Disclaimer: I am not JKR blah blah blah… these are not my characters yadda yadda yadda... if you thought they were then you’ve probably been dropped on your head as a baby and we won’t hold that kind of trauma against you. Enjoy the fic!

 

Utter Lunacy:

A Foray Into The Department of Mysteries

 

Chapter 1: Lunacy

 

He was staring at the purple parchment, neatly folded into a dragon, on his desk. He was still quite unsure what to make of it. For all he knew it was another whimsical Weasley creation – a howler perhaps. Fortunately the paper dragon didn’t seem to be spouting flames…so far.

 

Hedwig was precisely as thrilled as Harry about the new arrival when she dropped it disdainfully from her beak onto the overrun desk. She departed for hunting immediately without so much as her usual affectionate nip on the ear; clearly conveying her contempt of the packet’s utter lunacy. Harry had to give Hedwig a soft chuckle, “This from the bird that carries dead things around in her mouth all day.”

 

Shaking his head Harry sighed and picked up the paper dragon. Immediately the dragon’s paper wings folded smoothly down onto the palm of his hand.

 

The parchment was blank.

 

Harry eyed the empty parchment quizzically for a moment. He reached for a revealer and began to smudge it on the purple parchment in various places. Nothing.

 

“Specialis Revalio,” he tried. Still no good.

 

Harry sat back in his chair eyeing the flattened parchment wondering what kind of lunatic would send him a paper dragon that didn’t say anything.

 

Lunatic.

 

He touched the tip of his wand to the center of the parchment, “Luna Lovegood” he incanted. Slowly a silver looped script spread across the page.

 

                        Dear Harry,

                                               

I know it’s not your birthday for another couple of weeks, but I’d like to invite you on a very special expedition I’m sure you’ll love. Father has agreed to let you tag along for the day so long as you swear the whereabouts and activities of the expedition to secrecy. I assured him you were safer than the Atlantic Gold guarded by the Tribera of Isantagua. We will be picking you up on the 24^th of July at precisely 5:13pm in the evening. Father is always punctual. Please send your reply via dragon at your earliest convenience.

 

May Bouldewad Always Look Over You,

Luna

 

P.S. Wear comfortable shoes.

 

Leave it to Luna to ask for a reply ‘via dragon’. Harry didn’t know if he wanted to spend an entire day with the Lovegoods on their idea of a “special expedition”. He figured it would be awkward or entail an Apparition to the Himalayas for a chance encounter with whatever fantasy creature they were chasing this month. Then again, Luna had always been kind to him, believed in him, and even risked her life for him during fifth year. The least he could do was spend the day with her indulging her foray into the fantastic. Besides, spending a week at a Malfoy family reunion looked better than Privet Drive right about now.

 

Harry shrugged his shoulders, “Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

 

Instantly the parchment folded itself into its previous shape and flew out the window. Harry watched the ridiculous envelope flap away and wondered, as always, what lay in store for him.

 

At precisely 5:13 on the evening of July 24^th Harry heard a crack in the living room followed by choking, shrieking, and what he thought were inarticulate death threats.

 

“NO SENSE OF PROPRIETY-“

 

“Who do these freaks think they are?”

 

“I WILL STRAP THAT BOY SO HARD HE WON’T BE ABLE TO SIT FOR A YEAR! POTTER!!!!!”

 

“Yes, Uncle Vernon?” Harry inquired politely, as if he hadn’t the faintest notion as to why he’d been summoned.

 

“YOU HAVE TRIED MY PATIENCE FOR TOO LONG BOY. I AM COUNTING THE MINUTES TIL I CAN THROW YOU OUT OF THE DOOR WITH MY BARE HANDS. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN-” Uncle Vernon’s face seemed to contort with the effort of choosing a word strong enough to classify the objects before him. “THESE?” He gesticulated violently towards the two figures in the living room.

 

“The Lovegoods?” Harry inquired innocently “They’re among the most respected wizarding families in England. Mr. Lovegood is an editor who stops at nothing to uncover truth and justice, and Luna was sorted into the smartest house in school.”

 

Luna smiled, waving dreamily at Harry, unaware of the commotion she had instigated. Harry returned her smile, privately relishing the effects her butterbeer cork jewelry and ear-holstered wand were creating on the Dursleys.

 

Aunt Petunia looked as if she highly doubted these qualifications while Uncle Vernon gained confirmation of what he had suspected all along: That this really was the epitome of the wizarding world.

 

“Well, we must be off, Harry.” Mr. Lovegood called tapping his watch with his wand.

 

“Right,” replied Harry, working hard to keep his features composed while the man rolled up a checkered robe sleeve. “It’ll be side-along Apparition for you and Luna this evening, just to be safe.” Harry nodded politely.

 

“Harry,” Luna interjected languorously, “Those shoes will do fine.”

 

With a genuinely cheerful grin and an enthusiastic wave goodbye to the Dursleys, the three of them turned on the spot and vanished into thin air.

 

“What kind of a name is Lovegood, anway?” Aunt Petunia spat at Uncle Vernon. “It isn’t even proper grammar!” she sniffled, sticking her nose in the air.