And the seasons they go 'round and 'round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
Joni Mitchell, Circle Game
Author’s Note: The idea to
write a fic based on the seasons comes partially from a challenge at the
Livejournal community rt_challenge. Comparing life to seasons was, of course,
also inspired by several songs, including this one and Seasons of Love.
Thanks to my lovely beta readers:
Ameena, Ariana Black, Arya, Elanor Gamgee, Linda Lupos, and Reesie.
You guys helped me polish the story, and even added a few things.
I also want to thank my LJ friends
for being the ones to have the first “taste,” and giving me further suggestions
and tips where needed.
Tonks believed her life
Seasons are, of course,
necessary. In the natural sense, they are a time of change. Summer is when a
teenage girl dances on the grass in naught but a bathing suit, completely
barefoot and shivering in an odd sort of delight as a cool breeze brushes past.
Fall is when a farmer finally harvests his crops, one by one. Winter is when an
elderly lady sits by her window with a hot cup of cocoa, smiling as she watches
her grandchildren build a snowman, yet dreading the cold night ahead. Spring is
when the frost melts away, and new seeds are planted. Children play outside
without loved ones worrying about the cold (too much), farmers get back on
their tractors, and young couples spend nights gazing at the stars, wondering
what the future holds, knowing it can’t be anything bad.
Tonks’s life had been,
thus far, a seasonal cycle.
Summer had been her
early youth. She’d been so innocent and curious; she wasn’t an infant, but she
was young. Little Dora Tonks was also carefree. There was no rush for anything
– she had all the time in the world.
It was a time of
discovery, too. At four, Tonks found out she was a Metamorphmagus, which led to
the need for self-control… when her parents were watching, that is. In her
room, Tonks could make herself look like anyone – a princess, a fairy, and
occasionally her mum.
At seven, Tonks was a
flower girl at Lily and James’s wedding, where she got to know her cousin
Sirius, and met her best friend, Artemis Lupin, a fellow flower girl. Together,
the two would practice the walk down the aisle, and sometimes pretend they were
the ones getting married. Tonks would be Artemis’s Maid of Honor, and Artemis
would be hers.
By then, however, the
war had taken a dark turn, and even at her young age, Tonks knew something was
wrong. When Sirius took her for rides on his motorcycle, she’d sometimes look
over his shoulder and see a troubled expression on his face, even just after
laughing. When Mum read a “goodnight story” to her, she would sometimes pause
for no reason, especially when reading the book about three sisters, The
Girls of Merry Pond. Nights seemed long as Tonks propped herself against
her parents’ door, listening to things she wished she wasn’t hearing, curiosity
conflicting with the need for security.
Fall was even darker, a
nasty mark on Tonks’s adolescence. People started disappearing; Miss Dorcas
Meadowes (who had once been Mum’s teacher at Hogwarts) died, though Tonks never
knew the exact circumstances until she joined the Order years later. Sirius
left too, and though the war was over to many, it had only just begun for
Tonks. The atmosphere in the house Tonks had once thought of as a palace became
cold; Mum refused to talk about Sirius, and when she did, her opinions on what
had happened to him seemed to vary on her mood. Sometimes he was a madman who
nevertheless had been given the wrong punishment; other times, he was simply a
traitor, the reason nobody liked Mum’s side of the family.
When Tonks went to
Hogwarts, she hoped things would change. However, while there were certainly days
of careless laughter, and she had her best friends to keep her going even when
things weren’t so good, the comfort was sometimes not enough. Tonks had hoped
to piece together what she had lost, but nobody wanted to discuss those who had
been lost to the war, especially the people Tonks wanted to know the most
about: Sirius and Miss Meadowes.
Of course, there
was Artemis’s brother, who had been friends with Sirius and Miss Meadowes, but
Artemis warned her that Remus never really discussed Sirius – or anything
upsetting, for that matter – with anyone.
Tonks felt frustrated
over having nobody to discuss her past with, and often endured sleepless
nights. The more Tonks dwelled on what life had been like, the less innocent
things seemed. She wondered if The Girls of Merry Pond was not a book
Andromeda had wanted to read to her only daughter because she thought “my Dora”
would enjoy it, but because it was a happier alternative to the dysfunctional
relationship she had with her sisters. Tonks also feared that Sirius had
been tempted to throw her off his motorcycle. Was that the reason he sometimes
She had to reap what
life had sown – and winter arrived. That was, perhaps, the longest season of
It started with trying
to be an Auror, which was hard. Many people wondered why it had taken her so
long, then assumed it was because she wasn’t talented enough. The truth was
that she’d had to prove, in order to be accepted, that she wouldn’t help one of
her imprisoned “family members” (their words, not hers) out of Azkaban, use her
powers unethically, and that her lack of great coordination, especially under
pressure, would not be a liability or a scapegoat. Tonks knew her sense of
humor, and hair color, probably didn’t help, but she wasn’t about to hide who
Then of course,
everything went downhill from there, like a snowball falling apart against a
Sirius escaped, and
while Tonks did have the pleasure of discovering his innocence (thanks to
Remus, who had decided to be a bit more open, surprisingly enough), the war
came soon after.
The war was akin to a
horrible storm in which Tonks lost almost everything. She tried to remain
happy, tried desperately to hang on. Unfortunately, this resulted in telling
herself everything was just fine, worrying relatives and friends who knew she
was acting a little too quirky. When Tonks was forced to walk on ice as Amelia,
Emmeline and Sirius died and Remus temporarily left in an attempt to “protect”
her, her barriers of escape were broken down. The warm spells were cruel, as
they offered promises that were not really there. Even when Tonks did have
support, it wasn’t enough to compensate for the fact that Mum was becoming
moody again, and people were dying left and right.
The war ended with a
victory on their side, but not without scars. Tonks could name many people she
mourned – too many. For a long while after Voldemort fell, there were still
bodies to find, arrests to be made, and people to heal.
But there was still
hope for a return to normalcy. Bill and Fleur had a son, and Mum started
dealing with her problems by actually talking to Tonks. And one night that was
otherwise chilly, Remus came through the door with a diamond ring in his
The final bloom was an
early afternoon in April.
After hours of pain and
Remus consoling her even after being slapped on the face, Tonks was holding an
infant in her arms.
Tonks looked down at
the small person, the person she and Remus had created. A beautiful baby girl –
Iris Andromeda Lupin.
As the years went by,
Tonks felt she was regaining her childhood. Remus and Tonks showed little Iris
a picture of Sirius, teaching her his name. They found the The Girls of
Merry Pond in Mum’s attic, and when Iris got her own little sister, Rhea,
she insisted on buying her a doll so they could also be three sisters. Soon
after, of course, Fleur gave birth to her second child, Marie, and the set was
complete: they could be three sisters.
As Tonks taught her and
Fleur’s daughters how to make a daisy chain one May afternoon, she realized
that life has seasons. She also realized that there is always a rebirth, a
second chance to fulfill a dream, a way to remember what once was.
Every year has a