Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, they
belong to JK Rowling.
The song lyrics are
Sarah McLachlan’s Full of Grace. Lyrics from: http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/lf35.shtml
A/N: Special thanks to my
beta-reader: PirateQueen. Thanks so much, your help is greatly
The night was quiet
and still, just the way she liked it. The dark was soothing; in all its velvet
wonder mixed with a flurry of pinpoints of light, illuminating the world just
enough to call it fully alive.
Despite the calm
exterior, we must remember, not everything is always as it seems…
Lily Potter rested
her head against the window pane, enjoying the cooling feeling it had on her forehead.
Sometimes, just looking out and enjoying the steady growth of life was enough;
sometimes it wasn’t.
Hoping to calm her
mind from the many problems that swirled and hung in the air like a thick fog,
she tried to do something easy that her brain could relax to; she sang.
here’s cold and bitter…
Lily shuddered. It
was unlike her to feel cold; the warmth of the house was usually illuminated
with the glowing warmth of the fire. Yet, she felt oddly incomplete.
It chilled us to
So many have and will
die in this War as it hardens hearts, and hardens souls.
We haven’t seen
the Sun in weeks, too long, too far from home…
Mr. and Mrs. Evans
died on May 14th of last year. Lily will never forget that day…
I feel like I am
just sinking, and I claw for solid ground…
‘Mummy’. Such a
common yet endearing word that has long been lost to her heart, with so much
meaning; Lily remembered, very much like a four year old crying for her mother.
That was how she
felt now, like a lost child whose parents had died, and now she must live
through vivid memories and dreams of those happy times, just to get by.
I’m pulled down
by the undertow; I never thought I could feel so low
Lily hardly noticed
a tear slip from the corner of her eyes and land in a miniature puddle on her
hand, resting on the sill.
All the death
coming and gone, all the pain to be endured.
One thing is known
Hold on tight to
the ones close to you and around you while you guide each other to a better
Droplets like wax
poured freely from the emeralds that squinted with the effort to control. Soon,
the mind forgot, and heart forgave the eyes, and the tears came almost
darkness, I feel like letting go…
Lily buried her
head in her arms, with the blanket of crimson fringe to hide her tears from the
outside life, yet she continued to sing, her voice strong as burning glory and
as delicate as a phoenix cry.
If all of the
strength all of the courage come and lift me from this place…
Harry and James,
how she loved them.
How she hoped that
one day she could freely hold her son in her arms, and announce to the world he
was indeed hers, forever and always, no other way.
I know I can
love you much better than this…
She walked over to
Harry’s crib and peered carefully through the opening at her son’s huddled form
wrapped with blankets warming his soft skin, protecting him from the vicious
cold that had set out to foil them. ‘But it won’t,’ she chided herself. ‘It won’t
get him. I will make sure of that.’
Pulling her infant
son up with her, Lily returned to her seat by the window.
Full of grace,
full of grace, my love.
That was how James
found them; mother and son huddled together in an embrace of warmth, defying
the cold, only allowing the warmth of heart and joy to enter.
He smiled to
himself before pushing the door to the nursery open. Allowing a few moments for
the beauty of mother and child to bury deeper into his heart,
James stood in
still silence listening to the soothing sounds of his wife’s melodic voice.
Its better this
way, I said I haven’t seen this place before.
Where all we
say and do hurts us even more. It’s just that we stayed too long in the same
old sticky scheme. And I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought
I could feel so low,
And, oh, the
darkness, I feel like letting go…
“Lily?” James said
walking over. She looked up at him, her dazzling green eyes reflecting all,
like a window pane.
“Hey,” Lily said
smiling back up at him. “I was just singing to get Harry to sleep.”
James nodded in confirmation;
Lily always sang to Harry.
When they woke him
up in the morning, she sang a waking up song to him.
This made him laugh
and open his eyes wide.
Before they went
into hiding, when Lily and James would go out of the house, just for a few
hours, leaving him in the care of Remus Sirius or Peter, she would always sing
about how she would always come back, not to worry, that was a promise.
At night when he
woke, as all babies do, crying out for his Mum or Dad, she would sing to him,
it calmed him.
Her voice was
soothing, kind, lively and jovial; connected and strong, never timid. It calmed
the worst situations, and brought joy to the dull days they spent in their
house, escaping Voldemort at the expense of having an outside life.
James pushed the
hair out of his face and leaned over Lily’s shoulders to see Harry.
He was sleeping,
safe and sound in his mother’s arms, no doubt dreaming of things all babies do,
calmly and softly. His eyelids shielded theemerald eyes that
were identical to his mother’s.
James reached down
and instinctively patted Harry’s unruly jet black hair. Harry yawned, a typical
baby yawn, and snuggled deeper into the folds of the soft quilt. James smiled.
Everything was so peaceful.
They stayed like
that for a while, a small, quiet group, a family through and through, none
bothered to disturb the tranquility they had created.
Finally, it was
James who broke the silence.
“We should probably
get to bed,” he said yawning widely. When he looked back down at Lily, he found
she hadn’t moved.
His words shook Lily out of her reverie and shelooked up at
James, blinking slowly.
replied, standing up, holding her son close. “In a minute, I am just going to
tuck Harry in.”
James smiled, and
leaned down and kissed Harry on the forehead.
“Sleep tight little
one,” he said softly. “And don’t keep this one up too late.”
