This ice is made from the water of JK Rowling,
or something equally profound that doesn't sound quite so dirty.
and silent, she was like a statue of some red-haired goddess. Even in
sleep, her body's curves seemed to emit some feline grace, giving a
passer-by the idea that she might leap away without any effort
None of these
described Ginny Weasley, who was leaning
back in her chair and snoring softly. Her hand still clutched a quill
that was on the table in front of her; she had fallen asleep during a
History of Magic essay. She was, as a result, having dreams about a
small goblin named Niptuck the Medical, who
ran around making people look younger and their breasts grow, which
made Headmaster Dumbledore look very
turned to her and said, "Ginny, I need your help. Ginny? Are you
awake?" Then it shoved her onto the ground, at which point she
She opened her
eyes. "I'm sorry, Ginny," said Colin, standing over her
fallen body. He had apparently tried to shake her out of her nap but
had shaken too hard.
Colin," she said, still half in a post-sleep daze. There was
enough of her mind awake to notice a side of Colin she'd never seen
before, though. "If you're going to stand right over my head,
Colin, at least wear trousers under your robes."
His knees did too. He hurried to the other side of Ginny's table and
sat, legs crossed and face capillaries possibly bruised for life.
"What did you need?" asked Ginny, righting her chair.
see, I have this friend--well, that's a lie. I mean, I have friends,
but I wasn't about to talk about any of them, I was going to talk
about myself and I would have got confused anyway and now I'm nervous
anyway and so--"
Anyway. There's this girl."
girl," thought Ginny. I hate that phrase. One day,
"There's this girl" will be stricken from the lexicon of
every right-thinking male, and the world will be a better place for
it. Aloud, she said, "Right, go on."
Hufflepuff. Fourth year. Miranda... something. I should probably find
out her name. I met her last year. There were these girls saying some
things about Harry and she stood up for him."
comes back to Harry for you, doesn't it?"
I've been thinking about asking her to study with me sometime, or to
maybe have dinner with me. Something."
She felt that
she was going to have some ridiculous role in the farce that was
Colin's love life, so she might as well figure out what. “If
you expect me to ask her out for you, you've got a great big load of
just... need advice about asking girls out."
girls say I'm creepy. I don't know why."
Ginny felt for
Colin. She did. Any comments to the contrary in the back of her mind
were not in possession of all the facts. But, to quote a friend,
honestly. "It's not difficult. You go up to the young
lady in question and you say, 'Hello, Miranda. Would you like to
study with/enjoy a meal with/kiss me this evening?'"
not to be nervous. And be yourself." She was beginning to run
out of generic advice, and was probably going to have to make it up
herself. She was not good at advice concerning emotions. She was good
at advice concerning the obvious, such as, "Harry, if you do not
stop being an ass, I will... threaten you with bodily harm."
Okay, she was no good at obvious advice,
myself is nervous!" Colin protested loudly. A few heads
turned to look at him, and he slouched in his seat to avoid their
just..." She struggled for an idea, and finally came up with,
"Who can you think of that isn't nervous? Of all the people on
the planet, who would be least likely to be challenged by asking some
a beat, he replied, "Harry."
met Har--never mind. Just... look,
try to channel your inner-Harry. Try it on me."
pretend I'm Miranda and ask me out. I'll... I don't know, I'll
pretend you're Harry and you can have some sort of confidence
me get into character." He cleared his throat and turned around.
When he turned around again, he was wearing what he probably thought
to be a charming smile, but it really made him look like half his
face was asleep. "Hello, Miranda."
She smiled back
and tried to keep from laughing at Colin's 'charm'. "Hello,
you feel about going to... to..." He began to falter, but forced
up some more Harry-ness, or what he thought
Harry was, to finish. "How would you like to have dinner with
The urge to
tease her friend was becoming overpowering. The blood of tricksters
flowed through her veins; she really had no choice in the matter.
flowed through the veins of Ron Weasley, but it mostly inspired him
to walk into the wrong room at the wrong time. There had been an
incident involving a half-naked Lupin and
another whose face he hadn't seen, but whoever it was had tripped
three times while diving out of his line of sight.
In short, his
blood played tricks on him.
He didn't see
his sister when he first came into the common room, but she was close
enough to the door that he did hear her. "Oh, Harry," she
was saying in a weird voice. He didn't know who she was talking to,
as Harry was studying with Hermione. Rather, Hermione was studying,
and Harry was being studied at, as the former had turned learning
into a martial art.
Ginny continued. Ron stopped to listen. As an older brother, he had a
privilege--a right--a duty to drop eaves on his sister
whenever he got the chance. "Harry, I think I love you."
mentally as Ginny went on. "You're all I've ever wanted in a
man. You're just a walking pile of... ovary-tickling delight."
Quickly, he plugged his ears and began to sing the Cannons Fight Song
in his head as he rushed to Harry and Hermione.
never believe what I just heard," he said, sitting down.
as it has nothing to do with Nightshade and the Effects Thereof on
Herbal Transfiguration and Potion Brewing," said Harry as he set
aside his book and parchment. "I can't take any more of it."
now, Harry. We've only scratched the surface. I've already read four
books on nightshade. Most of them contained much of the same
Harry interrupted, "tell us all about anything but this."
heard Ginny," said Ron. "And she was talking to someone, or
maybe herself, but she was acting like she was talking to you. And it
Is that a word?" Hermione asked with a smirk. She had been made to set aside her book, and if she was going to suffer, then so would someone else, even if it was in the form of biting wit.
