kill me?!”I was hysterical by now, screeching at
He sealed the door with a Silencing Charm, and turned back
to me.“Let’s sit down and talk this
over.”His face was so horribly clam
that I slapped him.
“What is wrong with
you?!” I yelled, my blood now boiling.All pain had left me, leaving me with an empty sort of anger that hurt
terribly.“We were friends, Tom!I loved you!And all this time, you’re plotting murder?”
“Dory, listen to me,” he said, his voice shaking slightly,
staring at me with a strange mixture of desperation and pity.
listen to you ever again!” I screamed, and fled from the room.
I never spoke to him again in our days at Hogwarts.When I’d pass him in the hallway, his eyes
would slide right past me.I think he
wanted to forget about me… he was afraid to draw my attention to him because of
what I knew.This was fine with me,
because if he had tried to speak with me, I think I just might have done
something I would have regretted.
Seventh year, I was scared.The whole year, I was terrified of Tom.Terrified that he would harm me for what I had witnessed, regardless of
the fact that I hadn’t told a soul.Meredith never said I-told-you-so, but I could see it in her eyes every
time we passed him in the hallway.
I felt that it was too late to tell Headmaster Dippet what I had seen.Rubeus had been expelled, and the student body believed it to be
It was to haunt me for the rest of time, what I’d seen and
After graduation from Hogwarts, Tom became a terror that lived
in every wizard’s heart.He called
himself Lord Voldemort, and a group of followers, many his fellow Slytherins
that called themselves Death Eaters, did his bidding.
Murderers, they all were.The lot of them.
I cannot even begin to say how terrifying his presence in
the world was.His Dark Mark, a serpent
slithering from the mouth of a skull, would hang over the homes of his victims,
revealing to all what had happened within.
Everywhere I looked, there was
evidence of his presence.Dark Detectors
lined the shelves of shops, people began to research defense spells heavily,
and Hogwarts was rumored to put a great emphasis on the Defense Against the Dark Arts.Old friends became distrusted enemies, and the Order of the Phoenix
Needless to say, I joined immediately.
The guilt I carried from what I had witnessed in the
bathroom days, weeks, months, what grew to years ago, pressured me into
fighting.Perhaps if I could help bring
the Dark Lord’s downfall, it would make up for me allowing him to get away with
the murder of our classmate.
Headmaster Dippet passed away in
his sleep not long after I joined the Order, and Dumbledore took over as
Headmaster, hiring a older woman named Minerva McGonagall to take his place as
and McGonagall both were members of the Order, and I got to know them quite
well over time.
It was several years before they assigned me my first
It was Dumbledore who approached me, after they’d taken a
picture of the lot of us – the original Order.My dear friends Lily and James Potter, later murdered in cold blood by
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named himself, were members, as was Rubeus Hagrid, to name
but a few.
“Lily and James need to go into hiding, Miss Meadowes,” he
said softly.“I have a task for you.”
I looked up.“A task?”
“Yes.If my memory
serves me well,” said Dumbledore, his eyes crinkling at the corners sadly, “you
were a dear friend to Mr. Riddle, were you not?More than a friend, even?”
I flushed with guilt.“Yes, sir.”
“So you are to, if you accept, join the Death Eaters.I know this seems a wicked mission, but if
you can spy for us-“
“Get insider information from Tom- er,
Voldemort?”I interrupted.Though it sounded dangerous, it seemed like
the only way I could make up for what I’d done at the distant age of sixteen.
“Yes, Miss Meadowes.”A twinkle appeared in Dumbledore’s eyes.“Perhaps he shall even call you ‘Dory’ again?”
I blushed.“I’ll go,
Headmaster.I’ll go immediately.”
And so I went.
The castle loomed before me.It had taken months to figure out where the Dark Lord recruited
followers.First I’d had to befriend
Dark families, and that had taken ages.
But none of that mattered.I was here.
I crept up the front walk and through the gates.A trembling young man, hardly past a day of
fifteen, offered me an arm.I couldn’t
help but feel terrible for the child, forced into such a violent, desolate
“Dorcas Meadowes.I’m here to join forces with the Dark Lord,
the greatest sorcerer in the world.”It
took all of my strength not to spit the words.
