The Sugar Quill
Author: Cleindori (Professors' Bookshelf)  Story: There Is Nothing Else  Chapter: Default
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Notes:

Notes:

The song is "Hanging by a Moment" by Lifehouse. The characters and the universe belong to J.K. Rowling, I'm just glad to be able to play in her backyard every once in a while.

 

 

There Is Nothing Else

 

Desperate for changing

 Starving for truth

 

 Something has got to change. I can’t keep going like this. This past year was bad enough, and I’ll admit it, I’ve been as immature as he was.

 

I’m closer to where I started

 Chasing after you.

 

 Sure, we have rows as easily as breathing, but we always make up. When did I realise that I liked picking fights with her, getting her riled up, because of the way she looks when she’s angry? The way her eyes glint and her cheeks flush, the way she tosses her head when she finally accepts my apology. Why am I always the first to give in and say I’m sorry?

 

I’m falling even more in love with you.

 

 When did I start laughing inside while I nagged him to research an essay or revise for a test? When did I start turning to him for comfort and reassurance, no matter who else was nearby?

 

Letting go of all I’ve held onto.

 

 We weren’t friends when we first met, far from it. I thought she was nothing more than an irritating know-it-all, as different from me as night from day. When did I change from valuing her essays to copy to valuing her company, her smile, her jokes…not caring if she was repeating History of Magic lectures as long as I was near her and hearing her voice?

 

I’m standing here until you make me move.

 

 And now here we are. Summer at the Burrow, and I convinced my parents to let me tack two weeks onto my visit for the wedding. Somehow we’re managing to almost forget what’s in store for us so soon…well, almost forgetting. I’m pretty sure Harry and Ginny are off somewhere having a blazing row. I think Ginny was listening while the three of us talked last night about the prophecy, and the Horcruxes, and by the look on her face this morning she was dragging Harry off to tell him in no uncertain terms that she’s coming with us.

 

 …but that’s not my concern right now. Right now, I’m stretched out next to Ron on the grass by the pond, and there’s not much that could persuade me to move…unless I figured out a way to get closer without him noticing. It’s only because of Harry’s new Chudley Cannons book (Ron’s birthday present to him – Ron’s excuse is that best mates are made for giving presents they really want themselves) that Ron hasn’t noticed that I’m practically snuggling up to his side, as much as I can with both of us stretched out on our fronts, with our heads propped up to read. He probably thinks I don’t know what I’m doing, with my nose in my book. Good thing he hasn’t noticed I haven’t turned a page in five minutes….

 

I’m hanging by a moment here with you.

 

 Is this really happening? She probably doesn’t know what she’s doing, she’s so busy reading. If I glance sideways, I can see her, lying on her stomach, head propped up on her hands, hair falling down behind her ears and fluffing out in the breeze, totally absorbed in her book. Any second now she’ll notice…stiffen…move away…maybe even get flustered and go back to the house. But for now…for now I can close my eyes, and feel this moment. The sun, the smell of the grass, but most of all…her. Strands of her hair blowing sideways in the breeze and tickling my face, her body beside mine pressing against me, her smell, the sound of her breathing…. Normally I’d be tearing through Harry’s book before he noticed I’d nicked it, but I haven’t turned a page in five minutes, and frankly I don’t care if she notices.

 

Forgetting all I’m lacking

 

 For a while this year, watching him with that insipid Lavender, I started obsessing over…well, everything about myself. What did he see in her that he didn’t see in me? All the superficial things, some things I’ve seen myself about Lavender in six years of sharing a dorm – girls in a dorm together, I’ve probably seen more of her than he could even dream about. I was so maddeningly jealous, I forgot all the things the two of us share, all the things that Lav-Lav will never be able to touch. Ever. And then I realised that if I could sit and remember so many good things even when I was boiling with anger watching him snog another girl…maybe I could make him see past Lavender’s sickening…obsession with him.

 

Completely incomplete.

 

 How could she ever learn to care the way I do? The only reason Lavender ever had anything to do with me was because my best mate is famous, I’m famous by association. But so is she, and she’s smarter than me, and better than me at everything. Next to her, I’m…nothing. Next to her, here, I’m not worth noticing as a person, I’m just a heat source to keep her warm as the afternoon gets breezy.

 

I’ll take your invitation.

