SCENE: Potter’sLodge. An exquisite mansion fashionably decorated
for a young bachelor. Jane, Alphie, and Ginny arrive together at the front
doors and, after handing Dobby their invitation, are escorted into the
great hall. Jane, dressed in a black strapless gown with a slit up one
side, makes her way over to where a group is discussing the dessert of
Zsenya: Dr. Cornelius, please try my pie! It’s peach…it’s the
newest recipe from As Easy as Pie by Julia Childlikewonder.
Dr. Cornelius (backing away): No thanks, I think I’ll stick to
the delicious trifle.
Moey: But Dr. C! I thought you loved pie…we made it especially
Dr. Cornelius: You misunderstood…I love pi – it’s my favorite
Zsenya: Yes, we get the picture…but won’t you have even a bite?
Poppy: Z, after the brownie incident, Dr. C isn’t going to go
anywhere near any of your baked goods…
Dr. Cornelius (relieved): Oh, look, it’s Jane!
Jane: Dr. Cornelius, Zsenya, Moey! How are you?
Moey: Jane, you look positively stunning! Have you met Poppy?
Jane: It’s a pleasure to meet you Poopy.
Poppy: It’s Poppy.
Jane (laughing): Poppy, Poopy…it’s all the same amongst
friends, isn’t it? Of course it is…
Ginny, still fond of her new jewelry, chose to wear another two-piece,
but this one is red and has a skirt to the floor. She wanders over to
two witches engrossed in a heated discussion.
Ginny: Well, look at this! It’s my favorite lawyer and my favorite
musician all in one place!
Jen: Ginny! Just the person I wanted to see. I wrote a new song!
(sings) Fire crab, fire crab, your shell shines so bright…
Fire crab, fire crab, will you make it through the night?
Because your shell is so rare, evil comes your way
Have no fear, help is near, CRAB will save the day…
Ginny: It’s lovely Jen, just lovely. Very fitting for a benefit
for the Crab Replenishment and Advancement Bureau.
Durayan: Yes, I’m trying to recruit Jen to be a spokesperson for
CRAB…can’t hurt to lift the fire crab’s image.
Ginny: Oh dear, has Hagrid done it again?
Durayan: Yes…he took his pet crab out for a walk in Hogsmeade
and a prat of a wizard was burnt. Served the git right if you ask me –
he had his sights on a new, jeweled cauldron, I guarantee it.
Jen: But it’s Hermit’s third offense. He might be executed.
Ginny: I’m sure you’ll win…you’re the best lawyer I know. You
got Sirius free…
Durayan: Where is that old dog? I haven’t seen him in ages. What,
does Jane keep him chained up?
Ginny: Yes, well, er…it’s just the ladies tonight…you know, duty
In the meantime, Alphie catches sight of Jill and Caitlyn…
Caitlyn: Seriously, Jill, you must let me do it. I guarantee
the Sahara Charm will keep your cellar dry for years!
Jilliana: I do declare, Caitlyn, sometimes I find it difficult
to believe you’re still a teenager. That is such a wonderful idea! When
can we do it?
Caitlyn: I can come over to…Jill! That’s not Alphie, is it!
Alphie: The one and only. Jill, Cait! What a surprise!
Jilliana: How funny! I’m bumping into everyone I know tonight!
Alphie: Really? Who else was here?
Caitlyn: Oh, I don’t know if you know her… Lily Angelphish? She’s
from the same village as us.
Alphie: Lily…Lily…wait! Is she the one that’s engaged to a Weasley?
Jilliana: Yes! One of the cousins. They all look alike, don’t
Caitlyn: No, some of them definitely stand out…
Alphie: Cait! What would your boyfriend say?
Caitlyn (smiling): What? I can look, can’t I?
The ladies continue to mingle, constantly keeping an eye out for their
prey. Seamus enters soon after and is instantly swept up into conversation
by the evening's host, Harry Potter. The three girls notice this and decide
to join their conversation.
Harry: I heard you were working for a private division of the
Seamus: Yes, and enjoying the perks immensely.
Harry: And what are these perks?
Seamus: Funny you should ask. Harry Potter, I think you’ve met
my coworkers? Jane, Alphie, Ginny…
The witches, each in turn, give Harry a hug and kiss hello.
Harry: You’re a lucky man, Seamus.
