Some Products Endanger Wankers (S.P.E.W.)

Disclaimer: WWW products may cause any of the following side effects: swelling, bloating, exploding, imploding, the user to emit freakish bird noises, loss of hair, loss of skin, loss of friends, loss of lunch, bloody noses, acne, boils, dizziness, impaired motor skills, or really, anything else you could possibly imagine.

Just-in-Case Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is the genius behind the genius behind Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. We are greatly indebted to her for providing us with endless cleverness, entrepreneurial drive, our own room to convert into a laboratory, younger siblings who make excellent test subjects, and a mum who knows nothing about the Internet (and don't any of you go telling her).

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Sugar quills are nice enough, and we have to say that we owe much of our success to the discovery in our youth of those delectable treats and their powers of distraction – but why stop at a candy that fools your teacher when you can have one that does your homework for you? Makes you swottier than Granger? Explodes in Snape's face? These are the qualities we looked for in a product, but we discovered a disappointing hole in the Diversionary Merchandising market. We wanted to spare other students that same disappointment, and are now happy to fill this niche at minimum cost, minimum risk, and maximum damage. Run, don't walk, to our product page (made available outside Diagon Alley through the generosity of the stunning ladies at The Sugar Quill. Why should Muggles be left out of the fun?*). Sample our newest, most spectacular product,** which we are now providing FREE OF CHARGE! Feedback is encouraged!***

So what are you waiting for? Come one, come all, and try our new

SCHNIZZLE STICKZ!

*According to the code of Wizard Ethics, article 4, line 87, Muggles should most certainly be left out of the fun, but we hear that Quillers are not a bunch of sissies.
**Consume at your own risk. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes cannot be held responsible for damage to physical person or surrounding environment.
***Assuming side-effects of product do not stunt speech, motion of extremities, physical growth or high-level brain functions.