The Sugar Quill
Author: Rugi and Gwena (Professors' Bookshelf)  Story: Tough Guide to Harry Potter  Chapter: A
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Accents are used sporadically throughout HPFH. The observant tourist may be puzzled by the wide variety and general inconsistency of the accents in the various regions. Thus, we often go from having jumper and a few curse words as the only Britishisms to having everyone speak like the Artful Dodger. See Ron Weasley, Beauxbatons, and Durmstrang

Age, with regard to relationships, is a rather sticky topic for the sensitive tourist. Although romance often sparks between Potterians of similar ages, it is not uncommon to see couples whose disparity in age runs from 10 to 20 to, yes, even 50 years apart. Nervous tourists need not worry because these relationships are invariably successful and satisfying for all concerned parties. If you disapprove, you will have to suffer in silence and frequent the company of Sirius Black and Ron Weasley as these age disparities only apply to certain canon characters. See Severus Snape, Hermione Granger, Remus Lupin, and Female Characters Lack of.

Age of Consent varies widely between regions so the older tourists must beware. The most common stated ages appear to be 17, 18, or Graduation. The alarmed male tourist who finds himself attracted to a younger student need not despair as there are many and likely ways of subverting this rather antiquated system. See Time Turners, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Albus Dumbledore, and Female Characters Lack of

Alastor Moody is a mysterious and elusive Potterian. He appears to exist only to participate in conferences.

Alohomora: the frequency and general awareness of this useful spell may cause you to wonder why locks and even doors are used at all in HPFH. We can only assume that it provides work for anxious House Elves as well as giving professors a way of forcing students to apply their lessons practically. Tourists are advised to learn this spell quickly as they may find themselves trapped without it. Bear in mind that this incantation will invariably fail if someone has locked themselves in a room for the purpose of crying in privacy. See Bathrooms

Ancient Runes is probably one of the more valuable classes offered at Hogwarts. Though only Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, and Ginny Weasley seem ever to take it. Nevertheless, we highly recommend that tourists who want to be consulted about an archaic scroll/artifact or, at least, want to be able to participate in a special project include it with their chosen curriculum. Through translation, your tour guides may even allow you to make a groundbreaking discovery, a must for any tour. See Severus Snape, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, and cures

Animagus/i are more common than many tourists have probably been lead to believe. In fact, any magnificent or interesting animal you may encounter is likely to be one of these crafty wizard/witches. However, the female tourist should not avoid them if they are injured as this provides an excellent opportunity to nurse them back to health (if they are male and they almost always are) and thus win herself a romantic interest. No male animagus is registered and many students seem to have discovered this most difficult ability. Whether or not one may choose one’s animal form is a subject hotly debated between regions. Canon evidence aside. See Sirius Black

Apparating will almost certainly come up while on tour, so the tourist who desires some sophistication should obtain information swiftly. If you have booked a tour with Hermione Granger as a companion you will also be required to be amused when she reminds you that YOU CANNOT APPARATE ON HOGWARTS’ GROUNDS. While this is supported by canon, it apparently is also subject to debate. Nervous tourists may wonder how effective a defense this rule is as one can often apparate with an injured party and can always apparate to the front gate. And the discerning tourist in their turn may wonder why the admittedly evil side does not bonk one of their number over the head and take over the school with the Infirmary as a base of operations. See Hogwarts: A History

Arabella Figg is one of the few female Potterians. We unfortunately have very little canon information and thus know nothing about her. Her age can vary significantly. Puzzled students of JKR may wonder about this but tourists will be relieved to note that her apparent Age is often the result of a cunning spell or illusion. Male tourists will be delighted to learn that if she is not youthful herself (i.e. Marauders’ Age) she has a beautiful and charming granddaughter. See Defense Against Dark Arts and Females Characters Lack of

Arithmancy is a mysterious skill, as no one is exactly certain as to its nature. However, tourists must note that Draco Malfoy is inevitably good at it. See Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, Special Projects

Arthur Weasley, though largely unappreciated in canon, is destined for greatness or an untimely death. Tourists who are fond of him will be delighted to learn that he almost invariably becomes the burdened but beloved Minister of Magic. The OFTs here are careworn and beset by affairs of state.

Astronomy Tower, despite its natural chill, is apparently the most romantic location in HPFH. The curious should mark it down as an interesting landmark and tourists bent on romance must visit it at their earliest convenience. Do not worry about prior reservations as it will inevitably be deserted and your future or present lover will have gone there to clear their head. As to why you do not encounter other would-be romantics, we suspect a subtle spell. Warning: the depressed should not visit the Tower as it is also used by suicides. See Suicide

Aurors possess the most desired profession in HPFH. Perhaps the number of Gryffindor Potterians accounts for the lack of worry over having such a dangerous job. The OFTs for aurors are beleaguered and almost overwhelmed. Aurors whose names you don’t know will die in large numbers. You will feel sorry for them but be consoled by the heroic nature of their deaths and the nobility of their cause. Hermione Granger, despite her acknowledged skills, is rarely allowed to pursue this career. How sad for her.

Avada Kadavra is a much feared spell, that tourists will be delighted to learn very rarely works. To guard against this spell make certain to be involved in a very codependent relationship and/or possess unique magical powers. Single, normal tourists may need to watch out as their deaths may provide Tragedy. See Ron Weasley, Percy Weasley, and Unforgivable Curses

Azkaban is a fearsome but ineffective way to keep Death Eaters and suspected Death Eaters imprisoned. Although Sirius Black was the first person ever to escape, he has apparently set a precedent. However, if you or a member of your party is sent here, you are in for a rough time, but don’t worry as you will be rescued eventually. Expect to have nightmares for a while afterwards. See Dementors, Dreams

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