Lily smiled, “I am
James nodded, looking
softly at his wife. Suddenly, he pulled her close.
“It will be okay,
you’ll see, I won’t let anything happen to you.” Harry made a gurgling sound.
“Or Harry,” he said, smiling fondly down at his only son.
holding on tightly to her husband. After a few moments, James pulled away.
“Good night Harry,
sweet dreams, I love you.” James said. Harry didn’t speak, but James knew, had
the baby been able to talk, he would have said ‘I love you too.’
With a final smile
at Lily, he turned on his heel and walked out of the door.
‘I will protect them,’
he added in his mind ‘or die trying.’
darkness and its profound followers as he went, James padded softly down the
hallway and into his study.
The soft paneled
walls were alive with the excess light given from the flames dancing merrily in
the fire place. Bookshelves aligned the west and east walls, each of the books’
titles glistening in turn. A few plush armchairs of a deep blue sat spread out
evenly among the room. The hearth rug where Harry had taken his first steps, a threaded
product of mismatched material worn soft by a lifetime of use, lay quietly
across the floor.
James’ desk was
orderly (Lily made sure of that), piled high with books on various subjects.
Ink wells sat accordingly on the right-hand side, and several pictures of himself,
Lily, Harry and his friends took up most of the space.
Picking up one of
them, he studied it with intense care.
There he stood,
not much younger than he was now, behind a vibrant redhead, his arm
protectively around her shoulder. Both of them smiled shyly into the camera,
and every so often, James would raise the hand that wasn’t clamped tightly
around his wife’s shoulder and wave cautiously at the flashing light. In the
young woman’s arms a small baby lay.
His hair was the same
unruly shade of dark black as that of his father, and his green almond- shaped
eyes, vibrant and alive, shone with the short-lived childhood innocence.
Gleefully, the child grinned at the person behind the camera, unaware of his
himself, James turned the photograph over and peered at the written words
inscribed on the back.
Lily and Harry Potter; June 1981
He would never
forget that day.
Peter had insisted
upon a picture. “Just because.” he had said, hadn’t he? James shook his head,
reminding himself that they would be fine as long as Peter kept the secret.
And he knew that
They could trust
him to keep their whereabouts hidden, even at personal risk.
he was unsure why, James picked up an eagle feathered quill from the small
pencil pot that Lily had helped Harry make for Father’s Day the first year he was
born. Its edges were rough, but James didn’t care. It was more the fact that
his son had a hand in making it for him.
His son, he would
never get tired of saying that.
into the ink, James pulled out a spare bit of parchment and touched his quill
Lily held her son
close. It was now, or it was never, and she preferred the now.
Placing Harry on
the changing table, Lily withdrew an old ancient book, bound by many secrets
from under the cushion on the window seat. Taking out her wand as she went,
Lily opened to page 900, Love Spells
Her fingers began
shaking. Whether it was anticipation or nerves, Lily really wasn’t sure; all
she knew was that the magnitude of what she was about to do couldn’t fail.
Take a deep breath…
Clear your mind of
everything but the task at hand…
Let the energy flow
through your mind; let it join your breathing…
Take a deep breath…
Count slowly to 5…
If all of the
strength, all of the courage
Lily drew an
almighty breath and scooped Harry up in her left arm, supporting his head with
the crook of her arm.
Come and lift me
from this place…
tentatively down at the spell book. Just checking…
I know I can
love you much better than this:
Lily knew now that
the book wouldn’t help her, not now, how many times had she spent awake,
memorizing that spell?
Full of Grace,
Full of Grace
Only pure and undying love will help us now…
Lily took a deep
breath, the incantation resting softly on her vocal cords.
Now or Never.
I know I can
love you much better than this.
trésor du coeur, connu de beaucoup, mais la grandeur seulement à certains. Lier
de sortilège vrai et désirent ardemment, forment cette obligation d'amour quand
je suis allé.
verse. An ancient incantation of various sparks, and phrases where flukes
cancel out others to form something great. Old, it is native of France, lost to generations, stumbled upon by pure luck and God’s gentle smile.
glow appeared, dotted here and there with the soft touch of light pinks, and
soft sunset purples. Warmth spread through Lily’s finger tips, soft as new
morning flower petals; yet as strong as the burning love of mother and child.
spell drifted from her wand tip, onto the slowly rising and falling body of the
small boy buried under the mounds of blanket.
connection was made.
done, he was safe, and no passing darkness could breathe their shadows on the
son, as long as his mother’s love never faltered for reasons unknown except to
most certainly this was not the case.
love for her son was indescribable, except to those who have felt or beentouched
by a mother’s love. A ghost of a smile passed over Lily’s face.
here, with her son, her husband and the next room, Lily felt oddly at home; at
peace, as though the whole world could stop spinning, everything could go, as
long as she was with them.
pain that had once been present evaporated; she felt truly happy.
Mother would be with her son, even if she must watch his life through the window
pane of Heavens’ watch of Earth.
better this way…
In case anyone
cares, the spell Lily found is French, and it means:
great treasure, known to many, but the greatness only to some. Enchantment
binding true and long, form this love bond when I am gone.” Something I
randomly made up and translated into French.
if you have iTunes (or on Yahoo/AOL Music), type in Full of Grace, and hear the
song. It only gives part of it, but the part heard is truly beautiful and the
story will have more meaning and softer interior.