Alphie: You have no idea.
Jane: Yes, Seamus, if it weren’t for us, lord only knows where
you would be.
Harry: Sirius didn’t mention you would be here tonight…
Jane: No, he was a bit tied up…he’s very sorry he couldn’t make
Something catches Ginny’s eye causing her to jump slightly.
Ginny: Spotted him. In the doorway to the parlor.
The group turns around to see a short Asian man leaning forward over
a rather shy looking witch.
Jane: I thought he’d be taller by now.
Ginny: Probably never outgrew his adolescence.
Alphie: I feel sorry for that witch.
They suddenly realized that Harry was still listening to their conversation.
Harry: Do you know Lavender?
Harry: The witch talking to that Asian gentleman you seem to know.
Ginny: Wait a minute. You don’t know Vapid?
Harry: Should I?
The girls begin to converse again as if they are the only three in
Alphie: If Harry doesn’t know him, then that means he wasn’t invited.
Jane: How did he get in here without an invitation?
Ginny: He either managed to sucker someone into bringing him with
them or he has someone on Harry’s staff that’s working for him and they
let him in.
Alphie: Who’d be dumb enough to invite a weasel like Vapid to
A high-pitched laugh echoes across the hall. The three ladies look
over to see Lavender fully enjoying her time with Vapid.
Jane: Guess that answers our question.
Ginny: We’ve got to get her away from him before she agrees to
stay the night with him.
Alphie: She looks like the type who will believe anything. And
judging by the looks of her gown, she’s really only impressed by money.
Alphie gives Jane a "are you thinking what I’m thinking"
Jane: I think it’s time for the fashion police to help a young
innocent with that dreadful sartorial faux pas.
Alphie: Absolutely. Ginny, now’s your chance.
Alphie and Jane boldly interrupt Vapid’s fake story describing how
he saved some baby’s life by telling Lavender her dress simply reeks of
last season. They sweep her off to the bathroom to update her look, leaving
Vapid alone and unsuspecting. Ginny is about to approach him, but Vapid
has already set his sights on a young witch…
Vapid: I couldn’t help but notice you standing
here all by yourself. Does a lovely creature like you have a name?
Asia (nervously): It’s, er, Asia. Asia Elizabeth.
I’m sorry, do I know you?
Vapid: No, but I can rectify that. My name is Vapid…you may have
heard of me.
Asia: Vapid? It doesn’t sound familiar. Oh wait! You’re not the
International Quidditch Superstar – Vapid Swiftfoot!
Vapid (smoothly): I could be if you want…
Asia: Oh, never mind…I think his name was Rapid.
Vapid: So, Asia, what an unusual name. Perfectly suited for the
unique beauty that stands before me…
Vapid leans over, his face drawing closer to Asia, his hand reaching
behind her. Ginny gets ready to step in, but the young witch has the situation
well in hand. Vapid falls backward, clutching his groin, face contorted
Asia: I didn’t get top marks on my Defense Against Foul Wizard
N.E.W.T. for nothing…
Asia stalks away, her head held high. Ginny waits until Vapid has
recovered, allowing herself to control her own laughter. Vapid looks up,
his eyes taking in the approaching witch.
Vapid: Well, hello there, gorgeous.
Ginny: Hello yourself.
Vapid: Please tell me you are alone.
Ginny: I’m with you. That’s hardly alone.
Ginny leans in closer to Vapid and he stand up straight, startled
by her forwardness.
Vapid: I can see you are my kind of lady.
Ginny: And I can see you want to tell me exactly where your house
Ginny’s green eyes flash and Vapid’s eyes are locked into the gaze.
His face goes slightly pale and a dreamy look crosses his face. Ginny
has hypnotized him.
Vapid: My home is in Kent.
Ginny: Is that where you operate your business dealings from?
Vapid: No, that would be too obvious. I have a secret cabin for
Ginny: And where is this secret cabin?
Vapid: Godric’s Hollow…at the far end of the forest.
Ginny breaks her gaze and Vapid falls out of his trance.
Vapid: So, would you like to have breakfast with me?
Ginny doesn’t really hear him as she is glancing around for Jane and
Vapid: Should I Apparate to you or just nudge you?
Realizing what he just said, Ginny rolls her eyes and walks away from
Ginny: Stupid git.