Disclaimer:† I donít own Harry Potter.† I am extremely
relieved that I donít own any mary sues, either.
No permanent damage was done to any character
during the making of this fic.
This ficlet may contain slight exaggeration (and
one egregious pun).
The Ultimate Mary Sue
††††††††††††††† Once upon a
time, there was Mary Sue.† Forget all of your other, typical, irritating, run
of the mill mary sues.† None of them can compare to the spectacularity of Mary Sue.† This is Mary Sue.† This is the
real, true Mary Sue.†
Sue has mysterious powers that have only belonged to a few before her.† She is
the only known witch who has her abilities in many, many generations.† She is
Action Sue, who fights crime and works for the greater good!† She holds a
position admired by many and given to few.† It doesnít hurt, either, that she
is related to numerous canon characters, several of
whom are instrumental to the plot.
hair can change from flowing crimson tresses to a layered
russet-coffee-chocolate mane with toffee-cream highlights.† Her glittering,
glowing, glorious, grand orbs, which reflect the pain she feels from unrequited
love for an as-yet-unspecified major character, can change from jade to
aqua-marine to lavender in the blink of an eye (no pun intended).†
Sue attracts the attention of any man she meets, and causes jealousy among
their girl-friends.† She is above all of these petty dilemmas, however.† She
only has eyes for her One True Love, although he doesnít realize that they are
meant for each other.† He will in time, though.† Soon he will discover that
nothing can keep them apart, that her youth and beauty is enough for both of
it is not merely her exquisite splendor that causes every man she meets to fall
head over heels.† No, she is much deeper than that.† It is also her flawless
style, both in clothing and make-up.† Another mary sue may buy the same outfit,
but does any other being possess the ability to artfully shred and doodle on
her clothes without giving the appearance of trying too hard?† I think not.†
Her natural attractiveness does not need assistance to achieve its day-to-day
look, but for extrasuperspecial occasions, her unique make-up does the trick.
though, she is intelligent beyond intelligence, funny beyond funniness, popular
beyond popularity, kind beyond kindness, etc. etc.† Nevertheless, it will take
all of her abilities to convince the man she loves that she, and only she, is
his One True Love.† Until that time, she will pine away, while still looking
sickeningly fabulous and sighing frequently.
And the very best thing about Mary Sue is that she is
100% canon.† Her name?† Nymphadora Tonks.