The Sugar Quill
Author: Barbara the Wallpaper-er (Professors' Bookshelf)  Story: Folderol (or, Dolores Explains Educational Theory)  Chapter: Default
The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.

I apologize in advance, as this has come out as the movie of a Broadway musical

Many thanks to my beta reader Yolanda, Queen of Grooviness, for her assistance and recommendations; to the ladies of Flights of Fancy for the encouragement; and to the ever-patient CornedBee for providing musical transcription as he gets to it.

 

Dedicated to Yolanda, who deals with folderol on a daily basis. Hang in there.

 

Regarding the use of JK Rowling's characters, standard disclaimers apply.

 

The tune is original. For the musically minded:  Hermione is a contralto, Umbridge is a counter-tenor.

 

Song the Ninth: Folderol

Dolores Explains Educational Theory

 

(sung)

UMBRIDGE:            All the little happy faces turning up to see
I'm so glad to be at Hogwarts where you can learn from me
I'll be your Defence teacher and I have so much to say
So sit tight on your benches, for I'm starting right away.

 

                                    The Ministry of Magic wants to know what you are learning
We're looking at your schooling and we're always quite discerning
You need to be instructed what to do and what to say
So you learn to be good wizard folk in every single way.

Folderol, folderol
Not what you want to hear
Folderol, folderol,
That's what you heard last year.

 

HERMIONE:            That explains a lot of what I'm reading in the papers
Admitting Harry's told the truth would give you all the vapours

UMBRIDGE:            Progress made for progress' sake must really be prevented
The Ministry insists that your learning be augmented.

 

HERMIONE:            Folderol, folderol
Hogwarts will not kowtow
Folderol, folderol,
That's what we're hearing now

 

UMBRIDGE:            The Ministry is honest
The Ministry is wise
The Ministry protects you
And would never tell you lies.
 

HERMIONE:            You never cared what Hogwarts did or what we learned before
You want to get to Harry and discredit Dumbledore.

UMBRIDGE:            We'll determine what will harm you and what will do you good
Preserving and perfecting and pruning what we should

 

HERMIONE:            Folderol, folderol
Hogwarts will not kowtow
Folderol, folderol,
That's what we're hearing now

HARRY:                     It's just a load of waffle
Percy talks like that

RON:                          Everyone ignores him
We all think he's a prat.

 

 

(Final chorus, Umbridge and Hermione, in unison.)

BOTH:                        Folderol, folderol

UMBRIDGE:            The Ministry's in the clear

HERMIONE:            Hogwarts will not kowtow

BOTH:                        Folderol, folderol

UMBRIDGE:            You won't hear that this year.

HERMIONE:            That's what I'm hearing now

BOTH:                        No, you won't be hearing anything

HERMIONE:            That's not folderol this year.

 

(spoken)

DUMBLEDORE:      Thank you, Professor Umbridge, that was most illuminating.

 

//
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