The Sugar Quill
Author: Lilac  Story: Agony!  Chapter: Default
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A filk by Lilac to the tune of Agony from Sondheim's musical Into the Woods

THE SCENE: Harry has just entered the common room, where he finds Ginny comforting Ron in a distant corner.

HARRY: What's up, Ron?

RON: Why did I do it? I don't know what made me do it!

HARRY: What?

GINNY: He -- er -- just asked Fleur Delacour to go to the ball with him.


RON (singing): She does entrance, that flower from France,
with long, silvery-blond hair.
So very becoming while getting quite chummy
with Cedric Digg'ry down there.

Hide me under the rug!
What was I getting at?
She just stared like I was a sea slug

HARRY: You were right, Ron,
'Bout her entrancing charm;
Her grandma was Veela.
Prob'ly caught blast
Of the charm she had cast
For Cedric to feel-a.

RON: (punctuating each "why" with hitting his head on the wall)
Why, oh why, oh why, oh why...Agony!

HARRY: She was wasting her time
Diggery's going with Cho Chang
That bloke's such a big slime!

BOTH: Agony!

HARRY: Mine's not painful as yours!
I was too late to ask Cho for a date...
Not what I'd hoped for.

GINNY (trying to help them both feel better, though her heart is breaking):
You both are sensitive, clever, well mannered, considerate...
HARRY:...Scrawny and messy-haired...
RON:...Long-nosed and freckle-faced...
BOTH:...Only fourteen!

RON (with sarcasm): Yeah, we're "everything witches could wish for"...then why no?

HARRY: Do I know?

RON (with despair): They must think we're mad!

HARRY: They know nothing of madness, they're not asking us out,
We're always in doubt, screwing our courage up,
They walk in packs 'round us...

BOTH (hitting their heads):
Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why... Agony!

RON: Misery!
BOTH: Oh, this stupid Yule Ball!
RON: I was under her spell
HARRY: I was too late, oh Hell!

BOTH: There's no "justice for all".
Agony that can cut like a knife!
So unfair, a boy's life!

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