 

 So maybe watching Bill and Fleur has made me jealous, even watching Harry and Ginny avoid being alone together or sit next to each other is skewing my mindset…or maybe he just hasn’t noticed me getting closer and closer. Or maybe…just maybe…it’s not in my head, and he isn’t saying anything because he’s as happy as I am right now…maybe he wouldn’t mind….

 

You take all of me now…

 

 Oh…I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend to be oblivious. She keeps squirming…no, snuggling, and…now her arm is across my back. She has to notice she’s doing that, she can’t be doing it without thinking. Could it be…is she…are we both…afraid?

 

I’m falling even more in love with you

 

 I can’t believe I just did that. I wasn’t going to be that obvious…but I don’t think I can handle pretending any more.

 

Letting go of all I’ve held onto

 

 I’m pretty sure her arm isn’t there by accident. Could it be…could she really…me…with all my flaws, and she knows them better than anyone, and has always been ready to point them out….

 

I’m standing here until you make me move.

 

 He hasn’t said anything. Is that good or bad? He hasn’t moved. Does that mean he hasn’t noticed? Doesn’t care? …I don’t care why…it feels so good to touch him…hold him…if I roll over now I can see his face…do I want to know? Do I want to be able to see what he’s thinking? How long has it been, that I’ve been able to read his face like a book…and loved it more than any book I’ve ever read?

 

I’m hanging by a moment here with you.

 

 Oh my…she’s moved. Rolled over. She’s looking at me. Do I have the courage to look back? I can’t hide the way I feel for her. But…that’s just it. I can’t stand to hide any more. I have to…face her.

 

I’m living for the only thing I know.

 

 He’s shifting…throwing my arm off? No…he’s turning towards me, but still under my arm. I know I must be smiling, like I’m daft, probably. But that’s fine, because he’s smiling too…and I can see it, clear as the sky above us….

 

I’m running but not quite sure where to go.

 

 How long have I been running? Hiding from the truth of how I feel? What I know she must be able to see…she can always tell how I’m feeling…. No matter where I go, I always end up back with her…and her with me….

 

And I don’t know what I’m diving into

 

 Deep breath…breathe…why doesn’t he say anything? Do anything? He looks…scared…as scared as I feel. I have to do something…his face is so close…the smile on his lips…is it an invitation? Nothing ventured, nothing gained…just a few inches…am I really moving to close that gap? Is this real?

 

Just hanging by a moment here with you.

 

 She knows…I know she can see…but I can’t tell…does she feel the same way? She’s moving…leaving? No…coming closer…oh….

 

 Oh.

 

 My.

 

There’s nothing else to lose.

 

 There, I’ve done it. What…what will he say? Even if he pulls away now…at least I’ll have this. But he’s not…oh…I think…he’s kissing back….

 

There’s nothing else to find

 

 Why didn’t we do this sooner? I feel like…there aren’t words. None. Just the new-found joy…and the knowing…knowing that we finally found each other properly.

 

There’s nothing in the world

 

 The smell of the grass…the parchment of the book by my head…him. The best part of the best love potion in the world. His lips on mine…his hand in my hair…his back under my hand as I try to pull us closer together.

 

That can change my mind.

 

 Perfect. I can’t keep hiding…I know this is where we belong.

 

 Her lips are so soft….

 

There is nothing else.

 

 Nothing but this…but us…but this kiss….

 

 Right. Maybe more than just this kiss…but not now.

 

There is nothing else.

 

 Magic…the kind they don’t teach us at school. But I have to know…for some reason this is the only other thing on my mind, other than the moment…it’s part of this moment…

 

 “Hermione…”

 

 She smiles, and my heart swells with the joy that’s there for me to see…that’s there for me.

 

There is nothing else.

 

 “Yes, Ron?”

 

 He looks so earnest. I know I must be blushing, but he’s even worse. I hope it’s a good blush….

 

Desperate for changing.

 

 “I…I think….”

 

 I can’t believe I’m about to say this. What am I thinking?

 

 “…I think I’ve…fallen in love with my best friend. And…I’m scared.”

 

 …did I really just say that? It’s what I’ve been thinking, what I’ve been worrying about, thinking more than I ever do about my schoolwork. It’s why I didn’t say anything before, because I was scared of things becoming worse, not better. Except I wasn’t going to say it to her like that, and now I just did. Oh, bloody hell. She’s going to laugh. I can see it building in her eyes.

