I'm
Like a Bird
Part 1
You’re beautiful, that’s
for sure
You’ll never ever fade
You’re lovely, but it’s not for sure
That I won’t ever change
I sit across from the red-haired
man transfixed by the sound of his voice, but not his words. I nod at
varying intervals to feign interest. He doesn’t notice. Resting my face
against my hand, I lean towards him. He takes this as a further sign of
interest on my part and continues his monologue. Little does he know,
I’m really drinking in his features. Eyes the color of dark honey, behind
horned rimmed glasses. Long, slender nose. The shocking red color of hair
that his family’s trademark. Puckered brow that indicates deep, intense
thoughts. Deep pink lips that look soft and inviting….
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true
I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is
I don’t know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is
"Penelope!" Have you heard
a word I’ve said?"
I start at the sound of his
voice. "Of course I have, love. It sounds like things are very busy for
you at the Ministry right now."
"Indeed," he responds in a
petulant voice as he picks up a menu, opens it with a snap and hides his
face from me. We both know this is a useless exercise because Percy invariably
ends up ordering ‘the usual’. The waitress smiles and takes away the menus.
I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away
I don’t know where my soul is
I don’t know where my home is
All I need for you to know is
We are regulars at this little
Hogsmeade pub since we graduated from Hogwarts. I prefer the Diagon Dragon
at Diagon Alley myself, but Percy likes Apparating, so we come here. We’ve
been dating since the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts. In the past two
years Percy has steadily risen within the Ministry. I’m on my first year
of an internship with St. Mungo’s. I could point out to Percy that St.
Mungo’s is just as inundated with work due to the current war. But I don’t
because for one thing, Percy has only recently accepted the fact that
You-Know-Who is really back. For over a year, Percy kept insisting that
the various deaths in the wizarding world were just random acts of Dark
magic, because this was the Ministry’s official position. The death of
Bartemious Crouch set him on a frenzied, one-man crusade to capture Azkaban
escapee, Sirius Black who Percy insisted was the murderer. He became so
obsessive about capturing Black that it put him at odds with his family.
The tension finally culminated in a nasty fight over dinner one night
that I was unfortunate enough to witness. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger
were also there as it was their summer vacation. When Percy went into
his usual tirade about Black being a cold-blooded killer who should be
executed, Ron finally exploded.
"Shut up Percy! Nobody wants
to hear your bloody opinion about anything!" While Percy spluttered in
rage, Mrs. Weasley shouted at Ron to watch his language and not to yell
at the dinner table. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen Molly Weasley so angry.
All of the yelling seemed to upset Harry’s big, black dog, which accompanied
him on this visit. The poor animal dashed out of the Burrow whimpering
and refused to come inside for the rest of their stay. It was awful. Ron
wouldn’t talk to Percy for weeks after. The good thing was that it seemed
to be an epiphany of sorts for Percy. He told me later that his mum and
dad had had a long talk with him and made him some revelations that finally
convinced him that You-Know-Who was back and that there was really a war
going on. Poor Percy, it was hard for him to accept that the Ministry
was lying to people. However, now he had a new crusade, to help Dumbledore
and the resistance through his Ministry connection, just like his dad.
Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don’t know me that well
I have to admire Percy’s tenacity.
He’s always been intense like that. It’s one of the things that attracted
me to him. He’s so together. Of course, I’m intelligent. I’m a Ravenclaw.
But before Percy I had no direction, no focus.
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true
I’m like a bird, I’ll only
fly away…
I thrived on the kind of structure
and stability that he brought to my life. Perhaps it’s because I’m Muggle
born. Sure, my parents were proud of me, but they never really understood
my world. There was so much I could never share with them. I felt lonely,
isolated. Percy changed all of that. He became my rock to cling to in
the wizarding world. My guide and soul mate. I don’t know how I could
have borne some of the strange and terrifying occurrences in the wizarding
world without him. Like being Petrified by a basilisk almost three years
ago. Oh! How confused and disoriented I was after being revived from a
two month sleep! I remember leaving the infirmary weak-kneed and sobbing.
Percy pulled me into an empty classroom and held me until I couldn’t cry
anymore. Later that same night we stole into this same empty classroom
and made love. We were both so nervous! Not only was it the first time
for both of us, but we were both worried about being discovered by the
caretaker Filch or his foul cat Mrs. Norris.
