The Sugar Quill
Author: Kibee  Story: Thoughts  Chapter: Default
The distribution of this story is for personal use only. Any other form of distribution is prohibited without the consent of the author.

Disclaimer: Prozzak owns the song "Monday Morning." J.K. owns everything else, but the "plot" (there is no plot so I am not sure why I am claiming it, but anyway). Oh yeah, I might own Lily's friend but she has no name.


What do ya do when your best friend goes one day


Somebody takes their life away...


I close my eyes, Lily is gone. Dead. Killed by Voldemort, and they will not even let me see Harry. They say that Voldemort is gone and there is no need to fear for our lives. But I know there is. He'll be back. It's not over yet.


...Don't wanna to wake up...Monday morning


And how are you supposed to deal with everything


you gotta do...


I don't think Sirius did it. He wouldn't betray his best friend. That is another thing they say. They say he is a murderer and a betrayer. He is not. But what happened then? Who did it? I have to find the answers. I am the only one who can. Peter's gone. Dead, they say Sirius killed him. Not that he could have done anything about it anyway. Remus is too gone, too sad to think right. Sirius is in jail. No one else really cares.


...When you can barely believe it's true


Don't wanna wake up...Monday morning


And I don't think that I can go to school today...


I can hardly believe this happened. They're gone. I have to keep telling myself this. If I don't, it seems like a dream. Like none of this really happened. It is as if they are still here, beside me. Beside me, telling me it is all right. Telling me that they are alive. James smiling, Lily laughing.


...Without you...


Without you...


Monday morning...


I think sometimes that without Lily, my best friend, there is no point in living. I am all alone now, without anyone; my friends are all gone. Killed or killing themselves by thinking that it was their fault. When I think these things, I know that I cannot die. I can let Voldemort win, and by killing myself, I have.


...And missing you is something that I never thought


I'd have to do


You were there I was there for you too...


Lily was there for me whenever I needed her. Was I there when she needed me? I'll never be able to ask her. Never be able to say goodbye. To say I do care, I care about every thing that has happened. Never be able to say I am sorry that I was not there when you needed a keeper. You could have chosen me. But I thought that you could trust them, that you did not need me.

But she did. I could have saved her life, but I wasn't there.


...Don't wanna wake up...Monday morning


And of all the evil souls that do survive...


I wish that I could kill Voldemort. I can't though; no one knows where he is. But I will be ready when he comes back. I will do the impossible, I will kill him. I know that is not what Lily would have wanted, but that is what I want. Maybe I will not kill him. Maybe I will make him suffer in Azkaban. Suffer like he is making me suffer. Like he made everyone suffer. Suffer so much that we became afraid to even utter the cursed name of Voldemort. Now I understand by being so afraid of a name, we signaled our defeat.


...How could this world take such a beautiful life


Don't wanna wake up...Monday morning


And I don't think that I can go to school today...


I feel so tired. Like all my energy is gone. Like someone sucked it out of me, but I must keep going. Pretending that everything is great, that I am glad that my best friend died to "save" all humanity. My life is just a big charade now. Almost nothing I do is really what I want to do. I do what is expected of me.


...Something's coming over me I'll never be the same


And how can the same world that brought you here


Just come and take you away...


She died so young, but she accomplished more than I ever will. I wish that I could trade places with her. Then she could be here taking care of her baby. I wish there was something I could have done. Some people think that I want to kill Sirius because they think this was his fault.

And I guess I should, but I don't. We were never that close but I still think that he didn't do it.


...And if there is a way that you can hear me as I pray


When I wake up...Monday morning...


I can remember in our fourth year, when James asked her out for the first time. She came running in to the dorm room. Her face was lit up with her smile. The only thing she said was "James," and we both began to scream. I wonder if Lily can hear me now. If she can I want to tell her that I will always be trying to find out what really happened.


...I don't think that I can go to school today

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