May of 2001 I posted a fic that earned me a spot as an author here at the
Quill. It was written very fast and posted even more quickly. I’m
ashamed to admit that it wasn’t even read over by a proper beta
reader. Even though it had a few strikes against it, the fic went on to
become what several people in the fandom refer to as a “classic”. I,
however, cringe whenever I read it. Yes, cringe. It has a few flaws,
and I even use the term “graduated” in it, which we all know is a dead give
away of a non-betaed HP fic. I have wanted to rewrite the fic for a while
now, and well…I finally did. The original will still remain up, for those
of you that are purists and don’t like your classics tampered with.
~Coughstarwarscough~ For those of you that never read the original, I
offer you Plugs and Outlets 2006.
again, I can’t take full credit for this fic as my husband (yes my husband)
came up with many of the comical lines.
Getting into bed,
Arthur Weasley gave a deep sigh of relief. He was dead tired and what he wanted
most right now was a good night’s sleep. He bent over his wife’s side and
kissed her on the cheek. "Good night, Molly, dear."
Arthur, it’s so nice to have them all home again." She said, sounding
he replied sleepily.
"The house is
too quiet while they are all away. It gives me so little to do."
"Well, with the
wedding fast approaching, I suppose you’ll have lots to keep you busy. And
with Fred and George staying here until their shop expansion is finished, I
imagine you’ll have your hands full keeping after them." He had hoped
that would end the conversation so he’d be able to get some sleep. He knew how
Molly felt about the fact that Fred and George hadn’t managed to take
‘respectable’ jobs as the other boys had done, but still, the joke shop was
making good money, so why complain now?
"Yes, I’ll keep
after them," she said softly. "And I suppose we’ll be seeing a great
deal of Hermione this summer, too. I’ll have to keep after her and Ron."
Not really hearing
his wife, Arthur said, "Hermione has never caused trouble. She won’t be a
"No, but she’s
never been dating our son, either."
This woke him up.
"What? She’s dating our son?"
Smiling at her
husband, Molly said, "I believe so. Didn’t you see how sweet Ron was
to her at the station? I even spotted him giving her a little kiss!"
That made him
nervous. "Er, Molly, dear, how long do you suppose this has been going
she yawned. "I asked Harry, and he said that’s this has been building up
for a while now. And with Harry and Ginny working out their
Sitting up in bed,
Arthur said, "Hold on. Molly, one child at a time! Have you talked to
that’s your job, dear." She thought about it a minute and frowned. "It
might be a bit late now though.”
Arthur slid under the
covers. “You don’t suppose…?”
“He had a girlfriend
all last year. Violet something-or-other. You’d better hurry up
before it’s too late. You did talk to the other boys, didn’t you?"
"But what? This
should be easy for you. And you should savor it, dear. Ron is the last
chance you’ll get to have the ‘father/son’ chat."
Nodding and lying
back down, Arthur said, "Yes, Molly, dear, but you get the honor of
speaking to Ginny."
She kissed him and rolled over to fall peacefully asleep.
Arthur, on the other
hand, remained wide-awake contemplating just how to approach his youngest son.
Of course, he knew exactly what he would say. He’d used the same analogy with
all the boys. It was the timing that was the problem, and with Ron leaving
after the wedding, Arthur knew he would have to do it soon. More than soon, as
Hermione would be here in a day or so. Tomorrow. It would have to be done
* * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * *
Standing in front of
Ron’s closed bedroom door the next day, Arthur paused and quickly went over his
speech in his head. He put his hand to the door and knocked lightly. "Ron,
you in there?"
His son’s voice came
from within. "Yeah? You need something?"
"Might I have a
on.” The muffled sound of unknown items being shifted around could be heard
through the door before Ron said, “Come on in, but don’t complain about the
Arthur opened the
door to his son’s very orange bedroom and glanced around. It was indeed messy,
but then, Ron was sharing his room with Harry at the moment and the two of them
were in the middle of packing for their upcoming journey.
Actually, he wasn’t
packing. He was sitting on his bed looking much more innocent than Arthur knew
him to be. He obviously had been up to something when Arthur knocked on the
door, but had managed to get rid of any evidence to the contrary as if he
didn’t want Arthur to see it.
"What do you
want?" Ron asked.
chat. Mind if I sit down?" He gestured towards the end of the bed.
Arthur gave a quick
look at Ron’s bedside table and saw a photo of him, Harry, and Hermione taken
just after the O.W.L.s had been completed. The Ron in the picture blushed
as Hermione took his hand. Arthur felt his head start to bead up with sweat.
"What did you
want to talk about, Dad?"
Arthur pointed a
finger at the photo. "I need to talk to you about this, son."