“Reginald Preffers,” said the boy,
with a quick nod in my direction. “The Dark Lord’s most trusted Screener.”
And so Reginald pulled out his wand, pointed it at me, and
said, “Follow me.”
I followed him through twisting, wandering corridors, until
I realized I could not find my way out if I tried.We finally appeared before a looming, dark
door, and Reginald knocked.
“Who goes there?”
“Reginald, sir.With a new recruit.”
The stone door slowly opened, grinding on the cobblestone
floor and omitting sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard.I winced as I stepped over the
Reginald dropped to his knees, shaking harder than before,
and I followed suit, my cloak hood still covering my head.
“Remove your hood, Servant.”
I slipped it off, remaining in a kneeling position.My blonde curls were restrained with a strand
of ribbon, but it was coming undone, and locks of hair spilled from the untidy
ponytail to rest around my face.
Voldemort spoke in a shocked voice that was so like the
young Tom Riddle I’d known that tears sprang to my eyes.“Dory?”
Reginald whipped to look at me and his eyes widened.Though I was older, I was still rather
pretty, they told me.And my hair was
very, very recognizable.
Voldemort seemed to remember himself, and spoke in the deep
voice again.“Please rise,
I stood, and raised my gaze level with his.“My lord, I was mistaken in school.I wish to join your forces here and now.”
But I could barely choke the words out due to the horrors I
saw engraved in his whitened, chalky skin and evil red eyes.Red like blood.
He smiled.“Ah, Miss
Meadowes, welcome.Please push up your
I showed him my arm, and he pointed his wand at it.A soft spell was uttered, and a terrible
tattoo appeared on my arm.I bit my lip
against a gasp of pain.
“Show Miss Meadowes to her room, Lucas.”
A burly man grabbed my elbow roughly and yanked me out of
the chamber.It had all happened so fast
that I didn’t have time to react to any of it.Soon I was standing alone in a miserable little bedchamber, weeping for
everything I’d just become, and everything that I had failed to see that Tom
had always been.
The Dark Lord treated me as a bit of an advisor throughout
my time as a Death Eater.I never was
ordered to go out and commit murders, thank heaven, but I witnessed many
gratuitous murders all the same.
Like the murder of Reginald Preffers.
Voldemort killed him when he brought a well-known Auror into the castle to be a Death Eater.He’d clearly had the same intentions as I
did, but wasn’t as talented at hiding it.The Dark Lord had called me from my chambers to witness Reginald’s
murder.I knew better, but I began to
plead for his life.
“Master, save him.He meant no harm.He was fooled.”
“No, Miss Meadowes, he is
a fool.A wretched
Pain like I’d never imagined consumed my very soul.It was hard to breathe, to want to live,
thousands of knives attacked my skin, my head seemed near explosion, my lungs
twisted- and then it stopped.
Panting, I lay at the Dark Lord’s feet.Reginald was shaking, but did not appear to
be frightened.He stared at me with
hardened eyes, unmoved by the attack.
“You do not argue with me, Miss Meadowes,” spat Voldemort as
I climbed to my feet, almost collapsing again.“AVADA KEDAVRA!”
Reginald fell dead.
And I began to fear for my life.
Months passed.Perhaps Voldemort suspected me, and that is why I was locked up in his
castle at all times.I was still able to
pass information, information which resulted in the capture of three Death
It was after the third capture that Voldemort saw me for
what I was.
He came to my chamber himself, eyes bright with fury.“You…”
He then called me a name I shall not repeat, stepping
closer.He struck out with his hand so
quickly I couldn’t react, and my cheek flared red and my eyes stung.
“Are you, Miss Meadowes, a coward enough to plead for your
“No, but I shall plead you for your own.”I stopped my voice from shaking, but with
look at me.”
Voldemort’s flaming eyes landed on
my own, bearing so much hate I’ll admit that I winced.
“Tom Marvolo Riddle, look at what
you have become,” I whispered, my hands reaching toward the monster that used
to be my dearest friend.
