The Sugar Quill
Author: gLoRy  Story: Gossip Columnists and St. Mungo's Don't Mix  Chapter: Default
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Disclaimer: I own anything that you don't recognize. Everything else belongs to the goddess Joanne Kathlene Rowling


AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks to Arabella for beta-ing my story and for BANDBABY to encouraging me to do this. Feel free to e-mail me at for anything. On to the story....



Rita Skeeter, former Daily Prophet gossip columnist, was found this past Tuesday near the popular wizarding village Hogsmeade after being reported missing for over four months. Cassandra Slaine found Skeeter in a forest near Hogsmeade.

"I was going on a little hike that I had planned for myself to get away from all of the stress that I had recently been dealing with. I had hiked for an hour or two when I noticed a quaint little clearing, so I figured I might as well have a little rest and eat a bit. Snuffles (a stray dog that the locals have named) was whimpering a little ways off so I abanded my luncheon and followed the sound. I finally got to the area that I heard the whimpering from and I screamed. Snuffles was licking the face of a woman! She seemed to be unconcious and was bleeding a bit, but nothing too bad. I've had to go to therapy for that one, I have..." Slaine recapped for an exclusive interview for The Daily Prophet.

Dr. Yur Luny, head of the Hopeless Cases unit at St. Mungo's, held a press conference on the well-being of Skeeter. "She doesn't know about her surroundings and she constantly hums to herself. The only time that she seems sane is when she's muttering these words: 'It's going to eat me! My antennae! Nooo!'.... She seems to have the idea that she's a beetle being eaten by a manticore or a creature of that nature. Ms. Skeeter is very hostile and she is going to stay here until she returns to a normal state of mind, that is if she ever does."

Students at Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry, last known site of Skeeter before her disappearance, stated their thoughts.

"She was very nice when she came to interview us back in my fourth year. She was the kind of person that I could open up to and tell the truths of what's happening here at school," - Pansy Parkinson.

"Oh yes, she was very delightful, and if anybody even questions her columns, I pity the fool for he is full of ignorance," - Professor Severus Snape.

"Yes, she might've put a bad word about me every now and then, but I really can't blame her now, can I? She's gone loony and I can only hope for her recovery." - Hermione Granger

The Daily Prophet offers their sympathy towards Ms. Skeeter. We have now found a new replacement! Ms. Ivanna Talkalot's gossip column can be found every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.


"Hermione? When'd did you let her go?" Ron asked his friend, his face between horror and humor.

"Oh, when I got back home, I kept on feeding her scraps of my dinner....," Hermione replied.

"She's gone nutters because of you!"

"Yeah, Hermione, I have to agree with Ron on that," Harry added in.

"And so what, nobody really liked her anyway....Except, of course the Slytherins," Hermione said.

"True. Oh well, what can a person expect? After you've been locked up in a jar as a beetle I guess you're bound to go insane, right?" Ron said.

A thought struck Harry at that moment.

"What about Malfoy? If my memory serves me right he knows you caught Skeeter, Hermione! You can get arrested for that!"

"Harry, I've seen to that 'minor' detail all ready," Hermione tried to keep her face straight as she rummaged through her bookbag. "Remember when Moody," Harry coughed, "well, we thought he was Moody anyway. Remember the first day back at school?"

Ron acquired a dreamy look on his face.

"Colin Creevey took a couple pictures that day, but he was too scared to tell anybody. I think he was afraid that he was gonna get hexed by Malfoy....Anyway, I persuaded him to give me a couple of pictures....I'd bet all the books in the library that Draco doesn't want his father to see this," Hermione explained smugly and pulled out a black and white picture of a bouncing ferret.

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The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For questions, please send us an Owl!

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