Ron looked at the
picture, too. "Harry? I know you and Mum are concerned, and you have
every right to be, but I just have to help him do this. And I really
"Oh no! That’s
not what I meant!" Arthur gave a small smile. "Your mother and I know
how important this is to you…and to Harry."
"Then what? What
did I do?" Ron was very confused.
"Nothing…well I hope
you haven’t done anything…yet." He looked at his son who was wrinkling his
freckled nose at him. "You see, Ron, I need to tell you about plugs
"What? Why would
I care about…?"
"Please, let me
finish. Boys are plugs…and well…girls are outlets. Both have the
necessary…er…hardware to create ecceltricity. The ecceltricity can only be
created when the plug is inserted into the outlet. And this should be done ONLY
WHEN BOTH THE PLUG AND THE OUTLET ARE READY!"
was thunderstruck. "Are you talking about…sex?!?!"
Arthur felt his face
Ron covered his face
with his hands. "Ugh…I don’t believe this!" He turned to face his
father. "Dad, we’ve already had that."
He was shocked at how open his son was being.
"Sure, we all
did. It’s mandatory for all fifth year students."
Since when are all students required to have sex?"
dad…sex education." Ron raised his eyebrows at his dad.
course." Arthur felt a bit foolish and cleared his throat. "Education
is the key to safety."
think that…I…well…I mean…"
“I know that you and
Hermione are…working things out.”
“Hermione?” Ron said,
nearly choking on her name and going red to the tips of his ears. “You
thought Hermione and I…?”
"Well, son, I
was hoping that you would be responsible and wait for a while, but I can’t
force you. And speaking of forcing…make sure you never force a plug into an
outlet. You may end up with bent prongs."
Ron stared at his
when the plug just won’t fit, we can use the lubricaderm spell. Works
Eyes wide, Ron said,
importantly, when all the ecceltricity is spent and the plug is removed, make
sure you don’t ignore the outlet. Let the outlet know how wonderful and
beautiful it is. We don’t want our outlets to feel neglected!"
"DAD! STOP! You
don’t need to go on…I get it."
Arthur patted his son
on the shoulder. "All right. Just remember to be responsible." He
stood up and left the room, leaving the door open as he left.
When he reached the
bottom of the stairs, he heaved a great sigh of relief. It went well, he
thought. The boys had each responded so differently to the speech. Fred and
George had laughed at him. Percy had sat very quietly and didn’t say a word.
Charlie had kept him talking for an hour, asking all sorts of questions. And
Bill…well Bill had already experienced it by the time they talked. He shrugged
and set off to his shed outback.
* * * * * * * * * * *
* * * *
Ron sat motionless on
his bed. What had just happened? Had his father really just compared sex to
plugs and outlets? Fred and George popped their heads into his room.
"You wanna play
Not even responding
to the question, Ron placed his hands on his knees and asked, "Has Dad
ever had a…a talk with you?"
The twins looked at
each other. "Dad talks all the time," Fred said.
"No, I mean…a
really weird sex talk."
Wide grins spread
across the twin’s faces. "Oh! You mean the ol’ Plug and Outlet talk!"
"Yeah, gave it
to us when we started dating," Fred added. He pointed a finger at Ron with
sudden amusement, "That’s right…you’ve got yourself an outlet now!"
“Heard all about you
and Lavender. Or should we say…” George met Fred’s eyes and they swooned
together. “Lav Lav!”
Ron swore at them
both. “I called it off with her.”
Fred’s brows went
up. “Oh? Have you got yourself another outlet then?”
“A more convenient
outlet?” countered George.
“One with lots of
brown hair?” teased Fred.
Hermione…making electricity!" George teased.
Ron stood up,
"She is not an outlet!"
"Well, she’s not
a plug!" Fred said.
"Hey, did Dad
explain that if you stick your finger in an outlet, your hair will stand on
end?" George said.
Ron’s jaw dropped! He
true." Fred agreed.
After a long pause
Ron stammered, "So, does that mean that you…have you…"
"It’s not polite
to plug in and tell about it!" Fred said.
Ron rolled his eyes
and headed over to his broom. "I think I will join you for a game."
As they headed down
the stairs, George couldn’t help but say, "Makes you re-evaluate Dad’s
fascination with plugs, doesn’t it?"
They went out to the
vacant hill and began their game, not aware of the conversation Molly was
having with Ginny up in Ginny’s room.
"Ginny, dear, boys and
girls are like Quills and Ink Bottles…."
And before you ask, no I won’t be redoing the other two
speeches. Canon has gone too far off line from them and I don’t think I could
make them work now. I mean, Sirius isn’t even an option and I really think
Harry would be comfortable talking to Remus about it. Remus isn’t comfortable
with his own sex life, let alone Harry’s! LOL! So, no, I won’t redo the rest.