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true
I’m like a bird, I’ll only
fly away…
This is how I remember
our seventh year: a series of stolen moments in empty classrooms and closets
with the stakes raised because now Percy was Head Boy.
I thought graduation would
mean an end to all the sneaking around. I figured if Percy didn’t ask
me to marry him, surely we’d move in together. Unfortunately, Perfect
Percy became Prudent Percy who didn’t want to leave his parent’s home
until he was financially established. Now and then we reserve a room in
Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley for a romantic evening and breakfast, but never
longer than that. Percy tells his parents he’s on business. I don’t think
Molly Weasley approves of pre-marital relations and her opinion has always
been of utmost importance to Percy. Always. Of course, Percy insists that
we split the cost of the room. I don’t mind, not really. Except lately,
even these overnighters have become few and far between.
It’s not that I wanna say goodbye
It’s just that every time you try
To tell me, me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I’m going to have to eventually give you away
I pick at the food on my
plate broodingly as I listen to Percy explain why he must cancel another
one.
"Please don’t sulk Penny,
it’s really unbecoming. You know how important this job is to me. With
all this business about You-Know-Who coming back, it’s imperative that
I stay on top of things. Without people like me and Dad to guide the Ministry
there’d be chaos, can’t have that now, can we?"
"No Percy, you’re right
of course. It’s just that, well, I miss you." I reach across the table
to give his hand a squeeze. Percy immediately jerks his hand back almost
upsetting his wine glass.
"Penelope, please!" he
hisses in an undertone, "You know how I feel about public displays of
affection. It’s not proper for a Ministry Official."
I scan the pub quickly.
The place is nearly empty, but instead of pointing this out I find myself
pleading, "Percy, it’s been three months since the last time we…" I stop,
aware of the crimson flush rising on my face, "Don’t you…er…I mean…"
"Of course I have needs
Penny. But we’re not animals. I daresay we can control our primal urges.
" Percy shakes with a malevolent snicker, "Not like Ron and Hermione.
Madam Hooch caught them in the broom shed a couple of months ago. Dumbledore
must have written home about it because Mum was so angry, crying for days
about that ‘her baby boy losing his innocence’. She sent howlers to both
of them. Fred and George said they would’ve given up the joke shop to
be in the Great Hall when they got those."
I’m not laughing. I’m remembering
the time we shared a secret tryst in the broom shed. When Percy transfigured
a broom into a bed and conjured up a cover of rose petals, it took my
breath away. I smile at the memory.
"There’s a good girl, "
Percy’s voice breaks into my revelry. "There’ll be plenty of time for,
well…you know…"
"When?" We both startle
at the forcefulness of my word.
Percy takes a swig of his
goblet before asking, "What do you mean, when?" He follows his question
with a patronizing smile that is too much for me.
"I mean when will you get
your priorities in order, Percival Weasley!"
His voice matches mine
in intensity now, "Penny, there’s a war going on. My job is vital to the
resistance. I’m needed."
"It’s not like you’re Harry
Potter." The look on Percy’s face confirms that I’ve hit a nerve. He’s
always had a bit of a jealous streak when it comes to Harry. He takes
a few seconds to control himself before he responds.
"Not everything is about
Harry Potter. I have no idea why you’re being so unreasonable, but I don’t
like it. Mother would never make such frivolous demands on Father’s time.
Mum understands. But if it makes you feel any better, I’ll look
at my calendar when I get back to the office and owl you back with a date."
He smiles magnanimously, "There, will that do?"
I’m struck dumb by the
callousness of his remark, and gape at him incredulously before answering
him.
"Don’t-bother," I say both
words slowly and clearly, pushing my chair back from the table and walking
away from the man I’ve loved since I was fifteen years old.
Outside the pub it’s dusk
and the air hits me with a cold, clear crispness that I breath in deeply.
I look up at a nearby tree where a couple of birds are twittering softly
as they settle in for the night. I remember wanting to be a bird when
I first heard about animagi. Then we studied them in class and I found
out that transforming into a bird means you have the brain of a bird.
It doesn’t matter anymore, I tell myself. Because even though I don’t
have wings, for the first time in six years I feel like I can fly. Just
as Percy rushes out the door of the pub, I spread my arms like wings and
Disapparate away before his stunned face.
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true, yeah
Hey I’m just scared
That we may fall through
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah
I’m like a bird, I’ll only
fly away
I don’t know where my soul is
I don’t know where my home is
All I need for you to know is
I’m like a bird…