 

Starving for truth.

 

 Did he…did he really…I can’t believe…what do I…what can I say to that?

 

 “Does Harry know about this?”

 

 Oh my goodness. I can’t believe I said that. This is not the time to be joking around.

 

I’m closer to where I started

 Chasing after you.

 

 Wha’? What does Harry…? Oh…ha. Ha ha. Is she trying to put me off? I can’t turn back now. We can’t turn back now. She started….

 

 Doesn’t she get it? Does she really not see?

 

 “Hermione…I really hope I haven’t fallen in love with Harry…Ginny would kill me….”

 

 See, I can make jokes too. She’s not the only one who can be flippant about this if that’s what she wants. But…for once in my life…this isn’t a joke.

 

 I have to know. I’m looking in her eyes, and I can see a spark of amusement, but mostly what I can see is…uncertainty. We’ve been uncertain for too long.

 

 Deep breath….

 

 “Hermione…I…I love you. And I’m scared. Help me?”

 

I’m falling even more in love with you

 

 Did he…did I really hear…this is too much. Too much joy….

 

 If I move my head just a bit, my forehead rests against his. I can look into his eyes….

 

 “Ron…I…I love you too.”

 

 That blush. He’s so red. I know it means he’s happy. I can’t believe….

 

I’m letting go of all I held onto

 

 Did she…really…she did…I can’t…. She’s so close, she just said, I know she won’t mind…more than that, even.

 

 Her lips are so soft.

 

 Her hands are in my hair now, and her lips are opening against mine…oh my.

 

I’m standing here until you make me move

 

 I don’t think I could stop if I tried. I’ve been dreaming about this for so long…I never dreamed it would feel this…right.

 

Just hanging by a moment here with you.

 

 Perfect. She’s perfect. This is perfect.

 

 How am I still thinking?

 

 Hang on…she’s pulling away…

 

 …her arm is moving back to drape over my side, she isn’t going far.

 

I’m living for the only thing I know

 

 I don’t want to stop kissing him, but I have to. It’s…too much. I’m about to start crying.

 

 A few inches away, and I can focus my eyes on his face. His eyes. He still looks surprised. And happy. As happy as I feel….

 

 Why did it take us so long?

 

I’m running but I’m not quite sure where to go

 

 How long have I known that my place was with her? Not just the three of us together, although it’s part of that…but I can’t ever stay away from her. Can’t be mad at her. Can’t…love anyone else but her. I tried. Lavender. I was so stupid. So stupid…

 

 …but now I’m here. No more running away.

 

And I don’t know what I’m diving into

 

 This may have been a stupid thing for us to do. Who knows what the consequences might be? Will we really be able to make this work?

 

Just hanging by a moment here with you

 

 I’m worried. About her…and now…about us. It’s a strange feeling, that.

 

 But for now…maybe we can drive the worry away. Hold it back, a bit. Enjoy what we have…what we just found, what we had all along but just couldn’t make ourselves see. Enjoy…each other. Us.

 

Just hanging by a moment (here with you)

 

 How can we have anything else but this, now?

 

 Even this moment…I can feel his breath on my face…our legs are touching, now…my arm is still over his side….

 

 He brings a hand up to my face, brushing away a strand of hair, and I turn to kiss it.

 

 How can I go back from here? There’s nowhere to go but forward…together…but for now, we have this sunlit moment…of us.

 

Hanging by a moment (here with you)

 

 Even the feeling of her lips on my hand sends shocks through me. I can’t stop looking at her, can’t stop staring.

 

 I don’t care.

 

 I don’t need to hide it, now.

 

Hanging by a moment here with you.

 

 His eyes are so…intense. And that smile…that look…. It would be frightening if it didn’t seem like a mirror of my own soul.

 

 Nothing can take him from me. Nothing. No-one. Not even….

 

 The realities of the world come close to crashing down on me. He must see it on my face, because he suddenly pulls me close. Awkwardly, but then we find a way to fit. He’s stroking my back, and I bury my face in his neck.

 

 “Shh…it’s okay…I’m here….” I hear him whisper into my hair.

 

 And now…that’s enough. I breathe in the smell of him, and my focus returns to the moment…to him. To us. Because nothing else matters, if we’re together…and we are.

 

 Now…

 

 …always…

 

 …and forever.

//
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