Ron seemed to miss the
irony in her voice, as he was starting to panic. "Yes. Isn't it?
Anyway. She was saying things like 'I love you, Harry,' and 'You're a
pile of ovary-tickling delight.'" An odd look crossed his face.
"What's an ovary?"
you when you're older, Ron," said Hermione.
what? Ginny can't love me. That's ridiculous, we've only just started
to become friends." Harry was inclined to shrug the matter off
entirely, but Hermione had a thoughtful look on her face.
"I'm not so sure. What do you know about her? She fancied you for years--"
up on it, you said," he pointed out.
you straight out of your depression thing last Christmas better than
any of us--"
doesn't mean anything, she's just good at making me feel stupid,"
Harry objected again.
followed you on a potentially deadly quest to the Ministry."
triumphant. "See? This means she loves you, right?" Then he
seemed disappointed. "Of course, that also means that she was
talking to herself and is probably insane."
on. That was just..." Harry faltered a bit, but recovered. "She
probably fancied Sirius."
didn't?" said Hermione.
didn't you just say--?"
Hermione's complexes aside, that is the craziest thing I have ever
heard, Ron. Ginny does not love me." Harry picked up his book
and his essay. "Meanwhile, I have an essay to write." He
turned his attention to his paper, on which he had written the title
and his name over the past three hours. "On the other hand, it
couldn't hurt to just talk to her." He put his book down with
almost unseemly haste and crossed the room.
The last thing
he heard Ron say was, "Seriously, though, what's an ovary?"
After Colin had
scampered off to find his lady love (feeling slightly put-out by
Ginny's fun) Ginny returned her attention to Niptuck the Medical. The
essay was easy to write once she got going. She wrote one paragraph
and the reworded it again and again until she filled the length of
the essay. She got the idea from Binns'
lectures, which worked in a very similar fashion.
She looked up
from her essay to find Harry standing nearby, wearing a very strange
look on his face. "Harry, glad you're here. I'm down to the last paragraph of this thing and I'm running out of synonyms. How do you spell
"I try not
to, Hermione gets weird when I use words like that. I think there are
two k's, though. Can I sit down? Or can you stand up?"
sure, I can stand up." She put her quill down and stood.
Oh, I'm interrupted your essay, aren't I? I can come back later."
it's fine." She stretched her back and tried to ignore the
soreness in her neck. "I've been needing a break anyway."
said Harry. He looked as if he wanted to say something more, but was
forced to settle for, "Do you want to go for a walk with me?
They're probably setting up dinner just now."
Harry said again.
later in the hallway, Harry hadn't said anything else, which was
making Ginny nervous. Or, to be more precise, he hadn't said any more
words. He kept trying to, opening his mouth and starting to speak,
but stopping himself.
he'd said as they'd left the tower.
he'd added upon reaching the staircase.
he'd quipped outside the Great Hall.
are you trying to say something?" Ginny said as they reached the
Gryffindor table. "Because it sounds
like you're getting ready to sing."
and looked embarrassed as he sat across from Ginny. "Look, Ron
said that he'd heard you talking to yourself. Saying I tickle your
ovaries, and things. And now I think Hermione is giving Ron the birds
and the bees talk because of it, but that's neither here nor there."
Ginny thought back on her day. Oh, right. Ovaries. Damn Colin.
"No, no, no. I wasn't talking to myself. And I wasn't talking
about you. And... it's complicated. And entirely, completely Colin's
That's... that's a relief. I don't know why it's relieving that you
were referring to Colin by my name, but it's relieving nonetheless."
why you've been acting so weird? You thought I was in love with you?"
She snorted, but quickly sobered. "Wait a minute, what's so
terrible about me being in love with you?"
really want to have this argument?"
probably not. I do have one question though."
taking romantic advice from Ron? You do know Ron,
things sometimes. And Hermione was talking too," he said
yeah. Just... you eat."
finished, Harry and Ginny walked back to Gryffindor Tower together.
"I can't help but feel like there's some sort of loose end,"
said Ginny. "Oh, I know!"
girl. I never found out what happened with her."
that him over there?" Harry pointed to the staircase which he
knew led to the Hufflepuff common room.
There Colin was, talking energetically to someone he couldn't see.
I get to meet the mystery lady that's taken his place in your heart."
his eyes. He thought about shouting to Colin, but it went against
four years of experience and instinct, so he decided not to. As they
came closer, Colin's friend came into view. "Oh, my God,"
God," agreed Ginny.
Miranda was a
skinny girl with very dark hair and extraordinarily green eyes. "I
recognize her from when she was Sorted," said Ginny. "Miranda
look so scared, Harry. It's just Colin." Because she was
basically honest and very, very creeped
out, she added, "And your exact double with breasts."
Hey, what if Ron and Hermione come looking for us? We'd better get
back to the Great Hall. Just in case. And quickly."
As they ran
down the corridor to the Great Hall, they brushed past Ron and
Hermione without realizing it. Ron, however, did see them and shouted
at Harry's back, "Stay away from my sister's ovaries, you!"
how many times I used the word "ovaries" in this story?
Sometimes I go on these word-using kicks. Hope I got it all out of my