Prepared for the attack, I smoothly dodged the curse, but
tears were welling in my eyes.“Do you
not remember?”I was half-hysterical, my
voice coming out in screechy desperation.“Have you forgotten the peppermint stick I gave you when we were small,
small children?Have you forgotten the
Valentine’s Day Ball?You asked me to
it, you know.Tom, you even kissed me
Voldemort screwed up his eyes, and I realized I was getting
through to him.I dug deeper, forcing
old, buried memories to surface, so close to my heart that I could feel every
emotion, from the sweetness of his touch to the pain of seventh year.
I smiled at him, touching his chalk-white cheek.“I was so infatuated with you, fourth
year.I never told you, did I?”
In spite of himself, the Dark Lord shook his head
“I loved you even then, and I still love you now, Tom
Riddle.I will always love you, and I
always have.Please, stop this nonsense,
stop these brutal murders.Where has
your heart gone?”
“Dory-“ he said, his voice sounding
“Has it burned in your chest with so much passion for power
that you were consumed by it?Has it
frozen?Has it turned black?Where is your heart, Tom Riddle?Where
is your heart?”
Something snapped in his eyes.Had I won?I half expected the chalkiness to flush with color, the redness to fade
from his eyes.Yet it intensified.
“You fool,” he whispered, his voice low and malicious.“You fell for it all, didn’t you?Could you not see?After first year, everything we had became a
lie.You were an intelligent girl – a
quick witted one at that.And I knew it
as much as you did.Your wit would be
useful, very useful, as it clearly proved to be for the Order.”
I blinked, unable to absorb it all.He… he had lied to me?All those
memories… all that time we had spent together… it was all fake?I did not want to believe it.And yet something within me told me it was
“As yes, Miss Meadowes, I was on your hide the entire time…
I knew what you wanted.From the day you
set foot in this castle I knew what you were after.I waited to see if you would crack… if you
would admit to being a spy or flee to your little Order friends.You lasted a long time, I’ll give you credit
for that.But no one can stand up to the
Dark Lord.I hoped that you would soon
show your weakness, and give in to the pressure.But you did not.
“That is why you are here, Dorcas
Meadowes.It was all a lie – I never
loved you.Love is nothing but cowardly
weakness, nothing but an excuse to believe in something that is worse than
death – which they call life without love.Love is something that can be shattered with a blink of an eye, but
“Power is nothing compared to love,” I said, my voice
shaking.“If you’d allowed yourself to
really feel what you so wonderfully conveyed-“
“Shut up!” he screamed, and I almost laughed because it
sounded so childish.“LOVE IS
NOTHING!POWER IS EVERYTHING!”His voice dropped to a dangerous
whisper.“And those who fail to see that
only get in my way.Goodbye, Miss
Meadowes, the most gullible excuse for a human being I’ve ever known to exist.”
“AVADA KEDAVRA!”There was no way to escape that jet of green light shot at me.I screamed at him.I still did not believe him.
“Where has it gone, Tom Riddle?”
Then the light consumed me, and I knew no more.
I could not bear to leave behind such unfinished work.I chose the path of the living dead; I chose
to wander the earth for eternity as a silvery spirit.
My story remains untold.Until now.
And I remain a shadow of a soul, floating the halls of
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry ceaselessly, unnoticed by the
students and staff.I am not social or
even friendly, but few of them see me.I
prefer to haunt the towers and the lake, especially in winter.
In winter, everything else is as cold as my heart.
But when I remember Tom, I try to remember him as the boy he
once was, not the terror he became.To
me, they were two separate men.There
was the sweet boy who charmed me with his innocence… then there was the monster
that he became.If I block my memories
of everything I was led to believe and feel, it makes the afterlife bearable.But what I would not give to forget.
As I sit by the lake, still staring at the crystallized
landscape, I swallow a soft sob, as I try to remember one thing about Tom
Riddle, dead before he’d even really lived.I try to remember our friendship, our childhood days.
And I remember how we laughed.
The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For
questions, please send us an Owl!
-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --